First there was Hitchens’ comically idiotic attempt at gonzo waterboarding, in which the macho British warmonger lasted all of 11 seconds, even after he massively cheated in order to make the waterboarding as unfrightening as possible. Now he’s spinning a recent hilarious ass-kicking he suffered in Beirut as some kind of principled macho neocon bravado. The story circulating has it that Hitchens bravely defaced a Syrian fascist poster, and was summarily stomped along with two other journalists by gangs of Syrian thugs. However, according to a neocon blogger pal of Hitchens who was on the scene, what really happened was more Sylvester The Cat slapstick than Superman bravado:
I wasn’t there. I was there, however, for the immediate after-action report, and have heard it told ten times by now, including most of it from Hitchens.
Hitch and two others were out on some or such errand. One guy was just telling Hitchens that the Syrian Nazi party had little support in the country but was paid by Syria to kill people, and that he’d been told they’re the one party you don’t fuck with.
So five minutes later they come across the poster for the Syrian Nazi Party on an abandoned bagel shop — abandoned, if I had this right, after Hezballah had attacked it last year due to the overly Jewish connotations of bagelry.
So Hitchens immediately takes out a pen and writes “No, no, Fuck You” on the poster.
…Well, when this Syrian Nazi goon saw Hitch do this, he confronted him and kinda-sorta attacked him. I say kinda sorta attacked, because what his main intent was was to delay Hitchens from leaving — until the ten Nazi goons he had just texted on his cell phone could arrive.
There was some kicking and pulling and hitting. Hitch and the others attempted to get into a cab — the Syrian Nazi goon got right in the cab with them, still hitting Hitchens. They could not force him out. Eventually they all exited, and attempted to get a fresh cab, but other cabbies were now hip to the fact the Syrian Nazis had been riled and wanted no business from them, so two cabs passed refusing their fare.
So rather than getting stomped while fighting bravely against a gang of Syrian fascists, we have Hitchens plus two sidekicks deliberately provoking Syrian thugs in a foreign city…and then fleeing like bitches when one lone Syrian nerd came after them. And even with their three crusading Western selves versus one lone Syrian nerd, Hitchens STILL got thrashed. The offended Syrian fascist even followed Hitchens into the back of the taxi and rag-dolled him in the backseat! It’s so Looney Tunes that you have to wonder if the taxi rocked back and forth while the nerd was pounding Hitchens in the back. Like, were there stars shooting out of the taxi windows? Did Hitchens see a tweety bird circling around his head after the stomping?
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