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Health & Lifestyle / September 21, 2011
By A.P Warrington, Twice Removed

Second row, far right, pointy face-pubes: that’s the original me, A.P.!

Hey everybody, it’s Warrington here, back from the dead. Well, you know how it really is, I never did die — we never really die forever — I was just reborn into another form. It’s been two lives since I left my Warrington body. I grew up to be a Swiss teenage catamite pass-around for the early proceedings of the Mont Pelerin society, but one of those post-war economists gave me fatal strain of syphilis and I popped my clogs at 20. Two lives removed from A.P., I’m currently a 50 year-old prison warden in a suburb of Lhasa, Tibet. My people call me a sell out and a traitor, working for the Chinese, but thing is, I fucking hate Tibet and our way of life. I don’t chant the Om Mani Padma Hum like I was taught to. I have my own little prayer: that Richard Gere, Martin Scorsese and the pageantry of American creeps who are obsessed with this place don’t get their wish, don’t get to “save” it.

I don’t know why, two lives ago, I got so interested in this place. That crazy Russian H.P.B. got my mind all a flutterin’ — “Ascended Masters” and Adepts were all I could think about. Now that I’m here, let me tell you. There’s nothing about Tibet that the Chinese don’t deserve to steal, or destroy. China’s latest plan to round up 2.5 million of the nomadic Tibetans and stash them in ghetto-style apartment blocks is great. That orphanage guy in town,  the American Tim Boyd is going to have a field day. The ex-nomads are going start getting drunk, start committing crimes, and then I get to lock them up. When we get bored, me and my deputy Narayan, who I’ve taught to also hate his own people, like to splash boiling po cha — yak-butter tea — on the prisoners at night and hear them scream for Lama. All the better when the nomads start clogging up my prison block. They really know how to chant.

I’ve been training Narayan for a couple years on how to run the place on his own. He’s going to have to. Next May, I’m traveling to Mt. Shasta. A bunch of Tibetan-worshipping Americans,  Burning Man types, have launched an imitation Tibetan festival we celebrate called Wesach, and I AM going to be ACTIVIST about it. It’s going to be so much fucking fun telling them that Tibet is literally the last place on Earth that they should be worried about saving. They’ll probably listen to me; people have a long history of buying into Mt. Shasta-chance-meeting-reincarnation stories.

I’ve been working on a variation of the popular chant these Tibetan worshippers like to sing, Shar Gan-Ri Ma — aka, The Eastern Snowy Mountain.  It’s catchy: “Don’t save Tibet, fuck Tibet. We pray for the death of Tibet on this Nub Gan-Ri Ma. Ha ha! See you next Wesach!

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  • 1. Trevor  |  September 21st, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Back when I lived in Charlottesvulle, I used to see those little “Free Tibet” stickers everywhere. The people sportin’ ’em were all about fashionable liberalism but their political action consisted of eating at a Marxist-themed restaurant chain. My dream was to make a red on black t-shirt like the popular Che face but have it be Chairman Mao. On the back would be printed, “SCREW TIBET.”

  • 2. Jim Buck  |  September 21st, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Good on yer sport!

  • 3. Nut juggler  |  September 21st, 2011 at 9:25 am

    War Nerd already wrote a much better article about Tibet:

    This one kind of sucks guys.

  • 4. Hannibal  |  September 21st, 2011 at 9:33 am

    They only thing cool about Tibet is their sky burials; those are fucking badass.

  • 5. ChechenRebel  |  September 21st, 2011 at 10:05 am


    Could you thoroughly explain why exactly you hate Tibet?

    I was intrigued by the title of this article and opened it with all the hope that eXiled would teach me something new and interesting that is never discussed anywhere else.
    Learning why Tibet shouldn’t be so loved by everyone but the Chinese would have been great!

  • 6. jimmy  |  September 21st, 2011 at 10:09 am

    what the hell was that about??

  • 7. Mike  |  September 21st, 2011 at 10:53 am

    What the fuck is this?

