Vanity Fair profiles The eXile: "Gutsy...visceral...serious journalism...abusive, defamatory...poignant...paranoid...and right!"
MSNBC: Mark Ames and Yasha Levine
Broke the Koch Brothers' Takeover of America
www.exiledonline.com

eXiled Alert! We just launched the S.H.A.M.E. media transparency project to expose the shills and corporate lackeys who manipulate the public and perpetuate oligarchy power. Check it out. And contribute using PayPal or WePay

Gloats / March 1, 2011

jim-goad1 polaroid

Hello Jim, it’s your mother here. I didn’t want to write this. And I apologize for sending this to The eXiled, but I didn’t know how else to reach you. Jimmy, please listen to me just this one time. Stop embarrassing yourself. Please, I beg you. Why, a mother asks, did you write a groveling letter to Mark Ames that began, “Unlike Matt Taibbi, you’re a good writer”? Jimmy, you’re more confused today at age 50 than when I used to smack you around at age 5. You’re a talentless meathead and a failed Broadway actor with a chip on your shoulder, and it hurts me to see you flaunt it. You’re too vain, and too thick in the skull, to recognize what a complete ass you’re making of yourself today. Jimmy, you’re 50 years old. The 1990s are over. In 5 years you’ll qualify for senior citizens’ discounts. Please, Jimmy, please stop it. Stop being a masochist and hurting yourself. You aren’t a redneck. You aren’t scaring anyone. You aren’t impressing anyone. Mr. Ames seems like a nice Jewish fellow, why do you have to bother him, the way you pestered me and your father? Of course we hit you. You wouldn’t stop whining all the time. You wrote all about it in your “Rape” magazine. Clearly, I should have beaten you a lot more, Jimmy. I failed to prevent you from becoming a 50-year-old monkey, and for that I am sorry.

Please, Jimmy, stop it. Stop whining. And stop running to that nice Canadian fashionista to defend your honor. This poor Canadian fellow Gavin McInnes is a busy man, with a serious job: he looks at pictures of people’s clothes, and comments on them. That, Jimmy, is what a real redneck does: commenting on people’s clothes. This Canadian fellow Gavin, he is a real redneck, unlike you. When it comes to Canadian fashion criticism, no one takes it to the limits like Gavin McInnes. What do you do? You interrupt his busy day as a fashion critic to rescue you when you can’t defend yourself. Oh how ashamed I am to be your mother! Your father beat you to try to make a man out of you, and what did you do? You begged him for money to go to theater acting school at NYU. That’s why he drank himself to death. You killed your father, Jimmy, and you’re killing him again now.

goad aarp1

But here’s what I really want to say to you, Jimmy, my son: Stop groveling. Please, for once in your life, stop groveling to rich Republicans. Try to be a little bit of the psychotic Jim Goad that you used to be. That was interesting. But now, you just grovel to rich Republicans. You grovel to the Koch Brothers and call yourself “libertarian” because they’re rich corporate heirs and they throw money at libertarians. You grovel to your 80-year-old Albanian publisher Taki, because he’s a rich heir, and my son Jimmy Goad grovels to rich heirs. You’re not even ashamed that you edit a magazine whose mascot is a debutante in a tiara holding a martini glass and cigarette holder, whose motto is “Cocktails, Countesses, and Mental Caviar”. I always told you as a child, “Jimmy, some day you’ll grow up and be a 50-year-old redneck who publishes in a magazine whose mascot is a debutante in a tiara, and you’ll do something really stupid like make an ass out of yourself groveling to Mark Ames for his attention. No wonder I don’t love you. I already know what a groveling idiot you’ll be when you’re 50!” Five minutes a day of not groveling to billionaire Republican rightwingers, that’s all I ask. Can you at least try it?

taki-girl-with-tiara-and-goad1

Yes, I know Jimmy, you’re still mad at me. I remember what you wrote about me in your “Rape” issue:

“Little Jimmy. All alone at four or five years old. Shivering on my parents’ numb bed on a Sunday morning when the old man was out drinking and mommy was off to church. I felt a chilly Novocain pit inside my ribs, the sense that I was unloved.”

I can still hear the violins playing when I read those words. Those are First Amendment-barrier-breaking violins, Jimmy. Kleenex, anyone? Oprah, book that man!

Well, since we’re opening up, let’s go back and revisit your childhood, since that’s all you ever do. That and zip-code surfing. Yes, Jimmy, you grew up a poor Confederate redneck in the bayous of Ridley Park, Pennsylvania, a rich all-white suburb of Philadelphia built as a “summer vacation resort for wealthy Philadelphians.” Growing up in the redneck backwoods of Ridley Park, you dreamed of going to NYU to be a theater actor on Broadway. But as you whined over and over in your “Rape” issue, your father didn’t pay for you to attend NYU theater acting school, “even though we could pay for it 10 times over” I suppose I should explain why, Jimmy. You see, it’s true. Like all redneck families, we had plenty of money to pay for the most expensive theater acting program in Manhattan ten times over. And like all redneck boys, you naturally dreamed of studying theater at NYU under Stella Adler, who taught Judy Garland and Melanie Griffith. Here is what you wrote in the Rape issue:

“NYU accepted me to study theater with Stella Adler, one of the world’s best acting teachers. They had enough money to pay the tuition ten times over – but they just didn’t want to bet it on me.”

O, the humanity! Poor Jimmy’s parents wouldn’t waste $150,000 on their son’s Broadway dreams. Say goodbye to that bit-part in Rent that you were destined for, Jimmy Goad. You coulda been the next Judy Garland! It’s the Redneck’s Dilemma all over again: Redneck son wants to study theater at NYU, redneck parents have the money but won’t pay it, redneck son hates parents for life. If that’s not authentic redneck, then this photo certainly is:

jim goad redneck guy1

If only Stella Adler could see me now, she’d be so proud! Yee-haw!

