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(Articles sorted by the date they were added to The eXiled archives, not their original publish dates.)

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This article was first published in The eXile on February 10, 2000

So-called “Russian Liberal Intelligentsia” long time ago have excluded me from the world of literature. They are behaving like I am not existing, maybe dead, maybe never born. It is interesting phenomenon, the only one other such case that I know is case of Jean Genet.

When I established myself in Paris in 1980 I was surprised by total absence of that great writer from social and literary life of France. He wasn’t mentioned in newspapers, no literary critic would write an essay about Genet. I asked my editors and my friends about Genet, is he alive, is he in Paris? Nobody could say with precision that he is living in Paris. They say that according to some rumors he lives in some cheap hotel, populated by Arabs, somewhere near Montmartre. But I never succeeded in tracing him. Then he died, and suddenly every newspaper been talking about Genet, even bureaucrats of Ministry of Culture started to worship him. I remember that I wrote his obituary for French communist newspaper “Revolution”. Foreigner, I wrote about foreigner amongst the French. Later I understand that all fault of Genet was that he was not politically correct. He supported “Black Panthers”, he supported struggle of Palestinian people for its own state, and so on… He rejected silly mode of thinking of his time. So he was living like in quarantine barrack, like a dangerously sick person, isolated from the world.

I also live in my country isolated, as I am dangerously ill person. If I am mentioned in some context by journalist he always excusing himself adding something like, “Of course now Limonov turned bad, but…” My colleagues-writers are looking through me. Because I am presumably dead or never born, it’s easy for them to get their stupid “Booker” and “anti-Booker” prizes, to quarrel at literary cocktails who is number one in Russian literature, to seduce girls… [But it also well known, that the best girls are fucking bandits, businessmen and politicians. So, here I am superior to my colleagues-writers, because as a head of political organization I have better and younger girls than they have.]

It was only one man whose literary talent I have measured as big one, although different from mine and less original than mine: Joseph Brodsky. But Brodsky have died shortly after his readers died. His readers, that quiet Soviet men, have died somewhere between 1986 and 1991. So Brodsky wasn’t needed anymore, that is why he died. I feel little bit lonely because of his absence, I even wrote a poem about how am I lonely without him in the world. It goes like that:

Died even Brodsky, my antipode and rival.

Nobody is here to look at me.

I left alone.

So I am bored without Brodsky. As a politician I compete with Barkashov, but I guess I am winning that competition. In 1992 I have envied Zhirinovsky, but during these eight years Zhirinovsky steadily getting smaller and commonplacer (sorry for such English), that jerk is licking ass to the government. So Mark Ames wasn’t right when he wrote four or five years ago that Zhirinovsky is punkier than Limonov. No way, Mark, I am leader of eight thousand strong young revolutionary party, while Zhirinovsky is leader of 17 corrupted pot-bellied deputies of State Duma. My faction had it places in prisons, for the moment, 18 members of National Bolsheviks Party are behind the bars. Zhirinovsky is a jerk, point. I hope you now will agreed with me, Mark?

I always wanted to be a number one. But now, when I am number one, probably most interesting personality and of course most interesting writer of my country, now approaching 57, I am rather sad. Because I need the rival eyes watching me. Brodsky was a Master, we lived through complicated love-hate relationships. He didn’t like my book “It’s Me, Eddie“, but envied pages of “Diary of a Loser“. I envied his “Ode to Zhukov”. When in 1998 my “Anatomy of a Hero” came out I physically needed Brodsky to read that book. Or somebody like Brodsky. But he was lying in the soil of city of Venice. Why you left me, Joseph? By the way, we both wrote about Venice, my book, “The Death of Modern Heroes” is better than his classical delights about that rotten city-museum. He wasn’t very bright, Joseph, but he was a Master, he could appreciate, he could feel. It is rather rare occurrence, The Master, so who the fuck will read me?

Though, Korchinski will read me! Ukrainian poet, adventurer and soldier, Dmitro Korchinski was founder and leader of Ukrainian Nationalist Organization UNA-UNSO in 1990-97. I met him in April 1999 in Moscow, then last October some comrades from Kiev have sended me his book “Man in the Crowd“. Book is about wars and his party struggle, that is some philosophical reflections in it. I read it with a great pleasure, and understanding. Because it is a book of a free man, cynical and beautiful. Look, what he wrote about Transdniestr: “All of us, organizers and participants of that war made a great mistake. It was necessary to riot regions of Odessa and Moldova, to announce that Transdniestr is a land and refuge of Revolution. To our sorrow was materialized banal separatist idea.”