  • 8. Buster Mountebank  |  September 21st, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    China and Tibet have a long history of mutual hate. Tibetans used to sweep down from the mountains and lay waste to Chinese towns. And the Chinese of course would launch reprisal attacks. All very much like medieval europe. Anyway, much like Kurds became “Mountain Turks”, the Tibetans suddenly became Chinese. Go figure.

  • 9. dominic romani  |  September 21st, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    oh exiled, ye jaded satirists, perhaps the only satirists in history who DONT want people to “get” you….well, they sure as fuck dont, based on these, and many other, comments.

  • 10. X  |  September 21st, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    This is the worst thing you’ve ever put up.

  • 11. Everybody Gets Ice Cream  |  September 21st, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    @5. ChechenRebel

    “Could you thoroughly explain why exactly you hate Tibet?”

    Theocratic feudalism. What’s not to hate?

  • 12. Na  |  September 21st, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    This article doesn’t make a lot of sense to lowly comment smurf like me. it’s basically just pretty crap. I really don’t understand what kind of dude I am trying to be. If I donate maybe the Gods of eXiled will hear my prayer and improve my comments some more.

  • 13. ☭ mouse ☭  |  September 21st, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    @5 Chechenrebel, and others… the whole Tibet-as-Shangri-La before the communists took over thing is bullshit. Tibet was a brutal feudal theocracy before 1949. I usually side with independance movements — But Im not convinced that the majority of the ‘Free Tibet’ stuff is anything other than a CIA operation against China. Think of all those lefty hippie types, and they just signed on to CIA program… Independence for Tibet is about breaking up China. Tibet has been an antonymous region of China for most of its history. Say what you want about communism or its effectiveness and whatnot, but they at least, in theory, cared about eleveating the lowest members of society through education and improving their lives. That is not what the ruling party (inc the young Dali Lama) were about when they left. The dali Lamas people were about cutting off peasants hands and all kinds of shit like that

  • 14. ☭ mouse ☭  |  September 21st, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Some required viewing re: Tibet —

    Read about the Dorje Shugden

    People have been killed over this
    Dont listen to the Hollywood hippie bullshit

    Religion should be exterminated in all its forms.

  • 15. Sam  |  September 21st, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Methinks you doth protest too much…

    The point of this is that “libertarian” banker bum boys couldn’t give two balls about Tibet now that they’re getting oligarch rich off of the guys who brought you Sinofication

    At least I think it is. Fucking Randinistas.

  • 16. Tyler  |  September 21st, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Hey, is that Joel B. Pollak’s law school class?

  • 17. Strelnikov  |  September 21st, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    You forgot to mention that the previous Lamas to this one lived in excess: one of them humped all the girls within a village (the proof was that each house with a expecting mother who had sex with the Lama flew a flag, and the village was covered in fluttering cloth); a few hundred years later, another died in his early forties thanks to alcoholism; the present Dalai Lama despises homosexuality and male-female anal sex within marrage but is alright with Buddhist men running around with hookers and fucking every hole.

    In short, the hypocracy is staggering. For that I can buy the CIA backing of the “Free Tibet” movement – after all, these were the same guys who tried to make the mujaheddin and the Contras into “freedom fighters.”

  • 18. Strelnikov  |  September 21st, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    I forgot to add that I stole all that salacious material from Geffory Falk’s “Stripping the Gurus” online book.

  • 19. radii  |  September 21st, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    so Tibet is a Third World poverty-ridden shithole, is that the point? Think we all kind of knew that already – but it does have its own shiny aesthetic with the complicated sand paintings of mandalas and the golden cones and the bells and colorful monk robes and such. It has its own kind of pageantry, kind of like the mountain Andean peoples’ … otherwise the piece seemed kinda aimlessly mean-spirited … and, yeah, we all resent and loathe whatever trendy cause Hollywood types smugly tell is important

  • 20. Punjabi From Karachi  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 12:41 am

    What was the point of that?