It’s true, Jimmy. We didn’t want to bet on you. We knew that Temple University was more your speed. And here is one reason why. When you sent your email to Mark Ames trying to hurt him, your “grovel” program kicked in instead:

——Original Message——
From: jg@jimgoad.net
To: ames@exiledonline.com
Subject: Hello, Darlin’
Sent: Feb 22, 2011 3:08 PM

Unlike Matt Taibbi, you are a really good writer.

But you’re so absolutely wrong about everything, I’m laughing as I type.

I would bust you like a grape in a public debate.

404 824 0088 … Call me anytime in my 88 percent black neighborhood, ye champeen of the oppressed.

My poor dim-witted son, it hurts to read this email. But maybe now, reading what you wrote Mr. Ames, you’ll understand why your father and I figured Temple U. was more your speed.

Here, Mr. Ames wrote me a very nice note explaining why your email was so retarded:

“Dear Mrs. Goad, your son sent me an email challenging me to a ‘public debate’? What the hell is he talking about, ‘public debate’? Is that before or after the spelling bee? Mrs. Goad, please tell your retarded redneck son Jim Goad I don’t know how to answer a groveling email like this. I know he’s done so much groveling to the Kochs lately that it’s become an instinctive reaction for your son. If he wants to fuck with me, please tell your dumbshit failed actor of a son he shouldn’t start off his email by telling me that I’m more talented than Matt Taibbi. That’s called groveling–and handing your gun to your opponent. Even the Polish cavalry wasn’t that stupid. Since your son is a special case, here’s some friendly advice: You see, Mrs. Goad, your son should not tell me I’m better than Taibbi if he wants to hurt me. No, if he wants to hurt me, or at least give the impression he’s hurting me, your son should have written that I’m jealous of Matt Taibbi, because he’s more famous than I am. You see? I know that’s tough to figure out, but I’m in a charitable mood here. If your retarded son would take ten minutes out from playing the 50-year-old failed-Broadway-actor-turned-Confederate wigger, and take just ten seconds off from sucking up to the Koch brothers, he might learn something about the art of invective.”

And I said to Mr. Ames, “Thank you. But there’s no point in explaining this to my retarded son Jim Goad.”

So, there’s my letter to you Jimmy. I hope you heed my advice and stop embarrassing me, that’s all.

Love nips,

Jim’s Mom

ps: Mr. Ames asked me to directly relay this message to your fashion-critic handler, the fellow from Canada:

Jim,

Mark Ames here. I’m truly sorry that a 50-year-old theater-trained Confederate such as yourself has to run crying to a Canadian fashionista like Gavin McInnes, the biggest chickenshit who ever called himself a “white power” Confederate that Canada ever produced. Not sure if anyone remembers, but back in 2003, when Gavin was at the peak of his career, the New York Times quoted Gavin playing the “white power” hipster. And like the bad-assed “white power” Confederate Gavin is, the second his hipster stance turned into real controversy, a giant yellow stripe ran up his Canadian back as Gavin squealed “I’m just a hipster poseur! I didn’t mean that white power stuff! I love The Nation magazine just as much as I love Pat Buchanan! I swear I’m just a fashion chickenshit who doesn’t mean a single thing I say! I’m a pussy and a poseur, c’mon you guys!”

Here’s how Gavin portrayed himself to the New York Times:

He actually leans much further to the right than the Republican Party. His views are closer to a white supremacist’s. ”I love being white and I think it’s something to be very proud of,” he said. ”I don’t want our culture diluted. We need to close the borders now and let everyone assimilate to a Western, white, English-speaking way of life.”
In an interview in The New York Press last year, Mr. McInnes’s views came through in the coarse ethnic expressions he used in saying how pleased he was that most Williamsburg hipsters are white. As a result, he became the focus of a letter-writing campaign by a black reader. Vice apologized for Mr. McInnes’s comments.

Welp, someone got upset–someone rich, of course, because suckup posers like Gavin only care if rich people don’t appreciate his act. So at the first whiff of gunpowder, our Canadian Confederate emailed to the public one of the most shameful, embarassing mea culpas in the history of chickenshits: a long groveling letter to Gawker taking back all the edgy white power things he’d said: “No no no! Wait, I lost a client over saying something edgy! Tell everyone I didn’t mean a thing!”

It became irresistible to goad people and corner them into conversations about controversial politics because they were so hysterical and easy to anger. Plus, incendiary political statements garnered endless publicity for us and playing with mainstream media became a fun game.

And yes, I wrote an article for The American Conservative about a new trend of conservative hipsters. I did it for a laugh. I did it because I wanted to see what it would be like to flirt with Pat Buchanan (and I agree with some of what the AmCon says, just like I agree with some of what The Nation says). In the AmCon piece I made totally bullshit claims like Terry Richardson was publicly trashing Clinton and Our website was filled with people saying the gay media was making women diet too much. I even invented an art collective called Sofia. Any of these things could have been easily disproven, but everyone from The New York Post to Newsweek ran with them. Shocking really.

Letter to Gawker from Gavin McInnes

Gavin McInnis does the Chickenshit Shuffle: “I will say stuff so left-wing, so Black Power, that it will make your ears burn off.” Ouch, our ears!

You see what a sly little coward Gavin is? First whiff of gun powder, and he’s fleeing for the safety of irony, turning in every name he can think of, blaming the media for not being in on the hipster joke. It’s all their fault, you see! I’m just a fashionista poseur! Don’t take me seriously, please! I’m gonna give you all the Black Power you need, because this is about balance, right? Isn’t that how I save myself? By running to the other side and pretending there as much as I pretend when I’m with the White Power side?

