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Fatwah / August 29, 2008
By Eileen Jones

Convention Clown

Democratic Convention Clown

If you watched the Democratic Convention coverage, like I did, you know there’s no point complaining about it. That’d be like going to the circus and saying, “This is a horrible place, absolutely infested with clowns.”

And then going back to the circus the next three days in a row. No sympathy for you, you twisted clown-lover!

So, skipping lightly over how grotesque these proceedings always were and still are, let’s get to the final score: How’d it go? Did the Democrats win?

Or, dropping the pretense of non-partisanship, did Obama kick some ass? Did the Dems pound the Orcs currently in power, and make them howl in gutteral rage which is music to our ears, sort of like Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy”? (You know, that great one that goes, “Na na na na na na na na na na na na NAH nana!!”)

Republican Orc Who Got a Bit Part in a Movie About Orc Wars

Republican Orc Who Got a Bit Part in a Movie About Orc Wars

Oh yes. Ass was kicked, and out there on their blighted steppe, Orcs were screaming. You couldn’t tell it just from watching the generally bland events in themselves, especially when distracted by the MSNBC anchors gouging each others’ eyes out on the air and so forth. So guess how I know?

Because it was just announced that John McCain picked his VP, and it’s Alaska governor Sarah Palin. Yes, it’s the white flag, folks!

No? Not impressed? Here, let me translate from Republican Orcan: “Christ these motherfuckers have totally fucked us up with all this historical black power shit and now they own the terms of the fucking debate so what the FUCK are we gonna do? Dick? Any ideas? SHIT!! Wait, I know, we gotta get some bitch to be veep and then we can claim we’ve got some sort of bitch power thing happening over here that trumps their black power thing, and brings in all those insane Hillary-loving cunts, they’ll take anything with tits.”

It’s a difficult dialect, Republican Orcan, and that’s as close as I can get to the sense of it without actually vomiting on the keyboard.

There’d been an earlier, smaller chorus of Orcan howls heard earlier, when John McCain sent over that gracious note congratulating Obama for being black. You know that one had to hurt: “Though you have no character or experience and you’re an elitist empty suit, there’s no denying you’re black, and apparently some freakish series of events has made that a popular thing to be for this one nanosecond in time. Enjoy!”

It's Great to Be Black in America at 10 pm ET on August 28th

It’s Great to Be Black in America at 10 pm ET on August 28th

So let it be some small comfort, as we witness the last doomed steps taken toward the bitter end of our so-called civilization, that we got in a few kicks to the faces of those who finally and utterly destroyed us.

Republican Convention Clowns

Republican Convention Clowns Suit Up

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