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eXile Classic / September 29, 2010

Reader John M. sent us one of The eXile’s fabled “lost basement tapes”: our 1998 post-crisis Christmas charity song, “Send Them Crack” by “Bandit-Aid”: a giant fuck-you from all of us in Russia to the IMF, World Bank and all the corrupt “aid” donors who fucked Russia up so completely in the 1990s. Thanks John, we were pretty sure this song disappeared into the void, along with our memories of that era. For the uninitiated, you can now listen to an eXile classic number for the whole family. We put together a celebrity-studded Russian/expat crew to sing a charity song (roster and lyrics below) that’s a kind of love letter, circa 1998, from Russians/expats to America that says, “We’re really sorry that the USA’s capital city is so fucked up–here, here’s some crack, it’s on us, don’t mention it.” And to rub it in, we had the Russians sing “Send Them Crack” in intentionally mangled English–because that was our way of returning the thanks for all the stolen aid money in the 1990s. Below, we’re reprinting the lyrics along with the original press release that includes the cast of singers.

And now, behold the eXile’s 1998 Christmas Song! What a difference a decade makes, folks: O the irony!…

“Let Them Know It’s Christmas Time (Send Them Crack)”

By Bandit-Aid

It’s Christmas time, there’s reason to be afraid

At Christmas time, our banks are closed and we won’t get paid

But in our world of crisis we rejoice in misery

Cuz we’d rather be in Russia than DC

But say a prayer, pray for Americans

At Christmas time, they’re fat and they’re buying guns

Where a cop’s outside your window and he’s planting evidence

And the only blood that’s flowing can’t be used in your defense

And the AK shots that ring out mean your posse’s just been iced

Well tonight thank God there’s crack inside your pipe!

But there won’t be crack in Washington this Christmas time

The greatest gift is 20 years to life

(Oooh) Where there’s nothing left to steal

And they’ve got no rock to deal

Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?

(Here’s to you) Write to your gay congressman

(Hear him squeal) As he clutches his bleeding bum

Does he know it’s Christmas time at all?

Send them crack

Send them crack

Send them crack

Let them know it’s Christmas time again.

Send them crack

Let them know it’s Christmas time again.

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**ORIGINAL PRESS RELEASE: SAVE AMERICA’S CRACK HEADS**

Russian Celebrities, Moscow Expats Sing Christmas Charity Song For Washington DC

Recently, The United States announced that it was offering Russia a $600 million “food aid” package. This “food aid” package really touched the heartstrings of scores of Muscovites, who have banded together to follow this great example. What example is that? The example of sending a country exactly what it doesn’t need, and making them pay for it, then calling it all “aid.”

In the past week, several Russian celebrities and leading expatriate figures gathered together to form “Bandit-Aid”. Bandit Aid recorded a charity song last weekend for the poor, suffering masses of Washington DC-one of the West’s poorest, most crime-infested cities and, incidentally, the capital of America. The tune is based on the Band-Aid song “Let Them Know It’s Christmas Time (Feed The World).” The new improved Bandit-Aid version, meanwhile, is called “Let Them Know It’s Christmas Time (Send Them Crack).” As everyone knows, more crack is just about the last thing Washington needs-sort of like a $600 million loan, more corruption, and wasted food is the last thing Russia needs. And that’s exactly why we want to send crack to Washington.

Bandit-Aid will be holding a “Save America” Charity Party on Friday, December 4th, 9pm, at Mesto Vstrechi (“Meeting Point”), Maly Gnezdnikovsky pereulok, dom 9. All invitees must bring something quintessentially

Russian-Belomorkanal papirosy, novelty Matryoshka dolls depicting Clinton and Lewinsky, pickles, vodka, etc.-to be donated to Washington DC. The goods will then be hand-delivered by eXile editor Mark Ames when he visits

Washington DC next week.

The Bandit-Aid song “Send Them Crack” will be premiered on Serebranny Dozhd’ radio station on Friday morning, December 4th, during DJ Alexander

The Bandit-Aid song “Send Them Crack” will premiere on Serebranny Dozhd’ radio host Alexander Godron’s morning show this coming Friday, December 4, Gordon’s morning show (around 9am). A video to accompany “Send Them Crack”will be shot this coming weekend. All proceeds will in theory go to the “Save America” foundation–although in actual fact any money collected will mysteriously disappear in some brazenly corrupt manner involving Nauru, Michel Camdessus, and the Bank of New York.

