Work
Q: How many jobs have you held?
A: Take the actual number of jobs and multiply by three.
Q: Are you usually fired or do you quit?
A: Mostly fired.
Q: For what reasons?
A: Inability to carry out job duties and follow instructions.
Personal life
Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: Yes. List as many things that you like to do as possible. 5 or more over the course of adult life is good. Mention inability to concentrate on more than one consecutive game of billiards at a time.
Q: Do you maintain hobbies for long periods of time?
A: No. Usually only a few months. Video games are an exception.
Q: What is your financial situation? Do you save money?
A: Frequently in debt. Impulsive shopper. Frequently lose or abandon property.
Q: Driving habits?
A: Involved in frequent fender benders. Don’t own a car because of high insurance costs. (For extra ADD points, confide in the psychiatrist that you were always a very nervous driver. People made fun of you for it.)
Q: How many drinks do you consume a week?
A: Two, with a maximum of 5.
Q: Sexual relationships?
A: Difficult to keep up a conversation with the opposite sex. For males, sexual encounters are rare. For females, one-night stands are very frequent. Long-term relationships are very rare. Males, for extra points, talk about constant masturbation and hiring prostitutes.
This article originally appeared in the print edition of The eXile in June, 2006.
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Read more: add, adhd, drugs, medicine
5 Comments
Add your own1. kevin w walker | March 9th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
how are you guys?do you know of anywhere you can get it online without perscription?thanks
2. aleke | March 23rd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I tried posting some stuff about this on the newer article that links back to this one, but I don’t think it posted after all. So here’s the relevant bit:
As far as adderall and ritalin goes, good luck. The bastards at the FDA have been recently clamping down on psychiatrists and making sure they administer a very expensive (~$3,000) 3-day, 30 hour examination. The results are very hard to fake. It’s a bitch. You have to find a psychiatrist that won’t be required to administer that test.
3. Sam | September 19th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
No psychiatrist necessary. Find an EXPENSIVE ordinary doctor, the kind who you have to pay up front, and say the following:
“I just moved here from Canada, and I’ve been on Adderall and Lexapro (note: add in a non-controlled drug to sound credible) for 2 years.”
They’ll ask you briefly about your ADHD symptoms - I just said that I surfed the net at work instead of working - and if you have high blood pressure.
Then they’ll write you a 30 day script and say you have to come back in a month to get more. Sure, its $250 a month for the doc, $200 for the script, but all in all it was an extremely civilized procedure. At least in California…
4. Bob35 | October 22nd, 2009 at 3:53 am
They were sentenced to 12 years hard labor. ,
5. RandomGuy | October 24th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Wow, just….wow. I find it ridiculous that you are completely content with the exploitation of amphetamines. That, and you are incredibly pretentious to think you know what a psychiatrist is thinking. I feel as if the years of common intellect you’ve adorned yourself with frail in comparison to mastering of a degree.
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