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Russia / January 30, 2009

Like all healthy folks, I hate cops. The only thing worse than cops are Russian cops. And the only thing worse than Russian cops are the OMON–the Interior Ministry’s paramilitary goons famous for brutalizing anyone who dares to oppose the Kremlin. At the same time, I’m for just about everything Greenpeace is for. All of Norway isn’t worth one whale. So why do I find myself tipping my hat and shouting out a big “thank you” to the OMON for stomping and arresting a Greenpeace activist? Could it be because of his annoying-as-fuck mascot costume, which screams “Stomp Me!” Look at the pictures below and try to tell me that not only were the OMON totally justified, but they showed incredible restraint. Too much restraint, given the costume’s crime–where, I ask, were the OMON’s famous dubinki (clubs)?

Some background: the Greenpeace activist is on a campaign to promote recycling trash in separate trash cans. So a couple of days ago he goes to the Mayor’s office in central Moscow to deliver his letter along with a toy model of a green trash collector truck. Fine. Anyone who knows Moscow knows what a filthy city it is, people tossing trash wherever the Hell they feel like. I support the guy’s larger goals, but… that fucking costume! Showing up in front of the notoriously brutal Moscow Mayor’s office is asking for it. It’s like suicide-by-OMON. As they said in Apocalypse Now, the Greenpeace guy’s goals may have been initially right, but his methods are… unsound.  Terminate his schtick, boys. With extreme prejudice…

 

“Howdy-ho ociffers! Ha-ha! I’m Grisha the Greenpeace trash can, yippee! Here’s a toy for you. I’ll teach you about separating trash and keeping our city clean! Boy is this fun! Ha-ha!”

“Here’s my letter to the Mayor. I just know he’s going to read it! Wee-hee, woo hoo! Boy, isn’t this fun kids? Why are you calling me a ‘piderast’ and what does ‘cho blya’ mean, sir?”

 

“Wee! We’re gonna dance! Let’s dance for cleanliness! Weee! Don’t squeeze too hard on my arm, Grisha the Greenpeace trash can is very sensitive!”

“Oww! Fuck! You’re hurting me goddamnit! You’re shaking me out of my shell! My legs, my arms!”

“Attica! Attica! Aaaaaahhhhhggggg!”

The trash arrests the trash can.

 

And just in case you’re feeling sorry for the bastard, check out this excruciating techno video he made. I rest my case.


 

 

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27 Comments

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  • 1. az  |  January 30th, 2009 at 10:37 am

    I hate Greenies and especially Greenpeace. They’re neither bound by reality nor truth, rich people stupefied so much by civilization that all they do is spill insolent lies and abuse governments to steal from the poor and powerless just to satisfy their mindless fears and whims.

    Separate trash cans are actually one of the better examples for that: In Germany, the “Grüner Punkt” system is not only responsible for the prevention of automatic trash separation, which at the current state of technology would boost the recycling quote by at least 15% percent, but also for the return of rats and other vermin to German cities.

    And I especially don’t care for whales: They’re nothing but insignificant bloated swimming cows.

  • 2. Baked Dr. Luny  |  January 30th, 2009 at 11:53 am

    So what was he arrested for? Or did they just toss him on a bus and send him away? Oh yeah, I forgot, there is no rule of law in Russia, just thugs with various uniforms.

  • 3. eXile fan  |  January 30th, 2009 at 11:56 am

    in all fairness to the corrupt mayor, it’s the podyezd bydlo the green man is supposed to be after. type up a few caricatures of saliva-dripping swine urinating on moscow stairwells with a bag of sunflower seeds in breast pocket, and hand them out out in the city blocks. too scared of real work? publicity-hungry? kashenko is only a drive away.

  • 4. thomzas  |  January 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Hilarious…

    Couple of questions.

    How did the guy with the camera get away?

    And it they’re arresting him, how come they’re putting him on a minibus? Has he been since, or is he being tortured by an over 50s group on a day trip?

  • 5. geo8rge  |  January 30th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Assuming this is real, the way it is done in the ‘civilized’ west is the whole thing is choreographed. They would have known months in advance and would have set up a spontaneous meeting between the lord god mayor the greenpeace nuts, and a bunch of children. Man on the street interviews with government employees would follow. The cops would be paragons of smiling efficiency.

  • 6. geo8rge  |  January 30th, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Actually it does not look like he was stomped. It looks like each cop grabed an appendage and they put him(her?) back in the green peace minibus. It does not look like brutality(those costumes are fragile, I see not rips), although they probably should have just told them to go away.

  • 7. wengler  |  January 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    The only thing worse than that costume, is someone in that costume with an AK. I’m going to have nightmares now. RECYCLE OR DIE! RECYCLE OR DIE! HE HE HE!

  • 8. John  |  January 30th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    The captions were funny, but they were unnecessary. The photos speak for themselves, the guy is a huge douche and probably deserved much more than whatever he got.

  • 9. Snarky  |  January 30th, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    Every country has morons Mark. But would you rather have a moron be your mayor, or your President for 8 years?

