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Health & Lifestyle / October 1, 2009
By Jack Reynolds


Michael Jackson Died Healthy. Drugs Are Good For You.

That’s what I learned when I checked out the Drudge Report today. AP News broke the story, but since Drudge simply cannot help himself, he linked to the same story over at his conservative butt-buddy’s site, Breitbart.

Check out the first two paragraphs. Clearly, the reporter, Thomas Watkins, knows the juxtaposition of Jackson’s gross exterior condition with his healthy, robust innards is the hook for his article, but maybe – just maybe – he’s a drug sympathizer sneaking into mainstream media the suggestion that most people are fucking clueless about the effects of drug use:

LOS ANGELES (AP) – Michael Jackson‘s arms were covered with punctures, his face and neck were scarred and he had tattooed eyebrows and lips, but he wasn’t the sickly skeleton of a man portrayed by tabloids, according to his autopsy report obtained by The Associated Press.In fact, the Los Angeles County coroner’s report shows Jackson was a fairly healthy 50-year-old before he died of an overdose. His 136 pounds were in the acceptable range for a 5-foot-9 man. His heart was strong with no sign of plaque buildup. And his kidneys and most other major organs were normal.

Sure, Michael Jackson died of an overdose. He was an incredible drug addict. The burdens of being a bubble-dwelling, deified, millionaire pervert gave him chronic insomnia, and drove him to propofol, which is used almost exclusively to put patients out before surgeries. It was an absurd and dangerous addiction. But the main thing is this: his organs were healthy as a colt’s. If he had gotten off the propofol and gotten himself some addiction therapy, he might have been able to lead a more reasonable life. Not that any of his craven entourage wanted that for him. And not that such a life would have felt any better, or even been any better–but again, that was his freakish choice, not the State’s.

Like Ames wrote before me, “People do drugs because they’re fun. It’s no different from alcohol or roller coasters, except that drugs are A LOT BETTER.” And, apparently, even severe drug abuse can and often is harmless on the body. Get that?  We could all be having a lot of fun right now – A LOT OF FUN – and worry a lot less about the evils of drugs. You can drink two bottles of wine and take five tylenol and die agonizingly of liver failure. But fucking pot is illegal. Why the hell don’t more people talk about the positive effects of drug use? How long would Michael Jackson have wanted to live and write songs if it wasn’t for his beloved drugs?

This is part of why much of the world gapes at America in psychological horror. We’re in a severe economic recession, facing the prospect of a decade of stagflation, our private health insurers are clearly profiting from our illness, and as of 2005, 10% of our population are prescribed antidepressants. And we can’t even have a healthy discussion about legalizing and taxing pot. Do you think we’d have as much depression, stress, pessimism, and general feelings of being fucked if we could smoke pot after work, take the occasional opiate on the weekends, or pop an amphetamine on a busy work day?

I live in severely Far White suburban Houston, a city that hates pot but hardly does anything about the hundred or more “massage parlors” that are really brothels. The neighborhoods around here have man-made ponds and huge lawns. There are very few brown or black people. And a local massage parlor, a few blocks away from a couple churches and a goddamn elementary school, has to advertise that it offers “Only Massage,” because men go there expecting handjobs. I live in this broken city, and I would be shunned by some of my friends if they knew I smoke pot. And of those friends, some of them probably would be okay with me paying for a handjob. “Pot should be illegal, but your body is your own business, so sell it if you want.” How did this city come to this? Why isn’t America getting saner?

Anyways, let’s thank Tom Watkins. Whether intentionally or not, he’s fighting the good fight. The good fight for human truth in America. And the good fight for drugs and fun.

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  • 1. Antonio Garcia  |  October 1st, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    I’m kind of glad Micheal Jackson died i was not his biggest fan

  • 2. Jack Reynolds  |  October 1st, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    I wonder if Ames’s readers think his ego is so out of control that he’s quoting himself behind a pseudonym.

  • 3. chrisv  |  October 1st, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Oh give me a break. There is a big difference between looking healthy and being healthy. All that the autopsy said is that his organs looked healthy. They could not say whether they actually were.

    MJ was rich had a good diet, lived in an expensive neighborhood that is free of pollutants and exercised a to keep up his dancing skills. That is pretty much all that is required to have healthy looking organs.

    Of course the autopsy could not possibly say that his brain is healthy. We do not know nearly enough about the brain to be able to differentiate a healthy brain from an internally damaged one.

    But if you actually read about Jacksons statements and actions in the last 20 years, you will realize his brain was definitely not healthy. He was out of touch with reality unable to perform any reasoning, probably living in some fantasy word, at the complete mercy of his handlers, etc.

    And why did he need an incredibly powerful and dangerous intravenous drug just to be able to sleep at night? Because of the burdens of being a millionaire pervert? Why would that interfere with his sleep? On the contrary, being a pervert should be rather exhausting. And being a multi-millionaire should allow him to sleep whenever he feels tired. Would you consider the much more obvious and more likely hypothesis that he could not sleep because of other drugs? So he got hooked on the dangerous drug that killed him because he was already hooked on other drugs that have destroyed his ability to sleep.