    And the Tibetans were living under a cruel tutelage by the Dalai Lama; the War Nerd did it better, but nonetheless, what was the point of squirting this out?

    I’m personally always for leaving the nomads alone.

    Offer their kids a spot in a school, but generally ask before and let them have the option of living or not living in a ghetto style apartment block.

    As for the bullshit voice of a reincarnated white guy as a Tibetan jailer and a blog entry with no point; I’ve always wanted to say to Mark Ames: I’m sorry your parents never loved you much as a child and they got divorced.

  • 21. Punjabi From Karachi  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 1:48 am

    Focus more on the possibility of a coup in the Euro-Zone, specifically the Greeks:

    A UBS Employee is Embroiled in Rogue Trading

    You would know more about this, since you were in Eurasia.

  • 22. required  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 2:44 am

    You have rewritten Kochist comments with more style, wit, substance, grounding and humor. That column was almost half unnecessary introduction to the Warrington character, none of which clarified anything.

  • 23. Gonad  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Big Dumbfuck here. As in, dumbfuck reading articles on this site, and commenting on them. I just read words like they are instructions on an aspirin bottle. So as a result, I’m wondering after reading this, what am I supposed to do now? Should I write a comment asking what the fuck the point of it was?


  • 24. Urda  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I remember looking at some stuff from Bhutan, where a man accosts a woman she is with while she is with an other man. That was their take.

    A real spiritual culture is in the living lives of people dealing with very complex issues and striving to resolve them in a way that is at odds with human nature.

    Monuments, pretty flags that is nice but it cannot ever replace real human interaction. You can’t have a society with fake relationships, call itself anything just because the quality of the people who lived before them is expressed in the lands around them.

  • 25. ☭ mouse ☭  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    @17 and hey thats all cool,

    Fucking all the chicks (or even all the dudes, I dont care!) in the village, drinking yourself to death, I wouldnt hold any of that against anyone! Just dont be turning around and claiming some higher spiritual purity!

  • 26. Bill Duckett  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 5:23 am

    I want to hear more about being a catamite to the illustrious members of the Mont Pelerin Society. Since I’ve worked most of my life as a “driver” for a well known poet, I was looking for a way to climb that ladder.

  • 27. troll article is shit troll  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 7:46 am

    shit writing. the trouble with irony is it reaches a point where it’s indistinguishable from sincerity. so, was this article knowingly ironic, or sincerely unorthodox?

    judging by the comments both conclusions are being sneered at by people who claim to get the joke.

    all i’ve read is that life in tibet was probably shit then as it’s shit now, and will probably be shit in the future.

  • 28. Zhu Bajie  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I keep waiting for the “Free Tibet” Americans to free the Sioux, the Mohawks, the Apaches, etc., as well.

  • 29. Zhu Bajie  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 9:40 am

    The Shadow of the Dalai Lama – Contents

  • 30. Tenzin Gyatso  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    “After receiving an appeal from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, KFC has abandoned plans to open its first restaurant in Tibet.”

    >>>==> Reason #1 enough to say Fuck Tibet!

    You can’t get a McYak burger or Egg McMonk in Lhasa. Not at the Potala, the U-bahn, or the Park-‘N-Ride.

    >>>==> Reason #2 to say Fuck Tibet!

    The cheerleaders at Lhasa HS hump, but only for Kruggerands. Forget Euros, Pounds, Dollars, etc. (And just how many Disselbooms do you have?)

    >>>==> Reason #3 to say Fuck Tibet!

    Heads up, Compton, California! On 19 October, for one night only, hizzoner Tenzin Gyatso will appear at 301 South Willowbrook Avenue (yep, the L.A. County Sheriff substation) to sign his current best-seller, ‘Fuck Tibet!’

  • 31. Ilona  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 3:24 pm


    You meant neurosyphilis, didn’t you? Not just a common, everyday syphilis? Not the one we extras, we everyday people all have in common?

