Issue #07/88, April 13 - 27, 2000 
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THE SWEET SMELL OF... PARRICIDE
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About a week after the elections, Moscow police were called in to search an apartment on Pirovskaya Ulitsa. Seems some coworkers of the
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"In addition to my many talents as a masked thug, I'm also an international origami master twice-decorated." |
According to the son, he arrived home the previous Friday to find his mother lying on the floor with his stepfather bent over her, strangling her with a scarf. As the story usually goes, he "lost himself," and his first reaction was to grab a hammer and beat his stepfather to death. Upon discovering that his mother was already dead as well, his next big move was to drag the two bodies into the bathroom, where he filled up the tub, put the bodies inside, and proceeded to spray the entire apartment with cologne, so as not to upset the neighbors with the foul stench of two rotting human corpses. Next he tried hanging himself with a makeshift noose from a chandelier, but alas his weight was too much for the lamp to hold.
Naturally, the investigation is continuing, since it's pretty likely that the kid killed both parents himself. He even noted that he couldn't possibly imagine what had driven his stepfather to assault his mother - they usually got along fine and rarely, if ever, argued. At least he'll smell nice for the other inmates while he awaits trial.
INITIATIVE GOES SADLY UNREWARDED
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Some people are just never satisfied. Take this one employee of the "Argus-Mega" company, a Moscow-based metal-door manufacturer. He was forever complaining about his financial woes - despite earning the above-average salary of 1,500 rubles a month, which was paid to him regularly no less. But his complaints fell on deaf ears, so he decided that his best option would be to kill his boss and rob the office.
The night of the murder, the company's director was working late, waiting for some clients to drop by with payment for services rendered. Knowing that his boss would be staying late at the office, our
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"There's something about the smell of charred human flesh in the morning. It smells like... victory." |
However, the boss wasn't the only person working late that night - the plant foreman was also there. Not wanting any witnesses, Mr. Disgruntled and accomplice decided to smash the loyal foreman's his skull in with a large hunk of metal. Hearing the noise, the director came running to see what had happened, only to meet the exact same fate.
Satisfied with their results, the worker and his deaf friend made a half-assed attempt to hide the bodies (right there at the plant) and headed for the main office to clear out the cashbox. However, they forgot about the expected clients, who arrived shortly thereafter and stumpled almost immediately across the bodies of the foreman and director. Realizing it was now time to abort the mission and flee the scene, the two criminal improv masterminds ran across the yard and jumped a fence to make their getaway. They were seen leaving and later identified.
The disgruntled worker was sentenced to 3 years for theft, and subsequently 17 years for murder. His accomplice got off easier... in light of his disability, the courts thought it would be prudent to commit him to a psychiatric clinic.
GAY LOVE TURNS OUT NOT SO HAPPY
And now for a little story of betrayal a la Jerry Springer: longtime couple Sergei and Svetlana were engaged to be married. A very close couple, they shared everything with one another. They talked openly about their problems. Seemingly, they had been through it all together, the good and the bad, the thick and the thin, the multiple orgasms and the chronic impotence... At least that's how Svetlana saw things. She naively thought she knew everything there was to know about her fiance, but turns out there was one last secret he was still keeping from her.
Cut to a few weeks ago: Svetlana arrived home from work unusually early. She opened the apartment door and was appalled to hear the telltale heavy breathing and groans coming from the vicinity of the bedroom. Recognizing one of the voices as that of her husband, she kicked down the door in a fit of rage. Then she passed out.
As it turned out, Sergei was indeed cheating on her, but not with another woman. When she opened the door the first thing she saw was a strange, naked man sitting on her bed next to her husband.
When Svetlana finally came to, the other man was gone. Sergei sat on the bed embarrassed and upset and tried to explain the situation to his bride-to-be. He swore that he had wanted to tell her about his affair long ago, but he never managed to find the right time. "I love that man, and I want him to live with us. Please try to understand me!" he begged.
But Sveta wasn't hearing any of that. Without a word, she turned and grabbed the nearest heavy object - a cast-iron statuette of some Greek God or other - and bashed Sergei repeatedly over the head. He died almost instantly.
Svetlana is now doing hard time. Meanwhile, the "other man," whose hard member was at least partly to blame for the whole mess, is free to go about breaking up other happy homes. Hard times, indeed.
THE TELLTALE TATTOO
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It had been a long time since old schoolmates Stepan and Viktor had seen one another, mostly because Stepan had been in the Big House for several years now. But when he got out, the two got back in touch. To celebrate, they got together with some friends to get stinking drunk at Viktor's place.
It's safe to presume that several bottles of vodka were under the table before the following events ensued. Stepan somehow forgot that one
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"You know, dear... it's these quiet moments we spend together that really make life worthwhile." |
Mikhail and Viktor left the body in the kitchen and went back into the other room to party some more with the dyevs, apparently forgetting that just moments earlier they had killed Stepan. It was only the next morning that they rediscovered what had happened and began to worry about their unenviable predicament.
Natasha hooked them up with an old connection who was learned in the ways of corpse disposal. His advice was to remove the head and fingers, thus preventing the later identification of the body, should it be found at all. After taking care of that, the group put the body parts in a potato sack and carried it over to Nikolsky Station. The body was found a long time later - perhaps years. When it was finally discovered, the decomposition was so thorough that almost nothing remained. The investigation continued for some time, since the only thing the police knew was that the body had once been male. According to Kriminalnaya Khronika, it turns out that a promising lead was eventually uncovered. The police found Natasha, who quickly confessed. And one tiny piece of evidence remained to support her story - Stepan's tattoo.
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