This is a vengeful slagging of previews I’ve seen at least ten-thousand times, maybe through bad luck, bad timing, bad karma, it’s hard to say. They’re all for movies opening March 20th. Except for The Soloist, which may never open, judging by the way they keep not opening it.

I Love You Man

This is the “bromance” one about a guy (Paul Rudd playing the same damn thing he always does) with no male friends who needs to recruit one to be best man at his wedding. The recruit is Jason Segal (Forgetting Sarah Marshall), who’s big and puffy and boring and yelly, yet other characters always regard him as outrageous or liberating or heartwarming or something. We need hardly add that Jason Segal needs to be taken out into the woods and shot, or abandoned on an ice floe, anything to put an end to the tedium. (more…)

Previews—I love ‘em, don’t you? Occasionally you’ll meet someone who doesn’t, who regards them as speed-bumps on the way to the main feature, the best time to buy popcorn or check their stocks or something. They’re to be avoided, those people. Because it’s obvious that when you pay an absurd price to see the feature, what makes it worthwhile is the five-to-ten additional movies shown to you in the form of previews. (more…)