#39 | May 21 - June 4, 1998 
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Not long ago, the administration of the restaurant "Mesto Vstrechi" (Meeting Place) wanted take a trip to the United States, but were denied visas. As result-and we're not kidding, folks-the restaurant management has taken counter-measures. Below is a list of the documents American citizens must now fill out before being allowed into "Mesto Vstrechi" for a meal:
Entrance Regulations for American Citizens Wishing to Visit "Mesto Vstrechi"
The Administration of "Mesto Vstrechi" reserves the right to refuse service to any citizen of the United States without explanation.
Registration Regulations
1. Before visiting "Mesto Vstrechi," every American citizen must fill out an application no earlier than 14 calendar days in advance.
2. The administration of "Mesto Vstrechi" can guarantee service to American citizens only in the case that all the below-listed documents are presented:
a) An attestation of the applicant's property holdings in the United States;
b) Proof of marital status and of the number of children born in marriage;
c) A form delineating the applicant's income, testifying to the applicant's ability to be a paying customer at "Mesto Vstrechi";
3. Citizens of the United States are furthermore required to pay:
a) a $45 fee for the processing of the application;
b) a $20 fee for delivering entrance permission (signed and stamped by an accredited psychologist at window no. 6)
* all answers must be filled out completely and honestly;
* all applications must include a letter releasing the administration of the restaurant from any responsibility to consider requests for employment from Americans allowed entrance into the restaurant;
* Applications and necessary documents are accepted between the hours of 6:00 and 6:10 a.m. at Gnezdnikovsky Pereulok, d. 9
Regulations for Attendance of the Restaurant in the Event that Permission to Enter is Granted.
1. American citizens are allowed into the restaurant for a period of 1 month, 3 months, or 1 year, depending on the type of permission granted;
2. American citizens visiting "Mesto Vstrechi" must bring their passports along with visas indicating permission to enter the Russian Federation (distributed separately; permission to enter Mesto Vstrechi does not entitle the bearer to enter the Russian Federation).
3. Should an American citizen elect to use the services of an American attorney, all the abovementioned documents must be presented for the attorney in question, as well as a license to practice law on the territory of the Russian Federation.
 On March 29, 1997, Carol J. Williams of the Los Angeles Times wrote what we thought at the time was the dumbest lead in the history of Moscow journalism. Decrying the ragged state of Russia's roads and the general atmosphere of anarchy she'd observed through her window at the Times bureau, Carol J. wrote about a Moscow plagued by "car bombs, speed demons, and potholes wide enough to swallow a whole chassis." Not having ever seen a pothole in this city big enough to swallow a cocker spaniel, let alone a chassis, we ridiculed Williams for over a year for that lead. but lo and behold, last week on Bolshaya Dmitrovka Ulitsa, a water pipe burst and the road opened up- swallowing, among other things, an entire chassis. Hey, she was a year early, but prescience counts for something. So we're sorry, Carol J. We had you all wrong. |
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In a new regular feature, the eXile will trace the contributions made to history by relatives of our paper's staff. In part 1, we'll be looking at an incident in which an eXile descendant nearly altered the fate of all of humanity one sunny afternoon on the Volga river in 1892. Here's how our own Ilya Shangin's Great-Great Grandfather nearly drowned young Vladimir Ulyanov, the future Vladimir Lenin: |
"Young Lenin nearly met his end in Nizhny Novgorod in 1892, at the hands of Aleksandr Nikolayevich Ariefyev, a wealthy and powerful kupets known to everyone in the city. Ariefyev was a notorious drunk who abused his wife Elizaveta terribly, nearly beating her to death on several occasions for failing to bear him a male child. He controlled local marketplaces using means typical of petty bourgeois marketeers of the period. "Among his other schemes, Ariefyev controlled traffic across the Volga river from Nizhni, taking passengers across on his small steam ship. In order to keep a stranglehold on this business, Ariefyev made it known in town that he would attempt to sink any boat that took passengers across the river. "In the summer of 1892, young Vladimir Ilyich was travelling through Nizhni with his companion M.T. Yelizarov to the town of Bestuzhevki, across the river. They hired a small boat and were attempting to cross the river when Ariefyev spotted them. 'That damned Markushka Yelizarov is trying to cross me!' he shouted, and gave the orders to ram the boat containing the two young men. Vladimir Ilyich's boat sustained heavy damage and it was only with great difficulty that the two men managed to return to shore safe and sound. "Soon afterward, Ulyanov filed suit against Arefyev in Nizhni. Despite all of Ariefyev's influence, the case against him was simply too clear to avoid judgement. Ultimately, the kupets was sentenced to a month in jail. During his time in jail, he was brought silk bedding, down pillows, and food and drink three times a day." | |
