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Health & Lifestyle / January 17, 2010

jolly ranchers2

Despite a 2002 Supreme Court ruling that executing the mentally retarded is unconstitutional, Texas has not stopped killing Gumps, according to this article in the Texas Observer.  Pretty much everything is present in this story to qualify Texas as institutionally racist, from a sissy-boy governor who does shit just to look tough to a failed public education system that literally can’t distinguish “retarded” from “Mexican.”  Because in Texas, apparently, we’d rather drive a shortbus of off-white, terrified retards over a cliff than let a murderer spend the rest of his life in prison (the horror!).

Which put this macabre list of Texas death row inmates’ last meals in a new perspective for me.  The obvious joke here is that you can’t look at some of these requests and not know these guys are retarded:

Gerald Lee Mitchell – One bag assorted Jolly Ranchers

Carlos Santana – Justice, Temperance, with Mercy

Stacey Lawton – One jar of dill pickles

Delbert Teague Jr. – None.  At the last minute, he ate a hamburger at his mother’s request. (The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree)

Charles Rumbaugh – One flour tortilla and water

John Baltazar – Cool Whip and cherries

Frank McFarland - Heaping portion of lettuce, a sliced tomato, a sliced cucumber, four celery stalks, four sticks of American or Cheddar cheese, two bananas and two cold half pints of milk. Asked that all vegetables be washed prior to serving. Also asked that the cheese sticks be clean.

One guy, Robert Madden, even requested that his last meal be given to a homeless person.  He was told to go fuck himself.

Read more:, Jack Reynolds, Health & Lifestyle

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43 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. phil_collins  |  January 17th, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    All these death row people eat greasy diner food for their last meal.

  • 2. Pádraig Ó Buth Chanain  |  January 17th, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Oh, people die every day. Get over it.

  • 3. Allen  |  January 17th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Yeah … Texas actually publishes all the last meals for every execution going back a while. They also publish last words. I think I got the link through this website; I was reading through it the other night … oddly transfixing.

    The prisons won’t let you have anything for a last meal; you say what you want and the prison cooks up some greasy shitty equivalent.

    Last words all fall into the “sorry”, “Praise Jesus”, “nothing”, “I am innocent; there is no justice; I can’t believe I got sent to death row on such shitty-scant evidence” bins.

    If I weren’t so lazy, I’d find the link …

  • 4. gazzaj  |  January 17th, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”

    Executed by injection, Oklahoma.
    ~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995

    Some more here

  • 5. Pascual Gorostieta  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    Holy Shit! They make Jolly Ranchers that big?

  • 6. Alex_C  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Jolly Ranchers = a long slow death from painful tooth decay.

  • 7. Technomad  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:51 am

    Were it up to me, their last meals would be molten lead tipped down the throat. People who feel sorry for death row inmates tend to forget just how they got themselves into that pickle in the first place.

  • 8. 22andDownTrodden  |  January 18th, 2010 at 1:52 am

    I’m sure you all are aware that when you “die” (your CNS stops, brain activity stops) you lose all involuntary control over your muscle system. Basically you evacuate your bowels upon death. I wonder if they make deathrowers wear a diaper/plastic bag apparatus on the big day? Anyone know this? Because unless they are waiting 24 hours before with no drink or water, it would be a messy affair. Clorox anyone?

  • 9. Allen  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Technomad: they have a public defender?

  • 10. Fingers  |  January 18th, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    @Technomad:

    Read this http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0412090169dec09,0,1173806.story

    This man is most likely innocent, and even if someone is ‘likely’ guilty, is that enough to execute a man, let alone lock him up for life?

    This is just the latest man executed unjustly, and there have been others convicted on less.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are horrible people out there, but it is very ignorant of you to say such a horrible thing, and yes, a lot of these people have severe mental problems, which does not absolve them of their crimes, but it’s just something to think about.

  • 11. Timmy  |  January 18th, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    No doubt some of these people are borderline retarded, but they are dangerous. Take a stupid, violent person with low to no impulse control and you have a menace to any society. These arn’t some gentle Down’s syndrome retards.

