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eXiled Alert! / May 17, 2011

HAVE YOU NO SHAME!

We’ve been on a suicide mission.

And you’ve had front row seats–and a free ride–the whole way.

But nothing is free forever, folks. Not even career-suicide. So you need to pitch in and help us see through our mission of making this world a little less comfortable for everyone, especially the satisfied-ites.

We’ve been on this career-suicide mission since our humble eXile beginnings in Russia, and we don’t know how to stop: Career-suiciding our way through the wonderful and frightening world of war-spotting with the “War Nerd” Gary Brecher; Running career-suicide missions against the Koch brothers and their libertarian organ-grinder monkeys long before anyone else even knew their names; testing out new innovative forms of Market-Based Invective® on human guinea pigs ranging from Dick Cheney lapdogs and neo-Confederate cross-chuckers to Daily Show Democrats and loathsome Hollywood liberals.

We’ve been holding up our end of the bargain. And we’re ready to ramp it up to new levels. But we can’t do it for free. It’s time to pony up and pitch in with some cash. Think at least two $20 bills in electronic form, and if you’ve got a 2nd or 3rd house, then we want to see some hundred-spots.

You think this eXiled army runs on comments praise? Think again. Everyone’s got to sacrifice to keep the suicide-mission going, including you.

Help right now, it’ll only take a minute…

Make a one-time donation*:

Subscribe for only $6.95 a month:

 

*One-time donation amounts (and what they say about you):

  • $25 :  No thank-you letter needed, but at least I’m not a cheap, ungrateful fuck.”
  • $50 :  A pan handler in LA makes more than this per hour working some dirty street corner. But in these tough times, even a pitiful amount like this deserves a thank you note.”
  • $100 :  You are a “VIP Sponsor” meaning you have bought the commercial rights to rename our eXiled intern as “The [YOUR NAME HERE] intern” for a period of 1 week per $100.
  • $1000 : You are a “VVIP Sponsor” meaning you have bought the rights to commercially advertise your name over the name of an eXiled editor’s parent or spouse, such as “The [YOUR NAME HERE] mother of Yasha Levine” for a period of 1 week per $1000.

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49 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. bighead  |  May 17th, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    What? No $2 option?

  • 2. John  |  May 17th, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    There you go guys, I’m subsribed.

    Do I get a pin?

  • 3. sisyphus  |  May 17th, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Who thinks this site runs on comments praise? Just fuckhead Serb armchair generals as far as I can see.

  • 4. no fucking way  |  May 17th, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    stupid fuckers tried to donate but my tinfoil hat is fucked, malfunctioning, won’t display my email or phone number.

  • 5. matt  |  May 17th, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Not only am I subscriber I just donated a hundo extra. You fucks better keep this site going. It’s really one of the only sites anyone can trust anymore.

  • 6. Dobb  |  May 17th, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    25 coming your way. I’d donate more but kinda unemployed right now.

  • 7. Jie ke  |  May 18th, 2011 at 1:03 am

    Any way to send cash?

  • 8. Barney  |  May 18th, 2011 at 1:13 am

    Have you considered using social micropayment systems like flattr or kachingle?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flattr
    http://flattr.com
    http://kachingle.com

  • 9. Pascual Gorostieta  |  May 18th, 2011 at 2:27 am

    You guys should put your name on shirts, stickers, pins, hats whatever. It would be a solid way to make money. I donated last time and I will do it again.

  • 10. Thomzas  |  May 18th, 2011 at 3:20 am

    I donated £50 in 2009. When I donate more who’s keeping score? oh, that’s right god brecher is keeper of the holy ledger

  • 11. johnny shines  |  May 18th, 2011 at 4:02 am

    sell some fucking advertising like everyone else, why dontcha? mean whole, i should stop being a cheap little anonymous maggot and donate 10% of my income to the exiled. if its good enough for the mormons, its good enough for the exiled, i say.

  • 12. Kev  |  May 18th, 2011 at 4:36 am

    I subscribed !!

  • 13. Limonov For President  |  May 18th, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Subscription from Spain!

