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Fatwah / September 19, 2009

gazoodh6

The best reason to support President Obama’s decision to dump Bush’s Star Wars program is that the neocons are outraged. They’re wrong about everything: the geopolitical world’s biggest losers, punditry’s equivalent of the Chrysler car design unit. Everything that comes out of the neocons’ brains is a guaranteed lemon. It’s hard to understand why the Hell these people still have jobs, let alone citizenship in the nation they ruined–until you remember that America stopped being a meritocracy a few decades ago, and only shamelessness and bluster are rewarded.

Now the neocons are back to try to ruin us again. This time they’re screaming treason and stab-in-the-back at Obama for the crime of canceling a corrupt, failed, and ultimately dangerous-to-ourselves missile shield that was to be set up in the Czech Republic and Poland.

I was in Russia when the ABM Treaty was scrapped back in 2001. We’d just taken Kabul, the Russians had already rolled out the red carpet for us opening up their former bases in the ex-Soviet Central Asian republics, and so naturally the neocons told Bush that we didn’t need the Russians anymore, so fuck ‘em. The day America announced its withdrawal from the ABM treaty, Putin gave an address to the nation that was one of the few, if only times, I recall him looking actually shaken–after 9/11, his KGB/military base was furious that Putin cooperated with America, arguing that America couldn’t be trusted and letting America into Central Asia “temporarily” was like inviting Dracula into your home–he’d never leave until he’d drained every last person. By ripping up the ABM treaty that quickly after we’d taken Kabul, Putin was made to look like a fool, and it showed in his television address that night.

I was also in Moscow in the spring of 2006, when Foreign Policy magazine published an article by two American experts arguing that the only purpose of setting up the missile shield in Poland and the Czech Republic was to give America first-strike primacy over Russia. The American academics, Keir Lieber of Nortre Dame and Daryl Press of the University of Pennsylvania, argued that the missile shield being set up in Eastern Europe only made sense if its design was to give America the capability to launch a successful nuclear first-strike on Russia and shoot down whatever remained of their arsenal–as Lieber told me in an interview, it made no sense to place the shield  on Russia’s northwestern border if the object was Iran or North Korea, because the shield is designed to take out the missiles as close to their launching point as possible. The only possible reason for setting it up in Poland and the Czech Republic was to first-strike Russia.

The Russian media went apeshit when the Foreign Policy article was published, and the country’s leadership has been furious about the missile shield ever since. But what I find really idiotic is that the neocons who pushed it didn’t plan on the Russians taking counter-measures to get some negotiating leverage against the missile shield. They just figured, like Dr. Evil when he has Austin Powers sent off to be assassinated out-of-view, that “I’ll just announce the shield and take a decade to set it up on Russia’s borders, and assume that the Russians won’t cause problems for us in the 10 years it takes to set it up, and everything goes according to plan, what?”

And so ever since Bush announced he was scrapping the ABM treaty in 2001, Russia has become a growing menace to America’s hegemony around the world, arming everyone from Venezuela to Hezbollah and of course Iran, not to mention whatever shenanigans they’ve been playing in Afghanistan and Iraq. But really, even if Russia is “evil,” can you blame them? It worked: now we’re doing a deal to get rid of a system we don’t need, so that they’ll stop causing problems we can’t handle.

It takes a functioning brain to understand that the world doesn’t always work the way you want it to–and now that America has been so weakened by all the other neocon-designed disasters, we’re too weak to pick a global fight with Russia. That’s why Kissinger, Scowcroft, Gates, and other “realist” Republicans pushed Obama to throw in the towel on this loser program, and instead focus on trying to undo all the damage done by the neocons.

You’d think they’d be gone forever, but no: now the neocons are back, telling us that scrapping the missile shield is surrender. It’s Munich 1938, for the 1 billionth time repeated over and over like some neocon Groundhog Day–that’s their favorite idiotic historical analogy, and they’ll never tire of dragging it around like some Halloween pumpkin to scare us.

It’s like bad slapstick from a shitty Hanna-Barbera cartoon, the way these neocons constantly whisper disastrous advice into America’s ear. Yep, I’m talking about “The Great Gazoo,” the snobby, sexually-ambiguous martian who tormented Fred Flintstone with his catastrophic advice, always abandoning Fred after disaster struck. The neocons are Gazoo: Charles Krauthammer, John Bolton, Mona Charen, Max Boot, Fred Barnes, The Weekly Standard, The National Review, the Washington Post editorial page…. and of course, Dick Cheney.

Now Obama’s announced one of his rare brave/intelligent decisions–to scrap Bush’s Star Wars project–and the Great Gazoo doesn’t like it one bit. The neocons are screaming that President Obama’s plan to scrap the missile shield in eastern Europe will lead to the destruction of Western civilization as we know it. That Obama is some kind of blackface version of Neville Chamberlain. It’s pure Gazoo comic relief of the lowest Hanna-Barbera sort, and the repeats are worse than the first-runs were.

Just in case anyone’s forgotten, below I’m recounting some of the highlights from the Great Gazoo/neocon show over the past decade, to get a flavor of the hijinks and knee-slappers that they wreaked to our poor nation:

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2002:

POOF! “Oh Mister Preeeesident, it’s meeeee, Gazoo. You let Bin Laden get away, dumb-dumb, and now you’ve got a country called Afghanistan that’s of no use. Pretty soon, people are going to start asking questions about 9-11…”

“Boy am I glad to see you, Gazoo. What should I do?”

“If you just listen to me, Mr. President, I can solve your problems.”

“Really? How?”

“It’s not that difficult, dumb-dumb. Invade Iraq. You earthlings are soooo slow.”

“But my dad says invading will be a problem.”

“You’re dad’s an earthling, dumb-dumb. It’ll be a cakewalk. The entire Middle East will become pro-American. I told him that a decade ago but he wouldn’t listen, because he’s a dumb-dumb.”

“I’ll listen to you, Gazoo.”

“I know you will, George. It seems you’re the only earthling who isn’t a dumb-dumb. Now do as I say and invade Iraq.”

