FILMSUCK, USA: Eileen Jones’ Furious Film Rants Now in Concentrated E-Book Form!

eXiled Alert! / January 15, 2013

By Team eXiled

Eileen Jones’ new screed on America’s cinematic flameout, Filmsuck, USA, is currently available on Amazon for the absurdly low price of $1.99. Buy it today!

Here’s an excerpt from the intro:

That loud sucking noise you hear is American cinema going down the drain. We’ve been listening to that slow slurping gurgle for a long time now, and are used to it. Still, sometimes you might wonder how American cinema, which was once the best in the world, wound up circling the drain with a mournful glugging sound for years and years and years. And you might also wonder how much longer it can go on like this, before the Final Suck occurs and we’re looking at nothing but empty drainpipe.
It’ll never happen, you might say. That’d be like saying America’s going to shut down its space program, and let other people take over, like the Russians and the Chinese and the Indians and any random jerk-off billionaire looking for an expensive hobby. Oh, wait…yeah. That already happened, didn’t it?
Anyway, I have a few ideas about how it all went to hell. They’re presented here in two forms: the longer, concentrated rant of this introduction, plus the short ranting bursts erupting out of a number of reviews of specific films from the years 2008 – 2012. The reviews are there to help you chart the American cinematic decline as it actually occurred, from the point of view of a reporter in the field, somebody risking her life by standing right next to the drain during The Big Suck of the 21st century.

Got something to say to us? Then send us a letter.

Want us to stick around? Donate to The eXiled.

Twitter twerps can follow us at twitter.com/exiledonline

13 Comments

Add your own

1. Sylocat | January 15th, 2013 at 3:26 pm
American cinema is dying AGAIN? How many lives does that thing have, anyway?
2. Strangefate | January 15th, 2013 at 3:52 pm
Does this contain new hate or just polished up revisions of previous rants? New hate is a big selling point. Most of us can never get enough of it, particularly the potent highly concentrated vintage Eileen brews.
3. Cum | January 16th, 2013 at 4:25 pm
Eileen is always there to teach me that my distaste could be so much more sophisticated.
4. The Gubbler | January 17th, 2013 at 1:09 am
I approve
5. Робе Презервативов | January 18th, 2013 at 12:18 am
Кто, черт возьми дает дерьмо?
6. don | January 19th, 2013 at 2:04 am
This from the critic that thinks Pirates of the Caribbean is good cinema. Slapping down your typical blockbuster is slapping down straw men. Meanwhile, their remains good film in the US if you are willing to forgo the garbage aimed at the top of the bell curve.
7. Figaro | January 21st, 2013 at 6:49 am
Congratulations for admitting they’re rants…as if you had any other choice.
8. dipwad | January 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 pm
I spent this past Christmas watching Jennifer Aniston romantic comedies!
9. Eric Cantor | January 23rd, 2013 at 12:39 pm
“Eileen Jones taught me that geeky Jews could be obnoxious, fetus-sucking neo-fascist Americans who root for Der Arhnold, too!”
—Eric Cantor, Quisling
10. Directm | January 23rd, 2013 at 9:17 pm
Do you sell the book in other formats? I would like to buy your book but I’m not going to buy a Kindle in order to read it.
11. korman643 | January 27th, 2013 at 9:41 pm
For all those who are complaining that they would really love to read Eileen’s GREAT book, but they don’t want to buy Kindle:
All Kindle format book can be read on your PC or on any Android device using the FREE Kindle reader downloadable from Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000426311
Jeez, you need to be told everything, don’t you?
12. Ames Signal | February 1st, 2013 at 10:17 am
http://news.yahoo.com/law-firm-phoenix-lawyer-dies-shooting-wounds-151919021.html
Calling Mark Ames, calling Mark Ames. There’s been another workplace shooting but the American media is too incompetent to report on it accurately. We need the Markman because we’re too helpless without him!
13. ewtrew | February 1st, 2013 at 3:09 pm
There’s Kindle for PC. You read it on your pc.