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So is Sherlock Holmes 2: Game of Shadows a slovenly, slapped-together mess of a big-budget Hollywood sequel, like you might’ve heard?

Oh, yeah! You bet it is! One of the slovenliest!

Now ask me if I care!

(more…)

December 17th, 2011 | Comments (20)

Cowboys and Aliens: Just Look at the Gorgeous Animals

Cowboys and Aliens is a big mess, sure, but I don’t know what everybody’s screaming about, it’s still better than most of the other maggoty offal they’ve been serving at the multiplex all year long. Apparently critics exhausted themselves praising…

July 31st, 2011 | Comments (23)

The Pirates Franchise Dies of Boredom

So if you’re interested in what a director does, or doesn’t do, go see Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. It’s a great film education watching Rob Marshall, the director replacing Gore Verbinski, wreck the Pirates franchise in one…

May 21st, 2011 | Comments (31)

Knight and Day: Addressing the Tom Cruise Problem

I’ve hated Tom Cruise for twenty-five years now. It’s been one of my favorite traditions, hating Tom Cruise. It involved refusing to go to his biggest blockbusters like Top Gun, then occasionally, foolishly succumbing to the temptation to see just…

June 23rd, 2010 | Comments (48)

Avatar v. Red Cliff

Avatar turns out to be the one about the white guy who gets mixed up with Noble Savages and likes them so much he goes native, right before the big battle. So no surprises about the plot. But what about…

December 21st, 2009 | Comments (33)