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Gloats / December 3, 2008

Who says that the New Great Depression is depressing? If you’ve always been monetarily-challenged like we have, there’s a lot to cheer. Because just as they lied to us about how Reaganomics’ trickle-down effect would make us all rich-ish in the boom times, they’re lying again about how the Depression is supposed to be bad for all of us. Well it’s more like this: the Depression is dragging the pigs who made out in the Boom down to our level. And in our eyes, that puts the “Great” in the “Great Depression.”

And here’s the best news of all: The Depression is killing off the boom-pigs’ favorite pastime: Golf:

According to the National Golf Foundation, the number of new courses expected to open in the United States in 2008 is the smallest in 20 years. More courses are scheduled to close this year (nearly 100) than the 80 expected to open…

Yes. Those water-sucking eyesores, filled with the smell of fresh cut grass and Kiehl’s shampoo and a faint whiff of Lipitor on the breath, are finally sinking back into the Hell that they sprang from. And the scaly-necked AARP reptiles that have long thrived around these miserable oasises are terrified watching their 401k retirement dreams vanish. We never had 401k’s, so we ain’t losing a thing. While the Boom Pigs sink to our level, we await our New-New Deal handouts. Depression Days Are Here Again…and boy are we happy!

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10 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. Adam  |  December 4th, 2008 at 12:11 am

    Fuckin’ right. I just wish they’d start fallign out of skyscrapers again.

  • 2. Adam  |  December 4th, 2008 at 12:13 am

    Falling. Goddammit.

  • 3. Roger Dodger  |  December 4th, 2008 at 4:05 am

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1091308/Credit-crunch-boss-kissed-family-goodbye–threw-train.html

    And so it begins…

  • 4. Tam  |  December 4th, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Reports of bankers commiting suicide in the Great Depression were, alas, greatly exagerated. It did happen, but not much. The 30s were actually a pretty good time to be a rich scumfuck capitalist because the general population was so skint and desperate that you could hire their services for a derisory pittance.

  • 5. aleke  |  December 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Wealth is relative anyway, no matter what market fundamentalists believe in

  • 6. Brito  |  December 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    on to a better tomorrow filled with less bankers

  • 7. John  |  December 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Boom times are good for the wealthy.
    Depressions are good for the wealthy.
    Dead average is good for the wealthy.
    Change is good for the wealthy.
    Stagnation is good for the wealthy.
    There is no single economic environment that is not beneficial to wealth. It is merely a matter of which rich bastards are smart or lucky or immoral enough to exploit it properly.

  • 8. Kevin John  |  December 6th, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Hey you-Who you calling a scaly-necked AARP reptile? And where did you get a picture of my home and golf course?
    Of course these were taken a while after the banks started sinking and I had to go back to work. You know flippin’ hamburgers is not that hard-anyone can do it! Problem was, I couldn’t make the final payments on necessities like siding, or…windows, and the golf course got a bit out of hand. But all in due time youngins’!
    Is it my problem the humid air makes my neck a little dry? Is it my problem my 401k sank lower than a closet gay Preacher’s trousers at an all-night teen lock in?
    By the way, anybody want to buy a nice Roledex?

  • 9. Palmer Eldritch  |  December 8th, 2008 at 2:42 am

    I really cannot imagine what they are going to do with all the bankers-to-be currently in college. Well, the culls will always be able to resort to collections jobs, I suppose, especially if they can read and write.

  • 10. montyeinzz!  |  July 24th, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Redfaced OLD AS FUCK moneywhorshipper eyes allready dead..maybe they could just fuckin die already?!

    They had plenty “fun” and I think everybody gets it by
    now: wow..oldfarts / ruthless /filthy rich
    On the other hand:
    1.

    : “Is predator moneyslave / moneyabuser a healthy outlook on life?”

    ..”What about the spirituell part , is seeing people suffer nicer than bullying? Feelings “ex-literati-factum”
    overrated / unbankable ?”
    2.

    “Wartrade investing.. intensive from the getgo?

    Bankrupting states – Thinktank !

    Is ruin meets annihilation what Hitler AND some Queen of England both identified as” divine beauty our holy mother of nature?”

    No offense though. Good luck everybody!


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