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The War Nerd / April 11, 2011

The IMF: “Liberte, Egalite…Just Give Us the Frickin’ Money!”

It was a lively weekend. Down in Ivory Coast, Laurent Gbagbo was ruining the script by holing up in his urban bunker in Abidjan, even though the IMF and their French errand boys had officially declared the upcountry Muslim Alassanne Ouattara the new President.

The French tried to do it the new low-profile way, letting Ouattara’s troops force Gbagbo out, but it looks like Ouattara’s troops aren’t good for much except killing civilians. So the French had to do it themselves in the end: a convoy of French light tanks (they love those light tanks, the French—some of them look like tank turrets on a 1992 Jetta chassis)

Jetta Tank Conversion Kit

smashed their way into Gbagbo’s bunker, dragged him out…and then handed him over to Outtara’s throat-slitters.

The idea is to get the European troops on and off stage as fast as possible, make it look like Ouattara’s doing it all by himself. But the French didn’t even handle that part very convincingly. It’s kind of hard to hide a tank attack in the middle of a crowded city where half the world’s press corps is hanging around commenting on the heat and waiting for something to happen. And those tanks were clearly marked as French Army vehicles. Although maybe it’d be more honest if they re-stenciled them with the IMF logo, with a new motto—instead of the usual French “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity” mantra they paint on everything, make up something more in line with their new job as debt collectors for the big bankers. Something like, “Pay up or we break your thumbs,” or something more like the original three-word motto: “Austerity, Usury, and We’ll Break Your Thumbs Anyway.”

The weirdest part is the way the French made a point of handing Gbagbo’s poor fat ass over to Ouattara’s thugs as soon as they siphoned him out of his bunker. They’ve got to assume that Outtara’s men will kill Gbagbo. They’re not squeamish; they just killed a thousand-odd civilians up north, as even their UN/IMF backers admitted. So why make such a big point of giving them Gbagbo?

This being Africa, and French West Africa at that, there are all kinds of possibilities. Like: They didn’t give him to Outtara at all; that’s just a lie to tone down the colonialist feel of the whole episode, with white troops smashing down the presidential palace. Or they gave him to Outtara, but with a bodyguard of French Special Forces who have orders not to let anybody get all Samuel Doe-van-Gogh on him.

Samuel Doe, Meet Prince Johnson

Maybe Gbagbo’s still in French hands and they have other plans for him—a job teaching Cicero in one of those fancy high schools the French love so much. That’s where the poor dweeb belonged anyway, some nice quiet teacher job. Word is, it was his dragon of a wife who pushed him into politics and out of his depth.

Or maybe Gbagbo is a liability, a big mouth prone to blabbing about all the sleazy deals he cut with the IMF and Paris while he held power. In that case, making a big show of handing him over to Outtara is your classic Pilate move: “Employees must wash hands after throwing Coastal-Tribe Leader to the pangas.” In a day or so, the French will be shocked, shocked, shocked to learn that Gbagbo’s body head has been hacked open like a drinking coconut.

Ordinarily I’d bet on some duller, slower method, like sending him into exile and letting him drink and eat himself to death. But this Ivory Coast thing has had a weird feel to it all along; sort of rushed and messy, as if they’re making it up on the spot. The other feature you see in it is a surprising lot of violence, with no apologies and no flinching. Somebody out there wants it finished fast. I’ve never seen the western press less interested in a nice juicy massacre than they were in the ones Outtara’s forces have been doing on the way south to the sea. The UN has a reputation for being flinchy and weak, but not this time. They shrugged off the massacres and hugged Outtara twice as tight.

I’d still bet against Gbagbo getting murdered within the next few days, but I wouldn’t bet an arm or an ear on it.

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52 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. atlas_sucks  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Succinct analysis. In the end, it’s all about power. In this era it’s been all about neoliberal power. Thus when Outtara, the French, and the UN serve the interests of the banker class, all the brutality and the sleazy underpinnings are ignored by a co-opted press.

    Very few people in North America know of, or care about the Ivory Coast, and they’re not going to learn anything outside of the intended propaganda from what they see on tv.

    The neoliberal destruction of Ivory Coast isn’t some anomaly either. Apart from the violence it’s not so different from what has occurred in Latvia, or New Zealand, or the insidious kleptocratic looting in the US and Canada.

