Issue #09/64, May 6 - 20, 1999  

RAIN MAN

read this, exile:
you take money from the u.s. to keep your people alive and then turn around and shit on amrerica

fuck you russia

MIKE JENKINS

Dear Mr. Jenkins,
You take money from American taxpayers to get a free education, and can't even spell your country's name right? It's because of assholes like you that America's standardized testing scores always rank somewhere between Liberia's and Afghanistan's.

THE SERB WHO SHAGGED ME

To eXile,
from Belgrade, Yugoslavia: thank you - it is fun. I've recommended you all over the web

Vukica Djilas

PS: they do not bomb my part of town, so we dont' have to be in the shelters and cellars we shall probably be a dessert (turned into the desert)

Dear Vukica,
That's great. So, what are you wearing?

HANOI DAVID

Damn!
Stumbled upon your site when visiting Beograd.com and I've got to say that you've put into 101 reasons just about everything I've been thinking and talking about ever since this tragic farce started! And to think its from Russia! Cripes! I've never written a Congressman or Senator in my entire life and just last night sent off three letters. Scares the daylights out of me that the Americans could be so stupid to do this and coming from a stint in the Air Force I have to say I'm doubly ashamed considering all the other suffering and death going on in the world. Utter lunacy! Take care.

David

Dear David,
Isn't there a law against servicemen talking ill of their country? Shame on you, Hanoi David!

PEPE LE SCUM

Where are the best russian girls? I just arrived in Moscow and I have some physiological-pornographic needs... I only read once your neewspaper but it's excellent!

bye
Patrice Lescaudron

Dear Patrice,
You've come to the right place. The best Russian girls are at Silver's. Wall-to-wall babeage, guaranteed suck 'n swallow one-night stands.

[sic]COM NATION

Editors,
It sounds like you've adapted to the superstitious hysterical Russian mindset rather well. The Yugoslavians would rather argue and point fingers than get on with life, and the Russians would rather it be that way so that their last friend in the world doesn't get too far ahead of them. To the Russians, a people not living in fear is a dangerous thing indeed. I think your historical stroll through Serbia was well written and I learned a hell of a lot. But did you notice that in your history, you were dealing with. . . history? A little known quote, but one I enjoy goes "We learn from history, that we do not learn from history." Quit betting on history! [What follows is a cuss-filled "edgy" rant that argues that history is worthless.]

Anyway, that's just me. Vitriolic Press.
Anthony

Dear Anthony
It's not that you've been watching a little too much TV ever since graduating from that B-level college you went to--it's that you think you're profound. Our prescription: more Real World and Frasier, less Fukayama. Within weeks, you'll notice that your loved ones won't excuse themselves to use the leaf blower every time you open your mouth.

SLOGADAN SLACKERVIC

Well shit, if I knew you guys were serious about having a protest, I would have gotten out of bed for it. Since I didn't, here are some things you could chant:
"Albright is a skanky ho, NATO out of Kosovo."
-It rhymes.
"Tony Blair is a spineless fag."
-Because he is.

--Brian

Dear Brian,
Stay in bed.

MEET MISTER KNOW-IT-ALL

Dear Editors,
in your article about William Walker ["Meet Mister Massacre"] there is an extremely important ommission: Prior to becoming Head of the Kosovo Verification Mission, Walker was the Head of the UNTAES (United Nations Transitional Administration for Eastern Slavonia) until Jan 1998, where he oversaw refugee return, human rights compliance in a Serb/ Croat setting- in the middle of the Balkans! So he did NOT get the job without prior Balkan experience. Perhaps you have been working with an old biography? Sincerely (the rest of the article is damn good by the way)

Wolfgang Sporrer

Dear Wolfgang,
We'd like to slam you here, but instead we're going to use this as an opportunity to show everyone how "fair" we can be. Here goes. Thank you for pointing that out. We also forgot to add that the OSCE's own autopsy showed that all but six of the 43 Kosovars "massacred" did not have traces of gunpowder on their bodies, casting serious doubt on the claim that they were killed execution style. There was a reason why Walker didn't want to wait for even the OSCE's own forensic team to investigate the deaths before he declared it a massacre: because in all likelihood, it wasn't. So, there's our serious answer. Wasn't that fun? Doesn't everyone feel better now?

CUTE LETTER

Dear Editor and stuff,
How can I claim my free Mike Tyson?

Timski

Dear Timski,
You can start by changing your name to "spineless fag."

BUTTLAND

So i guess Slobodan is a fair leader and he has done no crime against the Albanian people. And the mass emigration from the country - oh, they are probably just on vacation, they just ran our of money. And the ethnic massacres - why care about them, it's only people...wake up and face reality...there is something seriously wrong in your Yoguslavia...

Stian Brattland

Dear Stian,
Wake up and face your birth certificate: there is something seriously wrong with your name. As for our Yoguslavia, you're right, there is something wrong when hundreds of thousands of people suddenly decide to take a vacation right when they run out of money. It's just plain irresponsible.

PRATTLESNAKE VENOM

Dear Editor, Despite my earlier resentment of this newspaper's attitude towards some things in Russia and the world, its current stand on the Kosovo issue is next to the only thing that keeps up my hope for the world coming to its senses. [...] And this one should go directly to Stuart Pratt, who seems to woe more than anyone of Russians harassing him and his friends in Russia. Just think of it - cab drivers went as far as asking Mr. Pratt why America was doing what it was doing. And they shrugged their shoulders! How rude, how barbaric, how Russian! This ostrich attitude of hiding from phantoms was best illustrated by my recent ICQ-conversation with a 19-year-old female who happened to be Mr. Pratt's compatriot. After a 10-minute discussion of the Kosovo issue, started with her question "You from Moscow? Is that where all that Kazovo thing is?" I finally cornered this bold NATO supporter with a simple question of how can you fight a moral war by bombing maternity wards and TV centers. You know what she did? She left the chat that instant! The ignorant and neglectful bitch just would not tolerate a single doubt penetrating her mind. [...] It is because of people like you, Mr. Pratt, that people like Edward Limonov picture most North Americans as mutants - half human, half ... not. Alexander Tribunski, Moscow, Russia

Dear Sasha,
Stuart Pratt replies: "While I respect your opinion, the tone of your letter is offensive and misogynist bordering on harassment. If you do not back off, sir, I will be forced to seek legal recourse."

GENERATION X-PRATT

eXile,
Kill Stuart Pratt already. Jesus Christ. Put him out of his misery. Really.

Ryan C. Atkinson

Dear Ryan,
We're sort of hoping that Sasha will take care of that for us.

PRATT BOYZ

I would rather that the Exile stop printing club reviews than to have to read another one written by Stuart Pratt. Who gives a fuck if his girlfriend makes him sleep on the couch? Not the people reading the bardak section. Now the guys a political analyst. Can't you guys find a normal, depraved, brain dead, burnt out hulk of an expat to do the bardak section? Please fire this guy now and get anybody else to do the column.

TG

Dear TG,
Stuart Pratt replies: "I feel sorry for you, TG. The attitudes you are expressing are hurtful, childish and not at all 'cool' the way you think they are. Good luck growing up."