Vanity Fair profiles The eXile: "Gutsy...visceral...serious journalism...abusive, defamatory...poignant...paranoid...and right!"
MSNBC: Mark Ames and Yasha Levine
Broke the Koch Brothers' Takeover of America
movies / May 30, 2011
By Eileen Jones

Finally got around to seeing 13 Assassins—couldn’t face any of the new film releases this week—and I can’t tell you how soothing it is. It’s a reverent throwback to the great 1950s-’60s Japanese samurai films, and it’s done in neutral shades of gray and white and tan and black. Other than the copious blood spray, of course, which stands out beautifully red against the muted palette. Oh, it’s lovely, lovely!

And Takeshi Miike, that guy can direct. Nothing so relaxing as going to a movie and seeing in the first couple of shots that you’re in good hands, no need to keep tensing up over the fumbling and foozling of some unskilled bastard with the cinematic sensibility of a stoat. No, you can just sit back and let it roll through you like a pleasant dream.

This is not to say that the movie’s as good as the great 1950s-’60s Japanese samurai films. It couldn’t be; pretty much nothing is. But it’s remarkably good considering it’s a contemporary film made by contemporary people, and as everyone knows, we’re horrible. We don’t do quiet seriousness well, and that’s the key to the proper Japanese samurai film. The divinest moment of any such classic film is two samurai masters facing each other, standing stock-still, swords raised, for what seems like a solid minute, waiting to strike the lethal blow. Generally just one blow, then one samurai master drops, and the fight’s over.


(Our classic Westerns used to have a lot of such moments. Gunfights, the high-noon confrontations between hero and villain, were largely devoted to admiring the cool stances of the gunfighters as they stood waiting to draw. It’s tough slogging showing old Westerns to young audiences these days—they are generally bored stiff by them.)

Critics are marveling that Takeshi Miike has segued into staid classicism with 13 Assassins, as well as the upcoming remake of Hara-Kiri, a must-see in 3-D, and highly-creative use of 3-D it is, so they say. Miike is famous for his shock effects, as you know if you’ve seen Audition, which is his biggest hit in the Western world. (You know the one where the demure young lady tortures the middle-aged male suitor in creative ways involving piano wire. But the build-up to that famously grisly sequence is very long, quiet, and somber.) Miike’s done lots of different kinds of genre films, apparently—he works like a mule cranking out films, a real old school studio system director—but “extreme cinema,” as they call it, has put him on the map.

Personally, I’ve never been into “extreme cinema” as a category. As soon as the label gets slapped on and filmmakers start trying to live up to it, the films tends to lose their impact and get stupid fast. But in the right context, when a shock effect can really shock, then it can be commendable. Miike gives us a severe jolt in 13 Assassins when, at the climax of a scene that has proceeded in a stately, reserved manner, a girl who’s been raped, tortured, and mutilated is suddenly displayed. It’s not often anymore that a jaded filmgoer is tempted to yell “YAH!” in horror, but when the girl is revealed, writhing slightly to keep her balance because her arms and legs have been chopped off, well…YAH!

13 Assassins is a remake of an old 1963 film, and concerns a last hurrah of the samurai in the mid-19th century toward the end of the Edo era. The corrupt shogunate is allowing the shogun’s half-brother, Lord Naritsugu (played by pop singer Goro Inagaki as a baby-faced Caligula) to pursue a personal reign of terror, raping and killing so indiscriminately he inspires an act of hara-kiri in protest, by a member of the ruling class. The seppuku is the film’s opening scene, lovingly shot.

A secret assassination of Lord Naritsugu is commissioned, and the job falls to Shinzaemon (Koji Yakusho), an aging samurai warrior who’s literally gone fishing, sitting out what has been, up to that point, a disastrously peaceful era for samurai. He laughs in grateful relief when he hears his commission:

“How fate smiles on me, a samurai in time of peace hoping for a noble death.”

So that’s Act I.

Act II is when Shinzaemon assembles those few worthy samurai he can dredge up, in a sequence that’s a swifter version of the one in Akira Kurosawa’s legendary Seven Samurai, sketching in the various characters of the twelve other assassins, illustrating the effect of the long fallow period on samurai in a world that no longer values them. They plan to intercept Lord Naritsugu and his 70 guards in a rural village that they buy out and rig up as a death trap. However, Shinzaemon’s true opponent is the head of Lord Naritsugu’s retinue, Hanbei (Masachika Ichimura), Shinzaemon’s former rival in the old samurai training days, who represents the ancient fealty of the samurai in his unquestioning devotion to his master, no matter how despicable his master might be. Hanbei anticipates Shinzaemon’s attack and fortifies his lord with 200 guards.

