Vanity Fair profiles The eXile: "Gutsy...visceral...serious journalism...abusive, defamatory...poignant...paranoid...and right!"
MSNBC: Mark Ames and Yasha Levine
Broke the Koch Brothers' Takeover of America
The Mexican Drug War / May 28, 2009
By Pancho Montana

Even Haiti, of all places, is giving us the cold shoulder. That’s right, the asshole of the Caribbean would rather starve to death and die of countless other diseases that are far more nasty than this harmless, pussy flu than receive a boatload of humanitarian aid, as in food and medicine. God forbid the big bad Swine Flu spoils the native fauna of the disease-ridden voodoo paradise of Port au Prince.

I even heard something about a Bahamas cruise that was booting Mexicans off at the nearest port. They got no refund and no explanation, only told that it was a measure to “guarantee” the safety of the ship.

We are getting a bad rep for this because we are the ones that have been hit the hardest, but it’s not like it came from here. Hey, it’s very likely that the flu originated in the Imperial Valley near San Diego. As in, America. Leave it to the media to spin it that it was in a mainly MEXICAN neighborhood in San Diego. Other theories place the origin in filthy, American-run pig farms that had been relocated to Mexico to take advantage of our lax laws so the pigs could be even filthier and more disease ridden.

But things have normalized. The nightlife is back to normal, with every “antro” (club) operating and the Barrio Antiguo (Monterrey’s bumpin’ downtown section) coming back to life. I trust that weekends will pick up again soon.

The drug trade is the lifeblood of Monterrey, a reflection of how society is doing. And judging by recent activity, we are back to normal.

The first sign of recovery was observed when the Zeta’s jefe de plaza from Santiago, Nuevo Leon, was captured a few weeks ago after a shootout with the army. “El Ruly” Salinas (L-13) was at a high class party when the Man decided to take him down. The Army captured him along with some of his bodyguards and confiscated some gold-plated, diamond encrusted 45s along with some purebred horses and even some boats. All in all, it was an honest day’s work.

The Zetas were also involved in another shootout during a party celebrating the jefe de plaza of San Nicolas, Nuevo Leon. If you remember, I wrote about the army’s recent precision-guided operations that have been taking down capos without having to fire a single shot. It was impressive stuff. But, well, that went out the window. Now we’re back to the good ol’ days of blood and violence. In this shootout, the soldiers managed to wound the jefe de plaza, only known as “Comandante Colosio.” But he managed to escape the ambush because he was rescued by…a police officer known as “El tiburon” or “shark”, who worked for him as his jefe de halcones.

Then this past week, El Nito, who was going to be the successor of “La Burra” Huerta was captured in the old airport after he arrived from Acapulco. A few days later, there was news of a shootout that erupted when a team of sicarios moved in to execute a police commander and kidnap seven of his underlings. They didn’t kill them though, “returning” them 24 hours later unharmed. But I’m pretty sure they got to know each other real good, with the cops “conditioned” to be sympathetic to the sicario cause.

Yes, life is back to normal for the hardworking people of Monterrey. We here hardly think about the pandemic anymore. Like I said, we are more worried about soccer than these pesky little bugs. What can I say, that’s how Mexicans are. If we are going to die, we might as well have fun doing it. You, my gringo friends, prefer to go out in fear.

Pancho Montana is an eXiled Special Mexican War on Drugs Correspondent.

As a native of Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, located in northern Mexico, Mr. Montana lives in Gulf Cartel territory. That means the streets belong to the Zetas, a paramilitary organization trained by the Yankees and hired by the Gulf Cartel to keep things civilized and business booming.

Read more: , , , Pancho Montana, The Mexican Drug War

Got something to say to us? Then send us a letter.

Want us to stick around? Donate to The eXiled.