 

THE EXILED PRESENTS: THE GAVIN MCINNES PLAYBOOK OF “WHITE POWER” DO’S & DON’TS!

DO: Shamelessly chicken out when you generate a single iota of real controversy, send a giant rambling knee-chattering letter to gossip site Gawker disowning everything vaguely dangerous you ever may have said that might be construed the wrong way, and to emphasize that you have no convictions or balls, send a self-debasing photo of yourself in a Speedo with your giant pussy backtracking apology letter, so that everyone will think you really are just a harmless poseur Canadian fashionista fraud, too harmless and middle-class to take your White Power stuff seriously;

DON’T: Talk White Power talk if you’re just a pussy Canadian fashionistawithout the balls to follow through on what you started.

nathan-barley-7

Gavin McInnis explains why it’s cool to be a Republican: “It’s cool because it’s not cool. So therefore, it’s cool. Unless it’s bad for the career. Then it’s not cool again.”

Contrast a total poseur like Gavin with Jim Goad, who, to his credit, is at least trying to be the real thing: a guy who writes about beating up women and breaking their jaws, before actually beating the shit out of his tiny girlfriend who was half Goad’s age, and going to prison for it. Jim broke little Anne Ryan’s eye socket with his fist while she was in his car, and he bit her thumb badly enough for it to count as another charge, before throwing her out of the car in the middle of nowhere at five in the morning. That made all the hipster poseurs “oo” and “ahh” over just how authentic Goad’s redneck act was. Sure, you probably didn’t realize that Rednecks bite their girlfriends’ thumbs, but you must not have listened to your Merle Haggard enough, songs like, “Darlin’, if’n you dont git me a beer/I’m a-gonna bite-bite-bite yer thumb…”

goad-spin-skye-blackeye-470x216

Jim Goad was jailed for breaking this woman’s skull

Now, here’s what Goad wrote about violence against women:

I like to punch women and kick them and shove them up against walls. I like grabbing them by their pretty hair and swinging them into door frames, rubbing their noses in the carpet like they’re puppies, dragging them into the bathroom and half-drowning them in the toilet. Sinks—either bathroom or kitchen sinks—are real good, because you can knock out a whole row of teeth when you slam a woman’s face into one. Watch all the gooey blood dripping on the white porcelain. It’s a real treat.

Yup, that’s it. That’s the difference between Gavin and Goad. That’s what authentic Redneck is, as compared to Gavin’s poseur-redneck. No wonder they’re not embarrassed to call themselves “libertarians.”

Look, you two fools are still working the same old schtick that worked so well in the Clinton Era: flip-flopping conventional cliches and morals, hissing anti-black and anti-Semitic platitudes to imaginary “oo’s” and “ah’s” of your imaginary 90’s dorm audience. Breaking the rules and sticking it to the Establishment by parroting someone else’s older, filthier cliches, over the current cliches. But politics and ideas aren’t the same as shopping for redneck outfits at thrift stores. You’ve become so ridiculous that the great Brit satirist Christopher Morris even created a character based on Gavin named “Nathan Barley,” a shallow London media hipster who earns “cool” credibility by fake-shocking his shallow hipster friends by saying “nigger” in public, and running a hipster fashion website with the edgy name “Trashbat.co.ck.” Not “Streetboners” but “trashbat-dot-cock.” As Nathan Barley says in the show, “Get it? ‘Cock.’ Dot-co, dot-ck. Trashbat-dot-cock, my nigger!” One man’s “Streetboners” website is another man’s “co.ck” as they say in hipsterland. Click here to watch a clip from Chris Morris’ brutal takedown of Gavin McInnes. (It’s perfect, isn’t it, that Gavin is now a Koch-sucking “libertarian.”)

Goad and Goad’s handler, Gavin, never figured that out. And so even though America has changed drastically for the worse since the 1990s, the decade that Goad and Gavin still live in, neither of them know how to adapt. They’re merely calculating their stances like fashion choices, and now they’ve run out of stances and anti-stances and hipster flip-flops of conventional liberal wisdom. It was always formulaic, and a dumb formula at that. We were all a lot dumber in the 1990s because we thought the enemy was blandness—America was still rich and that wealth seemed infinite. We hadn’t been dragged into two lost wars and the total collapse of the financial system yet. So some of us got off on teasing the liberal Ms. Crabtrees, which in hindsight was far too easy, and dove into rank hedonism, because it was fun and because others were inexplicably afraid of going there. It made sense then, when America was rich and annoying liberals seemed to matter in the phony culture wars of that time. Part of the point was to make the readers uncomfortable, to shake them awake. But times have changed: this country is completely fucked thanks to the plutocrats whose shoes Goad and Gavin are now polishing with their tongues. It was inevitable that shallow hipsters would rationalize their way into the Koch brothers’ libertarian arms. Pathetic, but inevitable: someone who thinks “bold” and “daring” equals facile flip-flops inevitably winds up carrying the water for the status quo. Go back to commenting on people’s clothes, or whining about how your parents didn’t love you enough. You’re much better at that.

 

Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan’s Workplaces to Clinton’s Columbine and Beyond.

Click the cover & buy the book!

Share/Bookmark

Read more: , , , , , , , , , Mark Ames, Gloats

Got something to say to us? Then send us a letter.

Want us to stick around? Donate to The eXiled.

Twitter twerps can follow us at twitter.com/exiledonline

104 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. Yousif  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Massive Ownage

  • 2. S  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Fuck yeah! Almost as great a takedown of a deserving piece of shit as Ames’ beautiful hit piece on Chuck Kolostomy Klosterman.

  • 3. andrew  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:52 am

    um, what’s going on? who the hell are these people?

