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The War Nerd / May 20, 2009


Cheech Marin moonlighting as the leader of the Tamil Tigers?

I have to say “Thank you, God of War,” because we just saw a decisive victory in a war, for once. I never thought I’d live to see the day. Most wars these days are half-assed policy tussles, “politics by other means” way, way too much. But the war between the Sinhalese and the Tamils, that was a war, dude. With one side wiped out, just like the good old days. The Sinhalese Army rolled up the Tamil Tigers, or LTTE for people who know what they’re talking about, pushing them back into their “heartland” (I love those war-correspondent words, like “heartland”) in the North of the island. For once, war maps you could make sense of! Every month, the Tamil Tigers’ range got smaller and smaller, like Grizzlies coming up against real-estate developers. It was that one-sided. And last week, the LTTE finally got erased from that last “football-field sized” patch of coastal scrub where they were doing their Alamo thing.

If you follow war news carefully, instead of just trusting what the correspondents tell you, you had to wonder how any army can hold on to a patch of ground that small for so long–it took weeks to finally Terminix’em–against an army with modern weapons. The kill radius for a 155mm shell is huge, and the Sinhalese have plenty of artillery. Any halfwit first lieutenant from WW I could have wiped the Tamils out in an hour. And would have, too. That’s the difference, that’s why it took so long: we’ve got this thing about civilians. They didn’t worry about that in the Great War, but the Sinhalese finally figured out that you have to fight two wars at once: one with the guerrillas and one with the world press. They’d already won the war with the LTTE, but the diehards were holed up in that “football-field sized” camping ground, holding every baby and old lady they could find up in front of them: “Civilians! You wouldn’t shell a man wearing civilians, would ya?”

The temptation would be to say, “Hell yeah I would.” But nope, that doesn’t pay. Too many digital cameras around. The Sinhalese Army did a great job of keeping the press out, but the LTTE was always very good at propaganda and had their own minicams  just itching to record scenes of zapped civilians. So the Sinhalese had to do it very slowly, making a big show of helping civilians “trapped” in the kill zone.

All that talk, that correspondent talk, is fake, but you still have to take it seriously. “Trapped”? Most of the Tamils in northern Sri Lanka are insanely loyal, like North-Korean level loyal, to the LTTE and their fat-ass leader Prabhakaran. They weren’t “trapped,” they fled with their heroes. Once you’ve donated half your family members to the Black Tigers, the suicide squads, you don’t mind donating your last moments on earth being a human shield. But even willing victims look bad when they’ve been splattered by artillery, so the Sinhalese had to pinpoint guerrilla targets within that Super Bowl field of bad dreams, or just wait them out.

And it worked. They got Prabhakaran himself, the Dom Deluise Scarlet Pimpernel of the Tamils, zooming out of the kill zone in an armored ambulance. Blew him and his lieutenants right through the red cross.

Or did they? Naturally you have to wonder with any story like that. Why an ambulance? Cuz it makes Prabhakaran look like the ultimate coward. He’d been yammering for decades that he’d bite down on his cyanide capsule before he let them capture him alive, even told his bodyguards to shoot him if he was in danger of capture. So he looks real bad fleeing in an ambulance, trying to get a few more breaths in his miserable life.


Prabhy: Before and After

Of course he looked real bad anyway, on the video the Sinhalese released of his corpse, because the ambulance was hit with an RPG. Blew the back of his head right off. It was funny in a way, ol’ Prabh’s face with the eyes wide open, looking surprised, like, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a living god, damn it!” The face was still there, but it was all show, like storefronts in a western. Nobody home in that cranium any more.

Prabhakaran was like the Inca hisself to the Tamil insurgents. That’s why it was so important to manage the whole story of how he died: if you make him look bad, you discourage the whole martyr thing before it gets off the ground. Very, very important in asymmetrical war, because in that kind of war, the insurgents can win by losing, by dying good.

