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eXiled Alert! / Gloats / March 7, 2009
By Mark Ames


Headlines today are filled with stories about how a slaughtered goat was found in front of New York Assemblyman Greg Ball’s house, with a sign around its neck claiming it was the work of the MS-13 gang, a vicious Central American gang whose tentacles have spread throughout America. Ball’s political career was made on bashing illegal immigrants and playing up the Hispanic gang threat to his district’s overwhelmingly Republican constituency. But the more you look at this story, the more it looks like Ball staged the stunt, killing the goat then calling the police and media to say he’s under threat in order to boost his political ambitions.

For one thing, the note tied around the goat’s neck is clearly a forgery, and a really bad one at that. According to today’s Journal News (of the Lower Hudson Valley), the note was written not by a native Spanish speaker–you know, the type who’d be a scary MS-13 gang-banger–but rather, some dipshit guero whose Spanish skills never advanced beyond the Taco Bell menu or Speedy Gonzalez cartoons. But more on that in a minute.

In the same paper yesterday, hilariously headlined “Ball Refuses to be Intimidated by Dead Goat,” (yeah, ya big meanie dead goat! whyn’tcha pick on someone your own state-a decomposure, ya big bully!) the anti-immigration crusader was portrayed as a brave hero under attack by Hispanic terrorists:

PUTNAM LAKE – State Assemblyman Greg Ball, R-Patterson, said this afternoon that he won’t be intimidated because someone dumped a dead goat outside his Putnam Lake home Wednesday night.

State police are investigating but declined to release much information, citing the open case.

“Whether this crime was perpetrated by gang members, or some sick local individual, I will not be cowed by threats, and I condemn this kind of heinous violent behavior towards animals,” Ball said. “I want my constituents to know that I will continue my efforts to stand up every day for justice, and the people of the Hudson Valley.”

Clearly, the dead goat is Greg Ball’s 9/11 moment. He’s gonna be a hero in his white-flight Republican district. But why now? It’s an off-election year, after all, isn’t it? Well, maybe for you, but not for Greg Ball. A couple of weeks ago, Ball announced his intention to run for Congress–yup, he’s gonna blow this two-bit Hudson River district and George-Jefferson his way on up to a deee-luxe seat in Washington DC. Since bashing illegals launched his career in 2006, and dirty campaigning is his forte (he accused an opponent of harboring child molesters in 2008) it seems like a good strategy to make yourself out to be a daring crusader risking death for your racist principles.

The only problem with making Ball out to be a daring fighter against the MS-13 is that a) police consistently deny that there even exists an MS-13 threat in his district, even though Ball has been bashing this boogeyman for votes:

The sign around the dead animal’s neck said “viva MS-13,” an apparent reference to Mara Salvatrucha, a notorious Central American gang that some of Ball’s political allies have said operates in Brewster, although police have never found credible evidence of its presence.

… and b) the idiots who staged this goat-threat hoax don’t even know how to write simple Spanish-language threats! The revelation that the sign was clearly written by Taco Bell gringos led Ball to change his tune:

The sign appears to call Ball either an American prostitute or a gay prostitute.

Ball said yesterday that he believes the sign’s garbled language shows it was written by a non-native Spanish speaker in a ploy to direct suspicion elsewhere.

“My hunch is it was someone who took three weeks of high-school Spanish and switched to French,” Ball said. “It’s a slimeball move to try and place this on a Latino speaker.”

That’s right, Ball is now squirting crocodile tears on behalf of wrongly-accused Latinos. That’s eye-rah-knee if we’ve ever seen it. He’s also blaming “entrenched interests” for putting the goat in front of his house. Cuz you know, those “entrenched interests,” they’re also really scary people who do Hollywood B-movie things like this all the time.


Greg Ball: Goatfucker or anti-immigration crusader?

What makes it all the more plausible that Ball and his gang of amateur goons are behind this is that Ball is a longtime goat-fucker… ahem, I mean goat-lover, even using his fetish for massaging goat-titties to bash a rival Assemblywoman:

Ball, whose campaign Web site mentions his longtime 4-H Club membership and the “soft spot in his heart for all of his four-legged friends in the animal kingdom,” said he hoped the goat was not someone’s pet. Why that animal was victimized is not clear, but Ball has often spoken about goats and shown an affinity for them.

One time during a debate on the Assembly floor about pay equity between men and women, Ball asked a female lawmaker if she had ever milked a goat and said if the two of them were on a farm, he would “work (her) under the table.”

The next paragraph it gets even creepier, revealing Ball’s lifelong obsession with the cloven-hoofed Jezebel:

At a party celebrating his 30th birthday at 121 Restaurant & Bar in North Salem in September 2007, many of the photos around the room showed him posing with goats through the years.


