Issue #26/51, November 5 - 18, 1998  

low-yield murder	"skull-brain trauma"	podyezd	really stupid criminal	children	Russian Sports Connection	murder-suicide
cries for help ignored	"investigation continuing"	carved up like a turkey	related to victim's job	cannibalism	riddled with bullets	old people

Pedz R Rus!

Following hot on the heels of our "Hungry Schmuck" pedophile piece in the last death porn, it seems that fondling young'uns has become the "in" thing for crisis-era Russian whackos, reaching up into the highest echelons of power. So let's take a break from our usual blood 'n guts stuff, and see what's happening out there in the world of hairy, drunken, smelly maniacs and their teething prey.

When you read articles about lowlife peds such as the creep in the last issue, the first thing you think to yourself is, hey, where're the Powers That Be when all this monkey business is going on? If you're talking about a certain 34-year-old deputy head of the Army Recruitment Center for Moscow's Cheryomushinsky district, then the answer is... you're raping 12-year-old girls. Well duh!

The medieval tryst unfolded like this. At 5pm on November 14th of last year, the unnamed defendant stumbled out of the recruitment center drunk as a skunk, according to Moskovsky Komsomolets. Just outside the building, he set his eyes upon a passing 12-year-old, and the rest, as they say, is history.

"If things don't work out with this thin, charred, bloodied ass...there's always that fat, charred ,bloodied over to my right!"

And here's the historia. She entered her podyezd on Ulitsa Kedrova, and the lieutenant-colonel followed her inside. He got in the elevator with her, threw her to the floor, but, because he was so tanked, couldn't achieve woodrow-ness, which left him stunned and humiliated, but still very amorous. He forced the girl out to the courtyard and into a metal garage, where he threw her on the floor again. This time he ripped off her jeans and panties... but still couldn't get his johnson to stand at attention and salute.

By now, his feelings for the girl had grown... or else he just feared being made fun of by the guys for not being able to get it up. So he led her back to his Ulitsa Abramtsevskaya apartment by taking that most stealthy of routes: the metro!

While on the metro, she begged the recruitment officer not to recruit her for another round of smelly limp sex, but neither he, nor the hundreds of passengers, would respond. When he finally got her back to his place, his pride and manhood were duly restored after successfully raping the pre-pubescent twice, once in the normal way, and once, as MK euphemistically put it, "in a perverted fashion." After that, he let her go, threatening to kill her if she told her parents.

Which she nevertheless did, and so the man was recently sentenced to 10 years hard labor-which, in the parlance of our times, means 10 years of being tied down to a prison bed and getting raped "in a perverted way." Nice to know there's some justice out there. Worst of all, he's even been stripped of the ranking "lieutenant-colonel." Oo, that's gotta hurt!

If lieutenant-colonels can't set a decent example, you'd think that at least the fellas in the Yeltsin Administration would be able to. Think again. This time, an unnamed consultant/official from the Presidential Administration got busted for banging a 14-year-old orphan... boy. It all started late last year when the official began making regular visits to Orphanage No. 8 on Ulitsa Novozavodkaya, the same locale where an earlier ped, the infamous Konstantinov, trawled for peach-fuzz.

The President's man was smooth, first inviting the boy over to his apartment "to lay the groundwork," as the MK article wrote. Shortly thereafter, he raped the boy, forcing him to give him a helmet scrub, and not long afterwards, their trysts started taking place in the little boys' room at the orphanage. Geez, what is it with gays and toilets, huh? Maybe we oughtta ask George Michael.

The affair lasted from late '97 until April of this year, when someone caught the President's man humping the little Oliver Twist in the toilet. A few days later, the civil servant was arrested. Police searched his apartment and found that he'd been making vids of himself boning boys. Since he's one of the President's men, he's been declared... temporarily insane, and therefore, not guilty. His punishment? A few hours a day on the shrink's couch. As for the boy, he has allegedly suffered very REAL insanity ever since. But hey, he's just an orphan, you know!

Kill Your Son Before He Kills You

Okay, so maybe there's a good reason why all this ill-treatment of children is picking up steam in the late Yeltsin era. Maybe it's because, well, if you don't fondle a child, you run the risk of getting killed by one.

Take the example of Seryozhka Sorokin, 16-year-old, pimply-faced, air-jammin', power-ballad-happy adolescent from Novosibirsk oblast in Siberia. According to the most recent issue of Kriminalnaya Khronika, Seryozha had a problem that's fairly typical for kids his age. Basically, his father was a reasonably successful businessman, and so naturally, his son wanted to kill him and take it all for himself. Seryozha looked at everything his family had-a house, a car, a savings account-and saw opportunity. Like many an eXhole, he just wanted to have a pad of his own in which to shag the local dyevs, a car to himself to cruise the oblast in, and E-Z money to blow. To make matters worse, his parents were nags. They tried to convince him to be patient about his inheritance, and to study hard and get good grades.

But Seryozha hated school more than anything. So he decided to kill two birds with one stone-or rather, with two dim-witted accomplices.

"Show this picture to the white girls and they'll go crazy, man!"

He convinced the school janitor, a certain Mr. Shakhmatov, to ice his parents, "with very little effort" according to the article. Seryozha promised that in return for murdering them, he'd give Shakmatov all the dollars that could be found in the apartment after the murder. Shakhmatov gave the deal two mops-up, but only on the condition that he could bring some backup in the form of a Ms. Yepanchintseva, a near-relation of his. Again, to quote, "They didn't have to wait long to get Yepanchintseva to agree."

So one snowy night this past February, the plan went into effect. They stopped by the house while the parents were home. Seryozha invited them in, and the fun began. Seryozha's mother was knifed to death almost immediately. He asked the janitor to move mommy's corpse to the bathtub, since, as he was quoted as saying, "I can't stand looking at that." When it came to pop's turn, things went a little haywire. Even after 20 stabbings, the old man didn't give up the ghost. Seryozha at this point took matters into his own hand. He snagged a mallet, and smashed his father's head in, finishing the deal.

Now it was jackpot time, right? Aces high! Triple Sevens! Er, not exactly. Actually, they couldn't find a single dollar bill in the house. Meaning that the hired killers were merely hired suckers. The only thing Seryozh could muster up was 3,000 rubles found in his old man's pocket. That was it.

As usual with really stupid criminals, Seryozh got busted. After a rigorous psychiatric exam, he was charged with the murders, along with the janitors.

If you're looking for the "human element" to this story, here goes. During the investigation, Seryozh asked investigators to give him his mother's gold chain as a memory-not to pawn. When he was handed it, he didn't squirt a single lonely tear. However, when the sentence was read, Seryozh suddenly became human and burst out crying. If that ain't proof of the power of redemption, folks, then we don't know what is!