“What sort of planning should I do? How many troops should I use, Gazoo?”

“It doesn’t really matter, just have your troops bring lots of vases because the locals will greet them with flowers. Now, about North Korea…”

“I did as you said, Gazoo. I stopped talking to North Korea completely, and pulled everyone out of negotiations.”

“Good, North Korea should be begging to surrender to us in a matter of weeks, not months. Toodle-loo, dumb-dumb!” POOF!

2004:

george-bush-as-fred-flintstone-49

“Gazoo, where are you? You gotta help me out, this Iraq thing is turning into a disaster!”

POOF! “Don’t be a dumb-dumb, Mr. President! If you’d listened to me and done it right, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“But you told me to invade Iraq, Gazoo!”

“Of course I did, dumb-dumb. And everything would have turned out perfectly if only you’d bombed Iran and Syria in the aftermath. Those two are mucking up a perfectly good occupation. Clearly I wasted good advice on a dumb-dumb. Now it’s your mess, not mine.”

“But Gazoo, I can’t invade Iran right now, our forces are overstretched, the Shia in Iraq are in revolt–”

“That’s not my problem, dumb-dumb. I told you to invade Iran, and you didn’t. If you don’t want to listen to me, do so at your own peril, dumb-dumb.”

“No wait, Gazoo, don’t leave me! You gotta help get me outta Iraq!”

“Toodle-loo, dumb-dumb!” POOF!

2006:

POOF! “Oh Ehuuuud Olmert, Mr. Prime Minister? I know how to get rid of the threat on Israel’s northern border. If you just listen to me, I can solve your problems, dumb-dumb.”

olmert-idiot

“Gazoo, is that you?”

“No, it’s Baal. Of course I’m Gazoo, dumb-dumb.”

“I’m sorry, Gazoo, it’s just.”

“Listen to me and shuttup, dumb-dumb. Now, here’s how to get rid of Hezbollah and win the next elections. Bomb the Shia villages and invade the south of Lebanon with armored columns. It’ll be a breeze, dumb-dumb. They’ll never bother Israel again.”

“Really, Gazoo?”

“Of course, dumb-dumb. You’re the one with the air force and tanks. Use them. Toodle-loo!” POOF!

TWO WEEKS LATER:

“Gazoo! Help me, it’s Ehud! Where are you, Gazoo?”

POOF! “I’m trying to have a bath, dumb-dumb. You earthlings have no manners.”

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“But Gazoo, we’ve bombed and bombed and invaded southern Lebanon just like you said, and it’s turning into a military defeat. We’re losing to Hezbollah!”

“Of course you’re losing dumb-dumb, because you didn’t listen to me. Iran is the real problem, so you have to bomb Iran. Do I have to tell you everything, dumb-dumb?”

“But I can’t bomb Iran unless America bombs Iran with me. You said President Bush wouuld bomb Iran if I got in trouble, and they’re not bombing. What happened?”

“He’s a dumb-dumb too, just like his father. Just wait until he finds out that North Korea will set off a nuclear test bomb in a month–of course, if the dumb-dumb listened to me and continued not talking to North Korea, he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.”

“But Gazoo, I’m ruined if the war ends in a defeat like this!”

“You’re still here, Ehud? Well look, I can’t help a dumb-dumb who doesn’t listen to me, now can I, dumb-dumb? Call me when you’ve bombed Iran. They wouldn’t dare to retaliate, that’s for certain. Toodle-loo, dumb-dumb!” POOF!

2008:

POOF! “Oh Miiiiiisha, Mr. President of Georgia? Helloooo, it’s me, Gazoo. I know how you can regain South Ossetia and overcome your domestic political problems, if you just listen to me, dumb-dumb.”

“Gazoo? Boy am I glad to see you.”

saakashvili nuts1

“I’m sure you are, dumb-dumb. So here’s my plan, if you’re not too much of a dumb-dumb to understand it: invade South Ossetia with the troops that America trained up for you. It’ll be a cinch–the Russians won’t even know what hit them.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, dumb-dumb. You have Gazoo on your side, and the Russians don’t have Gazoo. Anyone who’s not a dumb-dumb realizes that the side with Gazoo wins.”

“I’m glad I have Gazoo on my side!”

“I see you’re learning, Misha. Maybe you’re not such a dumb-dumb.”

“How will my military victory in South Ossetia solve my political problems, Gazoo?”

“Well, dumb-dumb, you’ll be so popular you won’t need to kill or jail your political opponents anymore, because everyone will support President Saakashvili, war hero!”

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“Gazoo, you’re a genius!”

“Tell me something I don’t know, dumb-dumb. Toodle-loo!”

TWO WEEKS LATER:

“Gazoo, help me! Where are you Gazoo??? The Russians destroyed my army, and they’re deep inside Georgian territory!”

POOF! “Do I have to do everything for you, dumb-dumb?”

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“But Gazoo, I thought you said that the Russians would never invade after I took South Ossetia.”

“That’s not what I told you, dumb-dumb. I said that Bush would never let Russia invade. Unfortunately, Bush is a dumb-dumb. And even I, the Great Gazoo, am powerless to help a dumb-dumb.”

“What do I do now? I’m ruined!”

“Gazoo has it all worked out. Your friend John McCain is much smarter than the dumb-dumb Bush, and he agrees that it’s time to start a New Cold War with Russia. He understands how easily America will win the New Cold War, unlike dumb-dumb. As soon as McCain is the new president, everything will work out fine. Toodle-loo, dumb-dumb!”

gazoo1

*          *          *

Now it’s 2009, and Gazoo, who laid low for awhile, is back with a vengeance, particularly since there’s no caveman president to take his advice seriously. So instead, Gazoo is bullhorning his message to the tens of millions of cavemen Flintstones across America who might heed his message. And his message is this: by scrapping a loser weapons system that cost America dearly in all kinds of ways while gaining it nothing, Obama is worse than a “dumb-dumb”–he’s opened up the castle gates to the Russians, and any day now, they’re going to re-invade Europe and destroy Western civilization as we know it.

How hard can it be to understand that, dumb-dumbs?

Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion from Reagan’s Workplaces to Clinton’s Columbine.

Click the cover & buy the book!

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45 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. yeah  |  September 19th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Wow. I got nothing. Ames now is like Jordan in ´94. Huge talent at the top of his game.

  • 2. Sin Fronteras  |  September 19th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Gazoo has the ears of all the Fred Flintstones in California’s 25th congressional district.

    http://www.vvdailypress.com/news/russia-14530-empowers-washington.html

  • 3. klauposius  |  September 19th, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Couldn’t have said it better. The Russia debacle was third or fourth on the list of insane things the Dolt and his tribe of gibbering idiots got up to. So it slipped under the radar. I’d bring it up in conversation and people would just wince. Dolt -fatigue.

  • 4. Jyp  |  September 19th, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. Pop cultural analysis. Something we can all grasp. And speaking to them in their own lingo. Triple plus good.

  • 5. Michael B  |  September 19th, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    So very true.

  • 6. Mydick  |  September 19th, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    That was a pretty obnoxious and un-funny way to make a simple and correct point.

  • 7. SeanBS  |  September 20th, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Jordan in ’94: batting .200 for the Birmingham Barons.

    Killer piece though.

  • 8. Allen  |  September 20th, 2009 at 1:33 am

    Nice device using Gazoo … shocking how well it fits.

  • 9. DarthFurious  |  September 20th, 2009 at 5:53 am

    Hilarious. But I gotta question about the Hanna-Barbara analogy: If Charles Krauthammer is the Great Gazoo, does that mean that Dick Cheney is Dick Dastardly?

  • 10. S E Pearson  |  September 20th, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Whilst it’s true that it was the Neo-Cons vindictive stupidity which inspired the lunacy of the proposed “shield” that is not the salient point here.

    This is an event of enormous proportions, America, shaken by economic catastrophes and politically divided as at no time since 1860, has suffered an international humiliation of an order not endured since Eagle’s Claw or maybe even the fall of Saigon itself. This is an exact reversal of Kennedy’s celebrated Cuban Missile victory.

    Within the context of Chinese economic tail pulling, the recent debacle in Georgia and the forthcoming ignominious retreats from Baghdad and probably Kabul what we have witnessed is an epic geo-political defeat marking the beginning of the collapse of the American Empire. Nothing less could explain the betrayal of key allies like Poland and the Czech Republic other than America is not merely on the ropes but it’s knees.

    If Israel now attacks Iran (over flying Iraqi/US airspace in the process) as expected we can only conclude that Washington’s influence outside the borders of the USA is now equivalent to that of Luxemburg and the long age of Anglo-Saxon/European supremacy has come very definitely to an end.

  • 11. Plamen Petkov  |  September 20th, 2009 at 10:46 am

    First of all, the Star Wars program was started by ol’ cowboy himself, Ronny way back in 1980s. Second, the Star Wars program was NEVER proven to work. They probably knew it didn’t work and will NEVER work as described, but kept at it cuz it was good for business for their buddies. So scraping a useless program will not bother Obama one bit. And he might STILL get Russia’s cooperation for Iran. Which (as a side note) will be the stupidest move Russia will ever make.

    A lot of the items on your list are presented as stupid move; while they might look that way were probably NOT. Nothing is as clear cut as you present it. For example, yes, it is true, USA was bogged in Iraq but they again used that to drum up business. Never waste a good crisis, right? I could go down your list and talk about each item but I wont bother to do so.
    I dunno why you talk like the neocons are losers. After all, they DID get Iraq and all the oil there, plus they get to build permanent bases there too. It’s theirs now. I’d call that a major win. Why are you overlooking that? The only country left is Iran and that’s surrounded on ALL sides. Looked at a map lately? I predict attack on Iran by the end of 2009.
    Last but not least, Obama is as much as neocon as the neocons are. He enlarged the “war” into Afganistan and Pakistan while Russia is sitting and doing nothing. Obama will continue doing neocon’s plans. In the final analysts, both USA parties act pretty much the same way in their foreigner politics. I dont understand why people are blind to that fact.

  • 12. zinoviev  |  September 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am

    …talking of Saakatchvili, I heard through the grapevine, that , like the “turkmenbachi” (Supreme Leader of the pro-US Turkmenistan) he built himself a huge palace à la Ceaucescu in Tbilissi…but shhhh…let’s stay confidential, lest we give the “Velvet Revolution” the same bad name as the “Orange Revolution” is getting in Ukraine…

  • 13. John  |  September 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    Great article, Ames

  • 14. rick  |  September 20th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    That was pretty funny. I do usually read this stuff with a contorted Joker grin on my face, and actual physical chuckles, which is like heart-attack funny, for a political essay.

  • 15. james  |  September 20th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    “Everything that comes out of the neocons’ brains is a guaranteed lemon. It’s hard to understand why the Hell these people still have jobs, let alone citizenship in the nation they ruined–until you remember that America stopped being a meritocracy a few decades ago, and only shamelessness and bluster are rewarded.”

    I was going to say something about Zionists and all that, but then I remembered that Nietzsche said “anti-Semitism is another word for ‘under-privileged.'” I’m an unter, sorry guys.

  • 16. aleke  |  September 20th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    @11.

    You’re pretty confused about politics, aren’t ya?

  • 17. porkers-at-the-trough  |  September 20th, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    well done… the damn neo-cons ARE more pervasive, more annoyingly wrong, more destructive, and more untouchable than the Great Gazoo – and we Amurikans really are the hapless Fred Flinstone, stuck with thos super-magic goblins hovering over our elives…

  • 18. Roxanne  |  September 20th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    S E Pearson :
    God help us if our key allies are Poland and Czechoslovakia…

  • 19. Spud  |  September 21st, 2009 at 7:11 am

    Mark,

    I think you’re under the misapprehension that the missile shield is cancelled. From what I read, it appears that what has really happened is that the formerly fixed radar and missile bases in the Czech Republic and Poland is instead to be replaced with a mobile system that shifts around Europe.

    Seems more like spin on a wrinkle in the missile shield’s development than a real concession.

  • 20. Joe Blow  |  September 21st, 2009 at 7:34 am

    “Russia has become a growing menace to America’s hegemony around the world, arming everyone from a) Venezuela to b) Hezbollah and of course c) Iran, not to mention whatever shenanigans they’ve been playing in d) Afghanistan and e) Iraq.”

    WHAT?

    a menace? please. its our own stupidity and fatigue.

    a) a cash paying customer? I should refuse?

    b) hmmm Syria and Iran are much more important IMO. but.. http://www.axisglobe.com/hezbollah4.htm

    c) http://eldib.wordpress.com/2009/03/08/us-fails-to-derail-iran-russia-arms-deal-israeli-warplanes-await-s-300-sale-to-iran-russian-media-teases-clinton-over-reset-button/

    d) & e) ehh lots of arms sloshing around..

    ———————
    Of course, this IS the one area that we are number one!

    “Washington – The United States not only increased its arms sales by nearly 50 per cent last year but its share of world weapons sales also rose to more than two-thirds ”

    http://www.monstersandcritics.com/news/usa/news/article_1499749.php/Report-US-expands-arms-sales-ranking-as-top-weapons-supplier

  • 21. CB  |  September 21st, 2009 at 8:35 am

    Yeah and while their leaders may have wanted the shield, their people didn’t… So what does that tell you? Maybe removing the giant target from your allies’ backs *isn’t* a betrayal?!

    Of course all the neocon whining about “abandoning” Poland (as if we’re backing out of NATO, and don’t have MAD to hold off the Russians) just makes it *blatantly obvious* that Russia *was* the target of the missile shield, and breaking MAD *was* the purpose of putting it there.

    But yeah, it’s better for Russia to be justifiably nervous that we’re going to be able to launch a first strike, than think we might actually have a clue in our heads and the tiniest scrap of respect for diplomacy. Building the shield would have made Russia *more* hostile.

    But that’s what the neocons do, isn’t it? Create self-fulfilling prophecies by predicting disaster and then causing it.

    Everything Cheney says on TV should have a bold disclaimer underneath: “For entertainment purposes only.”

  • 22. Carlos  |  September 21st, 2009 at 10:21 am

    I don’t get it. Ames writes an article about Inglorious Basterds praising the balls of the dead-and-gone Euros that fucked Europe up for centuries and who now have been replaced by minicing Eurofags, but then derides the neocons who undoubtedly have balls and like to tell other countries to go fuck themselves. Ames, we know you like balls, so why discriminate?

    Also, could you just put some sort of symbol on your articles indicating which ones were written while you’re on your methadone and which ones were written when you’re not? That might help clear up the balls inconsistencies.

  • 23. LOLZORG  |  September 21st, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    Carlos! The Neocons don’t have balls ya Neocon moron. And you’re not a loco, so get off the site, pendejo. No one wants you Neoturds anymore. Shoo. How many Neocons actually fought in Iraq? The people, in Inglorious Bastards, actually fought! Ya know, the difference between fighting in the infantry and getting shot down while bombing civilians? Carlos, so dare I say it, Bubba? so tell me, Bubba, Why did that condom have a hole?

    An Anglo hiding as a Mexican on an Internet Forum, and talking about balls. There is no rock bottom for Neocon Hypocracy, is there?

  • 24. Carlos  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 5:43 am

    LOLZORG,

    No rock bottom on this site except for your spelling and syntax.

    Again, not every person with a Spanish name is a “vato loco.” In fact, most people with a Spanish name aren’t Mexican or wetbackish in any way. I know it’s tough for a feeble mind like yours to comprehend.

    And please drop the “neocon” canard. The word neocon is so played out. It’s become a catch-all word meaning “a person I disagree with.” It’s just stupid to label others like that. I know feeble minds like yours need labels to make the complicated world simpler (neocon, vato, Bubba, etc.), but those labels just oversimplify things.

    And I have a feeling that lots of those you would label “neocon” did fight and are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. I’m not saying everyone in the armed forces is your description of a neocon, but a very large percentage probably is. Hell, I’m sure every Blackwater employee is. And those guys love to fight a little too much.

    I know disenfranchised pizza deliverers like you enjoy this site because it somehow confirms your suspicion that you’re smarter than everyone else and have peeled back the veneer of bullshit laid down by the “real” power in the US, but the screeds posted by Ames aren’t fact-based journalism, just opinion. And we all have a right to our opinion, right, LOLZORG? And we all have a right to disagree with someone’s opinion. That’s all I’m doing. Nothing sinister or neocon about it. By the way, I’ll take a large sausage and mushroom when you get a chance.

  • 25. Neocons Cant Read  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Carlos wrote: “And I have a feeling that lots of those you would label “neocon” did fight and are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

    LOLZORG wrote (before Carlos): “How many Neocons actually fought in Iraq? The people, in Inglorious Bastards, actually fought!”

    Gazoo only speaks to the mentally challenged :)

  • 26. Oleg  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 am

    The neo-Stalinists are using sensur ?

  • 27. Oleg  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 am

    President Barack Obama lost the support of many good people in Poland, the Czech Republic, the Baltic States and Ukraine. This may translate, as well, to a loss of support among Americans of Polish descent. Yesterday, 17 September, is the day on which Soviet dictator Josef Stalin joined Hitler in crushing and raping Poland 70 years ago. And it was this day that the U.S. president decided to nix a missile defense system based in Poland and the Czech Republic, claiming that there were better ways of strengthening “America’s defenses against ballistic missile attack.”

    The strategic significance of the decision is fourfold: (1) Appeasement in the wake of Russian threats against Poland; (2) appeasement in the wake of Russia’s bullying of Ukraine (by Moscow’s withdrawal of its ambassador to Kiev); (3) appeasement less than 14 months after Russia’s invasion of Georgia; (4) appeasement as an expression of NATO policy, adopted by the new leadership in Washington.

    If you want to understand the impact of the president’s policy, Americans should consult their brothers in Ukraine and Poland. Ask them why Russian bullying should not be rewarded. It is realistic to say that roughly half the Ukrainian population was exterminated by the Russian communists between 1917 and 1950. When the Soviet armies invaded eastern Poland on 17 September 1939, a series of massacres took place that included the “liquidation” of at least 21,000 Polish army officers and the deportation of hundreds of thousands of Polish citizens to Soviet concentration camps. If anyone understands what these figures signify to millions of Poles and Ukrainians, then think of the six million Jewish victims of Hitler; only you’ll have to triple the number of victims. (Here we are only discussing Moscow’s Polish and Ukrainian victims, forgetting for the moment that Moscow probably butchered 60 million human beings, according to Prof. R.J. Rummel of the University of Hawaii. See Rummel’s chart, figure 1.1

    http://www.hawaii.edu/powerkills/NOTE4.HTM

    These innocent millions, cut down by Russia’s security services, are matched by millions more enslaved and forced to work for starvation wages in Stalin’s gulag. Their suffering testifies to a legacy unlike any the world has ever seen (with the exception of its imitators in Red China and Red Cambodia). From the Kremlin’s point of view, these lives were necessary sacrifices in the construction of an unprecedented war machine, far larger than Hitler’s. It was Stalin’s objective to build tens of thousands of tanks and guns and war planes in order to overwhelm Europe. There was no profit in this project, only the promise of war and conquest. As Viktor Suvorov explains in his book on Stalin, titled The Chief Culprit, Poland was sacrificed because, according to Stalin, “History says that when any country wants to fight against another country, even one that it does not neighbor, it begins to seek out borders, through which it could reach the borders of the country it wants to attack.” In other words, Stalin wanted an open path to the heart of Europe. And that is why Moscow forbids Poland and the Czech Republic from building a European missile defense today. By breaking up this joint defensive project with America, the Russians drive a wedge between Poland and the United States.

    Under Vladimir Putin the Russian state is following Stalin’s old program. The regime in Moscow makes its subjects afraid and prepares to extend this fear to all of Europe. Who dares to act or think or speak independently? People in Russia are careful not to upset the Kremlin bosses; and so is the American president. Perhaps someone should remind the White House of a boast published by Pravda before the Second World War: “Our country is great. The globe itself needs to rotate nine hours in order for our huge Soviet country to enter the new year of its victories. There will be a time when it will need for this not nine hours, but a whole twenty-four….”

    Sentiments of this kind are brewing behind the high Kremlin walls even now. Russia’s agents are busy undermining the sovereignty of Georgia, Ukraine, the Baltic States and Poland. Russia’s agents have penetrated to the core of every important country. They have assassinated journalists and critics at home and abroad, using a variety of instruments. Last year an attempt was made to poison the offices of the chairman of the Ukrainian State Property Fund (FGI), Valentina Semenyuk, with mercury. This occurred after Semenyuk successfully stopped an attempt by Moscow’s front men to take control of one of Ukraine’s most important strategic assets (Odessa’s port plant). Readers should be reminded that Ukraine’s President, Victor Yushchenko, was poisoned during the 2004 election campaign by security personnel who are now on Russian territory, shielded and protected. In a recent interview with Spiegel Online President Yushchenko explained that the investigation had been completed, that state prosecutors had interviewed over a thousand witnesses. “People who directly organized my poisoning have been in Moscow for the past four years,” said the Ukrainian president. “I have appealed to the Russian president three times, and asked him to have them questioned by Ukrainian investigators at our embassy in Moscow.”

    Consider the message President Obama is sending when he appeases Russia on the anniversary of Russia’s invasion of Poland. Imagine what the Poles and Ukrainians must be thinking. Can we trust Washington? Will the Americans betray us to the Russians?

    http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,647401,00.html

  • 28. Oleg  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 am

    The neo-NAZI FSB/KGB propaganda is primitiv

  • 29. Carlos  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 9:45 am

    Neocons can’t read,

    Your point escapes me. Are you implying my rebuttal of LOLZORG’s comment missed his point (whatever it was)? Or are you implying that LOLZORG is an idiot because Inglorious Basterds is a movie and no one actually fought?

  • 30. Concerned Citizen  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I’ll be frank–I’m not sure how I feel about this decision our Supreme Leader has made.

    On one hand, we have what appears to be a blatant concession to the dirty Russians–there was a Mexican Standoff and Obama blinked. One would think that this is not proper conduct for a global hegemon.

    On the other hand we have military intelligence which states that the Iranians are nowhere near the capacity to launch ICBM’s and hit a desired target. Allegedly based on this intelligence Obama wants to move the originally proposed ground-based sites to Southern European waters to defend against short-range Iranian missiles which are a currently a legitimate threat.

    The problem I have is that Obama seems to think that the two are mutually exclusive. But he of all people knows the originally proposed missile shield was designed to put pressure on the Russians. Why not do both right away, instead of delaying the ground based interceptors until near 2020? If we had adopted this we could have saved face in the international community by resisting Russia, ensured our relationship with Poland and the Czech’s, and defend Europe against the current Iranian threat.

  • 31. pizza guy  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    @ carlos

    i have a large sausage and mushroom for ya, you dumb closet case neocon…could you have chosen a better combo of toppings?…wow.

  • 32. LOLZORG  |  September 22nd, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Carlos – I made a white Neocon guy study Mexican culture. Wow. I am so proud of myself. Thank you for giving that pleasure. Hey, can you be my personal clown? After Ted Stevens left, and John McCain lost, I have no entertainment.

    I disagree with many. But I only like to beat up Neocons, because it’s so easy. It’s like taking a candy from a baby. That’s why they’re so scared of actual debates.

    Blackwater isn’t part of the US Armed Forces, ya moron. Duh! They’re guns for hire. Back when people had honor, they were called “Assasins” or “Enforcers”. Today they’re called “Liberators”. The World changes. But Enforces aren’t Neocons, they work for the highest bidder, which, one day, might not be you. But you can always find a job as a clown.

    Disenfranchised? That means I don’t vote. How the fuck is voting related to making money? Wow, you are an idiot beyond belief. Also interesting choice: sausage is what guys who like to suck cock choose, and mushrooms is a choice by wanna-be hippies. Really sad choices, but thanks, they make me laugh, clown.

    The points that Ames made are pretty self-explanatory: Iraq made sure that America didn’t stay a superpower. The Lebanon War was the first time the IDF lost. And damn, did Saakashvili get an ass whooping! Damn French interfeared, otherwise Putin would’ve invented a new sport: “hanging Neocons by the balls, whoever can find them, wins!”

    The movie, Inglorious Bastards, portrayed the Nazis, who actually fought. Even Hitler fought in WWI. Neocons on the other hand are cowardly peices of shit, that won’t fight, but that will whine. Poster #25 pointed out that Neocons are those that won’t fight in a real war, as infantry, but prefer to fly high in the skies, and still managed to get shot down.

    You rebutted by saying that I would actually call heroes, who have fought in Afghanistan and Iraq as infantry, Neocons. So let me simplify it for your Amoeba brain:

    Me: Neocons are chickenshits who won’t fight
    You: I bet you’d call those who fought Neocons.

    Do you see it yet?

    Just to show you that I’m not a pizza guy, and cause I feel like it, I’ll explain something to your little brain: the reason for this deal, is because it prevents a missile race between US and Russia. Coupled with START, US and Russia have brought the odds that Al Qaeda will capture a nuke to, virtually nil. In addition, they hurt the military industrial complex, in both countries; the one in the US also funds the Neocon movement, cause they’re good at starting wars.

    So Obama came up with something that hurts both Al Qaeda, and the Neocons, with no cost to the US; Or do you seriously think that Poland can actually help the US more than Russia can hurt it? The Czechs are against the radar, so no real hurt there. Just like the Sotomayor nomination, I love Obama. I voted for Obama to flick off McPalin, but today I’d vote for Obama over most other candidates.

    Ames – wonderful piece, except the Russians didn’t oppose Americans in Afghanistan. Other then that, beautifully written! And if you look closely, Gazoo looks like Cheney on crack 😉

  • 33. Carlos  |  September 23rd, 2009 at 6:05 am

    LOLZORG,

    I’m under no misconception that Blackwater is part of the U.S. armed forces, yet they still fought in Iraq. And they can still be described as neocons (whatever that term means).

    Also, it is beyond simplistic, I would say retarded, to say the neocons don’t fight, never fight. Every fucking ex-military analyst on Fox News is a neocon and fought in one war or another. I’m sure you would call McCain a neocon and he was a prisoner of war. Oh, and I never wrote that you would call them heroes. I know tools like you aren’t discerning and leap to conclusions based on what you assume someone is saying, but I’m careful with my words. You, on the other hand, apparently think calling someone gay and criticizing pizza toppings is a rebuttal (are certain pizza toppings neocon?. Good job. You are this generation’s Michael Kinsley.

    And “disenfranchised” has a broader meaning than “without a vote” dumbshit. It’s used to describe morons like you who feel outside the system (although you clearly wanna fuck Obama, the ultimate part of the system being the President and all–and by the way, if you think this site is pro-Obama, you’re in for a surprise). I know delivering pizzas distracts you from your community college homework, but it really doesn’t take much time to look up a word online. Try it some time.

    As for the wisdom of backing out of the missile shield deal, well fuck Obama. The shield never, ever could stop the Russian missile arsenal. Russia whined about it because they felt it was a threat to their regional sovereignty, not a threat to their national security. Well fuck Russia. If the US wants to help out its allies, its the US’s perogative. The Polish and Czech governments stuck their necks out for us to base the system their, and then Obama shit all over them. What an ally. He got nothing from the Russians in return (pressure on Iran). In fact, milquetoast Obama hasn’t accomplished shit in foreign policy. He thought the velvet glove, nuance, and a willingness to talk would persuade Iran to stop its nuke program. Not so fast Pollyanna. The deadline Obama set (mid-Sept) for Iran to sit down with the U.S. and talk has come and gone with no pressure on Iran. Obama didn’t even support the real democrats in Iran who protested the rigged election and got beaten and shot in the streets. Obama can’t even get the Israelis to stop building antogonizing settlements. Bibi is basically daring pussyfoot Obama to do something, but because your boy has no balls, nothing will be done. Don’t even get me started on his Cairo apology to the Muslims. It had the effect of ending terrorism. Ooops. Nope. Al Qaeda still hates us, the Taliban is still firing shots at US military, and Pakistan could give two fucks about harboring Osama. Well played, Mr. President, you ball-less pussy.

    Which brings me to my original point–if Ames loves the old school Euros for their balls even if their balls fucked a whole continent for generations, why no love for Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld who had the balls to go after two countries at once no matter how ill-fated the wars were? Hell, Ames even called out the Dems for lacking the testicular fortitude to shout down Bush, but praising a neocon racist for shouting down your lover Obama. I just questioned the inconsistency.

  • 34. LOLZORG  |  September 24th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    Carlos, for the last time, learn the difference between Neocons, i.e. dicks who plot warfare for their own personal profit, and mercenaries, men who fight these wars for their own personal profit. A mercenary uses wars to make money, but the mercenary doesn’t start wars. A Neocon starts wars to make money. Got the difference yet, dumbfuck?

    You are careful with your words, but you cannot read for shit. I hinted at McCain several times: from post #23, I am sorry your birdbrain fails at memory: “Ya know, the difference between fighting in the infantry and getting shot down while bombing civilians?”

    Geez, I wonder who was shot down while bombing civilians. Can it McCain? How stupid do you have to be, Carlos, or actually Dickhead would be a more appropriate name for you. Also, military analyst, oooh. And Bush Jr. was in the National Guard. I’m talking about people who do the gruntwork. What’s next, you gonna tell me Cheney fought by dodging the draft five times?

    Dickhead, here’s a hint: I make more money then your sorry ass. I’m on this website for shits and giggles. I thought my name, “LOLZORG”, kinda gave that out. But apparently you are such a dumbfuck, that you don’t know what LOLZORG means. I’m not disenfranchised, nor outside the system. I can easily change the system, i.e. move to another country if I wanted to. You don’t know me at all Dickhead, and your name recognition fails as much as, well everything that you Neocons do. The reason I didn’t respond earlier? Cause I was working on project, and made $8,700 in a few days. If I was a community college student, I’d respond much faster, dumbfuck. Damn, this is too easy, I’m drunk and I still make more sense than you.

    A threat to the regional sovereignty, but not to national security? Did you make that up, or suck Bill O’Rielly’s dick repeatedly? That is the biggest piece of bullshit in this section so far. How can something threatening regional sovereignty not be a threat to national security?

    The Poles and Czechs? Have you seen the polls in the Czech Republic? The Czechs despise the missile shield. As for the Poles, what’s their war record? 1-100? Only a Neocon dumbfuck would pick the Poles as allies over Russians. I am finally getting the Neocon logic of the Coalition of the Willing’s inclusion of the Republic of Palau. They just love what looks good on paper, and have no sense of the Real World.

    Also, Obama isn’t my lover. Unlike Neocons, normal people don’t need male escorts and high prices hookers in other countries to get laid. Stop it with the sexual obsession, we get it, you can never get laid without money. That’s ok. Go fuck yourself.

    Pakistan is a shithole, and an ally that Neocons chose. Good choice, cookie? Ames likes people who have balls and do what’s best for America; not those who dodge the draft five times, or have daddy sign them up for the National Guard, and start wars to make money, wars that fuck over America. This is just about balls. Maybe if you had sex occasionally, without the use of male escorts, you’d understand.

    I’m sorry that it’s too complicated for your little brain to understand, Dickhead, but try to understand this: Obama signed two treaties with Russia, about cutting down the number of nukes. That means less nukes. That means nukes are better protected. That means that if terrorists get nukes, the US will know in a matter of hours, who gave them the nuke, and whoever did it, will be fucked. Everyone understands that. Therefore, via MAD, no one will give the terrorists nukes, thanks to Obama’s thinking. So, while you, and the rest of the Neocon gang whine about how Obama’s a big softie, via negotiating and multi-lateral relations, instead of the “I said so, and so it must be, fuck the World” Neocon logic, Barack Hussein Obama dealt a major blow to Terrorism. More than all the Neocon efforts combined and in just two phone calls. And Obama’s getting laid tonight by Michelle, so be jealous, Dickhead, Neocon failure that you are.

  • 35. Carlos  |  September 25th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Yes! Someone (LOLZORG) finally defined neocon! Hooray, now I have context. LOLZORG said, “Dicks who plot warfare for their own personal profit….” Umm, ok. What about dicks like Obama who continue warfare, e.g., boosting troops in Afghanistan? Is he in bed with the neocons or is he a neocon? And what about me? You called me a neocon, but I have neither the means nor the desire to wage war nor do I profit by the U.S.’s war waging. Maybe I’m a neocon sympathizer. Hmmm. Or maybe, once again, your logic is lacking.

    As for McCain, I guess the footsoldiers who were killing Vietnamese civilians were more “honorable” than the pilots who were bombing Vietnamese civilians. Ok. That makes total sense. (At least John Kerry had the balls to admit he was a war criminal, even though he was a pussy naval officer.)

    And here’s how something can be a threat to regional sovereignty but not national security. Like the U.S., Russia has a sphere of influence and that influence is cultural and economic. Cultural because during the Soviet years Russia basically told its satellite states what history was to be taught and glorified (anything that was Soviet and Russian), forced its language on most of its satellite states, and basically controlled all aspects of social and entertainment life. Economic because Russia was the engine of the communist economies. Generations in those satellite states grew up revering Russia and being dependent on it for economic stability. Those things changed quite a bit after the Berlin Wall fell, but not completely. Don’t underestimate nostalgia. Many in the newly freed countries were happy totalitarianism sponsored by Russia ended, but they still had a soft spot in their hearts for Big Brother. And it certainly didn’t change Russia’s attitude towards the satellites–Russia still expected fealty. Just look at Russian attitudes to the “revolution” in Ukraine. It was supported by the West and criticized by Moscow.

    Post-Berlin Wall, the U.S. and NATO courted the satellite states, who were eager to join the West and be tied to it economically, militarily, and somewhat culturally. Russia did not and does not care for this. (For what it’s worth, I understand Russia’s point of view.) Now if you believe NATO is going to attack Russia, you’re out of your mind. Even the Russians don’t think that. But if you think Russia feels slighted and marginalized by the shift of its former serfdom to the West, you are right on. And that slight is the loss of its sphere of influence and its former sovereignty. The missile shield can’t do shit against Russian missiles, but the turning of the fromer satellite states to the West does decrease Russia’s influence. Clear enough for you?

    I know logic isn’t your strong suit. Or maybe you’re just too busy make loads of cash. (By the way, do you know how big of a douche bag your income claims makes you sound? Way to endear yourself to exiled readers. They really respect the pocket book.) We’ll compare W-2s some other day. By the way, if you make more than me, does that mean you’re the winner of this debate? Or does dropping more F bombs make you the winner? Or braggin about sex? I know you can’t rely on logic to win an argument, so you might as well try to use those metrics.