Act III is the battle scene, approximately 45-minutes long, involving attacks of arrows, spears, rocks, explosives as well as swords. It has some excellent interludes, but I confess I was a little disappointed in it overall. Miike keeps inviting comparisons to Seven Samurai, so no matter how you try to resist, you can’t help thinking how perfectly Kurosawa brought off his epic final battle scene, how clearly drawn each of the samurai characters were, how wrenching each of their deaths, how distinct and precise each phase of the battle was even in the confusion of lashing rainstorm, rushing movement, plunging horses.

Miike’s battle looks like a mess, though of course, that’s how he wants it to look. He’s headed into the weighty territory required of ’50s-’60s samurai films, that of questioning the worth and significance of the mission, of warfare, of the samurai code, of samurai themselves. I always have a hard time with this part, though I realize it’s necessary to the form. Samurai culture is critiqued, in Miike’s film, through a feral young mountain man Koyata (Yusuke Iseya) who becomes the unlikely thirteenth assassin and carelessly declares, “Your samurai brawls are crazy fun!” (He’s the obvious counterpart to the Toshiro Mifune’s character in Seven Samurai.)

Koyata fights with an uncannily accurate slingshot, plus tree branches or anything else lying around. But because he’s so effective a fighter, he begins to lose respect for the samurai, declaring them useless. He advocates a goofy, earthy, life-loving, duty-free philosophy that clearly represents the attitudes of the encroaching modern era, which gains credence as he is one of only two assassins to survive the battle. If he fights just as well with rocks and branches as samurai fight with swords, and has a much jollier outlook, who’d want to be a samurai?

Then, on top of that, the vile Lord Naritsugu becomes the advocate for samurai warfare. After witnessing most of the battle while being protected by his men, so that he doesn’t even have a spot on his satiny white robe, he is so impressed he intends to use his power to re-establish “an age of warfare.” The surviving samurai, covered in blood and mire, are appalled by his approval.


This is supposed to grind you right where it hurts. Like Lord Naritsugu, you too are just looking on unspotted and admiring, and it seems like this film is trying to teach you a lesson about how war is hell, and nothing but hell, and hell is to be avoided at all costs. And samurai films don’t generally drop into oversimplifications like that.

So I was getting pretty nervous about the ending of 13 Assassins. (Belated spoiler alert: if you don’t want to know how it ends, good-bye for now.) In the last scene, after the battle is won, one of the two surviving assassins, now a trudging mass of dirt and sweat and dried blood, is so devastated by the carnage, he’s about to throw away his sword. The movie seems to be steaming dangerously toward an outright rejection of all things samurai, a sort of equivalent to High Noon, featuring Western hero Gary Cooper dropping his sheriff’s badge contemptuously in the dirt at the end.

And I thought, if that’s really the end, if he drops that sword, if that sword hits the ground, I will do damage…! But then, though he swings his arm to fling it away, the sword stays in his hand, as if it were glued there. He trudges on, sword-wielding and conflicted, as is proper.

Nice save, Takeshi Miike!



Read more: , , , , , , , Eileen Jones, movies

Got something to say to us? Then send us a letter.

Want us to stick around? Donate to The eXiled.

Twitter twerps can follow us at


Add your own

  • 1. Duarte Guerreiro  |  May 30th, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Ah! I knew it was only a matter of time until you reviewed 13 Assassins. You’re so right about the sets. Those dark wood buildings contrasted with the white paper and mats, filmed so lovingly. Just that made half the film.

    I was kind of disappointed with the Big Bad, though. He is so way out there in evilness he needed a cape, top hat and monocle. I liked his crazy aesthetic and nihilistic Japanese motivation for sending everyone into the grinder (“I’m bored of life, show me the world in all its extremes!”) but that could have been handled better. His final scene, all covered in mud and shit felt especially contrived, in a Disney way of showing that crime doesn’t pay.

    The battle was the worst. Too long and confusing, all you ever see are katanas doing swish and swoosh and dudes that all look like repurposed Toyota salesmen doing dramatic death pirouettes. There is no tactical sense whatsoever of what is going on and what the plan is, which is a shame because if Kurosawa could do it, the least you can do is shamelessly copy him in that ancestor worship way the Japanese are so good at.

    Also, why put in 13 assassins if half of them are just red-shirts who are there to die first? About half a dozen of those guys are memorable, the rest was unnecessary.

    But I nitpick because I love. Not a classic, but it sure brings you back to better films for a few days.

  • 2. jimmyj  |  May 30th, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    A little late for the spoiler alert, no?

