International Women's Day means many different things to many different people. For flower sellers, it's sweeps month. For men, it's time to learn to make pasta. But for women-oh yes, women-it means a whole lot more. We here at the eXile like to think that there's a little bit of magic in the air. This March 8th, open your eyes and take a good look around you. You just might be surprised at what you see. And you might learn some hard lessons in life: what it's like to be a woman-and moreover, what it's like to be that world-famous type of woman, the dyevushka.
Getting used to the life of a tormented dyevushka/wife/mother isn't easy. In some ways, it's as tough as the time Katie created a marketing campaign that introduced Q-Tips to the Lower Volga region. Katie's daughter, Masha seems to be acting a bit capricious this morning. Katie'll have to work on that if she's going to succeed. But wait... uh-oh, time to go to work!
Wow, it's unbelievable! Katie has actually been transformed into a Russian woman. Which means, instead of being 30, single, and on the fast-track, she's 25, married to a drunken ne'er-do-well, and has the cutest three-year-old daughter in the world. Hubbie Pasha snores louder than a cement truck, smells worse than a podyezd, and appears to be the most repulsive living creature she's ever stood next to... but somehow, she can't help but feel that she loves him to pieces!
This is Katie's boss, Mr. Wexler. He says she can call him Brad. He's always inviting Katie out for dinner in order to discuss her "future with the company." But Katie's not sure. There's something weird about all that Old Spice he splashes himself with during coffee breaks.
Uh-oh, not again. Katie gives Mr. Wexler, or rather Brad, her usual excuse: her husband Pasha is waiting at home, and he's a big, jealous flathead. Of course, Pasha's mother will take care of her helpless son and granddaughter, so Katie's not worried. Then her friend Tanya calls, and asks Katie to meet her at Moskovsky. "My favorite place!" Katie cries. "Well, I'm off!"
"Uh-oh, not another foreigner," Katie thinks. "I bet this guy's French."
Gosh, Katie wonders, would he really take me to Marika? She's heard so much about Moscow's most eksklusivny hangout, but... it's a tough choice. All Jack does is talk about his containers of chicken legs. Katie doesn't understand a word of it. This can't be a good sign. It's getting late...
Katie could have gone to Marika with Jack, but instead, Tanya escorted him. Tanya speaks a little French, so they'll communicate better anyway. Ah, just an hour to go, and she'll be back in Zelenograd, where the air is ecologically clean...
Aw, isn't that cute. Pasha actually got off the couch. He may have his faults, but at least he doesn't talk about chickens. In fact, he doesn't talk much at all—he usually just grunts and slurs. But he slurs only as Pasha can slur, and Katie loves him to pieces for it. "Hey, this life isn't nearly as bad as I thought! When I was an American, everything was predictable. Now I have a family to come home to, and a bright future at my company. This Women's Day, I've really got something to celebrate!"