    If you didn’t, what makes you hallucinate enough to believe you have any balls to climb up to the highest mountain top and shout out any of your low-life syphilis insight alongside with Nietzsche and all the other greats? Your titanium balls were pretty much frozen barren in Russia already. Ain’t it so?. [Nooo.. I’m not too atrocious, am I? But what the fuck. That’s a good news for an exquisite gentleman, who doesn’t want any children of his own in any form, isn’t it?]

    Yes, yes. Mao. Blaah, blaa… A fucking Chinese Brezhnev in his later day. A paralysed force, a gesture without a motion as the great one said.

    Deng Xiaoping was the shit! Because of his revolutionary ideas China is nowadays an economic powerhouse.

    Tibet? Oh yeah… H’m… Fight the power! And such. And stuff.

    Here’s a nice fan picture of Deng Xiaoping. In the same setting could easily be seen Nixon, Kissinger and whatnot – all of them great ones.

  • 32. boogie mama  |  September 23rd, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    This is all bullshit anyway. Tibet wouldn’t have been a problem, nor China or “the middle east”, even Israel, if Japan had just won the war like it was supposed to. We’d have rocket-cars and free electricity.

    Like the comics say, it’s too bad it’s a fallen world.

  • 33. Zhu Bajie  |  September 24th, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    “if Japan had just won the war”

    They’d’ve been over-whelmed by the Han, like the Manchus and the Mongols were.

  • 34. Kyle  |  September 25th, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    With Every Large Soda
    This week only at McDonalds

  • 35. boogie mama  |  September 25th, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    @Zhu Bajie

    The honorable doctor Ishii’s work in the transmission of certain biological agents would like a word with you, as would the efforts of the Imperial University’s F-Go Project.

  • 36. Macaroerisian Liberation Front  |  September 26th, 2011 at 1:47 am

    Holy mahatma – is that you, Albert? This is Annie! I think this is my third life since the good old days with Krishnaji. I came back somewhere in Bihar first, but I don’t remember much; I would have died young. Next up, I was a horseman in the fuckin’ Gobi desert, right next door to old Shangri-la, believe it or not. Metempsychosis is amazing; it proves there really is a higher power guiding our lives. Dad was a veteran of the Pei-ta-shan incident, and I ended up part of the cavalry at Lop Nor. These days I’m a giant jumping spider on an island in the Atlantic, but that’s another story.

  • 37. anon  |  September 26th, 2011 at 4:52 am

    No idea who you are Warrington old chap, but keep up the good work.

    ░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▄▄ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░█

  • 38. AP Warrington  |  September 26th, 2011 at 11:10 am

    @ 36 Macaroerisian Liberation Front —

    Annie! I knew, I knew you’d make it…lines like that are pure anticlimax in a metempsychosis-rife dimension.

    You must be quite the typer with eight legs. All that typing… and jumping. Are you busy hunting canaries on the Island, or do you just live on one? I ask because one of the great accomplishments of H.S.O. working on behalf of Team Blue Eyes was in recognizing the profound influence that islands can have over great powers situated next to them. The number he did on Sri-Ceylon. You gotta bow.

    Credit to the Brits for hanging on to the Malvinas in that light. What about Fernando Po? Who should we send there? I was thinking Abner Doubleday, four times removed. And shall we tell the the America T.S. HQ to figure out how to build an artificial island off the coast of the rising power by Sao Paulo, or should it be Rio? What say you Annie?

  • 39. internal exile  |  September 26th, 2011 at 2:48 pm


  • 40. boogie mama  |  September 26th, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    All I’m saying is, I’m hearing a lot of noise about how twelve-foot tall bipedal tanks with primitive AI are “impractical” and “ill-conceived” and “unworkably weak at the knees” and all this shit but if your town had been destroyed by a tuberculoannelid parasite shell fired from a giant atomic-powered fighting robot, you’d change your tune pretty damn quick.

