Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000  

American Just Browsin' American Bar B.B. King City Grill Bagel Company Moosehead Papa John's Planet Hollywood Respublika San Diego Sports Bar Starlite Diner T.G.I. Friday's Uncle Sam's

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(for one salad, entree, and one cocktail per person)
$ =  up to $15.00	$$ = $15.00 to $30.00	$$$ = $30.00 to $50.00	$$$$ = $50.00 to ?

$$

Cheers: eXile alert! Our favoritest chef, Isaac (aka "da Man"), done went and got hisself hitched... give him a hard time about it--and some hearty congrats--next time you see him. The rippin' new summer menu featuring his mom's awesome halibut recipe, gazpacho and other chilled soups, and fresh oysters shucked by eXile staffers! Quality menu, big portions, and terrific outdoor dining at Taganskaya. Massive $11 vegetable lasagna is by far the biggest and bestest in town. We love the spicy tiger prawns with green rice. Prices on gourmet pizzas at Taganskaya cut nearly in half. Respectable non-Italian pasta. Killer cheesecake and mud pie.
Jeers: First the country club sweater, now marriage? What crazy hijinks will Isaac get into next? Salads could be better. Watch out for mosquitoes at Taganskaya. Crowded patio must be understaffed because service has become very un-servile, recently blaming one eXile editor for having screwed up an order. In Isaac's absence, some dishes turned out greasier than normal.
M:Mayakovskaya; Taganskaya
Phone: 251-7999; 912-3651
Address: 1st Tverskaya-Yamskaya 32/1; Zemlyanoi Val 59.
Hours: 24 hours; 12:00 - 2:00

$$

Cheers:Moscow's first cajun/soul food menu! They have Cajun alligator shashlyk, which alone deserves a thumbs-up. Try the seafood okra gumbo, jambalaya, popcorn shrimp, fried chicken salad. Great lunch specials with huge portions.
Jeers:Needs to be spicier to be cajun; stews a bit non-descript.
M:Tsvetnoi Bulvar
Phone: 299-8206
Address: 4/2 Sadovaya-Samotyochnaya Ulitsa
Hours: 12.00-24.00 (later on weekends)

$$

Cheers:Simply the single best val-U plate in Moscow: the pork chops, a massive plate of succulent meat, mashed potatoes and veggies for around ten bucks. Overall, a favorite of eXholes for its reasonable prices and authentically Yuppie-like atmosphere. Cheap wine by the glass.
Jeers: That authentic yuppie atmosphere could trigger an episode in people who fled the West for a reason. A lot of things look better than they taste, like the chicken tabak and the oriental bowls. Service can be spotty. If you get the infamous "Spider" as your waiter, tell him he's a stuttering, muttering fuck. We did.
M:Mayakovskaya
Phone: 299-5519
Address: Ul. Sadovaya-Triumfalnaya, d. 2/30, Str. 1 (across from American Bar & Grill)
Hours:?

$

Cheers:We've recently warmed up to their chicken club sandwiches--they're pretty bonus, ay. The Canadian branch of a US fast-food chain brings you a serviceable version of everyone's favorite Hebrew leavened bread product, with two centrally located outlets opened so far. Two dozen varieties to choose from, plus various sorts of allegedly good cream cheese. We like the spicy one with tomato sauce and jalapenos. One of those black-clad hostesses is hot!
Jeers: Can't smoke upstairs--and if you do, some nabob is bound to bust you. One of our Russian staff decried the GCBC's annoying system of ordering and paying; now they make you pay first and then order, and the staff is rude if you don't already know the score. "It's Russian-style" is how our staffer described the Great Canadian Bagel Company's service. Now has live jazz--that's the last straw. Quality steadily dropping as the prices rise. We swear the bagels are getting smaller by the week; at this rate, they'll soon be the size of Cheerios.
M:Mayakovskaya; Belorusskaya
Phone: 299-6092; 250-0479
Address: Tverskaya 27; Gruzinsky val 31
Hours:10.00 - 22.00

$

Cheers: A long-time fave with eXholes and Russians alike, this pub also boasts one of the more solid all-around inexpensive bar-food menus in town. Nachos, wings, and burritos are especially good; literally everything comes in hideously-overweight-man-sized portions. Weekday meal specials and happy hours make a good bargain even better.
Jeers:The fancier the food sounds (i.e., the farther you get from bar-food territory), the worse it tends to come out.
M: Dobryninskaya
Phone: 230-7333
Address: 54 Bolshaya Polyanka
Hours: 12.00-5am

$

Cheers:Super-spicy Tex-Mex/Asian/American smokehouse menu reminds us of backyard barbecues with dad in greater Houston. Low price factor and high flavor factor adds up to a gut-busting, wallet friendly meal, crisis be damned! Good burrito, fiery ribs, and the best wings in town.
Jeers:Recent tasting of nachos earned a penalty flag: $10 for cold, cheap, small plate. Waitress argued with us when we complained. High one-hand-pseudo Latin-clapping factor on the dancefloor could spoil your meal. They changed the menu, but it's still top heavy with the phrase "like my girlfriends."
M:Turgenevskaya
Phone:755-9554
Address:22 Myasnitskaya ulitsa
Hours:18.00 - morning

$$$

Cheers:All-new management team and chef is trying to turn this place around... again. Wednesday after-work parties boast complimentary drinks and hors d'oevres 7-9pm, we shit you not! Thursday ladies night with male strip show and same Duck deal seeks to pick up where the legend left off. Happy hours too extensive to list, plus all-U-can-eat deals and drink specials all day every day. Still one of the best places to take a provincial dyev on a date. Also a good place for a drink-by-numbers as practiced by our own Krazy Kino Kevin.
Jeers: We know it's part of the whole shtick, but can't they do something about those banks of TV screens showing looped tapes of shitty actor career retrospectives? Assuming it's not all embezzled by the local owners, your money isn't going to a good cause.
M:1905 goda
Phone:255-0539/9191
Address:23B Krasnaya Presnaya
Hours:11.00 - 1.00

$$

Cheers:Surprise, surprise-one of the happeningest of the crisis-survival clubs also gives you some very respectable upper-middle-scale bar food at prices that're more than fair. Extensive coffee menu featues workable versions of such Moscow rarities as mocha and machiatto, but without any fucking Friend-sta-Buck's mall-chick attitude. One of Moscow's few Caesar salads (they call it the Respublika) that's works on its own even if it's not exactly authentic; a surprisingly solid chicken chimichanga; even the guacamole's rippin' good. Chilean wine by the bottle and a super banana split. "Khit" menu is a good bet for cheap-O eXholes with prices in the $3-8 range and 50% off that from 11.00-19.00 daily.
Jeers:Nacho chips could be fresher; watery goulash; too many sliced apple-banana-n-grape desserts. They were out of Chilean wine when we were there.
M:Lyubanka/Ploschad Revolutsiya
Phone:928-4692
Address:Ul. Nikolskaya 17
Hours:Daily 18.00 - 6.00

$

Cheers:eXile alert! They've just lowered their menu prices by 40%, so now even your driver can afford it! Comfortable brick cellar place with unspicy (but still flavorful) Mexicali; Cobb and Taco salads worth a look. Decent chili (if you like it beef-heavy) and unusually tasty Harp and Kilkenny. Low turnout means big savings for you; across-the-board 30% discount before 6 p.m. and 15% after (every day!).
Jeers:Nachos and red bean soup still sukh. Low turnout may also be responsible for the introduction of a Russian menu in the near future, with drop in food quality expected.
M: Ploshchad Illyicha
Phone: 271-0111
Address: ul. Shkolnaya
Hours: 12.00 - 0.00 (weekends until 2.00)

$$

Cheers:Good shakes. Mega portions. Burgers have improved. Open all night. Weekends okay for people-watching.
Jeers:Slow service, hit-and-miss breakfasts.
M: Arbatskaya
Phone: 290 - 4311
Address: Novy Arbat 10
Hours: 8.00 - 20.00

$$

Cheers: eXile alert! Uh... we may have been wrong about the Heinz ketchup at #2--looks like it's the real thing, folks. Not that we're sorry or anything. Wednesday Asian sweet 'n sour pork plate and Monday's Mexi-dishes for $10 are tasty options that got two welfare checks up from our eXile staff. Moscow's top 24-hour eatery. Rippin' 5 dollar milkshakes, Turkey Reuben, club; chili cheese fries for $3.50 earns a two thumbs up. Fantasia is Dee-Li-Shus. Ice in the urinals points to progressive management. Now use Heinz ketchup. Waytago, fellas!
Jeers:If there's even one expat left in Moscow in the new Millenium, you can bet he'll be right here at the Diner.
M: Diner 1: Mayakovskaya Diner 2: Oktyabrskaya
Phone: #1: 290 - 9638 #2: 959-8919
Address: #1: Ul. Sadovaya Bolshaya 16 #2: Ul. Korovy Val. 9
Hours: 24 hours

$$

Cheers: Moe approved of the new "Sicilian Sandwich" lunch deal. $10 Filet Mignon among the best deals in town. Raucous milkshakes for three bucks. Business lunch deals (every fifth one free) and the $9 soup-salad-sandwich made even our general counsel roar with approval.
Jeers:Do not--repeat, do not--order the pot stickers as a lunch special. Other new lunch combo items (such as Caesar chicken sandwich and Cajun pasta) also tend to suck. Waitrons seem to hang out in kitchen a lot. Groups will find their entrees brought out at different times. Don't bother with the sketchy soups or the turkey reuben.
M:Pushkinskaya; Okhotny Ryad
Phone: 209-3601; ?
Address:Ul. Tverskaya 18; Manezh shopping center, 2nd level
Hours: 11.00-1.30; 12.00-24.00

$$

Cheers: Decent diner food. Stick with the chicken fingers and burgers. Spicy pizza with a mexican name is worth its weight in grease. Smiling minstrel show statures evoke fond memories of the Jim Crow Era. Billiards o'plenty. Some babes lurking around. Chicken wings are good...
Jeers:When they're cooked. Beware the occasional raw treatment. The fajitas come floating in a Valdez-ian slick of cooking grease, which triggered in Krazy Kevin's therapist an abrupt and spasmodic contraction of the abdominal muscles in the body's instinctive self-preservation-inspired attempt to expel the stomach's contents.
M:Paveletskaya
Phone: 928-6743
Address:Zatsepski Val 5
Hours: 12 noon - 6am daily

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