Issue #11/66, June 3 - 17, 1999  

Even if those of us eXile folks who have done time in San Francisco area are still waiting for the elusive $4 Mission District burrito to arrive in Moscow, the local Mexican eats scene just got a whole lot tastier. After spending months in semi-hibernation on the old Arbat under the unimaginative name Jose's, the recently rechristened Pancho Villa is finally open for real.

The presentation may sometimes lean more toward Beavis and Butt-head than SF Bay Area, but that's not exactly a jeer--and even if it were you wouldn't hear me throwing it around disparagingly. To be fair, the only strongly B&B item is the nachos, which comes with a multiplexy cheese sauce rather than the real thing. Given the price (175R) and overall quality otherwise (excellent), however, you'd be a twit to complain. On the other hand, the soups make an even better starter. The classic bean number is thick, creamy, and a mere 75R, while the only slightly more-expensive meatball with pesto concoction practically qualifies as some gourmet shit. I suppose you could also have a quesadilla (175R), ceviche (200R), or taco salad (150R), but we didn't bother.

As a concession to the old reviewing duties, we gave the Mexican assorted meats (450R) a whirl. The portion was massive and the meat was tasty, but frankly this sort of thing just ain't our bag, baby. We wanted burritos (175R) and enchiladas (125-150R), and that's what we got. Either is enough to satisfy the biggest of appetites, but if you're having trouble choosing between the two definitely go for the burrito. (One word of warning: rice and refried beans have to be ordered separately--50 and 40R, respectively.) There are tons of fancier entrees available (450R grilled shrimps and 625R paella, for example), but you'll just have to see what those are about for yourself.

When it comes to dessert, I have but three words of advice: eat the fucking cheesecake (100R). If you don't think it's delicious--well, you're just plain wrong is all. If you're lactose intolerant or something, I suppose you could always do the chocolate tort, which is also pretty damn good. The coffee--prepared in the Turkish style, but laced with all sorts of exotic spices--is enough to remind you why you started drinking coffee in the first place.

Those Mexican fans who are more into the booze than the food are in for a treat as well. Pancho Villa must be the only place in town that has blue agave tequila (150R per shot). For the uninitiated, this silky smooth intoxicator is to regular tequila roughly what small batch bourbon whiskey is to Ballantine's Finest. And if that doesn't mean anything to you, then you've got no business getting drunk in the first place. Not surprisingly, the margaritas (150R), both classico and frozen, are outstanding. This must have been the only time I've ever had a strawberry margarita where you could taste the tequila. The house wine is some decent Spanish that's cheap as hell (63R per glass, 275R per liter).

The gaudy basement interior is tastefully done, as far as these places go, but for now anyway the sidewalk seating is where it's at--a terrific place to slut-watch as the sun goes down. And howzabout that Mariachi band? Those Cuban dudes actually know how to play their axes without grating or annoying. A truly rare delight, and one which I urge you to enjoy.

The service can be a bit spotty--one of my six or so margaritas was the wrong kind--but personally I think our Minister of Information Dima Shalya was going too far when he called it "khuyovoye." What else is there to say? This place rocks, folks. See ya there... I'll be the smiling Semite who keeps falling out of his chair.

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