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Class War For Idiots / April 27, 2011

The price of oil hit $125 today, a 33-percent increase since the start of the year, and will most likely keep going up.

For those wondering “why,” there’s a new theory that explains everything.

You’ve probably heard of “peak oil,” a theory that explains the spike in oil prices in terms of dwindling world oil reserves, and predicts a total collapse of civilization as we know it sometime in the near future unless we all move to Montana and live off the grid. But did you know that there’s a newer, better, more commonsense theory that unravels the mysteries of the oil market while staying friendly to oil companies and praising speculators? Well, there is. It’s called “teabagger oil” and comes courtesy of the same liberty-lovin’ freedom fighters who brought us the Tea Party Movement.

Just like peak-oil types, teabagger oil researchers claim to know the answer. They have unravelled the hidden Truth about Oil and why gasoline prices are so high. They know our fossil fuel-dependent society is in decline and understand the dire, apocalyptic consequences if we don’t take drastic steps to change our ways. But that’s where the similarities with peak-oilers end, and the teabagger-oil schism begins. Because unlike peakers, ‘baggers aren’t worried about scarcity or dwindling world oil reserves at all. Quite the opposite: ‘baggers are supply-optimists, hardcore believers in bottomless American oil reserves (and other fossil fuels, too), which can be extracted in a perfectly safe manner, providing cheap energy, fueling the economy, and keeping this country energy independent for a long, long time.

But there is only one thing standing in the way of this bagger-oil utopia: A grand conspiracy hatched by our Kenyan-born President Obama to purposefully strangle America’s domestic oil production and push up the price of oil. Why would Obama want to do that? Because this way, he and his radical left-wing cronies could push forward with their green-leninist energy plan that will ultimately result in collectivizing private property and forcing every American at gunpoint to put a government-subsidized windmill/solar farm in his yard.

Meet Chris “Hornee for Freemarket” Horner: The Founding Father of Teabagger Oil?

Christopher C. Horner is quite possibly one of the leading luminaries in the field of teabagger oil. Horner helped lay the foundation of the teabagger oil school of thought in the research labs of the Competitive Enterprise Institute, where he holds the position of Senior Whore-Fellow. Horner’s groundbreaking conspiracy theory is outlined in his recent book, Power Grab: How Obama’s Green Policies Will Steal Your Freedom and Bankrupt America.

Power Grab got glowing reviews from fellow conspiracy theorist/subsidy-queen Michele Bachmann, as well as Koch-groveling Wall Street editorial page editor Stephen Moore, who praised Horner for proving “that the green agenda isn’t so much about a clean  environment as it is about redistributing income from us to them.”

Here’s a blurb from the front flap of the hardcover edition:

If Obama and his “green” coalition get their way, we’re headed for blackouts, skyrocketing energy prices designed to bankrupt disfavored industries, and even greater government control of our economy.

Obama’s green jobs agenda masks a declaration of war against America’s most reliable sources of energy—coal, oil, and natural gas. He seeks to shut them down and convert America to green energy—mostly wind and solar—in an irresponsible experiment that will guarantee an energy crisis and drive America from recession to depression. The Obama administration, working in collusion with green groups allegedly protecting the environment, unions protecting their paychecks, and local elites protecting their ocean views, is putting the special interests ahead of your interests.

And it only gets better… Here’s another bit from Power Grab, an excerpt from the first chapter:

Under Obama’s economic and energy plans, conventional energy is punished by government policy in order to force the adoption of new, Obama-favored technologies. These plans will force us into energy poverty, a return to government-inspired uncompetitiveness, and a surrender of individual and economic liberties.

Modern environmentalism in a nutshell sounds something like this: impose energy taxes that serve as a rationing scheme (the “cap”), along with mandates of what sort of energy people can use, and in what amount. Environmentalists seek to use the state to create scarcity in order to further impose their will over our lives.

That’s right folks, America’s oil “crisis” does not exist. It’s just a ruse concocted by Obama and his One World Government co-conspirators, including leftist billionaire George Soros, fanatically wedded to their “government-inspired” jackboot fantasies of redistributing wealth and oppressing red-blooded Americans’ rights to have as much toxic sludge dumped in their front yards as they durned well please!

Harry, a happy teabagger-oil-theory customer from Ohiowho snapped these photos of land he’s leasing to an oil drilling outfit, had this to say: “I done didn’t let Obama tread on my rights, and neither should you!”

Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe, the ranking Republican on the Senate’s Environment and Public Works Committee, is another big supporter of teabagger oil. Here he is explaining it to a used car salesman on Newsmax.com:

[Energy Secretary Steven Chu] speaking on behalf of the president, said somehow we have to figure out how to boost the price of gasoline to the levels in Europe — I checked today and it’s $7.80 a gallon — so we won’t buy as much and then all this wonderful green energy is going to come in.

We have more recoverable reserves in oil, gas and coal than any nation in the world. We have enough natural gas to run our country for 110 years. The problem is, the liberals, the Democrats won’t allow us to exploit our own resources. They are intentionally stopping us from doing it.

This administration is admittedly trying to raise the price of gas so they can accomplish their green goals.

