Issue #14/69, July 15 - 29, 1999  

Finally the eXile guys have listened to my demand to cool it or else I walk. The headlines that they've been attaching to my nightlife articles have become so demeaning and crude that neither Amy nor I could keep silent any longer.

Those headlines upset Amy more than me. Amy made me spend two nights on the couch last week after our discussions became somewhat heated. I argued that I was beginning to have an impact on the eXile, and that if I were to quit just because of their childish headlines, then I could set back my work by six months or more. But, as is standard in our relationship, I compromised with my partner.

Last week, I told the editors that either the headlines go, or I go. To my great surprise, they agreed that in the future, no headline would grace this page without my prior knowledge, and that was good enough for me. I guess this shows the strength of what I might call "Pratt Power". Just kidding, of course, although as in all jokes, there is a kernel of truth in that.

One complaint that I've been hearing, and that I take to heart, is that I've been a little too square for a town with such a crazy, Wild West reputation as Moscow. Touche, readers. Stung a little bit by that criticism, both Amy and I let our hair down last weekend and bought ourselves a pair of yellow-tinted black horn-rimmed glasses for our nightlife escapade. Now I'll be the first to admit that I am no great fan of this whole techno movement that has gripped the 90s youth. The music is mindless and lacks a social message. (However, I have heard that the Love Festival in Berlin is a magnet for progressive youths everywhere.)

Newly outfitted in our hip urban wear, Amy and I hit two of Moscow's newest nightclubs. The first is called Kukly, or Puppets. It's actually located on the grounds of a real puppet theater on the northern end of the Garden Ring Road. While the Kukly theater aims for a younger or family audience, Kukly the nightclub aims to cater to Moscow's beau monde. Entrance is by strict face-control, although thankfully no cover charge is levied. My guess is that all you need is a pair of yellow-tinted glasses, and you're golden.

We spent most of our evening at Kukly hanging out in the large open courtyard area, where we were treated to some fine live jazz music. Two bars served the super-cool, mostly-dressed-in-black crowd, which ranged in age from low twenties to low forties, and seemed to have more than a few stars of the arts and entertainment world. Drinks were slightly pricey ($2.5-$4 for a beer, $5 and over for cocktails), but since neither of us drink much, this wasn't a big problem. Indoors features a booming disco. The music was standard "house", nothing particularly special. With our yellow-tinted sunglasses, Amy and I danced up a storm for what seemed like hours. We were lost in a whirlwind of mind-bending music and atmosphere.

Overall, I'd say that this club could be a more refined, less intimidating alternative to Club XIII or Galereya. And with it's lovely outdoor patio setting, it could easily be this summer's fave spot to beat the heat.

The next night we hit the opening party for what I'd call not just a club opening, but a veritable event. The event is Champion, and god how I hope all of you get to see this place, just once. I'm serious. Even Amy was impressed by the sheer breadth of it all. We played both Russian-style billiards and North American-style pool (we Canadians are "Americans" too). At the risk of sounding insensitive, I have to report that I've never seen so many scratches in my life at a pool table: cue balls were literally catapulting right and left, which finally prompted Amy and I to seek safer shores. We bowled both Cosmic-style and regular-style. We went wall-climbing, played laser tag in a haunting labyrinth of day-glo and black light, played video games on the latest state-of-the-art machines, danced some more with our yellow-tinted glasses, nibbled on some quality quesadillas, and even sang a little karaoke in one of the VIP rooms.

It was a night to remember. Even Amy agrees that it's not time to retire those yellow-tinted glasses yet. Being cool can be just as fun for couples as it is for singles. And that's what the new Moscow is all about.

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