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Christopher “Blubber Jaw” Hitchens Picks A Three-Against-One Fight With A Syrian Nerd And Still Gets His Ass Stomped

First there was Hitchens’ comically idiotic attempt at gonzo waterboarding, in which the macho British warmonger lasted all of 11 seconds, even after he massively cheated in order to make the waterboarding as unfrightening as possible. Now he’s spinning a…

Feb 18, 2009 | Comments (71)

Dispatch From Mexico: Pro-drug Demonstrators Riot Against the Anti-drug Surge

MONTERREY, MEXICO — I was in the middle of writing about a badass Colombian drug trafficker who’s taking over huge swaths of Mexico when convoy of green Army trucks fully packed with G3-carrying soldiers rolled through my hometown of Monterrey…

Feb 18, 2009 | Comments (17)

Surprise! Another Russian “Liberal” Sells Out To The Kremlin

Masha Gaidar, the hot elitny daughter of Russia’s first and worst prime minister, Yegor Gaidar (who introduced “shock therapy” back in 1992, wiping out everyone’s savings), announced today that she agreed to take a government post as an advisor to…

Feb 18, 2009 | Comments (16)

Greedy Landlords, Merciless Consumers: A Case Study of America’s Recession Vultures

I was stuck in traffic with a broken tape deck, barely paying attention to the stupefyingly flat drone of NPR when I heard a story that made me want to carpet bomb the entire US. Just get it done with….

Feb 17, 2009 | Comments (32)

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eXiled Alert! Joe the Copywriter Laid Off For Exposing his Incompetent Bosses

Joe the Copywriter (whose identity we’re not revealing yet) was fired less than 24 hours after we posted an  article with him railing on his incompetent bosses at the Yellow Pages company. He gloated that these Just-For-Men-highlight-wearing-morons were too clueless…

Feb 16, 2009 | Comments (18)

THE INTERNATIONAL: NOW WHAT?

There’s a shootout at the Guggenheim Museum in the middle of The International that’s about as cheery a spectacle as an action film can offer. One minute a cathedral hush prevails in Frank Lloyd Wright’s creamy architectural spiral, and visitors…

Feb 15, 2009 | Comments (7)

BETSY MCCAUGHEY WANTS TO KILL AMERICANS ON BEHALF OF HER PLUTOCRAT FRIENDS, BUT ARE AMERICANS TOO SLAVE-LIKE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES?

My fellow Americans (as you like to be called), you now have the opportunity to prove that you are not passive slaves, the “sheeple” that they say you are. Over the past few months you’ve been forced to face the awful…

Feb 13, 2009 | Comments (85)

Radio Interview: Mark Ames Talks About Why Rampage Massacres Make Sense In A Reaganomics World

Feb 13, 2009 | Comments (13)

Notes on “Fallout 3″ From An Unemployed Video Game Reviewer

The gaming groundhog sticks his head from his hole, goes to Blockbuster and sees: F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin (360). Most people associate F.E.A.R. with Alma, the creepy little girl who gets bloody footprints everywhere and sets shit on fire. But…

Feb 12, 2009 | Comments (8)

Recession Gloat: Executives Too Incompetent to Fire Me

The past few weeks, national headlines swirled with distressing news for an American workforce already cowering in fear. As the world suffers the worst economic turmoil since the Great Depression, two-thirds of American CEOs plan to fire employees in the…

Feb 11, 2009 | Comments (41)

Why the Academy Awards Are So Great

This will necessarily be a short article. The Academy Awards are so great because they keep us in touch with the ratty old values of our forefathers and foremothers. We no longer know how to churn butter, or why it’s…

Feb 8, 2009 | Comments (9)

War Nerd Roundup: Mo’ Money for Mog, Bummer of A Gaza

I come back from sick leave and there’s a whole pile of wars in my “in” box, like one of those old office cartoons. Still got to write up the dustup in Gaza, and then there’s the so-called final victory…

Feb 5, 2009 | Comments (55)