    If there is any interest in contributions about this fucked up country let me know.

  • 14. yo suf  |  May 18th, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Just put in 25 bucks, please use it on drugs that help you write more.

  • 15. Evilcor  |  May 18th, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Have you considered asking for a grant from the Koch Foundation? I know they endow PBS.

  • 16. AllhailGary  |  May 18th, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Behold! Warnerd’s dummy filled bomb boats from Libya prediction comes true!

  • 17. Cheap Ungrateful Fuck  |  May 18th, 2011 at 6:54 am

    You mean the Exiled isn’t funded by a large stable of dyevs hoeing at Ames’ behest?

  • 18. 16 Shells from a 30.06  |  May 18th, 2011 at 7:59 am

    In addition to being penniless, I am also shameless. Can I send you a dog? I’ve no shortage of those.

  • 19. Swede  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:22 am

    I think you should get your friends over at Vanity Fair to sell some ads for you.

    How many readers (unique users) do you have a month?

  • 20. Swede  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Done!
    Keep up the good work!

  • 21. John Drinkwater  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Before I donate, I would like very politely and respectfully to ask if you might consider perhaps doing a hit piece on Jon Stewart. Not on his fans, but on Stewart and how overrated and unfunny the Daily Show is. Leave the Colbert Report alone, because he’s actually pretty funny. But the Daily Show sucks and always has…at least since Craig Kilborn left it.

  • 22. NoImportaNada  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:41 am

    What exactly do we get if we do the monthly subscription?

  • 23. franc black  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:53 am

    If you acknowledged donations somehow, it could encourage repeats … I got a Paypal receipt, but that’s it … I’m just sayin’…

  • 24. Mark  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Subscribed. Please don’t close down!!! Keep nailing the billionaire MF-ers who are raping, pillaging, and giving us the “bill” for their enrichment!!

  • 25. Ganryu  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Please tell me that more than 7 of us donated something. You’ll waste 25 bucks at Taco Bell and it will only push you closer to death!!!!

  • 26. Adam  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Subscribed last week, donated a bit this week.

    Keep the flames hot.

    Error has no rights!

  • 27. Tyler  |  May 18th, 2011 at 10:44 am

    But how can you guarantee our privacy? If we subscribe the novviy mccarthyists will come to get us too after they kill you. What am I talking about? The internet is a giant spying machine. We are being watched right now. Oh no! Everyone in my gmail address book is gonna get sent to the McGulags of Victorville!

  • 28. tt  |  May 18th, 2011 at 11:54 am

    The warnerd is the bomb, if he would only quit his crappy dataentryjob, and write fulltime. You would have no problem lining up paid subscriptions. Oh and thanks for editing the effing comments!

  • 29. DrunktankDan  |  May 18th, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Sent in what I could. Broke as shit but I am doin my best here guys. Keep up the good work! Also, I got some retarded grant from the DoE to do a ‘creative writing’ project which involved hitting every single bar in Oakland in a little under two months and cranking out a shitty book of poetry about it. You never know what the gov’t will give u money for.

  • 30. matt  |  May 18th, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    i can chip in 25, maybe even fifty, but i’m unemployed now.

  • 31. Duarte Guerreiro  |  May 18th, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    About time you guys started to put that jew blood in your veins to use and make some money for the new Guillotine Revolution. Paypal is a bitch to set up here in Portugal so until that is handled, I’ll be ordering Dolan’s, Gary’s and the Exile books (already got Ame’s).

    Same offer as @13. If you are interested in any commentary from Portugal as our country begins to disintegrate from the joint IMF-EU austerity rape, ask and ye shall receive.

  • 32. Timmy  |  May 18th, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    I’ve been reading the exile-exiled
    for over ten years, and after that long
    I figure if I didn’t send $100 dollars
    in your time of need, I would be a real asshole. Thanks for all the great articles.

  • 33. Bruno  |  May 18th, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    subscribed. keep it up folks

  • 34. DeeboCools  |  May 18th, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    enjoy my $76. Leaves me $60 for booze and $40 for food in checking.