If you read that line and thought to yourself that it’s time to lock your door and arm yourself just in case Ball came for your animals, you wouldn’t be the first one. Last year it was revealed that a former girlfriend of Ball, CNN producer Linda Fern Roth, obtained a restraining order against him claiming that he threatened to stalk her and destroy her career, and that he had a “transmittable sexual disease that he never told her about.”

According to the New York Daily News:

Leah Gurowitz, a spokeswoman, for the Washington, D.C., court system confirmed to The News that a temporary restraining order was issued in July of 2003.

…Roth got the order after complaining to the Superior Court of the District of Columbia’s Domestic Violence Unit that Ball repeatedly showed up at her home and called her friends and workplace in a bid to locate her. He even showed up at CNN’s Jerusalem bureau looking for Roth.

At the time, Roth was the senior producer for CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer and had recently returned from an assignment in Iraq. A little more than a year later, she married a U.S. Marine she met while on that assignment.

At the time, Ball, was in the U.S. Air Force and assigned to Bolling Air Force Basein Washington.

In her complaint, Roth also claimed that Ball “threatened to destroy her career and reputation” and Ball told her he had a “sexually transmitted disease but has been keeping it to himself.”

Right. We know that many sexually diseases have been transmitted from animals to humans thanks to bestiality perverts. The question is, was the dead goat killed in order to promote Ball’s candidacy? Or was it murdered out of jealousy after Ball caught the goat in a barn with another man’s hands working her titties? Domestic violence is bad enough, but domesticated-animal-violence? O the humanity!

Stay tuned, this should be good.

Late Update: As more people start to question the dead-goat-Beaner-threat hoax, more and more are reminded of another dumbfuck-designed Republican hoax late last year: Ashley Todd. Like Ball’s Cornholio-level-Spanish threat, Todd couldn’t even self-carve the “B” in her cheek properly to make a convincing scary-Negro-attacker, and her story quickly fell apart. Is Greg Ball the Ashley Todd of New York? Ball’s own office mass-mailed press releases about his daring encounter with the dead goat along with three scary photos. Poor goat. Will be interesting to see how the FBI and Sheriff’s investigators handle this…


Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion from Reagan’s Workplaces to Clinton’s Columbine.

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Add your own

  • 1. Paul  |  March 7th, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    Now this is just way too damned creepy.

  • 2. Sean Taylor  |  March 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    Hey Ames, I don’t know what imaginary constituency you think you have, or what ideal of justice you think you are defending, but the reality of life in America and on this planet is cultural/tribal war, and has been from day one. When it comes down to choosing between a sleazy member of your own tribe and an invading ethnic gang, you’ll find that it’s a very easy choice for most people. My question for you sir is, which side are you on? Do you think the relentless destruction of American culture by you and your ilk has no consequences? When America has disintegrated into ethnic factionalism in the near future, it won’t be a mystery who the culprits were. Keep up the good work dude.

  • 3. LoveAndRockets  |  March 7th, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    I managed a building in San Francisco for several years and gangs used to fight for turf on my doorstep. I saw 9 shootings and 2 dead bodies in 4 years. The gangs were the Nortenos and the Surenos and MS-13 (I was told by the Gang Task Force.) I guess one or the other won because there were no more shootings after a while. But, I saw many tags on buildings, even cleaned a few myself. Gang tags are highly stylized and no self-respecting gangbanger would write legibly “MS-13”. It would be a stylized mess I could barely read.

  • 4. doctor k  |  March 7th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    no fucking way

  • 5. aleke  |  March 7th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    I’m on the side of the “invading ethnic gang” because it pisses your ass off. And in order to prepare myself for the hordes of lazy ethnics moving in on our society without a safety net, I’m going to consider the previous historic ethnic invasions throughout the years that have ended in the catastrophic plummeting of our nation into ethnic factionalism and third-world status.

  • 6. Anonymous Coward  |  March 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Ames “tribe,” like mine, is coastal liberal elites (in his case, Jewish as well). College educated people who don’t believe in the scary wind god popular in this country, and who don’t feel any kinship with the members of the “white supremicist” movement. The members of that movement seem to represent a form of genetic degeneracy far worse than any of the races they claim they feel themselves superior to.

    Seriously, I look at these multi-chinned, rottien toothed creatures in some appalachian trailer park and I’m supposed to feel, what? That I have some tribal kinship with them? Not only are they incapable of forming complete sentences, they are incapable of forming complete thoughts.

    Inheritance of aquired characteristics? Genetic damage from imbibing the toxic waste that their dear leaders (the people who run the mines and other polluting businesses in this country) have seen fit to dump on them? Seriously, you want me to feel I could stand to live on the same planet with the human garbage who make up the minuteman movement, even if every member of every other race were gone?

    Nothing scares us more than an incursion of zombies. By zombies, I mean Christian conservatives, of course. The enemy. The people who herded America right off a cliff. You want a tribal war? Fine, just remember though… you ain’t in my tribe.