  • 4. goad won  |  March 1st, 2011 at 11:02 am

    What about trying to call Ames a “Turkish salesman”? That was ooo devastating! No wonder Goad beat up his girlfriend and went to jail, he can only beat up girls half his age, but can’t fight a real fight

  • 5. helplesscase  |  March 1st, 2011 at 11:11 am

    holy shit–that fucking owned. a while ago, i went to jim goad’s web site, and it described him as ‘the bravest man in the world’ or something. i almost died laughing.

  • 6. jps3  |  March 1st, 2011 at 11:23 am

    what’s the background story on this? what’d I miss?

  • 7. Fissille  |  March 1st, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Now you did it, you called Taki an Albanian! I’m sure the Albanian…er, Greek is already on the phone to some of Sinatra’s old mob buddies. If you see a senior citizen bus with Jersey plates pull up in front of your house, run. You’d be surprised how much damage some of those old wiseguys can inflict with a metal walker.

    BTW, you may be correct about Goad, but I still hate the cop/teacher unions.

  • 8. Your Best Friend  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Waaaahhhhh!!! My name is Jimmy Goad and I want my mommy! Waaaaahhhh! Daddy, this bad man he is so mean he hurt me. Wahhhhhh!!!

  • 9. jared  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Waaahhhh! Mommy, I want to sue Mark Ames! Waaahhh, I’m gonna call my lawyer on Mark Ames for publishing my email! Wahhhh!

  • 10. Your Best Friend  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Missed a bald spot. Happens when you hit 50 and you still pretend you’re a redneck.

  • 11. Duarte Guerreiro  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Your eloquent hatred of your enemies is a lesson to us all. Offerings to Ares that all Exiled loyals might be bestowed your talents in the struggle against retards everywhere.

  • 12. Flatulissimo  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    That last paragraph owns. I tried looking at Answer Me again when they re-issued it awhile back in a de-lux package like it was a real work of literature or something. It was embarrassing. Reminds me of James Ellroy’s stuff or movies about serial killers or something – sooooo 90s. Just like I never need to see another movie about a serial killer again, and have had enough of Ellroy’s fake tough guy facism, Goad’s worldview does not hold up to contemporary scrutiny. Now I wish the rest of GenX would catch the fuck up, lose the Ron Paul delusions, and face reality.

  • 13. MF  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    What a tool. This seems to be his argument:

    “Union workers have it better than other workers. Rather than support unions for other occupations to level things out, we should just destroy unions so everyone is equally buttfucked by the oligarchy. That’s just how hard-working redneck shills like me roll.”

  • 14. Aaron  |  March 1st, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Privacy violation? Oh please. Dude publishes your phone number you sent him in an email, and you call your lawyer instead of calling him out? Where’s your fucking balls, Mister Redneck Man? “Bravest man in the world”? Shouldn’t you be threatening to do something a little more personally intimidating than send a process server around to whatever cardboard box Ames is working out of this month?

    ‘Cuz, I mean, I grew up in Mississippi where you get real Confederate revanchists — you know, the kind where it runs in the family, not your penny-ante carpet-bagging Pennsylvania bullshit — and, funny thing, legal threats really weren’t the weapon of choice.

    Of course I’m wasting my time here because everybody knows you’re a ball-less fucking cipher who exists only as a slick multimedia package of bullshit for the credulous, and why not? I mean, hell, it makes you more money than my job makes me, and that means you’re a better American than I am. But you fucked it up, man. You’re not supposed to let anybody see the craven joke at the center of it all.

  • 15. dh  |  March 1st, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    ‘…he handed me an AK-47 by committing an egregious privacy violation?’

    There isn’t much there that could be construed as a ‘privacy violation.’ And, to be honest, I think Ames went soft on you.

    Now enough of this hobo circuit welterweight shit!

  • 16. Timmy  |  March 1st, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Looks like Goad got all pissy over Mark’s ( mild I would say) jabs at him on the ameslevinelist for shilling for the neocons. So Jim starts running his mouth and then taking some low blows at Mark.
    Then Mark comes back and puts Jim in his place with this kingly piece.

    I think this is Mark’s best takedown. It was cucumber cool, really quite restrained actually very elegant.

  • 17. riley  |  March 1st, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Jim “Joke” Goad

  • 18. Greg  |  March 1st, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    My name is Gavin McInnes, “white power” fashionista and Koch-suckup

  • 19. Fissile  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Go check out that poor little Albanian…..er, Greek boy’s site, and see what Goad has been writing about Ames. Let me get some popcorn…….OK, this is like a keyboard version of Fight Club.

    BTW, if you really want to piss off the little Albanian boy, ask him if he was born in the former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia….because Macedonia is really Slavic you know.

  • 20. Thomzas  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    His firing back with twitter! Trying to get Ames in trouble! And he’s come out of the closet as a FoxNews tool, just like Ames said he was!

    http://twitter.com/jimgoad

  • 21. Thomzas  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    I’d give you the link to the backstory, but it goes to Gavin’s sad aging-hipster Nathan Barley site, and that’s just too painful to link to right now

  • 22. Jared  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    You fellas better watch it with this Goad feud because he’s “at least a Brown Belt when it comes to the ability to insult, denigrate, and even make people cry.”

  • 23. Jim  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Jim Goad running twittering to FoxNews and twitter-tattling to Ames’ employers to get him in trouble?! First Goad runs to Gavin McInnes to back him up, now to FoxNews?! What a corrupt corporate FAG!!!!!!!

  • 24. Derp  |  March 1st, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Derp derp! Mark Ames can’t be Jewish, he’s not rich! That’s like a black man that can’t dance or a Chinaman that can’t do algebra, derp derp!

  • 25. Strelnikov  |  March 1st, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    I’m glad you brought up McInnes’ “hipster skinhead” past and how he weaseled out of it; let’s not forget that he founded Vice with Suroosh Alvi, a Pakistani Canadian and noted hairy greaseball Shane Smith – what fuckin’ kind of skinhead founds a magazine with a hippyish dude and a Pakistani? A fake one.

