Intelligent Design Award #626: Giant Squid (Video): “God here. Just wanted to get on the horn and tell everyone that I happened to be watching the news in San Diego myself, just channel-surfing you know in my usual omniscient way, when I saw this little diddy. You guys are sooo stupid! ‘I don’t know why they washed up.’ That’s my favorite. You wanna know why? Because I say so. That’s why. Then you’ve got that do-gooder dad showing off in front of his daughter by ‘Trying to save them.’ I literally fell outta my seat laughing. Yeah, save a squid pal, that’ll pay off bigtime at the pearly gates. Look, there’s no mystery to my ways here. You see the one squid tryin’ to struggle back in? Ain’t gonna happen. You see that seagull pecking away at all that meat? Yep, that’s gonna happen. ‘I think they’re confused.’ Buddy, they’re squid, you got that? The only person who understood that was that grouchy looking broad, who said, ‘It’s no use savin’ ’em, they’ll just wash back up.’ You could tell she was really gonna suffer on their behalf. Yeah, and I’m a Chaldean chariot driver…Sike!” 
