Today’s question comes from a reader named Artiom. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Team eXiled is here to help.
I need to sneak out of Russia and travel to Belgium without getting caught. I am a citizen of both countries, but Russia wouldn’t let me out, they want me to serve in the army first.
So how the hell do I get out of here??
Dear Stuck in Russia,
We ran your letter by Brecher and he thought you should try hiking out through Karelia. “Lots and lots of forested unpopulated border there. And if the army wants this guy, he’s young and fit. So tell him to take up hiking and buy a simple, reliable handheld GPS system. Then go hiking next summer and just make sure to hike a little further north and west than he’s officially planning to go. If he’s caught, throw away the GPS and plead you got lost. If not, you’re in Finland.”
In case that doesn’t work, the eXiled recommends you start learning the art of the blowjob and lifting some weights. After all, two years of service is not that long, especially when you get to be a full-blown ded (gramps) for half of that time. That’s when the muscles come into play.
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