You know that old movie, Angels with Dirty Faces, old Cagney movie? The priest or whatever talks this gangster Cagney into pretending to go to the chair sobbing and crying like a baby. The headline reads, “Rocky Dies Yellow.” In the movie, Rocky wasn’t yellow, he just agreed to act yellow to discourage kiddies who were going to follow in his gangsta footsteps. In Prabh’s case it’s more like trying to discourage ten thousand next-generation suicide-vest models.

I don’t know if the ambulance story is true, but overall I kind of think so. In this case. Not that I always believe what the Sinhalese say–they’ve killed Prabh about thirty times by now, if you believe their press releases over the years–but because Prabh seemed like he was too in love with being king of his territory to fade into the scrub like a smarter leader would have done. He just wouldn’t face the fact that he was losing. So he probably did hang on to his little throne, all his little asslicking toadies, right to the “bitter end” that his PR director mentioned. It must’ve been like some lame high-school drama production, “The Last Days of Prabhakaran,” with tubby himself waddling around exhorting the scared, confused scraps of his army to go blow themselves up while he figured out his best lifesaving move.

If you watched the press over the last week, trying to decide how to cover the fall of the Tigers, you saw some weird shifts. The BBC is doing the best coverage but they’ve always tilted to the Tamil side because the Tamils were their butt-boys back in the day, and the Sinhalese were sullen and rebellious. You know, mad about having their country taken away, the sore losers. The Brits imported the Tamils to be more docile-type field slaves, just like they did in Fiji. In the process, they managed to fuck both islands up real good. In fact, that was a British specialty: finding some paradise-type tropical island and importing a zillion Tamil field slaves to ruin it forever.

So the BBC started out talking about Prabh and the Tigers as “guerrillas” and “insurgents,” even those these guys are a trillion times nastier than, say, the IRA “terrorists” the BBC used to screech about. But Prabh just wasn’t hero material, and the Tigers were too sleazy and crazy to spin into Robin Hoods. So you could see that even on Brit sites, the Tigers were getting very, very little sympathy. Nobody actually said “they had it coming,” but they danced around hinting it the way “mainstream” reporters do, the chickenshits.

Personally, I suspect the last straw was Prabh being fat. I’m just being honest here when I say that’s the only real sin in the world I know about. You can do anything you want if you stay skinny. But gain a little weight and it’s, “Oh, you monster! You FAT monster!” and it’s the “fat” that’s supposed to hurt. If he’d been as skinny and cute as Che, he could’ve eaten babies for breakfast and still been the BBC’s poster boy.

Gary Brecher is the author of the War Nerd. Send your comments to

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Add your own

  • 1. Peter  |  May 20th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Che wasn’t skinny bro.

  • 2. Carlito  |  May 20th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Indo-Aryans vs Dravidians. Always the same old shit on the sub-continent.

  • 3. hydro-bomb  |  May 20th, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Yeah that commie was a flabby little gaucho.

  • 4. Chicken Friedman  |  May 20th, 2009 at 10:52 am

    I don’t get it, Gary…In your last column, Tamil civilians were being forced at gunpoint to act as human shields:

    “When the war resumed in 2002, the Tamils voted with their feet. They ran from the LTTE slavedrivers, even risked surrendering to Sinhalese soldiers instead of sticking with their “liberators.” The LTTE was so shocked at the way their peasant slaves were deserting them they made it policy to fire on Tamil civilians who were trying to flee LTTE-controlled zones.”

    But now these same Tamil civilians are “willing victims” who are consenting to be used as shields out of ethnic loyalty:

    “Most of the Tamils in northern Sri Lanka are insanely loyal, like North-Korean level loyal, to the LTTE and their fat-ass leader Prabhakaran. They weren’t “trapped,” they fled with their heroes.”

    Whats the deal?

  • 5. Bat-Mite  |  May 20th, 2009 at 11:06 am

    I see that we’ve given up on making non-subscribers wait a day before we can see Mr. Brecher’s posts.

  • 6. Alok  |  May 20th, 2009 at 11:12 am

    Funnily enough, Prabhakharan’s end is startlingly similar to the death of another Tamil bandit/folk hero in India, Veerappan (who was killed in 2004).