Among the celebrities singing in their intentionally-bad English (just to annoy Americans) are:

* Tutta Larsen, MTV’s hippest VJ and lead singer of Thaivox;

* Delfin, Russia’s top alternative/hip-hop star, whose videos are regularly featured on MTV;

* Eduard Limonov, author, eXile columnist and leader of the National-Bolshevik Party;

* Alina Vitukhnovskaya, an internationally famous poet who was jailed for two years on trumped-up drug charges and was just acquitted and released in May after a vigorous campaign led by PEN, Helsinki Watch, and Amnesty International;

* Dasha Davydova of the rock group Pled;

* Mark Schleifer of Detsky Panadol;

* Assorted eXile eXholes, including eXile editors Mark Ames (doing Bob Dylan), Matt Taibbi (singing long-distance), and Krazy Kevin McKulik (as himself);

* Michael Bass, controversial entrepreneur/man-about-town;

* Nkem and Adik, our resident “African students”;

* Bobby Brown, CEO and Chairman of American Video and “go-to man” for Moscow expats;

* Mr. S. B. Karki, director of the Fanza restaurant

* “Toothless” Andrei + 1, the eXile’s resident Russian skinheads;

The backing track is a cheesy karaoke version of “Feed The World” downloaded from the internet as a MIDI file.

The song was recorded entirely at EOE Studios, produced by musician Nick Hodgkins (a British expatriate who produces electronic music), along with engineers DJ Notkin and DJ Mile, a pair of Zhukovksaya natives.

To contact Bandit-Aid or for more information, call Mark Ames, the eXile: 267-4159; 261-7146

Vlad Kousarev, the eXile: see above, or pager 974-6000, #213564

Alexei Sokolov, Director, Mesto Vstrechi restaurant: 229-2373

Alexei Vinogradov, Manager, Delfin: 122-8616; 790-4666 (mobile)

Michael Bass, Publisher, Metropolitan: 737-9393

Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal, and the co-author of The eXile: Sex, Drugs and Libel in the New Russia (Grove).

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8 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. MonkeyMouth  |  September 29th, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    ….and speaking of bad music, can you guys there at eXiled please replace that Alex Chilton is Dead thing off the top of your site. Its been there for like 457875years now……

  • 2. rick  |  September 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    http://exiledonline.com/moscow-babylon-break-a-leg/

    This is so fucking funny, in an unprecedented fucking way. “Mark Ames is a genius” is what you think, when you read the eXile book.

    Mencken was an idiot who made Ayn Rand feel smart, so I won’t ever mention Mencken’s name again.

  • 3. Mencken  |  September 29th, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Ayn Rand had no snapper. And those gopniki ‘singers’ on eXile’s cut can’t top the likes of Yogi Yorgesson, Harry Kari, Claude Hopper, and Klaus Hammerschmidt, studs all who in 1949 provided the snapperless Rand with her one and only orgasm by singing in a single voice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4uW2PT-190

  • 4. Anarchy 99 "Mr. Carbike"  |  September 30th, 2010 at 3:40 am

    “This song is dedicated to Jeffrey Sachs, the one I love …”

    May Harvard’s endowment shrink more times during scary Larry’s return.

  • 5. A-Lex  |  September 30th, 2010 at 6:01 am

    19-fucking-98…
    That’s the year I started reading the Exile.
    In a different lifetime, in a different kinda world.

  • 6. Wojak  |  October 4th, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    That feel when you have a far deeper understanding/appreciation for this song after hanging out on the slavic end of the net.

  • 7. Sven the Footballer  |  October 7th, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Awesome! I still work out in the gym wearing your Exile t-shirt that I got as payment for writing Viking Rage for you.

    What about Chechenz with Attitude? I was looking for it on the internet but didn’t find it.

  • 8. Chris Connolly  |  October 23rd, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Hey Ames, why can’t we buy some exile gear? Seems like a good way to earn some moola of your adoring, but tightfisted fans.


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