  • 2. Michal  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Sheeesh again with the IMF. I’ll repeat my question: Where’s everyone else from the IMF? Why just the French? I ain’t buyin’ it.

  • 3. mojo  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:27 am

    This has to make the job of China’s diplomats in Africa rather easy. Access to natural resources for a veto on the security council. Can’t wait for another old school Angola. Brecher will never be able to stop the daily blog.

  • 4. abc123  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Iceland also voted against paying money to the IMF.

    Maybe we’ll see French troops in Iceland :D

  • 5. Ganryu  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Yeah, the “objectivity” was out the window when Gbagbo was being called a “strongman” rather than (essentially) lame-duck president. Shit, Bush would’ve done the same if daddy hadn’t stuffed enough ballot boxes in 2004.

  • 6. Ganryu  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:43 am

    And may I just add that this is straight out of the Bankster dominated playbook. Read John Perkins’ “Confessions of an Economic Hitman” for the blow-by-blow on how this shit is totally rigged.

  • 7. RanDomino  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Massacres done by official enemies = front page news for days; massacres done by us or native allies = brief mention and then it’s down the memory hole.

  • 8. Doug  |  April 11th, 2011 at 10:06 am

    The pathetic pathos of the international community. Always support the weak against the strong. The petty, vicious and cruel against the strong, noble, natural leaders. Had it not been for the intervention of the French Gbabgdo’s tribe would have ruled Ivory Coast for the next thousand years.

    Say what you will about colonialism, but at least you knew that the guys winning had to have an advantage in organization, technology or economics. If the wars were bloody at least you knew they had a long-term positive effect in letting the best and brightest civilizations expand control. Darwinism on a society-wide level.

    Western foreign policy is now run like inverse darwinism. Like selectively breeding for the weakest, sickest runts in the liter. Always pick the losers and bomb, sanction and/or aid the better tribe out of power, in the process turning the country into even more of a shithole.

    Favor Hutus over Tutsis, Albanians over Serbs, Palestinians over Israelis, Outtara over Gbago, Libyan rebels over Qaddafi, Egyptian Islamists over Mubbarak, Mugabe over Rhodesia, the Ayatollah over the Shah, Castro over Batista, Mobutu over Belgium, Gandhi over Britain, Mao over Chiang Kai Shek, etc.

    Just like a population being selectively bred dysgenically will eventually collapse as the laws of nature take over and wipe out the abominations for an utter lack of fitness, so too can this insanity only last for so long. Once outside forces wipe out any semblance of orderly power in a nation the end-game is Somalia. A chaotic, teeming, mess with so little control or government that any chance of controlling it short of outright re-conquest and colonialism is impossible.

    Eventually these failed states will overrun the West with refugees, criminals and terrorists until they collapse. Then the game is over. Already Libya, a mere 400 miles from the EU, will be pretty damn close to Somalia if the rebels win. Even Cairo, once the most Bohemian Arab city in the world, is on a fast descent into Mogadishu.

  • 9. El Hombre Malo  |  April 11th, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Well, this is a good moment to remind everyone that France is a colonial power much in the early Siecle XX Style. Ask the people from Martinique, who rioted a couple years ago about why the cheapest chicken they can buy comes all the way from Israel due to bilateral agreement mumbo jumbo, and not from any nearby caribbean island.

    Take a close look at french ultramar possesions; 90%natives on a wage that is 30-50% the average feench wage, having to put up with whatever tariff the metropoli decides, hiking the prices sometimes well over what parissienes pay. And then there is the 10% white population, mostly old colonielles and french goverment employees, whose wages (fattened thanks to the ultramar bonus for govt officials) help to raise prices of the goods those natives can’t afford any way. Thats both the worst of statism dangers AND the proof trickle down economy is a scam, rolled up together in one single packet of “FAIL”.

  • 10. fnord  |  April 11th, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Financing the European bail-out package, dontcha think? Its logical and really old school: If youre short of cash, cut a deal with a rebel group and increase your profits through new and improved trade-agreements. Its just the empire getting naked.

    I still dont get why there isnt a bunch of light tanks in Libya right now. Its propably the first chance armor has had in a long while to prove its not obsolete. Desert maneuvering and all, I would think the tank-guys would be salivating for a scuffle.

  • 11. Michal  |  April 11th, 2011 at 10:42 am

    @ 8. Well Doug, strong, noble, natural leaders don’t very often overstay their welcome by some six years and then end up running a comedy show about how not to fake an election.

    First Gbagbo declares that ballots from distant parts of the country have to be counted at breakneck speed, in an effort to disenfranchise his opponents, or else they’re invalid. THEN the UN hires airplanes to collect the things ASAP. THEN when the poll committees manage to count the votes in record time, the Gbagbo soldiers just march in and confiscate all the ballots.

    Doesn’t sound very noble, natural-leadership-like to me.

  • 12. Stephen  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Maybe they know that there will be a deal done in Libya and figured they had to “fix” the Ivory Coast before that happened.

  • 13. Bane  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Those ain’t tanks.
    Tracks + armor + turret w/gun = tank.
    Wheels + armor + turret w/gun = armored car/APC etc.

    I learned that even as a kid watching cartoons.

  • 14. CensusLouie  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Ha ha! WOOOOOOOooow!

    I didn’t think it was possible for Doug to keep topping himself, but not only do we have a flat out declaration of “might makes right”, but we see Doug take a positive stance on “empires to last a thousand years”.

    Hey, Doug! Check around some history books. I bet you’ll find some historical figures that are totally with you on that quote ;)

  • 15. bulb  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:45 am

    “Had it not been for the intervention of the French Gbabgdo’s tribe would have ruled Ivory Coast for the next thousand years.”

    yeah right.
    in 2002, french troops blocked the rebels from getting south to kick Gbagbo’s butt.
    http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/world/war/ivory-coast-2002.htm

    Big G thanked the french by strafing a UN position with MIGs two years later in Bouaké. Whenever some shit happened in his country under his presidency, you could count on big G to blame it on french out outside interference. Very convenient, you see. If all those damn foreigners would leave, Ivory coast would be switzerland.

    Not hard to see why france, the US and basically everyone else are a bit tired with the guy. He overplayed his hand big time, got his balls chopped after ruining the country for ten years, that’s all. Get over it.

    And for the IMF, I have no idea why you would think it’s involved. Pretty laughable and simplistic I’d say.

    I know it’s sad, but some times, the story peddled by the media is actually true. Might well be that is one of those occurrences.

  • 16. CensusLouie  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:50 am

    and just a little hint in case Doug can’t find any historical significance to that quote, just imagine how awesome 1939 Warsaw must have become under the benevolent guidance of the winning side sharing their “advantage in organization, technology or economics” with everyone!

    “If the wars were bloody at least you knew they had a long-term positive effect in letting the best and brightest civilizations expand control.”

    20th century Eastern Europe: a shining utopia where the best and brightest gather. Those people can’t STOP thanking their lucky stars for those wars.

  • 17. Devin  |  April 11th, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Doug-

    “Mao over Chiang Kai Shek, etc.”

    Uh, you have that backwards. Chiang was the weaker of the two, while Mao controlled the only combat-effective Chinese forces in the whole CBI theater (notably the 8th Route Army). Chiang was also the one who got the foreign backing, almost exclusively.

    Oddly, this does support your thesis, but only because you’ve managed to be wrong on both who was stronger AND who got support. You seem to be claiming that Mao received most Western support (false) and that Chiang was otherwise stronger (laughably false).

    You’ve picked some mighty strange examples elsewhere, too. You, ah, might want to check your story about the Iranian revolution, for example. The reason the Ayatollah’s always calling us “the Great Satan” is because we DIDN’T back him, we backed the Shah. The Ayatollah won anyway, which should prove his fitness I’d think.

  • 18. Jesse the Scout  |  April 11th, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    #8, Strong doesn’t win fights. Vicious, lying, shameless, hateful, murderous, machine-like destructiveness wins fights. Usually there isn’t anything left worth winning when the dust settles.

  • 19. Doug  |  April 11th, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    @Michal

    I’m not saying Gbagbo is an Elizabeth or a Frederick the Great or even a Charlamagne for that matter. But this is Africa in 2011, there’s not exactly a big pool of noble leaders to draw from. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. And as a statesman Outtara makes Gbabgo look like Thomas Jefferson. It’s like if you gave me a squad of kids from fat camp I’m not going to be able to give you an NBA basketball team. But that doesn’t mean you should stuff your roster full of the 400 lbs. kids, rather than the 300 lbs. kids.

    At one point Africa was full of noble, natural leaders. They just happened to have a different skin color than the majority of the population. Then the West in its deeply dysfunctional, self-loathing decided this was one of the world’s greatest evils. They withdrew their position and handed over the African nations to the most trouble-making criminal thugs, aka the national revolutionaries. These men had no business or qualifications to run a government other than being ruthless criminal gang leaders, who’s gangs just happened to spit out (leftist) political slogans. (And yes, this applies most of all to that thug Mandela).

    There are many many men in Africa who are qualified to run a proper government, but the dysfunctional foreign policy of the West and the international community has pushed the entire politics of the region to the polar opposite of these men. Gbabgo is no prize, but he’s a hell of a lot better than Outtara. Plus throwing out Gbagbo and replacing Outtara with him sends a message to every other politically ambitious African that the road to power isn’t developing strong societies, militaries and economies, it’s presiding over loser tribes with ultra-high birthrates and licking the boots of the “international community.”

    Also the process of democracy has absolutely zero to do with being a noble leader. Democracy is most frequently the route of the weak and decadent, those who would rely on the power of the mob and chaos for the throne. The true king knows that he need not bow before the mob like some pathetic groveler. He is a lion among men, his power comes from his prowess, competence, intelligence, strength and confidence. He does not even care what the crowds say, he makes the right decisions and he does not worry because his grip on power is as firm as a snake handler wielding a dangerous beast.

    Democracy does not favor such men. Rather it plays to the sniveling bureaucrats, the lying corrupt sociopaths, the crowd-pleasing demagogues, the paranoid delusional egomaniacs and cult-leaders.

    @14

    Revolutions and civil wars are bloody, destructive messes that almost always completely consume and destroy their civilization. If the destruction and violent overthrow of governments is virtually always a bad thing, then the corollary of that is that governments that last a very long time with high stability must be good things. The quintessential example are empires that last a thousand years.

    If you’re trying to imply that this has something to do with Nazism I would suggest that you learn how to logically distinguish rhetoric from action. Hitler’s regime lasted less than two decades and imploded Germany. The Nazis were little more than populist little faggots. All of Germany’s success in this period came from its brilliant industrialists and military generals who were about as far away from the working class core of the Nazis as possible.

    Like I said above populists are disgusting scum who are unfit to lead, regardless of whether they are left-wing or right-wing. The true noble king does not need to preen in front of adoring crowds just to boost his self-esteem like that S&M looking art school spastic weirdo Hitler. Germany had been one of the most stable, prosperous and successful counties in Europe for hundreds of years until the Anglicans had jammed their diseased system of liberal democracy down their throat post WWI.

    The House of Hohenzollern is far closer to my ideal of noble strong leaders than Hitler. Even the lowest of that house, Wilhelm II, would easily be an improvement on nearly any government of any country in 2011.

  • 20. Georgey  |  April 11th, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Well, French people are just ridiculous in general and therefore their policies too.
    French international intervention is best summarized by their diplomatic achievements in the Russia-Georgia war. The results were: 0. Just like the French themselves and their general addition to the world community.

    French…

  • 21. Hanko  |  April 11th, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    I’m curious how the international community is going to cover up the up coming massacres (yes I know they have already started) and all the refugees it will cause. Somebody mentioned the Chines, do anybody know their view on IC “situation”?

  • 22. postman  |  April 11th, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Dear War Nerd,

    I have only two questions:

    1. Why do the fighters of Outtara put on gas masks, like the lad on this picture (and he is not alone, gas masks are there on the fighters on quite a few pictures)?: http://www.life.com/gallery/58361/image/111713196#index/18
    I mean, this is not Ypern of WW1 to expect a mustard gas attack any minute, nor did Saddam hide his WMDs in Gagbo’s bunker…

    2. How come Western Media folks are roaming the streets in an African civil war with expensive video-equipments (expensive by local standards, that is), among dirt-poor, panga-wielding, drugged up tribal warriors right after a massacre? Or are they filming embedded among the French Foreign Legion troops?