    For details:

    That sets me thinking. Is it too much coincidence that both were shot fleeing in an ambulance? (Fleeing in an ambulance being a pretty cowardly way to flee.. short of dressing up as a woman..) That both had threatened to sort of go firing on all cylinders? That both were sort of heroes rural Tamilians (in Sri Lanka and India respectively).

    The difference I guess is that Veerappan was too dangerous to be left alive… too dangerous to the politicians in Bangalore and Madras who had abetted his rise, and happily pocketed his money. Prabhakharan was going to kill himself of course, but, as “Gary” points out, try and create as many martyrs in the process.

    Still.. I guess the LTTE of the 80s and early 90s was a different beast to the LTTE of the late 90s and noughties.

  • 7. InActionMan IAM  |  May 20th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    What I can’t understand is why the Sinhalese didn’t defeat the Tamils a long time ago, militarily at least? I mean, who was backing the Tigers?
    Perhaps you previous post will provide the answer.

  • 8. niko  |  May 20th, 2009 at 11:23 am

    Hey Gary love the column, but that thing about Brits bringing the Tamils to Sri Lanka is a little bit wrongish – In SL you have Sri Lankan Tamils and Indian Tamils. SL Tamils have been in the country for hundreds of years, had kingdoms up in Jaffna, and are the ones who are now in the government camps. Indian Tamils were brought by the Brits to work the tea, coffee and rubber plantations, and they are notably distinct – socially and politically from SL Tamils. Indian Tamils aren’t really aligned with the LTTE so much (at least I’m lead to understand), and are more active politically/aligned with the government/what have you. Then you’ve got the Moors, who are Muslims, speak Tamil and are descended from Arab traders. You’re right the Brits are probably the most to blame for it all, but I’m not too sure about them using the Tamils as their colonial puppets.

  • 9. Ryunosuke  |  May 20th, 2009 at 11:27 am

    Mr. War Nerd,you need to appreciate the fact that Prabhakaran achieved quite a bit before throwing it all away.

    Prabhakaran was a man of will who stood up against Sinhala chauvinism and became a militant on behalf of a terribly oppressed people.

    Read this interview to understand him before calling him names

  • 10. Allen  |  May 20th, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    I’m not very invested either way. It was quite the conflict and one side got annihilated as never seems to happen these days (still think they will be back eventually). For the nihilistic war nerd in all of us, this one had some very nice war footage from both sides — lots of the old Russian specials at work.

    The Tamils built some decent defenses too (and yeah had civies etc) … but they got rolled back slowly and finally.

    SL’s president is talking reconcilation and happy things. Meanwhile I hear many of the (vast) LTTE cemeteries have already been desecrated … I hate the “world order is safe” we “defeated terrorism” schtick the media does. One tribe stomped another; that’s about it.

    As for Prabhakaran, I’m sure no Tamils buy the ambulance story; and I’m not sure if I do either for the above stated reasons. As a matter of fact the day before I heard media reports that his body was found on the battlefield … and that he and his command fought to the death (who knows at the end of the day really).

  • 11. Pakk  |  May 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    1. There are two kinds of Tamils in Sri Lanka: a) the indegenous ones who populate the North b) the ones imported by the Brits who live in scattered settlements in the central part of the island. Type A have been actively involved in the insurgency; type B may have been symapthetic but had little role to play in LTTE.

    2. Che was only slim when young; then he grew a belly and a bold patch.

    3. They never got Prabhakaran alive, and there was apparently a 2hr firefight before they blew up the guy. Not too bad, compared to Saddam at least.

    4. The defection of Muralitharan (better known as Colonel Karuna) apparently played a crucial rule in LTTE’s defeat. It seems Prabhakaran grew too huge an ego to adjust his defenses and tactics in order to counter the effects of this defection.

  • 12. MQ  |  May 20th, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Could we PLEASE get a column on Pakistan? Jeez.

  • 13. Baked Dr. Luny  |  May 20th, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I’ve read elsewhere that the Sinhalese got major backing from China just recently and that that’s why they have finally been able to defeat the tamils.

