Issue #09/64, May 6 - 20, 1999 
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| Zhenya's Parents Sold Her |
| Another 14 Reasons This War Sucks |
| Moscow Times Copy Edit Award |
| Kafelnikov Loses, Reaches New High |
| Kiddie Fights Without Rules |
| Ass Flakes |
| Roundeye |
| Global Ass |
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Leave it to the good folks at Kellogg's to create the next great name in breakfast cereal. Try our new ASS FLAKES, the cereal that puts thick hair on your lower back! One bite and you'll feel a true taste sensation, a combination of chewy gristle, stringy hair, and dreamy cheek flesh! Packs enough hairy nutrition in every spoonful to keep your child's ass fortified the whole day through!
