Issue #08/63, April 22 - May 6, 1999  

The number one selling children's toy set in America!

Are You raising a "well-rounded" child in a CUBICLE! world? Is your child ready to spend an entire working life in a small square of carpeted lightweight partitions in a poorly-ventilated office?

If not--GET CUBICLE and...

GET WITH THE PROGRAM! Why force your child into unhealthy fantasy-worlds? Do you want your child to loiter in demonic dungeons with agnostic dragons--or do you want your child/stepchild/foster-child/ex-wife's ex-husband's stupid brat/underage sexual partner to face the real world?

Get CUBICLE! and help your child face facts!

CUBICLE! is GUARANTEED to contain * NO Satanic or Pagan imagery* NO violence * No sexual life of any sort * Optional HMO plan

CUBICLE contains:
*One cardboard-model cubicle exactly like the ones in which you, Mom and Dad, spend your 70-hour working week! Your child's model cubicle is guaranteed not to reach the cieling or provide any unhealthy stimulation of any kind.
CUBICLE DECOR OPTIONS (SEE CATALOGUE)

Your child can decorate his or her model cubicle with

1. CARTOONS! Options include: * Dilbert cartoons--to teach your child that life is dull and ugly! * Cathy cartoons--for that highly-strung sensation! * Ziggy cartoons--for the slower child!

2.INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS featuring kittens in uncomfortable situations

3. PHOTOS like the ones You have in your cubicle--little laminated slices of the heart that really MAKE A CUBICLE A HOME! You can buy miniature photos of:

• Your Golden Retriever (w/tennis ball &w/out tennis ball; w/baseball cap placed on head & w/o. Gender options: neutered/spayed.)
• Your appetite-disorder daughters who are living with their Dad/Mom in Colorado but mean every bit as much to you as they ever did (Disorder Options: anorexia; bulimia; reasonably overweight; morbidly obese; deceased.)
• Your stepkids who are making real progress in (Choose one or more: accepting you while acknowledging that you are not their real Mom/Dad; overcoming that learning disability now that it's been rediagnosed/remedicated; overcoming dependence on ritalin/alcohol/PCP/auto-erotic hanging (self)/auto-erotic hanging (others)/auto-erotic arson/animal torture/Hitler memorabilia/NATO memorabilia
• Your group photo from that special office party at the Irish-Mexican theme bar at the mall. Your child will experience the wonder and joy of talking to one's colleagues during off-hours. Cards offer topics of conversation, such as sports, mutual funds and ethnic restaurants.
• One ACTION-FIGURE with special bending waist and knees, suitable for placement in its own CUBICLE!

This realistic non-gendered humanoid figure requires no batteries

Your child simply places the ACTION FIGURE in its cubicle at 7:00 am each morning--using the patented bending knees and waist--and then removes the ACTION FIGURE from its cubicle at 10:00 pm each night.

By teaching your child to stare for fifteen hours at a time with CUBICLE, our ACTION FIGURE helps build character and prepare your child for the great Cubicle of Life!