Twitter twerps can follow us at


Add your own

  • 1. dotor k  |  May 28th, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    yeah its been disgusting lately the level to which people in the states have been able to ratchet up their level of racist garbage under the guise of giving a shit about the swine flu. add this to the similar garbage earlier about mexico being some sort of failed state and it’s been a solid year already for conservatives looking for excuses to declaim against brown people

  • 2. mechagodzilla  |  May 28th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    yeah, but I think an important part of the tone of this article is that unlike crotchety WASPs Mexicans for the most part know how to chill out, smoke a bowl, and let it ride.

    Man, I am really looking forward to the (maybe) eventual day when the current white culture is no longer the majority in the US. We are only impressed with our cultural diversity when it doesn’t cost anything–as soon as there is some perceived impact on social services (though we are seemingly proud of our independence from invasive government) or threat of disease, we fucking shrug that shit right off.

  • 3. mechagodzilla  |  May 28th, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    PS: those chicks on the top picture look pretty fine from over here.

  • 4. Ivan  |  May 28th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    Um. Mexico IS a failed state.

  • 5. Naah  |  May 29th, 2009 at 3:16 am

    I m starting to have worst suspictions that an exotic, 300% americanized ‘Panco M’ ranting about ‘Gringos’ is in fact a typical representative of slightly more known species of the North American continent – a US expat.

    Maximum he lived in the land of sombreros is the last 3-5 years. Or write us the next column in Spanish senior Montana, we’ll translate it with google so it be.

  • 6. Mx?  |  May 29th, 2009 at 5:54 am

    where are you from Ivan? from what pinnacle of society are you coming to us from?

  • 7. Mx?  |  May 29th, 2009 at 6:00 am

    Im getting sick of goddamn gringos saying that Mexico is a failed state, its not like we tell you that America is a declining, rotting empire who sells their soul for a buck (think Saudis, think chinese).

    Strange talk this is, If my memory doesnt fail me I think Mexico is considered as emerging power by a lot of European countries, both Zapatero from Spain and Sarkozy from France have made similar comments.

  • 8. kris  |  May 29th, 2009 at 7:56 am

    Hi Pancho Villa

    Glad to hear you are alive and kicking!

    Why are you Mexicans so defensive about the swine that flew? Maybe unlike us Chinese you still have to get used to these annual media pandemics about some new scary virus that “COULD possibly mutate” (as virus do several times a day) into something really scary? Here in China, although everybody knows it is 100% BS, authorities deploy the full arsenal of masked SWAT teams to play the game by the rules of those who launch these media attacks.

    Either you show pics of everybody in masks or you take the risk of having your country banned for business trips and tourism…

  • 9. Anton Lucii  |  June 1st, 2009 at 8:51 am

    to #5.
    Isn’t Montana an Italian (Jewish) last name?

  • 10. Carlos  |  June 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Mexico is an emerging power like ketchup is a vegetable.

  • 11. Thuggin  |  June 1st, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Pancho, my man. You did it. (Finally wrote a readable article. And it’s real nice, too.) Mexico is grittier, crazier, and more fun than almost anywhere in the USA. When I’m drunk, wandering the streets, sometimes I even scream at people: Mexico is more American than America is. America is taking too much from Europe and not enough from the ROOTS.

  • 12. Snarky  |  June 2nd, 2009 at 11:41 am

    Well duh! The Anglos and Americanos are always massive media spinners. I mean come on, we think the Anglo army is actually good at something, except mass raping of civvies, and that the US is number one. It’d be interesting to see that tested in the US-China war over Taiwan. Or North Korea, that has nukz. Riiight. As for the flu, it originated from Gringo farms that relocated to Mexico. And even though Gringo managers set the standards, Mexicans got blamed. For those that are surprised or shocked by this, check out who got blamed in most Maquiadora cases.

    And Ketchup is made from vegetables. Mexico too was made from emerging powers. As for Mexico becoming a power anytime time, nah. Still, it was a great place to chill before Bush decided on “reforms”.

Leave a Comment

(Open to all. Comments can and will be censored at whim and without warning.)


Required, hidden

Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed