Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000

(for one salad, entree, and one cocktail per person)
$ = up to $15.00	$$ = $15.00 to $30.00	$$$ = $30.00 to $50.00	$$$$ = $50.00 to ?

Barracuda

$$$

Cheers:Delicious seafood restaurant makes for a good alternative. For some reason, staff dressed in Bavarian outfits, which should make for witty table conversation.
Jeers:Cheesy Captain Ahab interior could touch off latent personality problems for expats who are over-cheesed.
M:Barrikadnaya
Phone:203-6226
Address:Sadovaya-Kudrinskaya 24/27
Hours:12.00 - 00.00 daily

Crab House

$$$

Cheers:Some say the king crab (when they have it) and lobster are still pretty good; still has that fun metallic multi-level interior.
Jeers:In short, a pale shadow of its former self. Frequent supply problems; depressingly deserted most of the time; probably the worst Caesar salad in town; impossibly bland clam chowder. Yet another place with one of those reduced-price business lunch selections that look nothing the regular menu items. Expensive and shite. Starvin' Ivan is said to be making reservations for one here in the near future.
M:Okhotny Ryad
Phone:292-5360
Address:Tverskaya 6
Hours:12.00 - 6.00 daily

The Lobster Grill

$$$$

Cheers:Excellent fresh lobster flown in from somewhere where fresh lobsters grow; civilized atmosphere (when eXile staff isn't dining); sumptuous salads, good wine selection (try the in-house red wine, a hard deal to beat). Staff will give you a radiophone to make important calls, which can be important to patrons suffering from cellphone envy.
Jeers:Beef consume soup bites. Too many businessmen doing deals; Russian clientelle too polite.
M:Teatralny
Phone: 927-6069
Address: Teatralny Pr-d 1/4, Hotel Metropol.
Hours: 11.00 - 02.00

Lobster Pot

$$$

Cheers:Yo, they've introduced an updated, better, super-val-u menu! Superb crab pancakes, creamy soups, and lobster, which you select yourself fresh from the tank. Deftly prepared fish at the height of freshness. The Pot's management is finding ways to give you plenty of added incentive to chow down here: a flexible BYO-wine policy; pseudo-happy hour nets a flat 25% discount for anyone sitting down to eat from 8 to 9pm daily; plenty of those rare little extras like complimentary special snacks and a palate cleanser; and affordable, marathon-lenghth business lunch (noon-7pm) and Sunday brunch (buffet open noon-10pm). Lionel Tannenbaum praises the Noah's Ark-esque model ship in the dining room.
Jeers:Experiencing some serious trouble with the coffee. The series of doors surrounding the dining room are dummies that lead only to tiny storage areas rather than the secluded munch-n-snog chambers they appear to be.
M:Smolenskaya
Phone:937-3527, 723-3258
Address:Karmannitsky per. 9 (look for the big red arrow in the metro courtyard)
Hours:12.00 - 24.00

Paul McBride's Fish and Chips

$/$$

Cheers:God Save McBride's! Moscow's first and only authentic fish & chips place now has super-budget-priced English breakfast Fri-Sat late nights until 6 a.m. This place doesn't disappoint. Could compete with the best of England's, we joke you not. Light batter, no grease, and juice cuts of fish (cod, haddock and plaice) with large-cut fries range from $9.50 - $14, and come with top-rate vinegar and ketchup. Make sure you try the sausages. Blue techno fish & chips interior will impress Anglophile Russians. Tannenbaum took a vow when he learned that all prices half-off for take-out, and Baltikas go for $2. We admire the shameless self-promotion in the McGarita, and its $5 tag.
Jeers: Salad bar ($5) too Russian hotel-ish. Those mushie peas can give you gnarly gas. Too British. See Lionel's Brit-friendly review.
M:Tretyakovskaya
Address:Pyatnitskaya ulitsa 29/8
Hours:12.00 - 23.00

Pirate

$$$

Cheers:Delicious, unbelievably fresh seafood; terrific salads (mixed-green w/lamb 'n goat cheese and Siam-style); BBQ ribs that are both semi-spicy and tasty; great desserts. Pirates-of-the-Carribean meets Russian-glitz interior doesn't seem to take itself too seriously. Canadian chef is so good, we won't even make fun of his homeland (at least not in this space).
Jeers:Drinks are expensive. Flathead factor is high, hence the demeaning security check.
M:Chekhovskaya
Phone:229-0003
Address:2 Pushkinskaya ploshchad
Hours:17.00 - 4.00

Tri Peskarya

$$$$

Cheers: If you can afford to the thrills at the Up 'N Down Club downstairs, then you can probably afford the delicious fresh seafood this place has to offer.
Jeers: Otherwise, you're screwed (not literally, though). For jerks with expense accounts and flatheads only.
M:Park Kultury
Phone: 201-8738/39
Address: 4 Zubovsky Blvd.
Hours: 13.00 - 23.00

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