  • 41. HPB  |  September 27th, 2011 at 1:29 am

    @36, @38 — Whoa there, A.P.W. — You’re getting clumsy… or maybe it’s just your amateur streak showing through again. All you were good for, AP, was conning those LA-Hollywood types out of their money to get the CA project started. Let’s get that out into the air. Now, Annie — it’s been a long time since we’ve been in touch. You’re a spider now? I came back in my 5th reincarnation as a black bear, and wouldn’t fate have it, but I got hunted and taxidermed. So I’m stuck in this Russian general’s TV room. I have to watch Dallas re-runs with him through my marble eyes. Anyway, here’s the thing Annie — I’m so proud of what you did. I knew you were the right choice to follow my and H.S.O’s great work. I think we missed something big, we could have never seen it coming — it’s going to sweep over all our great work in the long run. Blues, bluegrass, and rock’N roll — Pythagoras never saw it coming. There’s no way for a sodality to prepare itself for that… give them an island, a magnetic field, a sun-based cosmology, a duo-pentatonic scale — and their best laid plans won’t last. That’s my dire conclusion…Chuck Berry, Doc Watson don’t need to worry about reincarnation. Their music will live forever.

  • 42. Carpenter  |  September 28th, 2011 at 10:43 am

    I don’t hate Tibet, but – why on earth would China want to give up a region and let it become a CIA-sponsored base?

    What happened in Georgia is exactly what’s going to happen in Tibet. Landlocked Georgia had a “youth organization” sponsored by globalist groups in Washington that overthrew the president and installed the new one.

    Then money flooded in. The Georgian army got FOUR TIMES as large. It was trained by Mossad and CIA agents to be a base for Israel’s interests. Provoking the wild card Russia. When the Russians went in, they found bombing drones there, probably for future use against Iran.

    China would be crazy to give up Tibet. First, Tibet waged war on the Han Chinese for generations, and allied with the Mongols to hold them down. Then when China finally got the upper hand, the British Empire came in and took over. China lived under foreign domination for a long time, and they realized they needed to grow big, like the foreigners.

    Realpolitik is the name of the game. The Chinese leaders know it, Western leaders know it, but now that China turned from communism all the leftist media in the West pretend as if they care about Tibetan freedom. Funny, they said NOTHING about Tibet when China was controlled by the butcher Mao.

  • 43. jack kane  |  October 2nd, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Before the Red Chinese went there, Tibet was one of the biggest pieces of shit on the already unclean face of our planet. Most of the people were abject slaves to the Dalai Llama and his theocratic priests. Poverty, injustice, torture – Tibet had the whole package. Read Michael Parenti’s “God and His Demons” for an overview. I’m sure others have written on the subject.
    This is not to say that the Reds have created a paradise in Tibet. I’ve heard the Chinese occupiers are a bit racist. I doubt communism is much better than the former theocracy, but it could hardly be worse.
    So yeah – Fuck Tibet. The Westerners are simply using Tibet as a card to play against China. This particular scam is so blatant. Why don’t these Tibet-loving idiots focus on their backyard? America has bloody puppet regimes in a lot of places – how about the silly liberals focus on those and leave China alone?

  • 44. HPL  |  October 2nd, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Annie is with Team Metebelis now.

  • 45. china  |  October 6th, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Fuck you Ass white racist..mother fucker…

  • 46. rastrahalen  |  October 6th, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    THe lone wolf in the entire world of sheep…more of a loner sheep assraped by all the other sheeps…Dejected right, lonely…Dude you are in need of serous psych evaluation… or guess u forgot to take ur med.. At least you admit that tibet is an independent nation occupied by China..Thanks for that…for all the other things that wrote all i can say bravo…so u pro for genocide, human rights violation…Hey may be ur one of those anti society fuck the world type…EVERY body die!!n when something does happen shit ur pants..