What really bugs me is when I hear the John Kerrys or the Barbara Boxers saying we’ve got to develop green energy so we can stop our dependence on the Middle East. We could stop our dependence on the Middle East for our energy if we just develop our own resources here.

Yes sir! Those damn liberals! Clearly, the skyrocketing price oil is all about over-regulation, over-taxation and lack of offshore oil drilling.

And anyone who tells you otherwise—especially if they blame it on rampant oil speculation or try to prove that domestic oil production peaked under Nixon—is giving himself away as a dangerous subversive Islamofascist, who should immediately be reported to the nearest Cato Institute, Americans for Prosperity or Heritage Foundation branch.

Obama’s been trying to strangle domestic oil producers since before he grew his first pubes!

Teabagger oil theorists have also uncovered a conspiracy in the mainstream media to keep this vital information under wraps. The Business & Media Institute, a media watchdog looking out for the interests of America’s small, family owned energy companies like Koch Industries, recently blew the scandal wide open:

Rising Gas Prices Linked to Obama Drilling Ban in Just 1% of Evening News Stories
Since BP spill, anti-oil policy has been cited in only 3 network gasoline price reports.
By Julia A. Seymour Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:43 PM EDT

Main Findings:

– Gas prices have risen almost $1-a-gallon since the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, yet President Obama’s drilling moratorium and other anti-oil policies have barely been mentioned by the networks in that time span.

– Only 1 percent (3 out of 280) of oil price stories since the spill has made any connection between the administration’s anti-oil actions and the jump in gasoline prices.

Full Report:

On April 20, 2010, a horrific oil spill took place in the Gulf of Mexico on British Petroleum’s (BP) Deepwater Horizon rig. Since that day, gas prices have risen nearly $1-a-gallon to $3.83 per gallon. President Barack Obama’s anti-oil policies, including a drilling moratorium are at least part of the reason for that dramatic spike. But you will rarely hear that from the mainstream media.

It certainly isn’t the story the network evening news shows have told their viewers since the oil spill. Out of 280 oil price stories since the disastrous pill, just 1 percent (3 out of 280) mentioned any connection between Obama’s anti-oil efforts, such as the drilling moratorium, and rapidly rising gas prices.

Instead of asking whether Obama’s anti-oil policies could be increasing the cost of gas, the networks blamed other factors such as Mideast turmoil or the “money game” played by speculators. Certainly, the turmoil in Libya, Egypt and surrounding nations has increased worries about oil production and can influence the price. But the networks also should have looked for explanations much closer to home.

Yes, “home,” as in the “home invasion” that’s being perpetrated on the American people by…you guessed it, a black President.

Yasha Levine is a founding editor of The eXiled. You can reach him at levine [at] exiledonline.com. Want to know more? Check out some of his other stories…

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26 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. Derp  |  April 27th, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Derp derp! Speaking of “Koch-groveling” I sure have seen a lot of that on my vacation to San Francisco!

  • 2. joe  |  April 28th, 2011 at 12:18 am

    THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM THORIUM

    specifically lead cooled traveling wave breeders with passive control and passive backup coolant system.

    Now that I solved our energy problems can i go back to playing with my legos. You can thank me later.

  • 3. wengler  |  April 28th, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Oil is the future!

  • 4. Bork bork bork  |  April 28th, 2011 at 1:55 am

    I don’t understand how anyone can’t believe in peak oil. Everyone is going to get poorer unless you have considerable hydro power or someone comes up with a material that doesn’t erode when used in fusion reactors. I bet the “slow crash” could be slowed a whole lot in america though since they use 3 times as much energy as europeans per capita and still have a terrible standard of living, too bad americans like closing their eyes and getting robbed through their asses more than dealing with their actual problems.

  • 5. CRABS  |  April 28th, 2011 at 5:05 am

    BP is Beyond Petroleum, not British Petroleum.

  • 6. CRABS  |  April 28th, 2011 at 5:06 am

    Correction: BP is just BP. It hasn’t been British Petroleum for a very long time. Managed to work their slogan in their instead.

  • 7. CRABS  |  April 28th, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Correction: “there”. Brain is full of fucks today.

  • 8. Homer Erotic  |  April 28th, 2011 at 5:34 am

    @Bork: Our most abundant natural resource in the USA is our ability to kid ourselves.

  • 9. Trevor  |  April 28th, 2011 at 6:38 am

    It’s times like this I wish Obama really was the iron-fisted autocrat all these yappy little bitches make him out to be. I don’t mind tellin’ ya I’d be first in line for a brown shirt in the Obama Reich!

  • 10. RanDomino  |  April 28th, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Peak Oil hardly counts as a ‘theory’ since no one can seriously argue that there’s an unlimited supply of the stuff… now, what to actually DO given that fact, that’s where the crazies start jabbering. But what’s it say about society when the only people willing to acknowledge that the economy is built on sand are also the most insane people who can still manage to dress themselves?

  • 11. mojave  |  April 28th, 2011 at 7:30 am

    obama’s ‘green policies’ are going to steal our freedom and bankrupt America? I think it’s a little too late for green policies to do that!

