Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000 
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  Will you "do it tonight"? |
  Will you walk out alive? |
  Will cheap-O eXile readers afford the beer? |
  Will you show up to an empty, haunted mausoleum? |
 = no you won't = you might, maybe = you WILL indeed |
= probably= just don't bump into anyone= run like hell |
= $2-3 per beer= $4-$5 per beer= $6-$60,000 |
This isn't a rating factor, folks. Every club, bar, politican, and yes, newspaper, is on the verge of collapse. When you see this by a bar, it means, "financial crisis victim." Vsyo. |
Bely Medved
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Cheers: Post remont strip joint is flashier than ever. Cool Jabba the Hut central stage, complete with chains and pole, split-level seating and friendly dyevs who hit up on you the minute you enter. Pro-family cover policy.
Jeers:Overpriced table dances ($100 a pop), dyevs leave a little to be desired. Surly staff and security.
Cover:$30 dollars, 50% discount for married couples on Saturdays
Phone: 287-2551
Address: Prospekt Mira 116A
Hours: 19.00 - 07.00
Bogdan's
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*not nec. |
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Jeers: Word has it that Bodgan, was thrown out of his last den o' sin, and is now homeless. However, he's back in town, so expect Moscow's techno Nero to open up again at a location that you'll probably never learn of. If you party at Bogdan's for too long, you'll develop these weird spasms that take years to get rid of.
Cover:Your serotonin.
Address: The Sixth Dimension
Hours: No one ever leaves Bogdan's
Dolls
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Cheers: It's already 4am and you're feeling unlucky. You regularly fantasize about narcoleptic interludes with drugged-out anorexics. Tasteful leopard-print upholstery.
Jeers:There's no gong for the bad acts. Nearly impossible to take home the girls ($1000 is the reported price).
Cover:Free for Americans with passports, $50 for all other male nationals.
M: 1905 Goda
Phone: 252-5761
Address: Krasnaya Presnya Ul., 23 B, Str. 1
Hours:13.00 - 06.00
Metelitsa
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Cheers: One word. Whores. Moscow's best looking. And priciest. Still, if you ever dreamed of getting laid by a model-level chick who will later coldly dump you and make you feel depressed about yourself, and you've got a few Ben Franklins to blow, then this is the place. A Moscow legend.
Jeers:Ho's more expensive than other places. They'll also try to sucker you into buying an overpriced stuffed animal. Not exactly a family joint. Not much here for the eXpatella.
Cover:$25 (ruble equivalent)
M: Arbatskaya
Address: Novy Arbat 21
Monte Carlo
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Cheers:Finally, a new ho-ing club to rival Night Flight! More alive, packed and danceable than the Flight. Tall as hell whores, and in spite of the blaring wealth, you somehow feel totally safe. Serious dancing, cigars, and men in fancy Italian business suits. Popular with eXpats and bigshots.
Jeers:Man-to-whore ratio not nearly as good as Night Flight or Metelitsa; so packed it can be difficult to get a drink. You have to actually hit up on these ones, making it sort of uncomfortable. Lazy or highly insecure eXholes may want to stick with Ol' Faithful, Night Flight.
Cover:100,000R on weekends
M:Tretyakovskaya
Phone:232-9394
Address:Ul. Baltchug 3/2 (behind the Kempinski Hotel)
Hours:22.00 - 6.00; weekends: 22.00 - 8.00
Night Flight
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Cheers: If you're willing to do a little bottom feeding (which is still better than anything you'll get in your sexless Western homeland), girls can be chatted down to a single Ben Franklin! Hey, is this crisis great or what?! Night FLight is one place not hurting from the crisis: packed wall-to-wall with respectable expat businessmen and, er friendly as heck working girls. They have a sign at Sheremetyevo that says "Do It Tonight!" Sexy whores, and no shame in showing your face. Prices are negotiable, and the selection is top-notch. THE favored place for married men on business trips to visit--many have given this place a "two wedding rings up!" Don't pay more than $150 for a night of sex, and don't let your "date" touch your drink.
Jeers: Tiny dancefloor means you just cut straight to the negotiations. If you bump into your boss, just say that you've come for the food [sic].
Cover:120.000 rubles
M:Tverskaya
Phone:229-4165
Address:Ul. Tverskaya 17
Hours:Club 21.00-5.00, Restaurant 12.00-4.00
Sirius
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Cheers: Moscow's newest ho-ing venue just got $25 dollars better, now that the cover charge is a thing of the past! Hottest waitresses in Moscow with debit cards stuck in their breasts; expensive layout; a classy Tony Montana-like "gentleman's club" that should appeal to the bandity elite; has a "Monica Lewinsky Cigar Room" that's really a striptease VIP room.
Jeers:Still too early to tell if they'll attract the quality whores that other places get. See Stuart Pratt's review
Cover:absolutely free!
M:Chekhovskaya
Phone:924-8726
Address:Strastnoi Bulvar 10, Str. 2
Up & Down
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Cheers: If you get there when it's still free, it's worth it. More European-style strip joint, with Russian-style clientele. Awesome chicks.
Jeers:Way too expensive; if you're not willing to throw your Ben Franklins around, you'll wind up with the "down" side of the Up and Down. High flat-head factor.
Cover:Free entrance until 22.00, after that $10 for the 1st floor (disco, bar), $70 for the 2nd (restaurant, bar).
M:Park Kultury
Phone:201-5070/-5291
Address:Zubovsky Bulvar 4
Hours:Daily from 20.00 to 6.00
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