    Respect dude only when u find urself in such conditions then u will understand what those people r going through..Coz i AM CENT % sure ur nt from tibet…UR staff NARAYAN dude thats nt a tibetan name…its a hindu name taken from a hindu god…who ru trying to fool..neway tc ..A lot of oppression is there in this world..even u cant help them dont try to slander their cause…

  • 47. daniel viborg  |  October 7th, 2011 at 7:33 am

    I was going to say something but comment #27 already said it better than me. Worst trolling I’ve seen on the Exile yet. Fire this talentless hack; if you were actually paying him in the first place.

  • 48. Zhu Bajie  |  October 8th, 2011 at 1:50 am

    “At least you admit that tibet is an independent nation occupied by China.”

    Nope. It was a typical vassal-realm, sending a tribute delegation to Beijing every New Year, kowtowing to the Son of Heaven to acknowledge him as overlord, begging for military aid against Nepal (1720s), etc.

  • 49. Norbu  |  June 29th, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Back when I was stupid, I was drawn in by the mystique of Tibet, then I met real Tibetans in America. I have NO respect for their lying, opportunistic, gossiping natures. In fact, if I had to choose one culture whose people I like least, it is Tibetans. Canadians get two thumbs up. I find Tibetans to be ultra nationalistic, ego-based. They are quick to take handouts, as if expected. They charm Westerners with their pseudo spirituality, then back stab them for no good reason. Tibet was no Shangri-la before the Chinese “freed the surfs.” Hey, Americans screwed the Native Americans. We must be China’s role model. Free Tibet? No, the don’t deserve it in my opinion.

  • 50. phurbu  |  February 13th, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Mr. mouse, i can make sure that you do not know anything more than what the china use said on the bases of REWROTE HISTORY OF CHINA, here are you said tha “Tibet was a brutal feudal theocracy before 1949. I usually side with independance movements — But Im not convinced that the majority of the ‘Free Tibet’ stuff is anything other than a CIA operation against China. Think of all those lefty hippie types, and they just signed on to CIA program… Independence for Tibet is about breaking up China. Tibet has been an antonymous region of China for most of its history”. How can you said that Tibet has been autunomouse region of china for most of its history? China and Tibet has friendship as the boarder of both is joined. for short period of time chines army had entered in Tibet, I accept it. on the base of that if you are saying that Tibet has been autonomuse part of China most of Tibet History. Than during the Tibetan King Trisong Dhetsen in 700 AD Tibet army had entered China and had dismiss ruling the China’s King and appointed a new King named him Tashi. can i say that china was under Tibet? no I can not say that. There for on that case what would say ? i know that you are going to write there was nothing happened like that because it is not in the Chinese History !!!! Tibet was Free Country and on 13th Feb 19013 The 13th The Dalia Lama had made re decleared that Tibet was independent Country and it is independent to make well known for all Tibetan and other country. China had taken advantage of friendship extended from Tibet to China and make world wold fall that about the truth. a little amount of people knew the Tibet was Free Country. But we will not die Mr Mouse and China!!

  • 51. Jack  |  December 6th, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Hate, no facts or substance , just Hate. I hope you see war someday little boy, it may make you pause before spewing this filth out of your mouth. Hate and ignorance . Blind american garbage . You don’t like the bumper sticker? Look the other way, just go to work, eat your dinner and shut the fuck up . This is real, doesn’t matter how far removed from it you are as your write this hate in our sweatpants and socks, it’s real . So much better just to keep your mouth shut . Prayin for you man .

  • 52. yes hi karma tsemphel  |  December 30th, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    this is just bullshit written by a hater.
    Nigga u need to get a life.

  • 53. Curious  |  January 29th, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    I hate the Tibetans, don’t know much about their history with China, they r just an over hyped bunch and the Dalai Lama is just greedy about the aid (alms)Tibet gets, if he really wanted the good for his people he d stay back and bargain like hong kong and Taiwan, but no that power greedy man is hiding in India (my country) and instigating other people to self immolate as. “Non Violent move” isn’t he suppose to spread religious teachings, and tell me which religion says suicide is alright.

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