    And I’m talking about your shitty logic in the last paragraph about nukes, Obama, and MAD. First, MAD works contrary to your argument. If terrorists got their hands on a Russian nuke, even with Russian assistance, and used it, we would not bomb Russia because of MAD. Second, the real quarrel with Russia isn’t about their nukes, it’s about their assistance to Iran’s nuke program. The US and Russia can destroy their own nukes until the cows come home, but if Russia assists Iran, who gives a fuck. (For the record, Obama hasn’t signed any nuke treaty with the Russians, at least not yet. But don’t let facts stop you.) I don’t fall into the Iran will bomb Israel camp, but I do fall into the Iran will covertly supply terrorists with a nuke or dirty bomb. Fuck that shit. MAD isn’t going to deter a fucking terrorist. (I’m trying to catch up on the F bomb tally.) But if the Russians stopped helping Iran, it would probably prevent terrorists from acquring a bomb.

    “Barack Hussein Obama dealt a major blow to Terrorism.” Umm, no, he hasn’t accomplished shit. Like I said, Obama hasn’t signed a treaty and the missile shield which could have at least been used as leverage, wasn’t used to obtain shit. The Russians have said things about Iran, but they don’t really follow through. And as for your laughable, ignorant claim that the “neocons” didn’t harm terrorist one bit, Al Qaeda is no where near as organized or dangerous as it was on 9/11/2001. Not even close. There’s a lot to be done, and Bush was after some red herrings, but the claim that Obama has done more than Bush is just delusional.

    (And again, if you think invoking the name “Obama” is going to help you win an argument on this website, your fucking clueless.)

  • 36. Frank McG  |  September 28th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    “Leverage”?

    Holy shit. I think Carlos figures the Cuban Missile Crises was a good move.

  • 37. james  |  September 29th, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    @Oleg

    Germany was taking back what was rightfully there’s in areas where 90% were German and had no affiliation to Poland.
    Land given to them under Versailles Treaty.

    The creator of the first director of the Cheka (NKVD, KGB) was Polish Dzerjinski.

    Who created and ran the Gulags?

    Was this the Communism that Europe and US installed in Russia an 84% non-Russian government?

    In fact it’s hard to find an actual Russian of predominance where they constituted a majority.

    USSR 1917-39.

    http://www.iamthewitness.com/books/Andrey.Iv.Diky/Jews.in.Russia.and.in.the.USSR/index#_Toc185714883

    The missile shield is an expensive billion dollar phallic object.

    @Carlos

    Al Qaeda is fake you fool with the financial records traced back to Bosnia where the US has been training Islamic militants for the past decade up to 9/11.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/7/15/551916/-Sibel-Edmonds-Case:-The-Central-Asia-Islamization-Cocktail:-Mosques,-Madrassas,-HeroinTerrorism

    Neocon = Jewish Bolshevik

  • 38. Frank McG  |  September 30th, 2009 at 1:22 am

    I knew Carlos’ insanity sounded familiar:

    “Then in strode Ronald Reagan, promising that the days of retreat were over. It was morning in America, he said, and twilight in the Soviet Union.

    Part of the new president’s hard-line approach was to make the Soviets believe that the US was unafraid of nuclear war. Many of his advisers had long advocated modeling and actively planning for nuclear combat. These were the progeny of Herman Kahn, author of On Thermonuclear War and Thinking About the Unthinkable. They believed that the side with the largest arsenal and an expressed readiness to use it would gain leverage during every crisis.

    In his 1981 Senate confirmation hearings, Eugene Rostow, incoming head of the Arms Control and Disarmament Agency, signaled that the US just might be crazy enough to use its weapons, declaring that Japan “not only survived but flourished after the nuclear attack” of 1945. Speaking of a possible US-Soviet exchange, he said, “Some estimates predict that there would be 10 million casualties on one side and 100 million on another. But that is not the whole of the population.”

    I remember reading that the movie War Games made Reagan rethink his entire antagonistic hardline approach. Funny to think that that movie might have saved the world from nuclear holocaust at the hands of a senile man child and his handlers.

  • 39. Hermies Purrbuckets  |  September 30th, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Hilarious – the right-wing/Neo-Con universe is indeed like just another shitty Hanna-Barbara Saturday Morning ‘toon – visual banality punctuated by incessant yapping! Just like HB killed animation, the NeoCons will kill us! Good job!

  • 40. Josh  |  November 18th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Check it out, Mark: Jill Schlesinger of CBS honored you with a remix!

    http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/11/17/business/econwatch/entry5683193.shtml

  • 41. Jack Boot  |  December 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 am

    The neocons are mostly former Leftists; they have changed their ideology, but not their idealistic habits of thought. Rather like smokers who switch brands…

    Of course ballistic missile defense is a chimera, and will remain so until orbiting laser battle stations are perfected – maybe by 2050 – or 2075…

    It is long past time for Rhymes-with-Osama to make a deal with Putin: “I’ll allow you a free hand in Belarus, Ukraine, the Caucasus and the ‘Stans – ain’t nuthin’ much I can do to stop you, anyhow. In exchange, I’d like you to provide targeting co-ordinates in Iran & North Korea. The CIA has no fuckin’ idea where all the nuke sites are; but I’ll bet the FSB knows…”

    Why not? Considering the above-mentioned nations’ demographics, Obama’d just be euthanizing the terminally ill…

  • 42. Suck My Ass Pro Islamic Scum  |  December 27th, 2009 at 1:02 am

    it is time to nuke Iran and Al Quaeda before they nuke everybody else. Fry the fuckers
    incinerate them.

  • 43. james  |  December 29th, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Yeah, right, let’s give in to the Russians and not protect our allies. Anyone who thinks that’s a good plan is a simple idiot. Why not just let the Russians build their own system to gain parity? Those who don’t want to defend the US and her allies should just move to russia, china and venezuela!

  • 44. James  |  December 29th, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    We can only become a nuclear free world when the the threat that creates those bombs ceases. Putting up effective missile shields around the u.s. and russia would be a good start. It would make nuking each other obsolete: Thus, true denuclearization could occur. It cannot happen any other way.

  • 45. james  |  December 29th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    Mexican healthcare, REALLY? are you all just plain dumb Go ahead, and move to mexico and get enrolled in their healthcare system. Let me know how that works out for all of you. Let’s be real here and call a chair a chair and not a piece of wood with four legs and a seating platform. The problem today is political correctness and socialism.


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