  • 23. Doug  |  April 11th, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    @17

    Time for some basic history, well supported by the facts, that the current history academy in Western universes tends to, uhm, glance over let’s say. Mainly because there aren’t too many professors at Harvard who are sympathetic to McCarthy, the fact that he was completely right about basically everything he asserted get brushed under the rug.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/China_Hands#The_men_who_.22lost.22_China
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iranian_Revolution#Shah_and_the_United_States

    The reality is that US foreign policy going all the way back to the Russian Revolution has been unashamedly pro-Communist, pro-Islamist and anti-colonialist (especially in State and its forerunners, which have always had the final say). Why because communists and islamists are absolute losers who cause chaos and destruction, and can barely run anything. In contrast colonialists ran shining examples of governments and their departure from the world state spelled utter chaos in the places they abandoned. More chaos less order and more violence means ever higher budgets for State and its allies.

  • 24. bulb  |  April 11th, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    aaahh, nothing says “my IQ is equal to my anal temperature, expressed in celsius” like a georgey bashing the french.

  • 25. Stephen Wordsworth  |  April 11th, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    @Postman number 1 is easy they are retards who thinks it looks cool/scary. There was only one photo of a gas mask in that selection but several photos of tribal masks being worn.

    2 Probably have security guards and the mob knows the media is on there side.

  • 26. Eddie  |  April 11th, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    The IMF is like a heroin addict running a three card monty scheme outside the 7-11.

    He does not look too trustworthy and all the previous customers lost their money.

    But he has one very important thing going for him. He does not take NO for an answer.

  • 27. bud  |  April 11th, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    You know I looked up that news scene of Samuel Doe’s last 15 minutes. I can’t understand what the people are saying, but their behavior definitely belies a casual attitude about this event, which makes me thing this is all very normal for them. If you look at the lady who is fanning Prince Taylor, you can even see her looking at the thing as if it were a rerun of jeopardy or something. Everyone is talking and this head honcho seems to have a lot to say. Needless to say, getting one’s ear cut off sounds unimaginably painful. Definitely not planning any vacations to Liberia in the near future.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaLSzjfyUiA

  • 28. Michael  |  April 11th, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    @23 Doug

    So in the China article: they concluded the Communists were better than the corrupt, incompetent GMD (which everyone who has studied even a little history knows), yet did feel eventually the GMD (KMT) should lead the government and therefore supported the KMT throughout the war while not giving a penny to the CCP.

    So, you are wrong in every possible way:
    1. You said in an earlier post Mao was supported by the Americans, which isn’t true.
    2. Because you asserted that the Americans always support the ‘weaklings’, and you asserted Mao had American support, it follows you feel Mao and the CCP were the weaker side. Which again isn’t true.
    3. You are wrong in all of this because Uncle Sam in fact supported the GMD, which was both more incompetent faction and eventually the sore loser of the war, and Jiang Jie Shi (Chiang Kai-Shek) was forced off the mainland to play generalissimo in Taiwan. Which, I guess makes you right to the extent that the American supported the weaker side. But then again, you don’t know shit about what you’re talking about.

    And FYI, the Shah came to power in a CIA-backed coup that overthrew the democratically-elected president. Actually, let’s look at your list a little more:
    -Palestinians over Israelis? Dude, you are too funny. I suppose the billion of military aid the Israelis get for stomping Palestinians is just, uh, individual charity? Moron.
    -Islamists over Mubarak? Again, billions of military aid for Mubaraks regime exactly in order to keep those islamists out. And the last revolution wasn’t islamist in nature anyway, so even if the west supported it half-assed like it did, you’re still wrong. Big surprise there.
    -Castro over Batista. Ever heard of this little thing called Bay of Pigs invasion? Or, for that matter, the Cuban Missile crisis? Batista was an incompetent hack who deserved to be ousted, but the Americans sure didn’t think so. They wanted to keep their little super-Vegas, so they supplied Batista with weapons to kill and torture thousands. Then the retarded fuck (could be a relation of yours?) lost to a couple of hundred mountain insurgents anyway. So again, you’re right about America supporting the moron, but wrong about who they actually supported.

    Perhaps before you lecture other people on basic history you could learn how to think, then learn how to read, and then learn how to shut the fuck up. It’s pathetic to see that there are people out there who haven’t learned yet that it’s just not cool to be a wannabe-Nietzsche (praised be his name) and lecture other people while they couldn’t even understand the Nazi version of Nietzsche. Fucktard. Why don’t you go and live in a country where the ‘strong and competent natural rulers’ are in charge. Build a fucking time machine and turn yourself into a black man, then travel to Belgian-ruled Congo in the 19th century. See how you fare under those ‘natural’ rulers. Fucking moron.