  • 12. Omri  |  April 28th, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Got a major quibble with you here, Yasha. Peak oil does not mean civilization collapsing. With some smarts, calmness and preparation, we can weather it just fine. Peak oil plus stupidity, however, is the killer here.

  • 13. secret--SERVICE man  |  April 28th, 2011 at 8:35 am

    i know the guy in the photo. dude’s a lafayette park fixture, spent most of the second bush term rocking a box with a hole in it, “VOTE FOR ME” printed across the top. during the 08 election he told me he was actually an obama supporter, guess he got as disillusioned as the rest of us

    (of course I’m in a position to know that Obama meant well… it’s just that a certain group of well-dressed professionals has his entire family under armed guard at all times… you might say his hands are ‘secretly’ tied)

  • 14. Alex  |  April 28th, 2011 at 9:26 am

    How about actual rationing of gasoline? It will reduce consumption, keep prices down, and people too poor to use their allotment can sell their ration cards to rich who want more.

  • 15. dfasd  |  April 28th, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Socialism will never come to america because the poor believe themselves to be temporarily embarrassed millionaires…

  • 16. Sublime Oblivion  |  April 28th, 2011 at 10:53 am

    You’ve probably heard of “peak oil,” a theory that explains the spike in oil prices in terms of dwindling world oil reserves, and predicts a total collapse of civilization as we know it sometime in the near future unless we all move to Montana and live off the grid.

    The second part is false, and only applies to a small subset of peakists.

  • 17. Bob  |  April 28th, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    RanDomino – well, there’s a fringe theory that there’s more coal and oil than we think because it’s actually formed / replenished by a combination of abiotic processes and the action of bacteria:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Gold#The_Deep_Hot_Biosphere

    Evidence for this is minimal at best, but naturally teabaggers latch onto it. Cognitive dissonance is a powerful force, and they have to rationalise the ever-rising price of fuel somehow, without losing the culture war to the hated “hippies” and “liberals” that they believe are behind renewables.

  • 18. no one in particular  |  April 28th, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    To be fair, Peak Oil discussion does tend to attract a lot of Alex Jones-type conspiracy retards for some reason. But at its core it is a simple concept thats really easy to understand and there is a very serious implication to a permanent decline in oil production. (namely that its unlikely we will find any alternative)
    http://www.theoildrum.com is an excellent resource.

  • 19. Flatulissimo  |  April 28th, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    The Oil Drum is an “excellent source” about peak oil the way Orly Taitz is an “excellent source” for information about Obama’s place of birth.

  • 20. doug  |  April 28th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    @ Alex 14

    The US government has plans for just such an eventuality. They will allow the trading of ration credits on a white market. Since I’m a crazy loon who rides his bike everywhere, even over mountain passes, I’m looking forward to selling mine for some extra beer.

  • 21. franc black  |  April 29th, 2011 at 11:26 am

    The price is going up because demand is outpacing supply.

    It’s rather unsportsmanlike for these ‘free enterprise’ types to play a wishy-washy blame game with the causes of the supply problem. Any non-renewable resource will eventually enter a depletion cycle … where do they think oil comes from ? God’s Love ?

    Shit, maybe they do … or at least they can convince their listeners that it does in a bid to drill more holes and make a few more dollars before anybody else does …

    The USA is so messed up, it’s scary. Time for Canada to build a big wall.

  • 22. CensusLouie  |  April 29th, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    I’m sorry, I know this is pretty off topic, but it’s just too good.

    Producer of Tea Party favorite Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged announced that he’s going Galt, taking his ball and going home. Blame movie reception on parasite critics.

    http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/archives/2011/04/27/great_job_movie_critics_atlas_shrugged_producer_scrapping_plans_for_pt._2_3/#

  • 23. ariot  |  April 29th, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    i saw a stupid hooker on fox news today who said we must exploit all of our domestic oil because it’s god’s gift to america.

    that is why we are collectively fucked.

  • 24. Sick Rat  |  April 29th, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    BP stands for a truly revolutionaly renewable New Age fuel that would make everything else obsolete. That’s apian urine, i.e. bee pee.

  • 25. michael3ov  |  May 9th, 2011 at 4:29 am

    This is so unbelievable. The short sightedness and myopic thought of the “drill baby, drill” crowd is disgusting. Lets try and think about the future of our country. If oil reserves in the rest of the world begin to dwindle than guess what, we have preserved ours. We still get almost %50 of our oil from domestic production so blaming this on Obama is ridiculous. Lets assume that oil is an infinite resource (which it most definitely is not) we still need to stop taking carbon that is trapped in the earth, burning it, and releasing it into our atmosphere. This should be common sense for anyone that knows the properties of CO2 and what it does for our atmosphere. Too much will amplify this affect. On top of the clear cutting of forest that help to filter CO2. We need to begin thinking of the future and the kind of planet we will leave for future generations.

    “Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.”
    -Ancient Indian Proverb

  • 26. Amir Timur  |  May 9th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    @Joe Comment #2.

    Please shut up already. Thorium is only going to destroy humanity, if we ever adopt it.
    Imagine that, giving democracies another 3 decades to totally wreck human culture.


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