    BTW, Gavin’s schtick now is self-humiliation; he was filmed staying up for two straight days while he interviewed people in NYC, then he lost a bare-knuckle boxing match with a Chinese-American middleweight.

  • 26. Skinner'sHorse  |  March 1st, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Really, I don’t know why you’re bothering to argue with somebody as irrelevant as Jim Goad.

  • 27. Onarag Dickshit  |  March 1st, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    “Who are Jim Goad and Gavin McInnis, Wu?”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WN5cCiXt6IM

  • 28. Thomzas  |  March 1st, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Yeah, OK, edit my comments, then…

    Why not stick the full Gavin McInnes article up as a post, if you don’t want him getting the extra hits?

  • 29. Jim  |  March 1st, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Why didn’t you delete my comment?

  • 30. attorney general eric holder  |  March 1st, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Gavin McInnis here. Look at me as I use the word “nigger”:
    holy nigger balls.

    Pretty edgy dude. No one can write edgy shit like that.

    Go ahead edit it like you do with other comments to show off how cute you can be. keep sucking maddow’s make-shift clit-cock, you cunt.

    I’m not hurt. Seriously, I’m not hurt at all. Mommy!!!! Michelle Malkin!!! Help me!!!! Wahahhahhhhhh

  • 31. Jim  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Again, I wish you would delete my comment.

    I’d enjoy seeing Goad taken down a notch, but that isn’t happening here. All I see from Mr. Ames are petty, juvenile insults. Seriously, a fake letter from Goad’s mother? Goad throws a few petty insults of his own, but he keeps going back to the fact that this all started when Goad challenged him to a debate over school teachers in Wisconsin.

    Goad’s problems with Mr. Ames are problems with his politics. Mr. Ames’ problems with Goad are problems with Goad questioning his politics and challenging him to a debate that he can’t win.

  • 32. Jim  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Jim Goad here again. I can’t get enough of this. I love posting comments! So, here I am, just a regular guy, convicted and jailed for beating, kidnapping and domestic violence all committed on a little girl named Anne Ryan, who was half my age. I had something else to say to…dang, I forgot…give me some time, I’ll remember.

  • 33. vortexgods  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    See, if anyone goes near the Left they are supposed to be plaster saints.

    Better not have sex for fun… just look at what happened to Julian Assange. (Just like if you are on the Left, you are supposed to work for the sheer joy of it and not want to make a decent living.)

    On the Right, of course, you can indulge in whatever sadistic perversion takes your fancy, and still continue to hold powerful positions in the media or public office.

    Heck, you can even beat up your girlfriend, bust her eye open, go to jail, and still get hired by the Kochs!

  • 34. Victorvalley Villain  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Best.thing.ever.

  • 35. mort aux vaches  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    mcinnes’ apology is hilarious. protect the lifestyle brand!

  • 36. Chas  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    What is this ? Ames-the-Giant-Rham-Emmanuel-killer descends to do battle with who ? And what’s with the allusion to Polish cavalry ? Gary Brecher would have a word with you on that one.

  • 37. rick  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    I don’t really know who this guy is. I looked him up on Wikipedia–maybe he was an influence on Mark Ames back in the day? I’m all for feuding, but give us some context. I have to admit to not giving a fuck about politics at all much anymore–I just like some “liberal” stuff since it hunts snakes. I admire the spirit of the Honey Badger:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

  • 38. Jim  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I know you’re not going to let any of my comments through, which amuses me

  • 39. dh  |  March 1st, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    I’m not sure how this debate was sidetracked so completely.
    It isn’t about Goad beating the ever-living shit out of some heroin waif, or Ames sleeping with some Russian ‘teen’ (who could probably destroy Goad). No, this is about the spiteful MOR mindset (which Goad channels) collaborating with a power and ideology that actually wants to destroy them.

    You may have done your time for crushing some poor girl’s face, Goad. But there isn’t a sentence in hell long enough for glibly spitting on the working poor.

  • 40. pMX?  |  March 1st, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    feels like a classic exile.ru takedown

  • 41. Peter  |  March 1st, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Goad and McInnes prove their irrelevance through their method of attack. Authenticity, as laughable as it is in both of their cases, is all Goad and McInnes have. Ames can hit them there and it’ll register. But they’re too stupid to get that they could prove Ames is the lost damned Hapsburg heir and it wouldn’t matter. He’s read because he hits people who deserve it.

    Courtiers don’t tend to be the most adaptable lot.

  • 42. Jimbo  |  March 1st, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Whadda buncha shit.

  • 43. my talkative ringpiece  |  March 1st, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I grew up where whites are a hated minority and between that and racial quotas, I experienced far more racism against me than Jim ever dreamed of. Solution: I got the fuck out of there. Yes, there are ways I lose out being white in the US. But still, think about this: Cops tend to believe me. Cabs will stop for me. I’ve never been accused of shoplifting – I don’t shoplift, but imagine not shoplifting but still being accused of it – happens all the time to folks who are not Asian or white. There are ways you lose out, mostly in hiring for jobs you probably don’t want anyway, and in college admission, mostly for programs that are useless and will you into debt anyway, but there are a lot of perks.

    Back when the quotas were set up, there were a ton of jobs. Who gave a flying fuck if there was 60 jobs at the aircraft plant and Blacks were given preference, so OK the first 6 jobs go to Black applicants? I say Horray! Great! There are still 54 jobs for the rest of us. The quotas made sense because the situation before, the old-fashioned type of racism, sucked. But then came The Great Contraction. Now the first six jobs have to go to …. but there are only 5 jobs open total! Or 4, etc. Now these things aren’t done this way, it’s not the first six etc but it works pretty much this way. It was a great way to solve the old racism in a job-rich environment.

