Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

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Dear eXiled: Why do birds sing?

Hamish

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The F/A-18 that crashed on to a Korean family’s house in Miramar yesterday had me remembering that movie Donnie Darko. That’s the one where the guy has to decide whether to let a jet engine fall on his bedroom or not, because he knows in advance it’s going to happen and he has the option of following an extra in a bunny suit out of the house or staying home to wait for Pratt & Whitney to drop in. It’s some shit about predestination vs. free will, and in the meantime you get a lot of overproduced 80s hair music, and between the religious part and the soundtrack of my rotten high school days, that movie got me down in a major way. As I recall, the hero decides to stay in bed and get crushed to death by the engine because it’ll save this cute girl’s life. Some kind of deep meaning crap. (more…)

The Recession Penis’ Blue Ball Syndrome

Today’s question comes from a reader named Tam. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

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Dear eXiled,

What’s the current state of the recession penis?  Presumably it’s getting fairly engorged these days.

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Last Friday, television network NBC announced that it was firing 500 people, or 3% of the workforce. Then today, on MSN (as in “MSNBC,” affiliated with NBC), an article appeared in which a cocky NBC employee, Stephen Lasher, brags like Chico Escuela that the recession been bery bery good to Stephen: (more…)

Today’s cry for help comes from a reader named Edwin. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

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Russian companies know that sex sells. They also have a ridiculous amount of hot chicks working in them. Putting tyolka and tyolka together, they had a light bulb marketing moment: “Let us not imprison our talent in offices and simply waste it on paper pushing (and the occasional extra-marital blow job). Let us be proud and show them off to the world.” The girls couldn’t be more pleased. In fact, everyone was pleased. And that’s the story of how every Russian company got to have their own “Girls of [Insert Company Name Here]” calendar series.

Today’s Russian Calendar Girl Collection comes from Corbina Telecom, a medium-sized Internet provider. This calender is a bit trashier than the previous two. But hey, who’s complaining. (more…)

Every day this week I’ve gone to the computer and googled the same question: “How many attackers Mumbai?” And I still haven’t gotten anything like a straight answer. Of course the official Indian story is “ten.” Right. Ten guys, kids by the look of them in the closed-circuit tv pictures, did all that? Well…that’s not actually impossible. I’m not one of these people that underestimate the bloodlust and craziness of ten teenagers with some basic training, a good plan, AKs with plenty of ammo, and heads full of cocaine’n’Quran. That’s a powerful cocktail, that cocaine/Quran mix. They’ll have to come up with a good street name for it, something like Mecca-chino. Keeps you awake and firing for two days straight.

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