    22andDownTrodden – I don’t think that is true, look it up though. It takes muscle contractions to have a BM. So yes maybe your sphintor relaxes, but without the peristalsis movement of your bowels there’s no evacuation. Certainly it wouldn’t be a dramatic evacuation necessitating a mop bucket etc.

  • 12. 22andDownTrodden  |  January 18th, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Hey Timmy-

    Did a little digging and found this to be the most plausible answer (in most situations):

    You will expel some that is under enough pressure to move on its own as you have no muscle control (voluntary or involuntary) for peristalsis. Some will remain and may be expelled more slowly, or as your body is moved, manipulated to prepare for autopsy or at the funeral home for burial. The funeral home has a procedure to clean out the remainder, but not sure what they do with the death row bodies after the big day!

    Basically, if you were “barely holding it in” going to the chair, or you where “sitting in your chevy, and you felt something heavy…” or “you were standing under a latter and heard something clatter…” then the “blowback” from the meal would be much more substantive if you had had a bowel movement several hours previous to your big moment. Good hunting!

  • 13. mr. mike  |  January 18th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    “No doubt some of these people are borderline retarded, but they are dangerous. Take a stupid, violent person with low to no impulse control and you have a menace to any society. These arn’t some gentle Down’s syndrome retards.”
    - Timmy

    So we have to illegally kill them…we used to put the retarded and mentally disturbed in institutions, but Reagan-Bush got rid of that. However killing the retarded illegally is just another symptom of a good ol’ boy system that has prisioners picking cotton and doing rodeo for paying audiences. Some of this happens in Texas, some of it in the rest of the southern prison system; it’s all about keeping a vestige of the plantation mentality alive and it works – to kill people, drive others insane, make the slightly criminal more criminal.

  • 14. Alex_C  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    Technomad – There are a surprisingly large number of innocent people on Death Row.

    I can’t pour molten lead down your throat but I could shoot you in the throat with lead, would that be good enough?

  • 15. Frank McG  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Sissy who does stuff just to look tough pretty much describes the entire conservative movement. Nostalgia that everything was better in the past, gun hording, rooting for wars like the military was a local sports team, these are all actions stemming from trying to cover up massive personal insecurity, the universal trait of all conservatives (besides the rich ones I mean).

  • 16. Max Bell  |  January 19th, 2010 at 11:05 am

    No doubt a large portion of the people on death row were firmly of the conviction that if one was sentenced to the death penalty, that was proof that one was deserving of it.

    While many of us regret that ignorance isn’t painful? It’s comforting to know that it’s occasionally fatal.

  • 17. Mike  |  January 20th, 2010 at 9:16 am

    wow. I don’t think I’ve read anything in recent memory that was so full of hatred toward people with special needs. Confused??? You know, those human beings you call Gumps? You make me sick.

  • 18. mr. mike  |  January 20th, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    “wow. I don’t think I’ve read anything in recent memory that was so full of hatred toward people with special needs. Confused??? You know, those human beings you call Gumps? You make me sick.”
    - Mike

    You’re missing the point Mikey; Texas is ILLEGALLY KILLING mentally retarded inmates. They’re not calling them “tard-boys” and making them dance for paying audiences, they’re KILLING THEM. No matter how the article is phrased the fact remains that people are DYING FOR NO GOOD GODDAMN REASON.

  • 19. Chris  |  January 21st, 2010 at 7:07 am

    “No doubt a large portion of the people on death row were firmly of the conviction that if one was sentenced to the death penalty, that was proof that one was deserving of it.”
    -Max Bell

    What does that even mean?
    Just curious.

    “Sissy who does stuff just to look tough pretty much describes the entire conservative movement. Nostalgia that everything was better in the past, gun hording, rooting for wars like the military was a local sports team, these are all actions stemming from trying to cover up massive personal insecurity, the universal trait of all conservatives (besides the rich ones I mean).”
    -Frank McG

    Thats about the best summation that I’ve ever read. Every conservative that I know falls into that category, including the ones in my family, except for the rich ones. Its funny how poor conservative communities and the conservative powers that be have perfected the science of raising their fellow poor to be so insecure and dependent on aggression toward others and false notions of self reliance to maintain their sense of identity.