    On another note, do you think countries like Pakistan who receive significant military aid from the US might intentionally prolong their conflicts in order to continue receiving more aid? I say this because I just read an article about Uganda fucking up a US-backed mission against the Lord’s Resistance Army in an incredibly stupid way. It also seems suspicious that the Pakistanis suddenly started kicking Taliban ass immediately after receiving a ridiculous ammount of US military aid.

  • 14. Andrew  |  May 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm


    In the long run, how much difference does it make if Prabhakaran died like a coward or a hero?

  • 15. Bollox  |  May 20th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    The War Nerd has often mentioned how no one does the old Roman-style victory meaning complete and utter annihilation of the opposing tribe. Well, he’ll be glad to know that the Sri Lankans practice a modified version of that in how they dealt with the intransigent leadership of the LTTE.

    Reading between the lines of various SL milblogs, it seems that the entire top level leadership was captured, polite regretful discussions were held and they achieved Eelam (their sought-after separate state) by forced ingestion of 7.62mm pills. Even their families were not spared.

    A particularly refined fate was reserved for the LTTE’s chief land-mine designer, (a chap called Ponnammaan), creator of the much-hated Jhonny-mine. He apparently died having “lost both his legs in a mysterious blast”. Poetic justice doesn’t even begin to describe his fate.

    Gary, Gary, Gary, show some love to the Sri Lankan Army. It is mainly but not exclusively Singhalese. Lots of Muslims, Tamils & Burghers (descendants of European settlers who intermarried & remained) served & died to defeat the LTTE.

    As for the pussy BBC, they’ve called pissant little amateur groups like the UVF (Ulster Volunteer Force) ‘terrorists’, but never the LTTE.

    Finally, a special Youtube gift, just for the War Nerd(s). It’s the Sri Lanka Army ceremonially ‘silencing their guns’ by firing off one last salvo with their much-loved MBRLs (the gift that keeps giving) and armour, at the point of victory on the North Eastern coastline.

    The commentary is in both Sinhala and Tamil. Just to make a point, I think. Make sure you watch the whole thing. It’s worth 5 minutes of your valuable time.

    p.s. Pedantic Nerd Correction: your main pic is of VP’s idiot son, Charles Anthony who finally provided the answer to ‘who ate all the pies?’

    You can see their Prabha’s happy family album pix at the SL MOD site, here:

  • 16. rick  |  May 20th, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Once again confused by all the real war nerds. Is nobody interested in this shit who can’t shoehorn it into an ideological narrative? We need an army of post-academic academics to explain this. Unfortunately they are prohibited from interesting, insightful analysis.

    Obliquely related to the partisan “thinkers” of our times, for the wide-minded:

    “But, you may protest, the good professor handed his cards to a jury of little girls of eight or nine years, or to the inmates of a home for the feeble-minded.”

  • 17. ROBERT  |  May 20th, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Ah, gary you finally get one wrong, the tigers are not even close too being gone, they’re dug in the jungles(the had about 5 years too prepare these during the ceasefire in the early 2000’s)

    You’re early articles talked about the tigers medium navy, they’re tanks and armored vehicles, the artillery and all sorts of equipment the tigers had(i did research too)so my question you can try to answer is : WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?

    I been following this war a lot longer and much more closely than most of you than you young ones and i’m fluent in tamil and Singhalese so i follow both sides war reports. The Singhalese army reports everything no matter how trivial the things they destroy or find.

    So they wouldn’t report finding hundreds of ships and other major war material.HA.Even if you nod to all the propaganda bullshit of the Singhalese army the figures still don’t add up.

    Trust me the tigers will make a great comeback that will leave your jaws ganging.
    (by the way that looks nothing like Prabhakaran even my old eyes can tell that.

    Gary, Gary, Gary i thought you were better material but everyone’s wrong once.IF you study this ” military victory” you’ll find plenty of gaping holes.


  • 18. Allen  |  May 20th, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Andrew: It’s a douche-y thing to say, but in the long run … (long enough anyway) … what does anything matter?

    Life happens in the short run.

    In the short run the details of Prabha’s fate may be significant … (or maybe not). What picture people get of things sometimes is important.

  • 19. harv  |  May 20th, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    hi robert..

    first of all all fuck you

    secondly, you seem to be a staunch LTTE supporter as demonstrated by your biased tone. the demise of your beloved ragtag tamil militia is no different from the countless other failed/rotted “resistance” movements throughout history across the globe. these individuals were not special…your people are not special. such demise is usually preceeded by the usual suspects (among the organization’s leadership): corruption, negligence, treason, tyranny, shift in geopolitics.

  • 20. Bollox  |  May 21st, 2009 at 1:42 am

    Things are getting even more ‘Roman’ as the SL war ends. Here are pix of the body of the slain & defeated leader (Prabha) being carried on a stretcher through a throng of victorious SL infantry.

    In an ideal (Roman) world he would have been brought to the capital and strangled before the watching crowd. But, hey, we’re more civilized in the 21st Century, right?

  • 21. Franck Boizard  |  May 21st, 2009 at 10:22 am

    What do you think of the Cordesman-Toukan report about Israeli attacks against Iran ?

  • 22. Frasse  |  May 21st, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    I’m with Breacher here. Prabhakaran biggest mistake was not being “sexy” enough for the cameras. To bad he wasn’t skinny, I could have made a killing on selling T-shirts, snowboards and other stupid stuff to left leaning, spoiled, white middle class kids all over the world. And 40 years later I could produce some crappy movies about Prabhakaran and win some arty farty price at some stupied movie festival in Europe.
    I guess that I can make a movie about him now, but it would only sell the in Tamil Nadu and has to made in that “Bollywood” style that has does really lame dancing and singing scenes that they love on the Indian subcontinent. But hey it could be a good ending scene with Prabhakaran dancing on the beach and singing about making his last stand and dying for the cause, all in Tamil off course. The War Nerd brings out the creative side off me, I have to thank Breacher for that.
    And by the way Breacher you should write a piece on everybody’s favorite war, the class war, or do you let Ames do the reporting on that?

  • 23. Geo8rge  |  May 21st, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    So War Nerd just a short while ago LTTE was the first 4th gen actor to use aerial bombardment. It seemed they were jumping from strength to strength. Then it all falls apart. What’s your explanation? Were they secretly funded by Bear Sterns or something? Was it that Sikh guy running India.

    So what up wit da Taliban? Can Sri Lankan lessons be applied to them? Seems Team USA is going the race war route in Pakistan, Punjabi v Pashtun, which I guess means Balochis win.

  • 24. SweetLeftFoot  |  May 23rd, 2009 at 3:33 am

    According to The Times, which tends to know about these things – IE intel use it as a mouthpiece – a key element of the SLA’s offensive was the use of Israeli supplied aeriel drones for intelligence.

    In fact, the whole operation, right down to the camps, reeks of Israeli modes of operation.

  • 25. pit  |  May 24th, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    the che was almost emaciated when he was captured in bolivia

  • 26. Raul Castro  |  May 26th, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Master Brecher should download the peppy October 8, 1967 interview of Che by LA’s very own answer to Silver Bullet Burritos, radiostantsiya KPFK –

    Tastes just like chicken! ‘Patria O Muerte’,my ass!

    Me ‘n Fidel never liked you, Guevarra. Not one little bit! Plata o plomo, dude. You got what you deserved.



  • 27. Kalumagic  |  May 28th, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Well done Gary. BBC pimps for Terrorists.

  • 28. Malshan peiris  |  May 29th, 2009 at 3:22 am

    The “human shield” was there not becuse they like the LTTE, they were held at gun point by the LTTE.
    Army took this much time becuase they didn’t use heavy weapons on the no fire zone, until the last civillian was rescued. So the army fought LTTE, even LTTE tanks and boats by infantry weopans (T-56, RPG-7, P-89) to avoid targetting civillians.
    Anyway, 250,000 civillains fled to government area (coz they don’t like LTTE) when LTTE were firing from mortars, 152mm howitzers and machine guns mounted on their tanks (T-55). Many people died, and many army men died trying to cover them.