I agree with him. I took part in a war in Transdniestr. Sometimes he and I were on other sides of a same war as in Abkhazia. I participated in the battle for Shromi, where Ukrainians were fighting on Georgian side and Russians and Chechens on Abkhazian side. My enemy Korchinski will read me. If he will survive, because he is wanted by the Ukrainian authorities. Me also, from March 1996.

Posted on: May 24th, 2015 | Leave Comment

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War Nerd: Russia’s Other Great Victory

A map of Zhukov’s attack on Japan’s Imperial Army bears a strange resemblance to the inner jaws of those giant sandworms in Dune Everybody knows about the Fall of Berlin. You Russians will be out in the streets next week…

Posted on: May 4th, 2008 | Leave Comment

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The Medvedeva Woman

The Medvedeva woman was impossible as everybody knows. She was prone to bouts of drunkedness, fits of hysteria, you name it. She was awkward, did not know how to fit into society, she was ready to love or hate passionately at…

Posted on: April 14th, 2015 | Leave Comment

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Ukraine: The Gogolean Bordello

But there is not any “final” thing in politics, least of all in Ukrainian politics, or Eastern European politics in general. The keys to understanding today’s political landscape in Ukraine can be found not in the European Enlightenment philosophy of the 18th century, or the Russian political discourse of “slavophiles” vs. “westernizers” of the 19th century. Instead, one should reach back to the genius of the Ukrainian soul revealed some 150 years ago by Nikolai Gogol.

Posted on: December 14th, 2013 | Comments (6)

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Taxi Driver: Gypsy Cab Confessions in Moscow

This article was first published on November 21, 2007 in The eXile. It was just after 1 a.m. on Monday morning when I pulled my rental car up to my apartment building. I’d just spent the last 48 hours working as…

Posted on: November 21st, 2007 | Comments Off

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War Nerd: Glory to The French

The notion that the French are cowards is total bullshit, and anybody who knows anything about European military history knows damn well that over the past thousand years, the French have the most glorious military history in Europe, maybe the world.

Posted on: July 4th, 2014 | Comments (18)

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Escape From Crimea: An Ethnic Russian Journalist’s Flight From Ukraine

For the past six years I’ve been a journalist. Last year I was brought up on criminal charges by a Ukrainian court, convicted and sentenced to two years in prison. All I did was write a few words about the truth, which unfortunately later on I was unable to prove.

Posted on: June 11th, 2014 | Comments (13)

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Anne Applebaum, Professional Mourner

The crimes of history are optional. We mix, match and discard according to taste and convenience. It’s useful for Applebaum’s Tory backers to remember Stalin’s crimes because they can still use them to bash anyone who might want to beef up the National Health system with higher taxes. “Today an extra 1% VAT on my Jag convertible, tomorrow Kolyma!” is a very familiar war cry from these crusaders for human rights.

Posted on: December 19th, 2013 | Comments (12)

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Donetsk Paper Fascists: Protest & Track Suits In Yanukovych’s Hometown

Donetsk is a fascist city. I’m not using this term in the cheap way that it gets bandied around at a dinner table discussion between Republicans and Democrats. Donetsk actually is fascist. There is one party, people get beaten for opposition views, information is controlled, nationalist sentiment is enflamed with insane rhetoric about America/NATO plots to enslave Ukraine, and fear is the main motivating factor.

Posted on: December 2nd, 2013 | Comments (7)

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Books That Was in Nam

Vietnam, a war characterized by thousands of small skirmishes, was richer in incident and gore than an inner-city basketball tournament. When next you hear that rough voice asking, “War — what is it good for?”, you tell it: “First-person memoirs, that’s what!”

Posted on: November 30th, 2013 | Comments (1)

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Exterminate The Men: Honoring Andrea Dworkin, A Feminist Who Meant It and Paid

The recent death of Andrea Dworkin didn’t even make the small print news in Russia. Feminism, at least the feminism of the kind Westerners take for granted, never caught on. Patronizing Westerners often see that as a sign that Russians…

Posted on: September 14th, 2013 | Comments (29)

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Paraguay: A Brief History Of National Suicide

THE STORY OF HOW PARAGUAY WENT FROM A WANNABE PRUSSIA TO THE RODNEY DANGERFIELD OF SOUTH AMERICA

Posted on: August 14th, 2013 | Comments (21)

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The Last Puppet Show: An Eyewitness Account Of The Anti-I.M.F Protests In Washington D.C., April, 2000

This article was first published in The eXile on April 27, 2000. The nonviolent teach-in at a church in Colombia Heights just begged to be sneered at. You couldn’t help it. Here in the church basement, hundreds of protest-eager students…

Posted on: September 5th, 2010 | Comments (8)

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Mark Ames Interviews Mark E. Smith

Exile editor Mark Ames exposes a rare fawning side while interviewing his lyrical hero, Mark E. Smith of The Fall, while Smith, who is notorious for abusing journalists (even reportedly putting a cigarette out in the eyeball of one Brit journo), reveals a charming, disarming side.