    It really is an elegant birth-to-death brainwashing system that empowers the rich to be able to easily convince the poor to vote against their own best interests..

  • 20. Jack Reynolds  |  January 21st, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    “wow. I don’t think I’ve read anything in recent memory that was so full of hatred toward people with special needs. Confused??? You know, those human beings you call Gumps? You make me sick.”

    If you think that’s bad, you should get me drunk and ask me what I think of Eskimos. I fucking hate those blubber-eating snow-worshipers.

  • 21. Stephen  |  January 23rd, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    You guys missed the best one by far! How about the guy Bill Clinton executed as governor of Arkansas: Ricky Ray Rector. His last meal was pecan pie… but here’s the best part. He didn’t finish it and told the guards he was saving some for later!
    Classic. Yeah… he totally understood his crime.

  • 22. clarknova  |  January 24th, 2010 at 9:08 am

    The comments of the rabble underscore the of hopelessness of the article. You’re a verbal sadist, Mark.

  • 23. jjfeiten  |  January 24th, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    THE end of the county farm or poor home put an end to a safe structured and self sustaining places where the mildly mental folks without support could find self actualization

  • 24. pedro  |  January 26th, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Technomad or Techgonad whatever it is. You sound like you are from Texas, so tell us what are you- a steer or a queer?

    Reading a left wing page like this I call Queer.

    And to think people like you are allowed to possess guns.

    Do your country a favour and volunteer for Afganistan so you can meet some like minded people- the Taliban.

  • 25. RICHARD RALPH ROEHL  |  January 28th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    There’s nothing quits as cruel or as vicious as southern hospitality, especially in the $tate of Tex-ass, a land of pea brains and smaller penises.

  • 26. Technomad  |  January 31st, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    FWIW, I’ve never even been to Texas. Try again.

    Left-wing idiots like you (forgive me for repeating myself) love criminals. People who’ve been victimized know what criminals are. They are the scum of the earth, vermin deserving of no mercy whatsoever. Kindness to them is cruelty to everybody else. Every dead criminal is another victory for civilization.

  • 27. Smear  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    Technomad, you whiny cunt.

    You really think it’s okay to kill random people for no reason, just because you’re feeling pain? Is it like a shot of morphine for you when someone is executed for a crime they didn’t commit? Just a little thrill to make the pain go away? You can type, so you’re clearly not so retarded as to believe that the justice system is flawless and never condemns the innocent.

    People who have committed no crime, yet are punished, ARE victims, you thoughtless coward. Victims of a system you have a part in supporting. Yet, you eagerly condemn them to senseless death — in the name of your own victimhood.

    I sincerely hope that I’m never the victim of a crime so horrible that it turns me into such a flinching, weepy bitch as you, Technomad. I’m sorry it happened to you.

    Every person wrongfully condemned to death is a failure of civilization, a failure so great it wipes out any thousand victories.

  • 28. mnuez  |  February 1st, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Since when do any of us give a fuck about the “Supreme” Court? Killing murderers is badass and totally awesome.

    Let me get something out of the way though.

    A) Our entire social makeup (what with income disparities, worship of the wealthy, consumerism generated by advertising, etc) is fucked up and causes a tremendous amount of human suffering, lots of which ends in bloody knives and smoking guns. We need to fix these problems.

    B) The justice system hasa almost nothing to do with justice. Rich murderers go free and poor innocent people languish in jail for years, decades or their lives. And some of them get exexcuted. This has to be fixed too. However – the argument against capital punishment based on the few executed innocents is an evil red herring. Five executed innocents is nothing compared to thousands of innocent lifers. Nothing. Again – fix the system not the most colorful symptom.

    Back to killing horrific murderers then… it’s awesome. I think they should be killed as soon as it’s determined that they’re guilty and they should be killed in bloody vengeance by the relatives of the victim.

    As for killing tards, did they purposefully kill someone knowing that that person would then be dead forever? If not then maybe we shouldn’t kill em. If they DID know this then I don’t give a fuck if they were ten and have the IQ of the average pygmy, fry em and televize the fun.