  • 29. Marcus McSpartacus  |  April 11th, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Don’t know why you weaklings are picking on Doug. I suppose you runts would have supported the Confederates too, or sent the Noble French to aid those Continental upstarts, or would have flinched, yes, FLINCHED LIKE GIRLY MEN at harpooning Jesus with a pointy stick.

  • 30. Michael  |  April 11th, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    @29
    By God and all that is Holy, did you just call us GIRLY WEAKLINGS?

    We are manly natural rulers inspired by Doug the Great, he who sprouts mighty bullshit on comment sections of obscure websites. He who will rule this aforementioned realm with an iron fist: first Exiled, then the world!

    In Doug we trust!

  • 31. Hon Kee Mufo  |  April 11th, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    if anyone wants to look into a mirror universe, where up is down, cats chase dogs, and the interests of capital have been eclipsed by those of foggy bottom, go to doug’s house–he’s got the hook-up

  • 32. Hon Kee Mufo  |  April 11th, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    fo realz: right wing conspiracy theories used to pick credible or at least interesting villains–the jews, the freemasons, anarchists, and, of course, the commies. but ever since the ussr fell they’ve been lost in the woods.

    it started with the gays and acadamia–laughable, but at least targeting sizable and insular groups–and has progressed. now we have huge numbers of people think that climate scientists have colluded to enact the greatest fraud in history for freakin’ grant money and, apparently. that the freakin’ department of state secretly runs the world. stranger than fiction, folks

  • 33. Soj  |  April 11th, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Dear War Nerd:

    They had pictures of the captured Gbagbo on BBC within an hour of his capture. Clearly that was “the deal”. And in a month nobody will care about who captured him, just like a month after Tahrir Square nobody cares about Egypt.

    As for massacres the western media cares about vs. the ones they don’t, see Chomsky’s famous analysis in the early 70′s of Pol Pot’s Cambodia (the ones “we” cared about) vs. East Timor (the ones “we” didn’t).

    Column inches in New York Times on East Timor: 70
    Column inches in New York Times on Cambodia: 1,100

    Ain’t nothing new under the sun, brother.

  • 34. Doug  |  April 11th, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Oh noes! Not the Belgian Congo. Thank God we liberated those poor natives from the evil savages. My God, just read this description of how awful those waffle stuffers were treating the black man circa liberation in 1958:

    Under red, blue, green and yellow lights at a club in Léopoldville’s sprawling native quarter, women in grass skirts and men with chalked bodies stomped to the hard rap of a hollow-log drum. Then Gerald Tzinga and his Rock-a-Mambo Band took over, and white-shirted clerks sedately circled the concrete floor with their partners. With dances, military parades, bicycle races, football matches and the mass distribution of medals for faithful service, the Congo celebrated last week the soth anniversary of its annexation by Belgium.*
    The half-century has seen the Congo achieve an economic miracle, become the world’s leading producer of industrial diamonds, cobalt, uranium, and one of the major exporters of copper and tin. During World War II the Congo even paid the bills for the Belgian government in exile. While Britain and France poured large sums into overseas territories, the Congo colony’s $960 million ten-year development plan has been 70% financed by the Congo itself. Not only whites have profited. For the Congo’s African citizens there are 2,468 hospitals and dispensaries; more than 1,300,000 Coagolese children are in primary school (in higher education, the number drops sharply to 12,000).

    http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,937618,00.html

  • 35. Michael  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    @34 Doug

    Ah, yes, ore export, the cornerstone of every happy society. I’m sure the millions who died are extremely happy about this magnificent way to plunder the countries’ resources so the Belgians could build some humongous government buildings in Brussels. (They are rather impressive for such a small country, really).

    It’s also good to see how you quote a celebration of colonisation, essentially a propaganda effort, as a good thing. If these celebrations make you envy their happiness, why don’t you move to North-Korea? They’re REALLY good at celebrating X years of a certain government.

    And of course, it’s fun to notice how you a) pick out only one on the list to respond to and b) use Belgian colonialist propaganda as ‘evidence’ for Congo’s ‘development’ under colonial rule. You are really as dumb as a sack of shit.