    I love the exile because it cuts through a lot of lies and self-delusions the media loves to reinforce. But unfortunately, you have fallen victims to one of the biggest and most vicious self delusions out there — that of the junkie. The junkie can stop anytime he wants, drugs are not that bad after all, they are actually healthy, blah blah blah. It is a pretty bad one because the truth is hard to admit — that you cannot stop that drugs will kill you and before they kill you they will take over every facet of your personality so while before you were an interesting intelligent person with lots ideas and dreams, etc. in the end you are nothing but a junkie.

  • 4. mechagodzilla  |  October 1st, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    “school lockdowns are educational” erroneously links here.

  • 5. Allen  |  October 1st, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    Adds by google suggests:

    Drug Abuse
    Drug Abuse sites Save on Drug Abuse


  • 6. buzz kimball  |  October 1st, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    who gives a fuck about a dead old fag… where are the pics of Latoya’s snapper ?

  • 7. sharpie  |  October 1st, 2009 at 9:29 pm


    Pot isn’t addictive. At least no more than cheeseburgers. And if someone is too weak-minded to stop buying it, it’s their business and their body. That goes for drugs and prostitution.

  • 8. aleke  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 am

    As far as addiction goes, it’s actually an extremely complicated issue that is very mysterious. There’s an excellent article that’s highly informative on addiction. But of course we live in a backwards, corporatist-feudal society, so I don’t know how many Americans will read it.

    Speaking of our shitty society, Houston is its future! I lived in that goddamn shithole for twelve years, and it’s straight out of a Philip K Dick novel. Must be what LA would look like if it was an enormous plantation.

    it’s simply a dystopic police state.

  • 9. Dr. Luny  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 6:18 am

    The ad on this page says:

    Get the straight facts

    Somehow I doubt the website’s integrity.

    And I’m glad Michael Jackson died, I just wish he didn’t get a month-long 24/7 cable news eulogy. Knowing that souless idiots will feign sadness about your death and admiration for your life to distract America from being ass-raped is the kind of thing that would keep me up at night.

  • 10. LIExpressway  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 am

    chrisv I’ve never known a healthy mind.

  • 11. Homer Erotic  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Crystal Methamphetamine is almost certainly very destructive to the body, but among popular drugs, it is unique in that it is made from many very noxious synthetic chemicals. Just sayin’.

  • 12. DarthFurious  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Calling Houston a dystopic police state is an insult to dystopic police states everywhere. And personal freedom must include the right to destroy one’s self.

    “You MUST continue. You MUST go on.”

    What’s more tyrannical than that?

  • 13. Butohara  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Given the alternative, I’d prefer folks do Jack Daniels and pot rather than a cocktail of anti-depressants. However, failing to get to the root of WHY someone is feeling depressed or not at cause at life is the true issue. But if you like Jack Daniels, I’m OK with that, just sit at home and do it, don’t drive.
    As for the organs–they didn’t report on all of them. Didn’t talk about the brain, colon, pancreas, gall bladder, etc. There are a lot of places where things can go wrong. Also, I don’t think MJ was 136 lbs at his death. I’m 5’8″ and at 150 lbs, I look a lot more substantial than he did.

  • 14. Fu Manchu  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    aleke —

    Let’s be fair. What PKD novel truly resembles Houston?

    (Although when I imagine the 120 degree days, vis a vis Ubik, I think of Houston).

    The only PKD book I wake up having bad dreams from is Man in the High Castle — but that was a west coast book.

    And when I threw the I Ching sticks they revealed “inner truth” — the Nazis really did win the war. No wonder PKD, like Hunter S Thomas, couldn’t stand living until today.

  • 15. sharpie  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm


    The foundation for a Drug Free World is a Scientology front

  • 16. thuggin  |  October 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    c’mon guyz. drugs are more than just fun, they’re medication. fellin’ down? how ’bout a couple shots? feelin’ REAL down? how ’bout an oxy, a few headz, or even a shotty of H. (CAREFUL, opiates are physically addictive!) Oh yea, here’s some vicodin for your broken arm.

  • 17. gatorade  |  October 3rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    Cia killed mj to keep the media from talking about the wars

  • 18. yadb  |  October 3rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    Freedom is important. My grandfather agreed too.

    In my hometown in India, I saw him sit in front of our house, which is right on the intersection of 2 main streets, and thrice a week, smoke a local wildly grown wicked strong version of marijuana. He did this for about 40 years until he died at 101 years. Pure old age.

    Yes, nobody (Police, who?) ever bothered to ask where he got it or why he was doing that. He enjoyed it.

  • 19. Ilona  |  October 11th, 2009 at 11:19 am

    Healhty as USA.

  • 20. w  |  October 19th, 2009 at 4:09 pm

  • 21. Alex_C  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    All this article tells me is, DANCING is good for you!

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