  • 29. shakir  |  June 1st, 2009 at 4:12 am

    truth serum – fucking fantastic

  • 30. Eranda  |  June 2nd, 2009 at 4:03 am

    Hey dude nice article. Its nice to see that the people understand that the BBC is just a bunch of pussies bending over for the LLTE. But i would like to point out something,
    You seems to be calling the Sri Lankan army the “Sinhalese” army. Its not so! The Sri Lankan military consists of all ethnic communities not just sinhalese and many Tamil and Muslim soldiers have given their lives in the line of duty to protect Sri Lanka.

  • 31. war dude  |  June 5th, 2009 at 4:02 am

    I met a Singalese fellow student at the uni not long ago. He did not excatly cheer when I told him that I am Norwegian. I had to lol when this guy told me that my government had supplied the Tigers with a submarine force. But the pics he showed from the net did’nt lie. It was like an old German build sub from the 30s or the like, the markings looked genuine. Apart from that, useless crapola, can not imagine that it was deployed.

    The Tigers can also thank socialist peacenik Erik Solheim for the concrete and rebar he donated. That made them capable of building those last stand bunkers. The last I heard, the singalese are throwing out all remaining norwegian “aid” and “peace” workers. Not too soon.

    Thanks to the war nerd for the article. Good and fun read as always.

  • 32. Russel  |  June 6th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Best Army in The World:

    SL Army under General Fonseka shall be named as the ” BEST ARMY in the WORLD “.
    comparing to IDF they are not scared of casualities but performed superbly under very difficult circumstances saving many SLANKEN lives as possible incl. those of LieTTE DIE HARDS.

    Look @ the Nato sorry perfomance ???? in Afgan!

    BBC shall be awarded the most “BIAS Bloody
    Cooperation ” award.
    Aperantly they made more money through LieTTE
    funding than on adds.

    Great Sorry Britain ( Lodanistan = european Afganistan ) tried their best 2 save the fat Praba & co , so they could be selling further those rotten , low perfomance weapons to SL & to LieTTE

    Then comes the commedy show of miliband & Co
    wants to preach HR 2 SL.

    The Due 4 fat Praba should have been “Stone 2 death ” in slow motion with tiny but sharp stones!!!
    For Idiot like Miliband they shoud use a Big Rock to make sure that Slazy IDIOTS like him will be spared to the man kind.

    And congrats to my favorit FAT BOY from fresno the “Gary the Milk Maid “.
    Well done Garry, u are the only guy on the planet & have the GUTS to tell the truth about those cunny & SLAZY Brits.
    Tkx god they are all going down the (D)rain.

    The only good things UK ever produced are the sexy bitches they have every now & then (the rest is call Barrels with Titts ),
    but thats another story as U all know !”!!!

  • 33. RPG Cunthair  |  June 6th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    So Prabhy is fat and ugly. Yet he went down like a man. Can you imagine that tub of shit, Schwarzkopf, going down like that in Iraq.

  • 34. eranda  |  February 23rd, 2010 at 1:30 am

    Hi Gary, nice article and this is quite true. Mahinda Rajapaksha who led this war is a true Sinhala leader.Thank you

  • 35. Yohan  |  September 24th, 2010 at 9:27 am

    The main thing is that our forces got the bustards who killed many of our brothers, sisters, and some of the good brains of this country…
    Our country will progress, will grow and if anyone don’t believe it wait and see….
    SriLanka is our only country and God bless us

  • 36. Vis8  |  April 19th, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Prabhakaran, the ‘Sun God’ who tied cyanide-containing tubes around the necks of chidren, who advised these child soldiers to “swallow cyanide” if captured…..and said he will do the same….. also advised the poor children not to run away from the front lines…

    He was dressed in civilian clothing, with no cyanide around his neck, and was running away for his life, when he was shot and killed.

    This is the hypocrisy that Tamil people (especially those ‘refugees’ in the greener pastures of the West), need to realize.

  • 37. Vis8  |  April 19th, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Dear Gary,
    Bought and read your book.. Thank you for highlighting the truth about the manic-ridden ltte terrorists. It is refreshing that there are people in the West that see the truth, as it is.

    Thank you, and with best regards.

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