    Anything to say to my other points, little forum jackass?

  • 36. Michael  |  April 11th, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    PS: is Doug a troll? I would like to believe that, but sometimes people are in fact retarded.

  • 37. Jesse the Scout  |  April 11th, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Some one’s got a copy of Atlus Shrugged with stuck together pages stashed somewhere I take it.

  • 38. allen  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Say Doug …

    I’ve got so Nietzsche books I would like autographed. Perhaps you can lend me the service of that time machine you must have used to retrieve your ridiculously pompous Nazi ideology?

    Thanks.

  • 39. Bolshevik Jew  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    Bad Gbagbo gone. Good winners each qualify for one (1)victorious миньет. Attention, you, the truck loving proles. As the result of recent hostilities having come to a predictable contusion, Crazy Hassan is offering for immediate sale the following – 1,200 low-mileage Toyota Tacoma trucks, some with MP3 players, some with tripod mounts for heavy MG’s, others with portable Garmin GPS units, still others with assorted heads and partial torsos. We will meet, or beat, any deal. We will not be undersold.

    Free Ver 1.0 RPG’s to the first 50 to pony up. Posters personally signed by Yahweh, Muhammed, JC, Karl Marx, and Akio Toyoda to the next 150.

    Be there or be square. And don’t forget to tell ‘em the ol’ Bolshevik Jew sent you.

  • 40. Hudson D.  |  April 11th, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    Has anyone bothered to post that the current IFM boss is Dominique Strauss-Khan, the expected *socialist* candidate to the 2012 French presidential elections ? Amusingly enough, he was supported to his current job by Sarko himself…

  • 41. BahamaPapa  |  April 12th, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Gary:

    First of all, any comment on the “laser gun” that the Navy has been firing? For some reason, the press is all over it. Should I give a shit? My gut instinct is no. Lit up a couple of outboard engines! WOW!! One article says: “The navy said that ship-borne lasers could eventually be used to protect vessels from small attack boats.” Couldn’t an old fashioned assault rifle do the same thing at a fraction of the cost? Or is the high cost the whole point? This is the American military, after all. Why pay a dollar when you can have it for ten?

    Second, I also don’t buy the IMF angle. I’ve known quite a few IMF bureaucrats: dweeby economist types, not made of the sort of stuff you think they are. ‘Sides, how much money does CDI owe them? I bet they took a much bigger hit when Argentina defaulted than they’ll ever take on CDI, yet nobody’s been plotting coups in Buenos Aires. I really do think it’s about “democracy” in a stupid sort of way. The UN and the western powers are thinking Ouattara won the election, ergo he’s the good guy and we’ll back him. It’s bad publicity to back autocrats and all. Or maybe the French think those cocoa plantations are really worth getting all het up about. I guess if Guatemala can be invaded over bananas, CDI can be invaded over mousse au chocolat. It’s a funny old world.

  • 42. empire in decline  |  April 12th, 2011 at 12:24 am

    “more than 1,300,000 Coagolese children are in primary school (in higher education, the number drops sharply to 12,000).”

    This number gets even better when you consider university graduates.

    Let’s read a quote from King Leopold’s Ghost to see how wonderful Belgium truly was:

    “… but when pressure grew and independence came in 1960, in the entire territory there were fewer than thirty African university graduates. There were no Congolese army officers, engineers, agronomists, or physicians. The colony’s administration had made few other steps toward a Congo run by its own people: of some five thousand management-level positions in the civil service, only three were filled by Africans.”

    Wouldn’t want the subhumans to actually know how to run their own country so you can ridicule them for not becoming prosperous after decolonization. Nice touch helping to kill their democratically elected leader and then supporting a kleptocrat who bled his country dry of any potential it could have had for decades.

    Truly the West is the light.

  • 43. aleke  |  April 12th, 2011 at 1:35 am

    Oh my god, now these are some awful comments. Kill the first world. Support anyone that will band the rest of the world up against it and annihilate it.

  • 44. DrSchizo  |  April 12th, 2011 at 1:49 am

    Very funny column, very trollish. How weird to see the War Nerd become a commie conspirationist!

    Why the French intervene against Gbabgo?

