Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000 
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  Will you "do it tonight"? |
  Will you walk out alive? |
  Will cheap-O eXile readers afford the beer? |
  Will you show up to an empty, haunted mausoleum? |
 = no you won't = you might, maybe = you WILL indeed |
= probably= just don't bump into anyone= run like hell |
= $2-3 per beer= $4-$5 per beer= $6-$60,000 |
This isn't a rating factor, folks. Every club, bar, politican, and yes, newspaper, is on the verge of collapse. When you see this by a bar, it means, "financial crisis victim." Vsyo. |
Arbat Blues Club
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Cheers:One of the first expat hangouts, features reasonably authentic blues-rock. Good place to hit up on someone, take them later to 011.
Jeers: They're closed for the summer! Plastic lawn furniture, crusty rocker guys and worn-out chicks.
Cover:$10
M: Arbatskaya
Phone: 291-1546
Address: Filippovsky pereulok 11
Hours: Fridays and Saturdays from 20.30 to 5.30
Bedniye Lyudi
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Cheers: 1996's choice for expats trying to escape the techno overload.
Jeers: It's now 1999. Nicknamed "zhadniye lyudi." No macking factor.
Cover:Either 50,000 rubles from 7-11pm, or pay a one-time membership fee of $150.
M: Tretyakovskaya
Phone: 231-33-42
Address:Bolshaya Ordynka 11/6
Hours: 15.00-5.00
Bunker
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Cheers:Already defied the cynics by attracting a solid middle-range, non-techno crowd. Awesome super-cheap food deals and drinks. Live music every night. Named after the legendary Moscow punk club. Come early morning for breakfast and U may just get lucky.
Jeers: Lame three-room layout in former Turkish nightclub. Read Stuart Pratt's freakish review.
Cover:Ranges from free to 80R, depending on night.
M: Pushkinskaya
Phone: 200-1506
Address:Tverskaya 12
Hours: always open!
Diamond
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Cheers:The best, most authentic dirthead club in Moscow: cheap drinks, mungie dirthead guys, skymie fat chicks in tight black pants; good repertoire of punk, metal bands; bargirl is a babe.
Jeers:A Russian dirthead tends to be dirtier, and drunker, than the average Western dirthead, meaning that eXholes might want to take caution here. Occasional knifings and gas pistols going off in the middle of the crowd; high body lice factor. See Stuart Pratt's review
Cover:depends on show; from 50-85R
M:Sokolniki
Phone:269-9615
Address:Stromynsky Per. 5 (DK ALMAZ)
Hours: 19.00-7.00 Thurs-Sun.
Drive
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Jeers:God damnit it's far out. See Stuart Pratt's hem-kickin' review
Cover:depends on show; from 50-100R
M:Prospekt Vernadskogo
Phone:932-0101
Address:Ul. Ramenky 5
Hours: Fri, Sat: 19.00 - 6.00
Four Rooms
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Cheers: Four Rooms has reopened, and it's just as we thought-so far, no big deal. The front room is larger, the colors are brighter. It seems to be somewhere between Respublika and, well, Four Rooms. The jury's till out.
Jeers: Uninspired crowd. Used to be the big place in that wonderful summer o' 97.
Cover:Free on weekdays, 50,000R on weekends
M: Tretykovskaya
Phone: 239-3038
Address:Raushkinskaya Nab. 4
Hours:19.00-7.00 Thurs-Sun.
Ne Bei Kopytom
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Cheers: Sources say this club has now changed its name to Liga. They've also moved to a new location that's just as far out and inconvenient as ever! Are they still the same club? Who knows? It's all so wacky! The good news is that the style of live music and the unpretentious studenty crowd should stay the same.
Jeers: Live music starts too early, and when it ends, so does the fun.
Cover:45.000 rubles
M:Prospekt Vernadskovo
Phone: 932-0101
Address:Ul. Ramenky 5
Hours:Fri, Sat: 19.00 - 6.00
Parizhskaya Zhizn'
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Cheers:Hugely popular with divorcees and young centrist Russians. Packs 'em in on weekends. Lots of outdoor space.
Jeers: Chicks carry "Wide Load" signs with red flags on their hips. Guys are fond of petroleum-based fake silk shirts. Take weeks to enter.
Cover:Up to 100R on weekends
M:Chekhovskaya
Phone: 299-1595
Address:Karetny Ryad 3
Red Square
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Cheers:Top new jazz bar beneath the restaurant located, yep, right off Red Square. Cheap drinks. We particularly liked the little cave-nook corner for macking or avoiding the loud jazz. Beard-friendly crowd. And couples-friendly.
Jeers: Pretentious jazz fans with serious expressions on their faces mingle with tourists.
Cover:Sun-Tue: 30R (includes one beer); Wed: 30R (no freebie); Thu: 40R (includes one free shot of shampanskoye for dyevs); Fri, Sat: 60R (includes free air)
Rhythm and Blues Cafe
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Cheers:Large, two-storey club modeled on the R&B clubs of the West. Centrally located. They misspelled Depeche Mode on the "psychedelic" wall mural out front; no cover charge.
Jeers: Was recently cited by the Dept. of Sanitation for massive violations! Be careful, or you might eat tarakany farshirovany! Quite possibly the lamest place in town. Makarevich et al's half-baked attempt at a Russian Hard Rock cafe falls way short of even that pitiful goal. Shitty service, high prices, and an atmosphere that's too sterile to even be pretentious. Even eXile faves Detsky Panadol sucked during a recent gig here. To make matters worse, the sanitary police stopped for a visit not long ago and were horrified with what they found going on in the kitchen--uncooked food sitting right on the floor, raw meat and vegetables fraternizing with one another, dirty employees, beef that was past its prime a month ago, and beer that wasn't even fit to drink back in April. Your stomach may not be safe
Cover:None
M:Biblioteka Im. Lenina
Address:Starobagnakovsky Per. Dom 19, Str. 2
Phone:203-6008
Hours:Daily 18.00 - 06.00
Svalka
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Cheers:Killer, innovative live music and dance club/bar that caters to the young pre-emerging middle-class Russians; students, secretaries and entry level types; design rules in a damn-the-tact-torpedoes sort of way: wood overkill, strange patches of brick, and a dance ramp to let dyevs feel like they're on stage; car cabins that stick out of the walls are a good place to mack--dyevs find them romantic. Overall brought back fond memories of those late 80s acid wash bars in suburban California.
Jeers: Ugh. Repeated visits to our ol' fave has confirmed the worst: this place has gone the way of Kosovo, with dyevs fleeing the high cover like Albanians refugees. Garderob system as complicated as the Russian tax code.
Cover:Sun - Tue: 30R (includes one beer); Wed: 30R (no freebie); Thu: 40R (includes one free shot of shampanskoye for dyevs); Fri, Sat: 60R (includes free air)
M:Profsoyuznaya
Phone: 128-7823
Address:Profsoyuznaya 27/1
Hours: daily 18.00-6.00
Tabula Rasa
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Cheers: Unpretentious, woodsy interior, decently priced drinks. Cool bands like Dva Samolyoty play here. One of Moscow's best live music venues.
Jeers: Russotrash DJs, whacky Dutch lesbians hogging up the dance floor, too many divorcees.
Cover:Mon, Tue, Wed-40.000; Thu-Sun-70.000. Students-20.000 except on weekends. Fri, Sat. - 90.000
M:Kievskaya, 4 stops by trolleybus 17 or 34.
Phone: 240-9289
Address:Berezhkovskaya Naberezhnaya 28
Hours:daily from 19.00 to 6.00
U-Too
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Cheers:A worthy successor to the R-Club, has all the elements of a Soviet punk joint: it's located in a dilapidated theater, it attracts clumsy drunken punkers, the beer is super-duper cheap, and it even has a really cool live music room. Worth the long trip out if the band is right.
Jeers:When we say it's way the fuck out there, we mean it's way the fuck out there; those drunken punker kids can get really nutty with a bottle of Zhigulyovskaya.
Cover:30R and up
M:Skhodnenskaya
Phone:974-0111 no. 28820
Address:Kinoteatr "Baltika"
Hours:18.00-23.00; disco from 23.00 - 06.00 daily except Monday
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