[SIC] Offer: An Amazing Opportunity or a Koch Casualty in the Making?

[sic] / April 18, 2011

By [sic]

Hey eXholes! As part of our continuing program of community outreach to our fans, we would like to get input from you, our readers, on whether or not editor Yasha Levine should take up this fan’s exciting offer. Post suggestions in the comments or email them to sic@exiledonline.com.

From: Logan <m82.50cal@gmail.com>
Subject: I was getting some head then I was all, “wait, what would Levine and Ames do?”…
Date: April 17, 2011 11:27:33 AM PDT
To: levine@exiledonline.com
…So I teared up a bit and left her alone, besides, chomsky.info had a new video that’d been weeks in the coming and I always watch that shit when I’ve been drinking.
Privet, Yasha. Me and me bud have been monitoring eXiled for a long time, ever since we could masturbate together. Since we like your articles (we will be 1st fanboys once you meet success) and we are in the vicinity (South Central California still, no?), I be wondered if you would like to meet up for a shoot-off in the desert, our treat. We got some 5.56, some .45, some 12 ga, 9mm, etc., all Caliph. legal sadly.
We got some other non-firearm ideas to make the trip worth your while. I’m referring to an adventure-in-the-making which, when published, would make the Rolling Stone fetal-up like the sad ponce it is.
The plan is to visit shooting ranges across the West (Colorado, Arizona, Nevada, Oregon and back to Caliph.), engaging in dialogues, shifting paradigms and shit in the most genial ways possible whilst bearing arms. We’ve been looking into a Koch Industries angle for our combat-reporting and since that’s what eXiled is interested in we may be a good match for you.
Anyway, let’s discuss this, plox. We’ll cover range fees, gas, ammo, and grub, alls I ask is a chat with the Gladiators Levine and Ames (perhaps Dolan is in the midst too?) Bring your fiercest weapons, m’kay?
Good hunting,
Logan
805-XXX-XXXX

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60 Comments

Add your own

1. Iconoclast | April 18th, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Never trust anyone who uses the term “plox” in anything.
2. Tony Ichiban | April 18th, 2011 at 8:58 pm
DO IT
3. required | April 18th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
He said ‘plox’, he’s clearly a 13 year old brazillian kid.
4. King Mob | April 18th, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I hope they kill you Red bastards!
5. RobertD | April 18th, 2011 at 10:22 pm
I’ve read this a couple of times now, but I’m still not sure what this “adventure in the making” entails exactly.
Hopefully it doesn’t have anything to do with “masturbating together.”
6. Gracchus Babeuf | April 18th, 2011 at 10:54 pm
I can see the headlines now: “BODY OF JOURNALIST YASHA LEVINE FOUND IN MOJAVE, SHOT EXECUTION-STYLE”
Do it faggot. Take Dolan along if he’s not too busy.
7. Akakij Akakievich | April 18th, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Sounds like a sicko CIA honey-pot of firepower that ain’t the Anna Chapman kind. DON’T DO IT!
8. Akakij Akakievich | April 18th, 2011 at 11:09 pm
I mean not unless you have a yen for a Garry Webb death wish!
9. 16 Shells from a 30.06 | April 18th, 2011 at 11:18 pm
The fuckers in Cali are starting to shuck and jive like 3rd worlders. A poorly rolled William Gibson joint or summat. Fergeddaboutit… You guys should relocate to the midwest. The coasts are memetic poison these days. Zombies with a hustle…
10. Ben | April 18th, 2011 at 11:35 pm
I think this is a plot to frame you for something. They’re probably defrosting the hooker corpse with gunshot wounds right now.
11. my talkative ringpiece | April 19th, 2011 at 12:24 am
I read it too fast at first and got “most genital way possible”.
So ….. you “hold dialogues” (talk about stuff) while holding guns and ammo and maybe taking a few shots at a target etc in place of a conversational pause, or the usual Hm, or Ahem….?
Sounds boring, actually. For one thing I’ve personally had many a long range day that went like that anyway, and face it, we’re all milquetoasts compared to our hairy-chested ancestors in the early days of TV commentary, they all SMOKED.
12. Guest | April 19th, 2011 at 1:26 am
what have you got to lose? do it.
13. BlottoBonVismarck | April 19th, 2011 at 2:10 am
US NEO-CON NAZIS – KOCH-SUCKING ALIEN QUEENS ???
Let’s see … You’ve (mis-)used the name Koch in 3211 amusing and inventive ways. From Koch-Sucker to Koch-Gobbler, via Koch-Whore, etc. etc.
SO. What part of Steve Kangas’s story did you not understand? Steve Kangas who apparently shot himself in the head in Richard Mellon Scaife’s bathroom. Twice.
Or Gary Webb. Ditto.
Here’s a clue – it’s the ‘twice’ bit that is meant to get the attention of the dullest tack in the box.
How many people do you know who shoot themselves in the head and then say “Nah, that wasnt’ a good one. Let me do it over!”
Accepting personal invitations from psychopath Reich-wing @$$holes and their minions is not a career-enhancing move.
THE ORIGINS OF THE OVERCLASS – STEVE KANGAS
> Nixon was making things worse with his own anti-poverty and regulatory programs. Between 1960 and 1973, these efforts cut poverty in half, from 22 to 11 percent. Meanwhile, between 1965 and 1976, the richest 1 percent had gone from owning 37 percent of America’s wealth to only 22 percent. (16)
> At a 1973 Conference Board meeting of top American business leaders, executives declared: “We are fighting for our lives,” “We are fighting a delaying action,” and “If we don’t take action now, we will see our own demise. We will evolve into another social democracy.” (17)
– http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/L-overclass.html
Steve Kangas’s Liberal FAQ – http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/LiberalFAQ.htm
Why was the author of that document shot twice in the head in Richard Mellon Scaife’s bathroom? Richard Mellon Scaife, the funder of the ‘vast right wing conspiracy’ against Bill Clinton and backer of right wing nutcases everywhere.
– http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=steve+kangas+death&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=
SO. Invitation from a Koch-sucker? Think it over. And then say “Que?”
Send Col. Brecher if he’s free … –
“God, I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” – Col. Brecher encourages his Exiled readers. In Spanish for the new ‘Neo-Con-Financially-Imploded-/-Economically-Volunteered’ army.
Which is how you’ll hear it, in the language of the US army (Central American Green Card) slums … when you join up in order to eat. –
– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUDShxRWniw#t=00m02s
– ‘Portrait of ultra-right-wing US oligarchs as Alien Queens embedded in the US body-politic.’ Warning – Don’t try this at home, kids. – Alien – Extended Chestburster –
– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JehjqlzXwIQ
14. AKAGoldfish | April 19th, 2011 at 2:21 am
This has “grim specter of sodomy” written all over it.
15. JackMeohf | April 19th, 2011 at 2:53 am
I wouldn’t trust these people even if they do have good intentions. They may be just looking for an awesome time with their heroes. but then again they might be totally insane and just wants target practice.
16. Keith | April 19th, 2011 at 4:22 am
The mental image created in my brain-parts from reading this makes me feel like you guys should definitely go through with it.
Just be sure to pack more heat than the fanboys in case it is a Kochbuscade.
Also, if all of your reader mail is of this caliber (pun embarrassingly intended), PLEASE enlighten us serfs with more of these epistles to St. Mark and St. Yasha.
17. Hannibal | April 19th, 2011 at 4:40 am
What are they trying to pull off over there, a poor man’s version of fear and loathing?!?!?
http://youtu.be/x1dtnBUzewU
18. Hannibal | April 19th, 2011 at 4:43 am
Or maybe they want to turn you into a a modern art exhibit, like this guy?
http://www.borderlandbeat.com/2011/04/nightmare-in-nayarit-another-body-found.html
19. Michael | April 19th, 2011 at 4:52 am
Its a twap!!!
20. Seed | April 19th, 2011 at 4:55 am
I sense lots of drugs and lots of depravity. Why the fuck not?
21. Trevor | April 19th, 2011 at 5:49 am
He says it’s legal hardware. Where’s the fun in that?
Or does “Caliph.” really mean “Caliphate?” When did that happen? Where’s all the shisha?
22. Carruthers | April 19th, 2011 at 6:07 am
Too much gun and not enough fun .
23. brian | April 19th, 2011 at 6:20 am
hey eXiled, help me find the Koch Industries connection in this bag of hydro. bring some signed books.
24. abc123 | April 19th, 2011 at 6:43 am
It’s gonna be fun, like Deliverance, “Squeal Like A Pig!”.
25. C367 | April 19th, 2011 at 7:06 am
Sheesh, shooting shit in the desert with a Tourette’s syndrome masturbator? Who wouldn’t join in?
26. RanDomino | April 19th, 2011 at 7:18 am
re #16 Yes! Move to the Midwest! It’s like California but everything costs half as much and there aren’t as many fucking assholes.
27. Mike | April 19th, 2011 at 8:33 am
Take your shooting spree to Alpine, New Jersey; Rancho Santa Fe, California; Miami Beach, Florida; Glenbrook, Nevada; Kenilworth, Illinois, etc… Maybe hit up Wall St and LaSalle St during the workday.
28. Queen Tamar | April 19th, 2011 at 8:36 am
Make sure you bring Cheney along.
29. observer | April 19th, 2011 at 8:45 am
they sound just like you guys, I’m sure it will be a satisfying adventure for all parties
30. Victorvalley Villain | April 19th, 2011 at 8:55 am
Who the fuck looks forward to a Chomsky video? And why would anyone watch one for anything other than medicinal reasons as a last ditch treatment for insomnia?
And thanks for never publishing my [sic as fuck] e-mails.
31. Onarag Dickshit | April 19th, 2011 at 9:03 am
Get Pancho to pay some Zetas to off those spook scum instead. “I dropped the SAW and it went off and killed all the conyos! Sarry, hee hee!”
32. Xenophon's Mama | April 19th, 2011 at 9:04 am
Kill all cold-callers with fire. Anyone who reads Levine’s articles and comes out with the impression this is someone they would like to meet must be horribly dull in person.
33. Jonny | April 19th, 2011 at 9:19 am
It’s a trap
34. Ganryu | April 19th, 2011 at 9:36 am
No, you shouldn’t go. Even if it’s all “harmless good fun” it could turn into someone else’s setup.
As for Calif, tho I live here and love it (only because I make enough to not dumpster dive for sustenance), I could see you in Montana or the Dakotas, where no one would care how many guns you have and if you have “wacky” political views. You can still do interviews via Skype!
35. Luis Felipe | April 19th, 2011 at 10:09 am
Between the oral sex, the masturbation thing and the phallic obsession with guns, this is easily the most homoerotic Exiled article I have ever seen.
36. Duarte Guerreiro | April 19th, 2011 at 10:29 am
Read up on your war nerd, Yasha. Invitations for friendly talks are always ambushes meant to decapitate the opposition. Don’t do it! Bonus points if you instead ambush them.
37. Victorvalley Villain | April 19th, 2011 at 11:31 am
“Bonus points if you instead ambush them.”
Get there early.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHT-VOLVFzQ
38. Funky Winkerbean | April 19th, 2011 at 11:44 am
You guys have a long and great history of planning and executing successful ops on your own (Michael Wines sperm pie, Bonilla prank call, Monica Lewinsky lookalike contest during Slick Willy Moscow visit, etc.)
You should make these bozos do something spectacular and public to prove themselves worthy. If they successfully execute the assignment you give them, then consider them for a possible joint op in the future.
(You may have to run this suggestion by your “legal” team.)
39. moorefire | April 19th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
To balance out the abundance of paranoid stoner types who think everyone armed is either a mouthbreather or a spook… …I vote do it.
40. Yousif | April 19th, 2011 at 2:25 pm
come to my house and end my life for me
41. Fischbyne | April 19th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
These guys need to demonstrate more, er, independence first.
42. Michal | April 19th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
This looks a bit like a prank, but I say go for it! You live only once.
Also, it won’t be my life at stake here, but I’m really looking forward to enjoying that experience through new article(s).
43. pimp of the Balkans | April 19th, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Don’t go Ames, you know he’ll cut your hairy ass up. He’s been monitoring you, stroking his cleaver, for fkin years. He’s got PLANS for you.
44. The Wookie | April 19th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Area code 805? They’re narcs or flakes. You’ll either end up dead, in court, or bored out of your effin’ skull.
45. Jethro | April 20th, 2011 at 12:15 am
You know you want to.
Hell. Look at the aging, the infirm, the elderly. LOOK at them. Do you REALLY want to join their ranks one day, spending your idling gray days remembering that, with just a little more courage and a few more risks, you could have taken this opportunity and died in your prime, like a fucking champ?
No, no you don’t. Go out and get fucking assassinated. That’s your goddamn dream and you know it.
46. James | April 20th, 2011 at 12:37 am
“Bring your fiercest weapons, m’kay?”
Hmmm, a South Park fan, one thing you wouldn’t have in common
47. Mitchell | April 20th, 2011 at 1:08 am
Turn them down. They need you, but you don’t need them.
48. Wyse Guy | April 20th, 2011 at 3:47 am
Do It !!!!
49. marketfrankford | April 20th, 2011 at 6:38 am
Catfish II
50. Gonzalo | April 20th, 2011 at 7:04 am
Signed ‘Logan’? Its obviously Greg Comlish.
51. MC Squared | April 20th, 2011 at 8:30 am
I think it’s a trap.
52. pimp of the Balkans | April 20th, 2011 at 12:58 pm
It’s not Comlish, it’s Michael Bass. He’s been working himself up with jim beam for months, polishing his panga, sweating, brooding. What’s there to live for now Haim’s dead? So he fires off the mail. Gets ready. He’s got a flaming brand in one hand and a panga in the other, that bald head glistening in torchlight. He’ll torch Ames’ car and hack him up as he runs for it. It’s unavoidable.
53. CensusLouie | April 20th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
This is like debating on picking up hitchhikers because they might have some interesting stories to tell.
ANOTHER VOTE FOR “NO”
54. Tyler Bass | April 20th, 2011 at 7:10 pm
do it
55. Derp | April 20th, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Ames! My nigger! Wassup! Derp derp!
It turns out I’m a big fan of yours! Me and a whole bunch of my cousins and kin-folk would love to meet you and take you rafting out on the Chattooga River! You and Yasha should come along, I’m sure you’ll be squealing with delight! Just be sure to bring along some bugspray for the bugs, suntan lotion for the sun and a LOT of vasoline in case those lips get dry, derp derp! (also, I’ve been instructed that you should also bring along whichever Exiled member happens to be the fattest, thanks, derp derp!)
56. Adam | April 21st, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Derp: lol wut?
Ames and Yasha, looking over the eXiled rogues gallery this is obviously Gavin McInnes – so whatever happens will be harmless and trite: but who wants to have one pulled over on him by that pig fucker.
That’s why you turn things to your advantage. Even if they are legit fanboys, totally rape these dupes for even thinking you guys are approachable like that.
This is the eXiled, goddamnit!
Error has no rights!
57. nikkahwkhut? | April 23rd, 2011 at 4:49 am
##55 Derp is too much for me. Everyone of your fans are 4chan faggots. Lord Deliverance me from this shit.
58. meh | April 25th, 2011 at 10:58 am
>>57
shut up newfag
59. Jack Reynolds | April 26th, 2011 at 12:09 am
I think a better idea would be to interview for unpaid internships at small businesses owned by Republicans, record the interviews, and troll the interviewers.
Also, these guys just sound creepy.
60. Will | May 2nd, 2011 at 3:40 pm
I say do it, whether you bring these dweebs or not is up to you.
There use to be a “The John Brown Gun Club”, an offshoot of an anarchist group in Kansas that tabled anti-racist literature at gun shows in Kansas Missouri. I guess it wasn’t as bad as you might think though it still takes brass balls.
http://www.defenestrator.org/node/2211