Posted on: May 4th, 2013 | Comments (3)

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Burn, Malibu, Burn! — Fire: The Most Effective, Underused Weapon in the World

This article was first published in The eXile on November 5, 2007 FRESNO, CA — By the time you finish this column you will be able to destroy huge buildings, kill hundreds of people in a few minutes, and strike terror…

Posted on: May 3rd, 2013 | Comments (9)

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How To Spot A Chechen

This article was first published in The eXile on August 10, 2007. I am one of 100,000 Chechens in Moscow. There are another 30,000 Ingush living here. Together, we belong to the “Vainakh” ethnolinguistic group and make up roughly one…

Posted on: April 19th, 2013 | Comments (38)

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The Bleak House: Meet The Children Of The Solnyshko Orphanage

This article was first published in The eXile on January 22, 2003 Dima’s eyes lit up when he first saw the Solnyshko orphanage’s toy collection two months ago. He had never seen anything like it. It took me a few…

Posted on: April 16th, 2013 | Comments (3)

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Georgia In The Crunch

This article first appeared in The eXile on November 11, 2003 TBILISI, GEORGIA – If you want to understand what’s really going on beneath the current election crisis in the former Soviet republic of Georgia — a struggle that threatens…

Posted on: April 16th, 2013 | Leave Comment

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Edward Limonov: “Boris Berezovsky In All His Glory of Political Refugee”

This article was first published in The eXile on September 18, 2003 On September 11, Great Britain have accorded political asylum to the most notorious refugee from Russia: to Boris Abramovich Berezovsky. I never met him personally. Once, in 1990s,…

Posted on: March 23rd, 2013 | Comments (17)

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Driving Russia’s Dangerous Roads: Risking life and limb on Russia’s decrepit highway system

This article was first published by The eXile in March 2008 Two weeks ago I sat in a GAI patrol car drinking whiskey with an on-duty traffic cop. The pudgy officer had flagged down my friend’s Nissan for a routine “document…

Posted on: March 10th, 2008 | Leave Comment

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Adderall Tips: How to Convince Your Shrink You Have ADD/ADHD

Currently, there are somewhere between 5 and 7 million children in America diagnosed with ADD, or Attention Deficit Disorder. Some of them have been fed small doses of amphetamine since they four or five years old. And that’s freaking out…

Posted on: June 29th, 2006 | Comments (228)

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Ames Was Right Again: Obama Was A Boring Technocrat In 2008 Debates, But You Were Too Stupid To Notice

You poor Obamabots only just discovered a few nights ago what a crushingly dull technocrat Barack Obama is—but you’re still making the mistake of assuming that his snoozer performance against Mitt Romney during Wednesday’s debate was some sort of aberration….

Posted on: October 6th, 2012 | Comments (27)

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W. H. Auden: The Worst Famous Poet Of The 20th Century

Auden is the worst famous poet of the 20th century. He simply cannot write a decent line, let alone a decent poem. Some of his very worst poems are among those “classics” found in every anthology of Modern poetry. They’ll…

Posted on: August 28th, 2012 | Comments (55)

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How Pussy Riot Troupe “Voina” Got The eXile Censored in 2008: The Lost Story

It is the first time in the 11-year history of The exile, that our newspaper has ever been censored. What’s odd about it for us is that the “Fucking For Medvedev” spread, while not exactly family-friendly, is hardly the most shocking thing we’ve ever printed; we’ve run a cover depicting a nearly-nude Putin fucking Bill Clinton from behind, another cover depicting Putin as a midget in the Hitlerjugen getting his head patted by a pleased Fuhrer, and a cover demanding that President Yeltsin “Die Already!” during one of his many illnesses.

Posted on: August 22nd, 2012 | Comments (15)

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War Nerd Classic: In Praise Of Sikhs, “The Coolest Warrior Tribe Around”

I think I’ve finally found a religion I can convert to. I’m thinking of turning Sikh. And we’ll just slide right by all the puns popping into your little heads, if you don’t mind. The Sikhs are just the coolest warrior tribe around. Take their scripture.

Posted on: August 8th, 2012 | Comments (153)