    And Luzhkov needs to go.

  • 10. MissThoseGoons  |  January 30th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    Unlesss you are Russian or lived in Russia for a LONG time, it’s not funny, and quite unremarkable. It’s hard to explain why its so newsworthy,but thank YOU for publishing this. Even my american-born, mid-west-fed, and GOP-raised hubby got a chuckle out of the pic next to last – you see many people being carried away by any American law enforcement BY ALL FOUR LIMBS???? I’d pay money to see this. Geez, I picture myself back just a few years short 10 years ago, which my Chicago-sausage-fed hubs in the middle of the Red Sqaure. A bunch of babushkas and skin-heads marking the N-th anniversary of the start of the WWII for Russia – my-F-ing birthday – June 22. I see portraits of Stalin, Hitler, Lenin, Putin, sheep and Gagarin in front of me, and I’m severely indignated by the sight of the OMON+fresh-Army-Recruits-for-Chechnya – and I’m trying to understand what the stand-off was about… Gees, I wasn’t carried away by 4 limbs into some Bulgarian bus with shitty curtains on the windows…
    Thank YOU mr AMES whereever you are – I thought you were exiled from Moscow – for the flashbacks! Makes it so much more fun to SURVIVE the Land of the Free – makes me wish I was back there in the Land of Happenning.

  • 11. aleke  |  January 31st, 2009 at 2:04 am

    haha it’s awesome how pervasive the silly, neo-social darwinist/market fundamentalist/whatever idiotic term you want to call it has preeminence over something as simple as how degraded our world is becoming. Greenpeace is “full of idiots” that somehow “damage the poor” by not allowing grotesque Reaganist trickledown

  • 12. Dr. J  |  January 31st, 2009 at 6:25 am

    az,

    you say that you don’t give a shit about “bloated swimming cows” but leave comments as though anyone would care to indulge your views or gives a shit about your bloated sense of bi-podal self-importance.

  • 13. FOARP  |  January 31st, 2009 at 6:26 am

    Is it my imagination, or does the bottom of the bucket in the main picture look like he’s wet himself?

  • 14. Nestor  |  January 31st, 2009 at 9:12 am

    Yeah the question is who took the photos, it seems like it’s another OMON dude otherwise…?

  • 15. mx?  |  January 31st, 2009 at 11:10 am

    mmm yeah looks like he did wet himself

  • 16. Clock  |  January 31st, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    He tried to walk up to the mayor of Moscow wearing a bulky costume and carrying a sealed package. It’s not this was entirely unforseeable.

  • 17. cho blya  |  February 1st, 2009 at 2:29 am

    Good old HOMO, doing what they do best.

  • 18. o  |  February 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 am

    this looks like a south park episode in real life

  • 19. Baltimoron  |  February 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Like the trash can, I’d also like to know what “cho blya” means. This article is the top Google hit for the phrase.

  • 20. John  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 am

    I agree with clock, A Chechen terrorist with a sense of whimsy wouldn’t be above trying to get to the mayor in such a way…

    Still it’s annoying how the media usually sides with protesters in everything. I say mobs & fuckwits shouldn’t be allowed to clog up the streets and cause inconvenience for others with their shitty slogans and signs and whose leaders are invariably bigger assholes than those already in power.

    Having been to Ukraine I’ve seen how these ”colour coded rent-a-crowd coups” work out

  • 21. Nech sa Paci  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Thats fucking funny as hell…everyone loves a good mascot stomp…it unites us as human beings.

  • 22. Jacob  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    “Still it’s annoying how the media usually sides with protesters in everything.”

    1. You are the media, and 2. No, they don’t. They’re universally condemned, laughed at or ridiculed, just like you’re doing now. Everyone takes the side of the authorities when this shit happens. People want to identify with the bully, not the loudmouth douche picketing or wearing a stupid costume.

  • 23. polar  |  February 4th, 2009 at 5:27 am

    judging his blog, he is just idealist kid who wants to change the world
    why should one blame him?

    what is funny, all that photos was taken by other greenpeace “activists”

    and what is more funny, according to official info these goons arrested him for crossing the street in wrong place! hahaha

  • 24. Muzhik_125  |  February 6th, 2009 at 12:16 am

    Baltimoron,

    Chyo Blya loosely translated is “what the F@ck?”
    Picture what came later at the station house for this poor deluded costumed bastard. Imagine a holding cell full of soon to be deported gastarbeiters and mangy drunks in the process of rudely sobering up from their 777 Portwine vacations. Add a few deranged individuals and a sprinkle of violent and unlucky pickpockets to the mix and this mudak has a day he will never forget.

  • 25. Flu-Bird  |  May 25th, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    Greenpeace this is where some of that donated money gose for a member to go to moscow dressed as a goofy looking trasg can BECUASE GREENPEACE IS FULL OF CRAP

  • 26. Flu-Bird  |  June 9th, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Anyone who would run around moscow dressed as a stupid looking trash can is stupid brainless idiots

  • 27. Joe Concept  |  May 3rd, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    So why does it hurt when I pee?


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