  • 7. DocAmazing  |  March 7th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    …Do they call me Greg Ball the legislator? No!

    But you fuck just one goat…

  • 8. mechagodzilla  |  March 7th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    I like how some of these guys on the comment list have this sweet 2-step argument that goes:

    heavy cultural mixing -> catastrophic ethnic factionalism

  • 9. bitchass  |  March 7th, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Ames forgot to mention one other thing:

    “In October 2006 during Ball’s first campaign, vandals wrote denigrating comments about him and drew several swastikas on the exterior of a building in Pawling, where he had his campaign headquarters.”

    Yet another really plausible threat, one that launched his campaign apparently.

    Here’s my favorite quote from Ball:

    “If someone actually killed this animal to make a political point, then they need help,” Ball said.

    Instead of keeping comments and speculation to himself while the police conduct the investigation, he keeps running his mouth to reporters:

    “My hunch is it was someone who took three weeks of high-school Spanish and switched to French,” Ball said. “It’s a slimeball move to try and place this on a Latino speaker.”

    I can actually see this guy, standing on his front porch braying to reporters:

    Can you believe this bullshit? What kind of sick fuck goes and kills a goat to make some kind of point?

    Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if the local sheriff was in on it too:

    “When such a menacing act is directed against a government official, it may be perceived as an effort to chill or even thwart the workings of government by threat of violence; in such a case, it may be said that all of society is being victimized by the deed,” Capt. William McNamara said in an e-mail today.

    After all, an MS-13 bogeyman in a white’s only neighborhood is sure to be good for next year’s law enforcement budget.

  • 10. Doh!  |  March 7th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Are you really surprised at Republicans bullshitting? I mean the answer is “yes!” The goatfucker raped and then killed the poor goat, then thought about how to turn it to his advantage, and then came up with this brilliant idea, or it seemed brilliant to him under all that booze influence, you need alcohol to help with beastiality. Than it was discovered that the idiot couldn’t write for shit, and he changed his tune.

    Ames, how the fuck do you find this stuff?

  • 11. Evg  |  March 7th, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Why the hell do you think it was a threat? 10, may be 30 kilograms of fresh meat might be a bribe or a gift!

  • 12. Kotek Besar  |  March 8th, 2009 at 7:18 am

    The ones I’m sorry for (apart from the goat) are the kids left behind. Won’t anyone think of the kids?

  • 13. Gustavo Arellano  |  March 8th, 2009 at 7:54 am

    Sean Taylor is an idiot, and so is anyone else who believes this story. After all, it’s well known MS-13 and other Latino super-gangs leave severed heads, not dead goats, as their calling cards. D’oh!

  • 14. gza  |  March 8th, 2009 at 9:03 am

    I can’t be the only person that sees the delicious irony of some racialist nutter who believes “tribal warfare” is an inevitable fact of human life accusing another person of hastening the coming of Helter Skelter

  • 15. Anon Coward  |  March 8th, 2009 at 9:43 am

    What was that bitches name? Ashley Todd. Jesus, republicants can be so fucking stupid. Got to love it that the backwards B in this case was “gay prostitute”. Fucking A!

  • 16. Kotek Besar  |  March 9th, 2009 at 5:39 am

    Ball looks like a stupid frat-boy jock… I would like to think that America has had quite enough of that not to elect any more of those to high office.

  • 17. Joe Blow  |  March 9th, 2009 at 6:28 am

    ““If someone actually killed this animal to make a political point, then they need help,” Ball said. “If they killed it in a fit of rage when after a night of beautifull inter-species love the goat said it was no longer interested in a relationship, that I could understand.” he continued.

    “Further” he added, if they were going to eat it or sacrifice it to the big man in the sky then that would be just hunky dory, but for politics! That’s just wrong.”

  • 18. Javier  |  March 9th, 2009 at 8:49 am

    Do you have the actual text in the note? I’d like to get a look at it, if only for laughs.

  • 19. wengler  |  March 9th, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Our lives would be so boring without goat-fucking Republicans.

  • 20. Rob  |  March 10th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Hey Anonymous Coward,

    If you met me you’d never know that I’m on the side of the people you regard with such disdain. Nope, I fit right in among the Northeast elites, and so do a couple dozen of my closest friends.

    That’s right, keep believing that the White tribe is all a bunch of toothless left behinders, you arrogant, over-reaching hebrew.

  • 21. Not Rob  |  March 11th, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Dear Rob,

    White supremacy is so 1986. I’m certain you and your 24 friends could find something more productive to do with your time.


  • 22. Greg's Uncle  |  November 28th, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Hey! Greg’s not smart enough to do that. The goat died of natural causes on my farm and I staged it. It’s a not so well-kept family secret that Greg is a nutcase. His own father said he’d either grow up to be a politician or a mass-murderer! This whacko belongs in a straight jacket.

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