    1) There are 20 000 french citizens in Ivory Coast with a huge economical impact.
    2) Since Gbabgo broke the Marcoussis agreement and attacked french forces in Bouake, he cannot be trusted anymore.
    3) Results of the largest UN supervised election of all times show the majority of the Ivorian citizens don’t want him stay longer in power
    4) Gbabgo went out the legality by making the “Conseil Constitutionnel” appointing him as President, when the only thing the Conseil could do was to cancel the elections.
    5) Gbabgo’s strategy to keep him the power is a Mugabe-like strategy, mixing nationalism and racism driving Ivory Coast on the verge of the civil war.

    With these conditions, what would a cold-minded Empire do? You know it’s obvious, no need of an IMF/muslim conspiracy.

  • 45. fnord  |  April 12th, 2011 at 4:55 am

    Doug: Belgium Congo as a sucess-example? Lol, it was widely regarded as the absolute hellhole of European colonies. Read Heart of Darkness by Conrad, or goole King Leopold and Congo. They practically genocided large parts of the population, and tortured folks into christianity.

  • 46. Adam  |  April 12th, 2011 at 5:14 am

    I think lil dougie feels bad without a master to suck off.

    “ooooh yeah, let me be your little peasant boy, yeah, my lion, grip my snake firmly. Oh, with what prowess do you penetrate my loins! Tell me how to please you! That’s all I want is a master to please! I get wet just thinking about being your little peasant boy. You who allow me to live on your land, breathe your air, consume your resources. How thankful am I to be permited to be part of your God given birthright! If only the whole world could know the ecstasy, the orgasmic pleasure of serving a noble master!”

  • 47. Bork bork bork  |  April 12th, 2011 at 7:38 am

    What’s the point of a laser when guided missiles can be fired over the horizon?

  • 48. John Hughes  |  April 12th, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Anyway, now we know the answer to the question:

    Who’s harder – Inhofe or Strauss-Kahn.

    My money was always on Strauss-Kahn, Okies are wimps.

  • 49. allen  |  April 12th, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    I’m not sure I agree with the IMF “economic hitman” idea either. But I have to wonder at this reflexive (mostly North American) attitude that whenever someone brings in economic motives they’re some kind of a “commie”.

    The self styled “individualist”, “free market”, “survival of the fittest/Darwinists” imagine themselves as hard hearted realists and totally the complete opposite of the bleeding hearts, but it’s not true. You guys are often the worst of utopians.

    For some reason you see power politics everywhere except the economy. With the economy everyone plays nice and by the rules. No one would use force to achieve massive economic gains, just like no one would try to break or subvert the market system in their favor, and like how irrational decisions are eaten up by the “creative destruction” monster and never fuck up the big picture really.

    Those are all un-American commie fairy-tales; if you believe them you must hate apple pie or something. The whooshing sound you hear now is probably your “realism” flying out the window.

  • 50. Coriolan  |  April 12th, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    “Doug: Belgium Congo as a sucess-example? Lol, it was widely regarded as the absolute hellhole of European colonies.”

    Convenient, isn’t it ? Picture one of the smallest Euro country as the absolute bad guy. He can’t fight back, he’s too small, meanwhile nobody looks at your colonies.

    I guess you’re british. It’s funny how brits pictured Leopold as evil-on-earth while starving boers to death in concentration camps. Well, not funny, convenient, as I said. Blame belgian king for ordering hands to be cut and whip to be used (As africans call it, “same old”), so we don’t have to answer for this :

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/ba/LizzieVanZyl.jpg/800px-LizzieVanZyl.jpg

    No, really, the only people that made a big deal out of belgian colonies were the brits. They wouldnt’ve dared to confront the germans or us french about our colonies, even if we were doing the same. They picked the weakest guy in the bunch and punched him.

    I was a fat kid, I’m a fit adult, so I can tell when somebody is punching the weakest guy to look brave.

  • 51. observer  |  April 14th, 2011 at 1:02 am

    WN, I have some really fucking worthless suggestions but I guess if my suggestions were actually worth anything, people would read me and I wouldn’t have to hide like a spineless sack of pus in my troller anonymity. Anyway, some day Vanity Fair will write pages and pages about my life. Yeah, and someday I’ll be an Uzbek jet pilot.
    Cowardly Yours,
    Libertard von Friedman

  • 52. mesclun  |  April 16th, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Guys, and IMF stuff is because of what’s just been happening in Ireland, and Dolan is an Irish patriot.


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