Review: Enter the Madness of Solid Snake with “Metal Gear Solid 4″

The new games on shelves this week are: Burnout Paradise for the (PC) – reheated leftovers. Ultimate Shooting Collection (Wii) – Extremely Unimpressive Unleashed! And… My World My Way (DS) – In this Japanese Pouting Sim, you play a little…

Feb 4, 2009 | Comments (28)

How my buddy was kidnapped and pistol-whipped for 22 days…and other Mexican kidnapping stories

MONTERREY, MEXICO — Kidnapping and Mexico, they go together like beans and rice. There has always been a kidnapping industry in Mexico. It’s not for nothing that we have become the kidnapping capital of the world. Yep, that’s a true,…

Feb 3, 2009 | Comments (30)

New Year’s Greetings From Russia’s Provincial Carmen Elektra

This hussie, named Karina Barbie, is hugely popular in Russia, a kind of low provincial Carmen Elektra. She’s originally from the central Kazakh town of Karaganda, which is a euphemism in Russian for “backwater.” Buck-toothed and head slightly askew, it’s…

Feb 3, 2009 | Comments (18)

Taken: Back to Action Basics

Liam Neeson tries to be reasonable. Genre films are beginning to creep back into theaters after the big parade of Oscar-contenders—praise be to God—and one of them, a little actioner called Taken, is now tops at the box-office and deserves…

Feb 1, 2009 | Comments (16)

Tax the Poor: California’s Evil Financing Strategy

It was 11:00 am on Saturday morning when I woke up and jumped out of bed in panic. I realized that the night before, I had parked my car in a 2-hour parking zone around the corner from my house….

Jan 30, 2009 | Comments (30)

Moscow’s Finest Stomp & Arrest Annoying Greenpeace Mascot

Like all healthy folks, I hate cops. The only thing worse than cops are Russian cops. And the only thing worse than Russian cops are the OMON–the Interior Ministry’s paramilitary goons famous for brutalizing anyone who dares to oppose the…

Jan 30, 2009 | Comments (27)

Political Correctness’ First Bona Fide Genocide

You know how even Bush haters will admit that his one undisputed good deed was getting all that AIDS prevention funding to Africa? But, boy, do they have it all wrong. More than anything, Bush’s efforts show how little anyone…

Jan 29, 2009 | Comments (46)

Death Porn Special: Faces Of Chuvash Death

If you’ve ever been in Russia, you’ve no doubt seen the token dead-drunk man, barely stumbling home from work in the middle of winter. You probably thought to yourself: What happens if that guy falls and passes out? Well, here’s…

Jan 28, 2009 | Comments (6)

Unsexy America: Virgin Prostitute Falls From Our Graces

You might’ve heard that a bunch of dudes are bidding on the chance to deflower a 22-year-old chick from San Diego. This girl or woman or woperdaughter, or whatever you want to call her, put her virginity up for auction…

Jan 27, 2009 | Comments (39)

Global Dispatch: How Do People Buy Drugs in Mexico?

Pancho Montana is an eXiled Special Mexican War on Drugs Correspondent. As a native of Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, located in northern Mexico, Mr. Montana lives in Gulf Cartel territory. That means the streets belong to the Zetas, a paramilitary organization…

Jan 26, 2009 | Comments (22)

DEPRESSION GLOAT #5: Sundance Film Festival ’09 Takes the Hit

This year, Sundance got shoved back toward its mid-‘80s roots as a small nowheresville festival in an ugly ski town showcasing bad independent films nobody wants to buy or see.

Jan 24, 2009 | Comments (10)

Notes on Cabela’s “Trophy Bucks” From A Newly Unemployed Video Game Reviewer

You might wonder why I’m covering Cabela’s Trophy Bucks for the Nintendo Wii, an unheralded game that came out last June. Well, I’ll tell you. I was recently laid off, so I took a trip to the local Blockbuster to…

Jan 22, 2009 | Comments (9)

Literature on Mexico’s Drug War You Can Read, Sort Of

Today’s Topic: In semi-praise of Down by the River. Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: As we have ruled earlier, there are few good books. Down by the River by Charles Bowden, a meandering and disorganized collection of facts, soundbites and…

Jan 21, 2009 | Comments (16)