  • 3. Art School Faggot  |  May 31st, 2011 at 3:35 am

    Yep, one of Miike’s best since Graveyard of Honor.

    By the way, sort of unrelated but did you happen to catch Winter’s Bone? Because hoooley shit.

  • 4. Visitor P  |  May 31st, 2011 at 4:58 am

    Thanks for the heads-up on this one!

    Miike’s movies are all over the place, but I’ve been a fan ever since I rather nervously checked out Ichi The Killer — only to discover that it was essentially a preposterous comedy.

    And man, does he ever keep cranking stuff out! That’s the way to do it. Go Takeshi!

  • 5. Gary Glitter  |  May 31st, 2011 at 12:16 pm

  • 6. WEBSHERIFF  |  June 1st, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Who You Gonna Call
    Tel +44(0)208-323 8013
    Fax +44(0)208-323 8080

    Hi Eileen & everyone,

    On behalf of Magnolia Pictures and the movie’s producers, many thanks for plugging “13 Assassins” … .. if you / your readers want good quality, non-pirated, previews, then the official trailer is available for fans and bloggers to post/ host / share etc at .. for further details of on-line promotions for this movie and Magnolia / Magnet releases generally, check-out and their official YouTube channel at

    Thanks again for your plug.



  • 7. Duarte Guerreiro  |  June 1st, 2011 at 9:49 am

    The only plugs here are you, RIAA butt plugs, that is.

    The WEB SHERIFF (all caps, serious business) douches allowed to comment on The Exiled?

    I reverently request the Exiled Editor does some research into these asshats, they are enemies of Internet freedom, and that makes them enemies of The Exiled, unless I’m missing something.

  • 8. darthfader  |  June 2nd, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Hahahaha, Christ, what the fuck is up with 6 getting through the filter

  • 9. darthfader  |  June 2nd, 2011 at 4:13 pm


    “Anyone who owns, exploits and administers copyrights, trademarks and brands generally is especially aware of the threat to the value of these buttplug assets posed by the websheriffbuttplug. Similarly, the privacy of celebrities and stars and their spikedbuttplugs is equally vulnerable to the power of the internet site

    “It was through the acute need and demand for the protection of on-line tights against informents and renal abuse, that Web Sheriff came into his buttplug. Web Sheriff is one of the few specialists on buttplug fungus, companies that operate on anuses infected with buttplug fungus in the field of internet wanking and has become a free-market-leader of Austrian economics through offering truly across-the-taint solutions, from on-line renal enforcement to high tech anti-buttplug fungus creams. As part of Web Sheriff’s buttplug activities on behalf of its clients, Web Sheriffbuttplug has taken bribes from web-sites from locations all over the globe, including China, Russia, Ukraine, Brazil and, obviously, the US and the UK.”

  • 10. Dolores del Rio  |  June 2nd, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    No es más que otro asesino, sino un assissin mujer real. –

    Deal with it.

  • 11. CB  |  June 3rd, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    So, my take-away is “If you want a great movie about Samurai at the end of the Samurai age… go watch Seven Samurai again”.

    Don’t mind if I do!

  • 12. DrunktankDan  |  June 3rd, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @11 Exactly what I was thinking. I whipped out my great criterion collection 7 Samurai and popped it in the Blue Ray with some Maguro Sashimi and a magnum of cheap sake. Goddamn what a film.

  • 13. Takeshi  |  June 4th, 2011 at 12:55 am

    “His final scene, all covered in mud and shit felt especially contrived, in a Disney way of showing that crime doesn’t pay.”

    Uhh, what? The whole thing about Disney villains is that you never see them die, because everything has to be sanitized for THE CHILDREN. Find a better example.

  • 14. yxc  |  June 4th, 2011 at 1:23 am

    Everything that idiot Tarantino wishes he was… and ISN’T! Great f-ing film…

  • 15. darthfader  |  June 5th, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    An ongoing battle in Yemen, for Gary:'a

  • 16. Dimitri Ratz  |  June 6th, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Seen it this Sunday at Berkeley, one of the very few cities where it’s playing in California. This movie has what Sucker Punch movie lacks, but it’s too bad the costumes left much to be desired, and it didn’t go deep enough into the characters.

  • 17. Koalaintheusa  |  August 20th, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    I feel you missed two points. 1) in the mountain bandit being a demon/mountain spirit

    2) when he tries to fling the sword, it is a symbol that you can’t flick blood off your sword like in so many modern assassin movies. The pain of war can’t be so easily removed.

    Fantastic movie and I agree with you overall

Leave a Comment

(Open to all. Comments can and will be censored at whim and without warning.)


Required, hidden

Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed