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eXiled Alert! / February 18, 2009

First there was Hitchens’ comically idiotic attempt at gonzo waterboarding, in which the macho British warmonger lasted all of 11 seconds, even after he massively cheated in order to make the waterboarding as unfrightening as possible. Now he’s spinning a recent hilarious ass-kicking he suffered in Beirut as some kind of principled macho neocon bravado. The story circulating has it that Hitchens bravely defaced a Syrian fascist poster, and was summarily stomped along with two other journalists by gangs of Syrian thugs. However, according to a neocon blogger pal of Hitchens who was on the scene, what really happened was more Sylvester The Cat slapstick than Superman bravado:

I wasn’t there. I was there, however, for the immediate after-action report, and have heard it told ten times by now, including most of it from Hitchens.

Hitch and two others were out on some or such errand. One guy was just telling Hitchens that the Syrian Nazi party had little support in the country but was paid by Syria to kill people, and that he’d been told they’re the one party you don’t fuck with.

So five minutes later they come across the poster for the Syrian Nazi Party on an abandoned bagel shop — abandoned, if I had this right, after Hezballah had attacked it last year due to the overly Jewish connotations of bagelry.

So Hitchens immediately takes out a pen and writes “No, no, Fuck You” on the poster.

…Well, when this Syrian Nazi goon saw Hitch do this, he confronted him and kinda-sorta attacked him. I say kinda sorta attacked, because what his main intent was was to delay Hitchens from leaving — until the ten Nazi goons he had just texted on his cell phone could arrive.

There was some kicking and pulling and hitting. Hitch and the others attempted to get into a cab — the Syrian Nazi goon got right in the cab with them, still hitting Hitchens. They could not force him out. Eventually they all exited, and attempted to get a fresh cab, but other cabbies were now hip to the fact the Syrian Nazis had been riled and wanted no business from them, so two cabs passed refusing their fare.

So rather than getting stomped while fighting bravely against a gang of Syrian fascists, we have Hitchens plus two sidekicks deliberately provoking Syrian thugs in a foreign city…and then fleeing like bitches when one lone Syrian nerd came after them. And even with their three crusading Western selves versus one lone Syrian nerd, Hitchens STILL got thrashed. The offended Syrian fascist even followed Hitchens into the back of the taxi and rag-dolled him in the backseat! It’s so Looney Tunes that you have to wonder if the taxi rocked back and forth while the nerd was pounding Hitchens in the back. Like, were there stars shooting out of the taxi windows? Did Hitchens see a tweety bird circling around his head after the stomping?

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  • 1. Nadine  |  February 26th, 2009 at 9:06 am

    You Americans sure are something else, I love how you refer to the SSNP as Nazis, why do you speak of things you don’t know???? Ignorant idiots!

  • 2. gangpapist  |  February 26th, 2009 at 9:30 am


    It is very easy for this particular type of Americans to use the term “Nazi.”

    They usually use it to dehumanize any American they disagree with politically or even aesthetically.

    In this case, they let the n-bomb slip a little too quick, and probably wish they could take it back (in reference to the SSNP).

    Hey, know what would be awesome, y’all? If that Jew Liebermann got his ass stomped by some corn-fed Midwestern Hammer Skins. Ya, that would kick ass. Jew.

  • 3. Nadine  |  February 26th, 2009 at 10:57 am

    Hitchens in Beirut, again
    I was just informed that the boring travel companion of Hitchens in Beirut, i.e., Michael Totten, confirms that Hitchens indeed tried to deface the SSNP’s commemorative sign near Wimpy which notes the brave operation by Khalid `Alwan, a Beiruti young man, against Israeli terrorist soldiers who were sitting in the cafe defacing our capital. A small sign was mounted on the location of the brave operation. Hitchens and his boring travel companion are making noises about the ideology of the SSNP and they have been referring to its “inverted” swastika. Now I have never been a fan of the SSNP and have been critical of its ideology, but the real Nazi party in Lebanon–for anybody who knows anything about Lebanon, which does not include Hitchens and Totten and that infamous Forbes writer who could not even get the date of March 14 right– is none other than the party that invited and hosted Hitchens in Beirut. The right-wing Zionist apologists, Hitchens et al, were in Beirut at the invitation of the sleaziest political group imaginable: the so-called Now Lebanon media outfit (I call it Now Hariri), which is tied to Future (Hariri) media, which is tied to Quantum group which is tied to Lebanon Renaissance Foundation, which is tied to nepharious political projects in Lebanon with the stamp of Cheney-Bush-Hariri-House of Saud-Gemayyel. The leader of Lebanon Renaissance Foundation, is none other than Elie Khoury who led Saatchi and Saatchi which reportedly helped the US occupation in Iraq to sell its mission in Arabic, and helped design (for a hefty sum) the slogan of the Hariri family in Lebanon: Lebanon first. Brilliant, huh? The political coalition that hosted Hitchens in Lebanon include the Phalanges Party and Khoury’s political affiliations are with the Lebanese Forces. So the closest to the Lebanese Nazis–the closest to the Nazies of the Arab world–are none other than the Phalanges and the Lebanese Forces, and one wonders if Hitchens heroic claims are true, why he was not seen defacing the crosses or the cedars of the true Lebanese Nazis. But then again: has there any credibility left to somebody like Hitchens whose political commentaries have been amounting to nothing more than the slogans drafted by speech writers of Bush’s White House? This is a man who now it seems supports every sitting American president and who waits for a president to leave office before he dares to offer criticisms of his administration. The champion of Bush is now posing as champion of Obama: enough said. A man with no principles and no credibility left was astouned to face sandniggers at the American University of Beirut campus who challenged his positions on every issue in foreign policy. What was most shocking for Hitchens and his neo-conservative clique is that those who challenged him on the AUB campus were not Islamic fundamnetalists who he can dismiss as “Islamofascists”–a term he regularly uses but he cowardly avoided using during his Hariri trip in Lebanon–but seclar leftists from different sects in Lebanon. There are people who would lament the political transformations of Hitchens and talk about his not only championing of Bush’s wars but his change of views on the Palestinian question. In other words, the man is a fraud because he argues that Sep. 11 opened his eyes to the threat of Islamofascists but he can’t explain why he also conveniently stopped criticizing Israel–something he was willing to do for a small fee back in the 1980s and 1990s. Personally, I did not like Hitchens during his leftist poseur days, and like him less now, and his sleazy, sexist, and vulgar tone regarding women is rather repulsive to me. Back in the 1980s, when I read that he was claiming on every media that would host him that he once interviewed Abu Nidal, I knew that this guy is a fabricator and liar.
    Posted by As’ad at 6:06 AM

  • 4. Ralph Kramden  |  February 26th, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    I wouldn’t make fun of someone getting jumped specially by a Nazi thug. Come on, Hitchens has become a jack-ass, but don’t lower yourself to glorifying a stomping. The waterboarding, let’s asking him to be the victim of a pro-there are plenty of sadists out there who would be willing to practice the technique. Moreover, Hitchen is a willing subject to the procedure. What a difference from a torture victim.

  • 5. San Francisco  |  February 26th, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    SSNP is NOT a Nazi party, and the members are not Syrian they are Lebanese leftists. If you people don’t know the hell you are talking about you should refrain. Thanks!!!

  • 6. abraham  |  February 27th, 2009 at 7:09 am

    I would have preferred that Michael Totten got the beating, except not the pussy little beating that Hitchens took, but the type that sends one to a wheelchair for life with a continuous drooling.

  • 7. Ramzi Nohra  |  February 27th, 2009 at 8:27 am

    Well, take the piss out of Hitchens for the waterboarding if you must, but the truth is that it would be easier for someone of his political opinions to say it wasnt torture, rather than to undergo it himself and say it was.

    However, in regard to this SSNP incident, he has shown himself to be a twat of the highest order. Because:
    A) there are plenty of other fascist parties in Lebanon – some aligned to the March 14th parties who were sponsoring his trip to Lebanon
    B) he defaced a monument to someone who bravely attacked two soldiers of an occupying army. How the fuck is that fascism? Seems a pretty honourable action to me. Surely supporting an illegal is more akin to fascism then attacking it.

  • 8. Groucho  |  February 28th, 2009 at 6:09 am

    “…and stamped on his writing hand”

    Had they wanted to harm him, they’d have gone for the drinking hand.

  • 9. sanman  |  February 28th, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Hey War Nerds, I’d like to see an article done on the recent fighting in Sri Lanka, and also the latest coup in Bangladesh. Both seem to have been pretty brutal and heavy enough on casualties. Can’t anyone come up with some incisive and entertaining analysis of that stuff? Or are you guys too wimpy for that?

  • 10. Mar C  |  March 1st, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Nazis fighting nazis? Give them weapons! Just make sure to take it away from the winner in time.

  • 11. qunfuz  |  March 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 am

    The SSNP is not a Nazi or fascist party. Its members in Lebanon are Lebanese.

  • 12. BTraven  |  March 22nd, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    > 37. How is it you’re all rooting for a NEONAZI, over this man? What twisted logic. How progressive!

    We certainly are _not_ rooting for Hitchens.

    But we are glad that you recognize him as one of your own. ‘Fascist’ would have been sufficient. imo. But you apparently know better than us.

  • 13. CiciedenUhder  |  August 13th, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    This look interesting,so far.
    If there are any real people here looking to network, leave me a post.
    Oh, and yes I’m a real person LOL.


  • 14. Christof  |  August 3rd, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Totally agree with Ames. Frank – you are pathetic, a pre-adolescent attempt at comment relevancy.

    Disagreeing on ideology and strongly held views is fine, but being a total idiot like I am, spending my nights dreaming of being one of the tumor polyps in Hitchens’ throat–that’s enough to make me wet my bed.

  • 15. Reality Hurts  |  August 22nd, 2010 at 7:39 am

    hahahahaha, Neocon Hitchens is such a turd.

  • 16. sam  |  February 19th, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Hitchens makes me hope for an afterlife.
    I wish they “the thugs” have done better.

  • 17. Matt  |  August 28th, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    I think this is quite pathetic. You are so obviously a pre-biased idealist of some sort that you would rather take sides with a Syrian “Nazi” than a British intellectual. I’ll bet you know more about Loony Tunes than the Syrian nationals, let alone Christopher Hitchens.

    But whatever. If believing that Hitchens is an asshole lets you sleep at night, then please continue with this rant. The only one you’re fooling is yourself.

  • 18. niccolo and donkey  |  December 20th, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Deservedly stomped.

  • 19. DeeboCools  |  December 20th, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    I like Hitchens because like me he follows a bottom troll philosophy: Just because some dickhead jumps you doesn’t mean you have to stand there and “bravely” fight them off. Fleeing is a perfectly fine option for us bottom trolls? How does this reflect badly on Hitchens character?

  • 20. John Drinkwater  |  December 20th, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Too bad the accepted narrative about Hitchens, “satirized” today in by Neal Pollack, is that he was some sort of physical as well as verbal brawler. A load of bullshit, that.

  • 21. Dmitry  |  June 29th, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Wow… all along I worshipped a British douchebag. What a pathetic loser I am.

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