Hey, U!

Ever found yourself stuck in a logic logjam? Has reason let U down yet again? Are U intellectually and physically incapable of getting ahead in this world? Welp, fret no more, folks. So long as U aren't a straight white male, then stand back! 'Cuz the eXile Bros. have got the answer for U!

Introducing our "Get Out Of Argument Free" cards! They'll zap logic and reason at their very source! Watch your opponents squirm in agony. They're simple to use, safe, and they work every time! Just claim tragedies--suffered by others who just happened to be of the same race, religion, sex or sexual orientation as U--as your own personal tragedy, and watch your opponents melt in the face of an un-beat-able counter-argument! It works every time!

So if you are:

• a Jew trying to emigrate to the United States in the hope of making more money, and you don't want to stand in line with every other potential immigrant-schmuck
• an African-American trying to wrangle a bank loan and are sick and tired of hearing about your past credit problems and lack of stable income
• a womyn who really wants that management promotion in your corporation, but find yourself competing against a white male colleague who has a far better track record than yours
• a gay writer upset that no major publisher will accept your half-completed novel-in-verse

Then stop arguin' on their rational terms, and Zap Em good with your new "Get Out Of Argument Free" card. Mr. Jewish Man, sir, don't argue about the nitty-gritty details of economics and stuff. Just play your "Auschwitz" card, and no embassy official will dare argue back! Mr. African-American, sir, next time you go to see your banker, answer his query about your credit history with a "Slavery" card, and watch those loan papers get signed before your very eyes! Ms. Womyn, Ma'am, don't let yourself be evaluated like every other phallologocentric jerk... play the "glass ceiling" card, along with a "7 million womyn burned as witches" and "rape" card, and your Alpha Male bosses will soon give U your very own office... with a view! Mr. Gay Man, Ma'am, stop trying to argue about whether a half-completed novel-in-verse warrants a $50,000 advance. Play the "AIDS" card and start organizing your gay boycott of the publisher of your choice! It's that E-Z!!!