    But now we have everyone scrabbling. And THIS is the real cause of Goad’s angst. The real root cause of “white anger” or whatever you want to call it, is the “desertification” of the jobs landscape for the working class and wannabe middle class.

    What’s sad is, as things get worse in the US, this tribalism is only going to get worse. Divide and conquer, just what our oligarchs want.

  • 44. Jie ke  |  March 1st, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    #11
    “Eloquent hatred”
    Brilliant!
    It’s a lost battle, but it’s still good to know we’re right.

  • 45. twentyeight  |  March 1st, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Ames, we salute you, for showing us the powers of methamphetamine, a complete lack of shame and utter devotion to revenge.

  • 46. T.B.  |  March 1st, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    If you want to know the truth, you both come off sounding like 9 year-old retards.

    Goad is undoubtedly a shit-stirrer and professional race victim. Ames, on the other hand, demonstrates an ability to side-step a simple issue that is nothing short of Olympic.

    I’d love to see a man-to-man (sic) fistfight that results in the death of one and the lifetime incarceration of the other. Barring that, why not just shut the fuck up (the both of you)?

  • 47. twentyeight  |  March 1st, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    That’s a compliment.

    And thank god somebody finally suplexed Goad and McInnis into the irrelevance they deserve. I can’t believe I have the Redneck Manifest or still have a couple issues of Vice from, what, twelve years ago. That boat sailed long, long ago.

    Man, the ’90s. How am I supposed to explain that crap to my kids? “Everyone listened to slowed-down punk chords and gangsta rap and wore flannel, and lesbians roamed college campuses in packs attacking frat boys. Then some time in the early 2000s they banded together with each other to beat the shit out of Muslims and other people with brown skin. Oh, yeah, and there was this thing called the dot-bomb era, your grandfather actually what little retirement money he saved during it. There was this thing called the internet, too, and it ran on this stuff called electricity. Pass the bone saw, this one’s got some meat on it.”

  • 48. SweetLeftFoot  |  March 1st, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    In the immortal words of Nathan Barley: ‘that’s fucking Mexico baby!’

    I’m also interested as to Ames’ view on Taki having spent four months in London’s salubrious Pentonville prison (Pete Doherty’s home away from home) for possession of cocaine.

    Now there’s nothing wrong per se with a bit of blow. It does however peel another layer off the onion that is these creepy fuckers and their corporate shilling.

    Maybe you need to be gakked up to bring yourself to undertake such a soul destroying activity.

  • 49. Traven Torsvan  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    If you want to see how Goad functions in a “public debate” just ask his ex-girlfriend Skye Ryan, whose eye socket he broke with his fist, and whose thumb he bit. Although since Goad is used to beating up little girls half his age, debating Ames will be tough.

  • 50. Sam  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    I don’t get it. Who the fuck is Jim Goad?

  • 51. Jon  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Maybe I am missing out on some alternative definitions of the words, but I don’t see what’s so ironic and subversive about Goad’s bigotry shtick; there’s nothing particularly incisive, nothing fresh offered. It just sounds like he’s parroting the genuinely hateful assholes that populate much of the country and then adding a cloying, contrived “quirky” delivery to remind everyone, “REMEMBER, THIS IS IRONY, I DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO SAY ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HINDER MY FUTURE EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES.”

    It’s funny; weasels like Goad always fall back on the irony/satire defense, yet they are too cowardly to actually commit fully to their “social criticism” or whatever meaningless phrase(s) they hide behind (“I’m a modern day Twain/Voltaire, sticking it to the System!”).

    And just when you thought someone could not get any more pathetic, I go to Goad’s website and notice that, as a way of getting back at Ames’ merciless dismantling of whatever credibility he and his ilk may have had left, he decides to employ the most brutal, penetrating tactic possible, he… tattles to the corporate media about a terrible secret of Ames’… freely discussed in his own book.

    Seriously? I distinctly remember, as a 12 year old, trying to get back at my siblings by telling on them for things that my parents already knew about. Hint: it just makes you look like a fucking idiot with no friends (speaking from experience here). It’s funny to mention this, because I was 12; obviously, I grew out of that twerp-like behavior long ago. But Goad? Oh, right, irony. How fucking low has this country sunk?

  • 52. John Drinkwater  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    It’s well fuckin’ futile!

  • 53. The Dude  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Good thing we all know Jim Chod’s phone number now. Judging from the area code, it’s from Atlanta, Georgia. Good job, Chod, for living with all of those scary black people, I wonder if they know that you’re a redneck, or do you keep that to your self.

  • 54. Andrew  |  March 1st, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Didn’t know about Taki’s jail stint. A friend of mine and I were wondering how Gavin got a job with Taki Mag – our suspicion was that he supplies coke to Taki.

    Gavin McInnes deserves a more venomous takedown than anything yet posted here. He is a vile, hypocritical, reactionary pussy, a true and devoted whore of the status quo.

  • 55. Jack Reynolds  |  March 1st, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Jim Goad is a troll. He’s squeezing his meat pretty hard right now, fantasizing about a possible Michelle Malkin interview or an anti-Ames O’Reilly monologue.

    I guess it’s better than fantasizing about knocking a woman’s teeth out just to get hard.

  • 56. whitherspoon  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Boys you’re a little to kind to Mr. Goad- you are assuming that he was once something more than what he is now, an unoriginal right wing hack. All thru answer me and exotic I always thought this was someone trying to hide or wrestle with their basic conservative instincts. Why someone would need to do either mystifies me. Come on Jimmy gets some guts, be what you are a proud and out fascist- There’s a nice frosty pint of stella artois waiting for you!

  • 57. whitherspoon  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 2:55 am

    As I sit in Witherspoons in Kilmarnock- I realize that the many of the no life/ low lifes who congregate here actually live the life that Goad has written about. How come no one is as interested in them?
    That said- JG is an intellectual powerhouse- easily the equal of Marvin on “The Scheme”.

