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The following article first appeared in Punch!, the pop culture iPad app, available free for download here. If you own an iPad, you should read this article at the Punch! app, which has all kinds of awesome media embedded, a quiz on Mormons vs. Scientology, video clips and great layout and so on. We don’t own iPads because you people haven’t donated yours to us, so we can only dream. For those of you who didn’t condemn themselves to journalism’s humiliating poverty—or for those of you “journalists” on the take from the Koch brothers or tobacco companies, or PHARMA, or you generally suck so badly that you’re paid well and can afford iPads—enjoy it on your iPad. While you still can.

“I intend to lay a foundation that will revolutionize the whole world.”

–Joseph Smith, Jr.

CHAPTER ONE: ‘I Suck, Please Slay Me’

When Punch! first assigned me this story — a review of A Mormon President, a DVD docudrama about Mormon founder Joseph Smith and his disastrous run for president in 1844 — I assured my editor he’d have a comic gem with timely political relevance delivered to his inbox before he could say “TK.” (more…)

Posted on: June 26th, 2012 | Comments (41)

Romney-geddon! Mitt’s Foreign Policy Team Run By Ultra-Neocon Loons & Failures Itching For Nuclear War With Iran

According to a former SAIS student, not only did Karlin order a nuclear strike on Pakistan, she also took the opportunity to nuke Iran. Her classmates were shocked. It was the first time in 45 years that a simulation concluded with the deployment of a nuclear weapon.

That year, Karlin received a plum job in the Bush administration’s Department of Defense where, according to her bio she was “intimately involved in formulating U.S. policy on Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Israel-Palestinian affairs.”

Posted on: February 8th, 2012 | Comments (29)

Conspirators Unmasked in the Strauss-Kahn Drama: New DSK Charge: Attempted Rape of His Daughter’s 23-Year-Old Friend

This article was first published in Counterpunch. The political theorists in France and Russia may be correct: Dominique Strauss-Kahn may have enemies that want to end his political career for nefarious agendas. If that is the case, it will certainly…

Posted on: July 17th, 2011 | Comments (6)

Burmese Daze: Making Sense Of Myanmar’s Mess

So what does Myanmar’s population look like? Its last baby boom happened in the 80s, when the fertility rate was 4.0 to 4.7 – that’s four or five kids per mother. Today it’s just over two kids. This means people born before the mid-90s pose more danger to the regime than any generation after them.

Those people hit twenty during the last decade, and, sure enough, massive protests suddenly broke out in 2007 after 19 years of relative tranquility. Media sources never failed to mention that the protests were “monk-led,” but no one seems to have caught the significance of that.

Posted on: July 13th, 2011 | Comments (21)

Did You Fall for It? America’s Outrage Over TSA “Porn Scanners” Was Right-Wing PR to Prevent Workers from Unionizing

Really? This is the year that the Republican right-wing, backed by corporate sponsors like the billionaire Koch brothers, have declared all-out war on public sector unions. It’s the culmination of a decades-long crusade against organized labor, which has only hit…

Posted on: April 28th, 2011 | Comments (62)

Neocon Like Me: How I Spent A Year In Iraq Teaching With The Bush-Cheney Crazies

This article was first published at Alternet. The hero of this story is the $100 bill — or rather, the wad of $100 bills. My first meeting with those lovely $100 bills came at the end of my interview for…

Posted on: October 11th, 2010 | Comments (96)

Stupid, Part 5: Back to Berkeley for the Big Epiphany

This is the 5th installment of John Dolan’s work-in-progress “Stupid (Or, How To Lose Money Running A Speed Lab).” Read the previous installment “Every Flake A 20 Dollar Bill” by clicking here. Butler knelt by the beaker while the white…

Posted on: May 9th, 2010 | Comments (11)

Cakewalking Into Yemen: One More Chapter In The Decline & Dementia Of America’s War Party

This article was first published in The American Conservative, March 1, 2010. If the last few decades prove anything about America’s strategy in fighting Islamic terrorism, it’s that no matter what the other side throws our way, America will respond…

Posted on: January 27th, 2010 | Comments (31)

Scrubbing Major Hasan: The Strange & Silly Media Rewrite Of The Fort Hood Shooting Spree

This story was first published on AlterNet. What happened to all the initial reports that accused Fort Hood killer Maj. Nidal Hasan snapped because he was distraught over the Army’s refusal to grant him either a discharge or an exemption…

Posted on: November 25th, 2009 | Comments (19)

How The West Hijacked The Berlin Wall Revolution

One of the great ironies of the fall of the Berlin Wall 20 years ago is that the East German protest leaders who led the uprising did not want unification with West Germany.

Posted on: November 9th, 2009 | Comments (53)

Fort Hood Massacre: A Brief History Of American Violence

This article was first published in Alternet. It’s hard to pinpoint what’s the most shocking thing about Major Malik Nadal Hasan’s shooting rampage in Fort Hood, Texas. I’ll start with this: there’s nothing all that ground-breaking about it. Happens all…

Posted on: November 6th, 2009 | Comments (69)

The Ninth Life Of A Berkeley Boomer

He may be dead now, I don’t know. He should have been dead long ago, but these early boomers, born in California, have many lives. From some angles, Alex’s life was clear proof of what spoiled, invincible brats they were,…

Posted on: June 9th, 2009 | Comments (51)

Is Larry Summers Taking Kickbacks From The Banks He’s Bailing Out?

Is Larry Summers taking kickbacks from the banks he’s bailing out? Last month, a little-known company where Summers served on the board of directors received a $42 million investment from a group of investors, including three banks that Summers, Obama’s…

Posted on: May 30th, 2009 | Comments (17)

Alabama Murder Mystery Solved: The Shocking Story Of How A Chicken-Slaughtering Billionaire Plundered Rural America

Mega-Statue Of Chicken Plutocrat Lonnie “Bo” Pilgrim The killing spree in Alabama fits a well-worn pattern of workplace-driven massacres that we’ve seen since the “going postal” phenomenon exploded in the middle of the Reagan revolution. In spite of the fact…

Posted on: March 13th, 2009 | Comments (73)

The Day America’s Empire Died

(This article was published in the final issue of Radar magazine, which was bought out and shuttered just as the issue went to print in late September.) Tskhinvali, South Ossetia – On the sunny afternoon of August 14, a Russian…

Posted on: December 13th, 2008 | Comments (47)

Proof: Somali Pirates Read War Nerd!

Posted on: December 1st, 2008 | Leave Comment

Kremlin Whores: How McCain’s Staff Served Putin’s Empire

Size doesn’t matter: McCain sells Montenegro out to Putin In his acceptance speech at the Republican convention, John McCain lashed out at Putin and the Russian oligarchs, who, “rich with oil wealth and corrupt with power…[are] reassembling the old Russian…

Posted on: October 1st, 2008 | Leave Comment

Is Cindy McCain Still A Junkie?

What is it with Cindy McCain’s eyes? Everyone’s noticed that there’s something odd about them. Even Katie Couric was caught in an unplugged moment omigodding about how weirded-out she was by Cindy McCain’s mysterious, odd-looking eyes: “She looks like a…

Posted on: September 25th, 2008 | Leave Comment

John Mc-AIG-n: Insurance Industry Bitch

John McCain is making a big show of criticizing the government “bailout” of insurance giant AIG. But it turns out that AIG, which received $85 billion in US tax dollars earlier this week, is one of the largest donors to…

Posted on: September 19th, 2008 | Leave Comment