  • 35. derpity  |  May 18th, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    It ain’t much but I’ll throw in $25 in June.

  • 36. the other Jon  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    subscribed; and I will be sending more along next month.

  • 37. Wolf Wintergreen Longcut  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    I am willing to donate on two conditions, and take them seriously.
    1. Make Merchandise
    2. Bring back the Daily Inquisition

    I would gladly donate to your website and even buy a T-Shirt if you do that. Really. I dont think those two things are that hard, and I truly do believe you do great work. I just need more incentive. Make T-Shirts. Something cool… Nothing flashy, preferably black…. Actually, now that I think about it, fuck that. Ames correlates insanity with being a true rebel. Nat Turner. John Brown. Whatever, I am not insane but I think you all should be offering more than just articles to read about some fucked up shit that makes these other shiftless apes on here feel ever more sanitized. Give us something to invest into… or we will never be more than a Joseph Wesbecker.

  • 38. pat b  |  May 18th, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    i may be broke ass but a 5 buck donation helps

  • 39. Stephen Joseph  |  May 19th, 2011 at 2:41 am

    Tried donating, but it kept saying my phone number is wrong.

    WTF!!

  • 40. Tyler  |  May 19th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I love, and thank you, for the editing of my message. Now I know how Gorky must have felt cooped up in his Nouveau Vague prison mansion when his manuscripts came up edited by the NKVD.

    You should really sell some advertising. I for one, could easily waste 500 bucks if I can put a banner up on Exiled.

    You might not like what I put on it, but it would be a good gag and at least you guys could eat.

  • 41. Zoner  |  May 19th, 2011 at 9:42 am

    I have no job but I still sent $25 American, which turned out to be $24.83 in Canada. I remember when it used to be around 60 US cents to one dollar Canadian. When my cousin from California visited with his friend, the friend kept buying shit because it was “40% off”.

  • 42. my talkative ringpiece  |  May 19th, 2011 at 10:43 am

    T-shirts with that picture of the guy with the 2 Russian babes adoring him should sell well. I can’t afford one, I buy my T’s for 25c at garage sales. But amazingly, there are still people out there who can afford new T’s.

    Other than that, set up some fairly anonymous mail box, and I can send you the odd bit of cash.

  • 43. peter  |  May 19th, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I will donate if the ward nerd pledges to write one article a day. No more 2-3 month waiting period for the war nerd blogs

  • 44. dominique strauss-kahn  |  May 19th, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    WE LOAN CASH MONEY FAST OAC. Write DSK, AKA ‘Stud Duck’,Book & Case Number 3491107920, Arrest Number m11642686y, Docket 2011NY035773, Charge 130.50 FB (SODOMY-1ST B Felony), NYSID 09132366L. Call, text, IM, tweet, or send a fucking post card to IMF Annex, West Facility (WF),16-06 Hazen Street, East Elmhurst, NY 11370.

    Hurry! I’m afraid to go to the mens’ showers.

    Dépêchez-vous! Les rim shots commencent à faire du mal. Dépêchez-vous!

  • 45. Adam  |  May 21st, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I agree totally with 37: bring back the daily inquisition!

    Number 44: what the fuck are you talking about?

  • 46. 대실  |  May 22nd, 2011 at 2:43 am

    I’ve made it a point to whitelist exiledonline in adblock and click on an ad every time I visit. Even the terrible ones like the one with the black Mormon singer and the one advertising “a fresh take on Jewish life.” That has to count for something, right?

  • 47. Mr. Bad  |  May 22nd, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I gave Charles Koch a rusty trombone 4 free so I figure I owe The eXiled a few bucks, Mr Koch was pleased with me he was really into it! To atone for my shamelessness I’m donating some of my proceeds to The eXiled. Thanks Chuck, see you next Friday !

  • 48. motorfirebox  |  May 25th, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Guys, put together a dang Cafe Press store with some eXiled shirts and shit. I would wear the fuck out of a “Gary Brecher was right” tee.

    Until then, though, I’m subscribing.

  • 49. COCKSON  |  February 9th, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    t-shirts


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