  • 58. A Silver Mt. Paektu  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Wow. I remember first reading ANSWERMe in the 90s and then checking out his “Redneck Manifesto” on the recommendation of a Native American activist friend of mine. I thought the tone of the RM was strident in a juvenile sort of way, but I also thought that it might have some use in getting white people who were being left behind by the system to make common cause with people who had always been fucked over by it. Well, in the years since I’ve pretty much given up on Americans in general (and white people in particular) and Goad seems to have given up on thinking. I mean, really, Jim? You’re going to carry water for the ruling class now? I know that’s the the traditional task of poor settlerist whites in this country, but I thought you were smarter than that.

  • 59. Olga Osternavetsky  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 9:27 am

    I worship ‘em both, Taibbi and Ames.

    Multiple times.

    My name is Jim Goad and I approve of this comment

  • 60. Jimbo  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I read “Going Postal” and Marignac’s “Fuyards” (which I actually think presents Ames in a more sympathetic and profound light than he shows in his own work) and I can basically identify with the cultural wars of America as presented by the Exiled. I was born into the middle class and was basically thrown to the wolves of the underclass (my parents had me declared psychotic and locked up in a mental institution). Most liberals would call me redneck or racist but really I’m just nihilistic not as a sort of fashion statement but really I don’t feel anything I’m completely depersonalized and disassociated from reality. It’s the powerlessness, the feeling of being pinned down by sadistic forces and taunted and humiliated. So yeah, I’m with whoever is striking back against without pulling punches but who the hell is Goad and where exactly does he stand in relation to the Koches and the teabaggers? If you really want to hurt him Ames expose his connections with the elites.

  • 61. Aaron  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Actually, if you want to see how Goad functions in a “public debate”, all you need to do is go take a look at the comments on his “Kochtopussies” article.

    Oh, wait, you can’t, because he shut down new comments on the article and deleted all the ones already there.

    Yep, this guy’s a real two-fisted, ass-kicking redneck motherfucker, right here.

  • 62. Jared  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 11:21 am

    “Oh, wait, you can’t, because he shut down new comments on the article and deleted all the ones already there.”

    What? No he didn’t.

  • 63. cl  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Thanks for this. Goad used the exact same “squish you like a grape” phrase on me when I tore apart his nightmare piece on Haiti last year on Gavin’s site.

    He never responded to any argument I made although he did helpfully respond to several I would never make.

    The last part about the 90s really nails it… I remember when I was in high school and one friend’s dad was into that militia/survivalist stuff that seemed a tiny bit respectable given the blandness of PC America at the time… guess what, I grew up, learned from a little something called the global justice movement and from radical progressive thought and didn’t give a shit about stupid PC culture wars anymore.

    Goad’s own victim thesis (which is supposed to grant him asshole immunity) is that poor white dudes in the US have also been fucked over. He wields that obvious fact as a weapon to try and take other people’s suffering down a notch, why, I have no idea.

    Your insight into his background as a rich North-eastern drama queen sheds some new light but I don’t want to gaze to deeply into his abyss.

    I’m sorry to say I still sometimes read Gavin’s stuff, because he can be funny. It’s a bummer that someone with enough mental faculty to do that can still be such a voluntarily, will-fully and joyfully ignorant retard when it comes to social problems.

    Their whole personas seemed based on annoying some super PC private college humanities grad student, the kind of people I guess they’ve chosen to constantly hang around, whereas I’ve chosen just to ignore such people when I come across them in reality.

    Meanwhile half the world lives on less than $2 a day, critical natural resources are running out and even most “lucky ones” are slaving their lives away for the shittiest of purposes (corporate profit), at the same time we have legions of “thought-shapers” both elites and wannabes, telling us that any efforts to directly resolve the above through public intervention can only make things worse because the rich are the source of all real wealth and anything that harms then will ultimately ruin everyone.

    But if you try to seriously show how incorrect that is then they switch to “too cool for school” mode and roll their eyes at you for trying to finish what they started.

    So, end rant. I feel your pain.

  • 64. Scott Locklin  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Context: Ames got pwned by Goad in an article about Mark’s fantasy that the Koch brothers are responsible for all right wing evil, and chickened out of a debate with Goad on the subject. Therefore Goad and all his pals (obviously) are racists and work for the Koch brothers. Obviously. Pay no attention to the fact that Ames has George Soros spooge running down the corner of his mouth: all oligarchs are not made alike! But all Koch-licking trolls are. Yabba-dabba-doo!

  • 65. cl  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    @ Scott

    I didn’t know Soros was handing out money to awesome political / satire blogs liked Exiled. Mark, tell George to hook me up!

    Meanwhile on planet earth, you know this Goad go is a nothing, but it’s worth bringing this up in part because so many more well-known (best-selling author) right-wing demon spawn copy his “I’m actually subversive and avant-garde and cool for spouting the same kind of right-wing ideology that evil-doers have hid behind since the 1800′s” gimmick.

    I see it with Ann Coulter, Michael Savage, etc. THEY’RE the hip and “in-the-know” ones. Seriously, we should have zero tolerance for this kind of bullshit, as annoying as it is to even be aware of it.

  • 66. Scott Locklin  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @cl: Jim is an old dude …

  • 67. Shitter Island  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I remember when I was attracted to the “contrarian cool” that the right wing adopted in the 90s(for me it was the late 90s).

    “Yeah, we white dudes are being screwed!” I only felt like that because I was a loser and wanted something that would explain why.

    I matured, read a couple challenging things and discovered that a class analysis of society yields more accurate and useful conclusions.