    Again though – our society is needlessly fucked (needlessly because we have the technology to easily cover people’s needs, unlike a thousand years ago) and our legal system is repulsive and evil. THESE are the problems, not the frying of some baby-rapist who, poor him, happens to be bad at quadratic equations.

    mnuez

  • 29. Stannnnnnn  |  April 28th, 2010 at 12:44 am

    I would just fuck my girlfriend!

  • 30. Electric chair  |  April 28th, 2010 at 12:47 am

    I’m all for frying inmates

  • 31. Vermont department of corrections  |  April 28th, 2010 at 12:59 am

    Take 2 inmate.
    Throw gently into a pit.
    Take 4 baseball bats and cover them in barbed wire, and slowly scatter around pit.
    Setup 2 video cameras and broadcast nation wide.
    If your in a good mood… Throw in 2 flesh eating dogs.
    Sit back with a cocktail, and watch them fight till the death!
    Winner is released from death row:)
    SIMPLE.

  • 32. USA  |  April 28th, 2010 at 1:04 am

    The retard writing this is a sad asshole with a shit job. I know your gonna read this and delete it….if u do I have no friends!

  • 33. Laura Daly  |  August 7th, 2010 at 10:27 am

    If this is the level of debate about Death Row, I pity America.

  • 34. Larry Owens  |  September 3rd, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Well..If they murdered someone while they were retarded does that make them innocent? The are still guilty of murder no matter how you cut it! If you have a problem with them going to the gurney not understanding what is about to happen that is even better. As far as I am concerned you can tell them that they are going on a fucking carnival ride if that makes it easier for them. The is one thing for damned sure… they ain’t gong to kill anyone else!!!!

  • 35. Eileen  |  September 21st, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I live in Texas, the revolving door execution capital of the United States. In a “off” year we execute 15-20 people. 1997 was a banner year at 37 people. Who gives a damn if they are retarded? They committed capital MURDER. They were tried in Court and found RESPONSIBLE and GUILTY. Go on this webite and read about John Allen Rubio–all you crying “save the retards” need a piece of shit like Rubio and his girlfriend living next door to you and your kids.
    http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/offendersondrow.htm

  • 36. Apathetic  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Low IQ does not make you innocent. If you understand the crime and it’s consequences or you don’t – You can’t do it again. Life in prisonor execution – Who cares, either way, you have no life. And you don’t deserve one. There are always casualties of war – Same goes for the legal system. But it’s what we have. I don’t think people who are truely innocent should be punished, but I would prefer to take that risk than have a child rapist/murderer next door watching my kids play outside. In most aspects, I’m a caring, tree hugging hippie, but when it comes to people who hurt others just for the hell of it…Kill’em with a spork and let me watch.

  • 37. trim  |  October 11th, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    i want a damn rack of ribs, n some gator tail, n chicken n dumplings

  • 38. Geoff  |  October 14th, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Techno-mad or nad whichever. I’d love to put your kid on the chair just to see your reaction…idiot wake the fuck up.

  • 39. Hellgirl  |  November 21st, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    The guy that requested his last meal go to homeless people wasn’t told to go fuck himself, they actually sent vegetarian pizza (his request) to the homeless shelter. Fact check dick.

  • 40. Jeff Greene  |  December 6th, 2010 at 4:56 am

    That fast food is unhealthy and will kill you.

  • 41. PRINCESS  |  March 19th, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    THATS THE WEBSITE FOR THE TEXAS DEATH ROW INFORMETION
    http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/deathrow.htm

  • 42. gary dean  |  March 24th, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    i think that the death penalty is wrong mentally challenged or not. god said that revenge is mine and man isn,t god. as far as texas is concerned, i think that it is becoming a borderline sociallist state. gary.

  • 43. Austin  |  December 7th, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    hey im in texas and wat u dont want to do is when u die shit urself but yes those last meals were horrible but in texas we like our food we can survive for days off nothin but beans and rice we dont give a dam
    people die evrywhere and yall wnna pick on us fuck u


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