#11 | July 5 - 16, 1997  

Westerners are used to advertisers lying openly. We know you can never get rid of ring around the collar. We know 4 out of 5 dentists can never agree on anything. And we know Energizer batteries eventually die.

But what about Russians? Ad campaigns are a relatively new phenomenon here. Have they gotten used to them already? And how dumb do corporate advertisers think their target audience is? In the guise of a distraught Russian mother, the eXile called Pepsi to find out:

eXile: Can you help me?
Pepsi: Yes?
eXile: Here's the problem. I have a son.
Pepsi: Yes?
eXile: And I give him Pepsi over and over again. Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi. In the morning he drinks Pepsi, in the evening he drinks Pepsi, in the afternoon he drinks Pepsi. And you know, you promise in your commercials that people who drink Pepsi become members of the next generation. How do you call it- pokoleniye Next?
Pepsi: Yes, Next.
eXile: Well, he's not. He's going out to the same old parties, listening to the same garbage. Queen, he's listening to. Garbage!
Pepsi: Why garbage? Queen is okay.
eXile: No, it's garbage. Listen, explain it to me. This is supposed to be the next generation.
Pepsi: Well, what do you think? What's supposed to be the next generation?
eXile: Well, I don't know. I don't drink it. But I watch television and I see all the time you're advertising the next generation, next generation. And my son is the same idiot he always was. Please explain. Pepsi isn't cheap, you know?
Pepsi: What do you want me to explain- what kind of kid your son should be?
eXile: Well, I don't know. You say drink it, and he drinks it, drinks it and drinks it.
Pepsi: Well, what, is he unhappy? I mean, he's happy with life, isn't he?
eXile: The problem is that he's not part of the next generation.
Pepsi: Why, is he not turning out right? Is he a bad boy?
eXile: No, he's not turning out. And I'm still buying Pepsi. Aren't you ashamed?
Pepsi: Us?
eXile: Yes.
Pepsi: Excuse me, but are you blaming this all on Pepsi? Your son's upbringing?
eXile Well, yes.
Pepsi: You're blaming everything on Pepsi?
eXile: Yes- well, not everything.
Pepsi: You're a great mother, and Pepsi ruins everything, right?
eXile: Well, not ruining. But it's supposed to be changing my son. And he's not changing.
Pepsi: Well, you know, I advise you to continue buying Pepsi.
eXile: Why? I've been buying it, and I haven't seen a result.
Pepsi: He'll become a good boy. You just have to let him grow up a little more.
eXile: Good boy, good boy. He's already sixteen!
Pepsi: And he drinks Pepsi, right?
eXile: He drinks Pepsi morning and night.
Pepsi: Does he eat?
eXile: Well, yes. sometimes. But he drinks a lot of Pepsi. Please explain.
Pepsi: Just a moment. We have an expert who can talk to you. eXile: No, I want to talk to you. What about you? Are you a member of the next generation?
Pepsi: Yes, of course. And I drink Pepsi.
eXile: Please explain. Maybe I'm doing something incorrectly. In the morning, do you drink Pepsi?
Pepsi: Yes. I drink it all the time. And I'm fine. Hang on. [calls "expert"]
Pepsi: [new, older female voice] Hello?
eXile: Hello?
Pepsi: You had a question?
eXile: Yes, I have a problem. My son's friends call him a loser. You don't say in your ads, drink Pepsi, be a nerd!
Pepsi: Hang on. [hangs up]