Eurogamer

“This game is the second coming. The actual second coming.”

These must be the words of a fan. A real critic would never drop his pants for a game like this. Right?

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Kikizo.com:

“This is a multiple-orgasm of fighting game character line-ups, like never seen before.”

Whoever this guy is, when he says he’s never seen a multiple orgasm like the one contained in Street Fighter 4’s character line-up, I believe him!

But my credulity has its limits:

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x360 Magazine:

“You may find it hard to believe, but Street Fighter IV was a very risky project for Capcom.”

Indeed, that is impossible to believe. The next entry is impossible NOT to believe:

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Darkzero:

“The good news is that SFIV feels very good to play, and although this is a weird assertion to make, it feels very Street Fighter.”

Street Fighter IV feels very Street Fightery, eh? Kind of like the way water tastes wet, and fire tastes like burning? This is too true! Please, someone lie to me!

—

MEGamers.com:

“With an artistic look and an intense 3D-like graphics, SF4 still manages to maintain it’s 2D style gameplay, which is new, as well as classic for fighting games.”

Sort of the same way this line is new, and yet the bullshit it represents is as old as time (“Grogg never see such cave buffalo. It more real than real!”).

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Planet Xbox 360:

“The complexities of the fighting systems are incredible to take in.”

The Comic Book Guy couldn’t have said it better himself. But are these the words of a dedicated writer, or a nerdgasming fanboy?

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Official Xbox Magazine:

“The only major disappointment is final boss Seth. Given how imaginative the rest of the crew are, going toe-to-toe with a bald, blue baddie that bears more than a passing resemblance to Bioshock’s Fontaine feels like something of an anticlimax.”

Okay, this definitely isn’t from a fan, but I had to make fun of it anyway. Why? Because Seth is pure climax. During his super move, he sucks you into his body, and then ejaculates you onto the screen with a splat! And it kills you! What is more climactic than that?

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Gamespy:

“It’s not the obtuse canvas for virtuosity that Street Fighter III was.”

Then again, Street Fighter III wasn’t the lethal dirty sanchez that Street Fighter IV is. This has “Pretentious video game critic” written all over its face…in poop.

—

So, do you think you know? Or are you overwhelmed by the possibility that any of these people could be paid to think critically?

Well whelm no longer, for the fanboy quote is the first entry. Yeah, the guy who compared Street Fighter IV to the Rapture is not paid to tell people which video games to buy. Every other line comes from someone who is.

Well, I am Street Fightered out. I hope you enjoyed this brief glimpse at Street Fighter 4 (2) and its critics (fans).

Until we meet again, HADOUKEN!

Read more: hadouken, street fighter iv, Video Games, Joe Dodson, Entertainment, Video Games

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