    But liberals really are the reason why the “contrarian cool” succeeds at all at tempting people over to the Right. Liberals are neurologically incapable of drawing conclusions from their observations – probably because their analysis of society is as moralistic as the Right’s analysis. They think that if only enough people chose to recycle or eat dolphin safe tuna or smile at black people our problems will be solved.

    So I’m a socialist now of the Lenin-Trotsky orbit. What I mean is that I am not a left-liberal or social democrat.

    “Contrarian cool” conservatism is as disconnected with reality as sleepy university liberalism. They debate each other in the kiddie ball pits of the internet and TV. They’re fattened parasites and I hate them.

  • 68. Scott Locklin  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Sucks being 50, don’t it Jim?

  • 69. Jon  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    @ #69

    “I only felt like that because I was a loser and wanted something that would explain why.”

    Brilliant.

    “But liberals really are the reason why the ‘contrarian cool’ succeeds at all at tempting people over to the Right.”

    Sadly, yes. I would add that, as far as exasperating liberal behavior goes, the worst is their inability to assert–and maintain–their views when faced with a hostile opponent. It’s like they know that they’re reasonable, but they just don’t know how to argue in an emotional context.

    It’s exasperating; you get Republicans (“conservatives,” “libertarians,” most independents) saying, with a straight face, “One day I’m going to win the lottery, and when I do, I don’t want to have to pay any taxes,” therefore identifying themselves with the wealthy, who actually despise them, and doing anything they can to screw over the parasitic poor/middle-classes, i.e., themselves. Then, on the other hand, you have liberals saying, “you know, I don’t think we should let the ruling class/corporations rig the game entirely for their benefit,” and then cowering in fear when they are decried as socialists.

    Since when is being a socialist, if the only alternative is venal, predatory capitalism, such a bad thing? I get that the word has a negative connotation, but fuck, if Republicans can win on the strength of that alone, then I think that the terrorists have already won.

  • 70. Iconoclast  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    No assassination like good old character assassination.

  • 71. Marcus McSpartacus  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Unlike pussy hipster-fucking douchebags like Gavin-Goad, the eXile actually had the real thing, Eduard Limonov, the first political prisoner imprisoned by Putin. Limonov fights power and pays for it. He’s also the leader of the street opposition, allied with Garry Kasparov. They actually fight power rather than writing “edgy” bullshit on the internet or beating up little girls in their cars like Goad.

  • 72. Kyeshinka  |  March 2nd, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    ANyone see the resemblance between Goad and Michael Bass?

  • 73. Igor Surov  |  March 3rd, 2011 at 6:30 am

    People who wear that kind of underpants must be banned from voting and stripped of certain rights of expression. Do that and you won’t see the likes of McCain and Palin anywhere near DC in the years to come.

  • 74. H. Sterling  |  March 3rd, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    By the way, everyone, if you call the phone number in the email, Goad WILL answer it. And he won’t shut up. He’ll actually call you back when you get bored of him.

  • 75. captain america  |  March 3rd, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    my name is gavin mcinnes, i’m going to pretend i’m a canadian feminist who is mortified by prostitution. eliot spitzer, you bad bad man!

  • 76. myffie  |  March 3rd, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Is Ames really jewish? I thought he was Moroccan or something?

  • 77. Jyp  |  March 4th, 2011 at 5:59 am

    Hmm. Who are these guys indeed. When Ames was over in Russia there, gettin’ death threats from Russian gangsters, where were these “fashionista” guys anyway? They want to suck O’Reilly’s wretched drunken Irish dick. Meanwhile Ames got that fellow down there in Monteray spying on the Zetas. Dead bodies all over the landscape. Heads, legs, torsos. Throwing heads down bowling alleys. Now these “fashionistas” they go twittering to Fox News. What? Say what? Jesus, that’s frightening, ain’t it. Not that much.

  • 78. Skeeve  |  March 4th, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Am I the only masochist here who actually read “My Sick Mommy?” Jesus Christ. I’ll never say an unkind word about Planned Parenthood.

    I wonder if that’s how the Kochs bought Goad’s loyalty, by promising him that when the time machine was invented he’d have first dibs, along with that school tuition and a nice set of foster parents. If that sounds like a sequel to Idiocracy, well, all I can say is Mike Judge could do worse than Goad’s forum for inspiration.

    That’s the sickest thing about Goad’s support for the right, actually. Abortion and federal funding for family planning are at the very top of the Republican hit list, so Goad is helping to ensure that the world will have a never-ending supply of unhappy, ambition-thwarted faux rednecks who want to kill their mothers. Tragic, really.

  • 79. Olga Osternavetsky  |  March 5th, 2011 at 10:57 am

    If my attempt at humor failed, OK.

    But to accuse me of being Jim Goad?

    That’s fuckin’ toadally unkewl, doodz.

    I’d love to impale the wet lump known as Jim Goad on a piss-soaked splintered plank from his outhouse.

  • 80. tt  |  March 5th, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    This is so gay, catfight….

  • 81. Stoops  |  March 6th, 2011 at 8:39 am

    How about a bonus article about the “black” acts streetboners hides behind: cerebral ballsy and sonic ninjas or whatever they’re called? There’s gotta be an angle in there about Gavin McLarening these suburban black wannabe Sid Viciouses into early comahood.

  • 82. charleroi  |  March 10th, 2011 at 12:45 am

    Yep- two middle aged men going at each other like 15 year old girls, pretty. Ames is the most coherent, and makes some points about the wider world tho’.
    BTW- it was an oft believed legend around portland that Jim’s heroic crime, was provoked by Ms. Ryan threatening to reveal that his “redneck” identity was false. I never believed that, since it was known that the whole thing was an act, why would any one get that upset about it being disputed??

  • 83. Jared  |  March 11th, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Gavin’s meat is tighter

  • 84. Dean Sayers  |  March 14th, 2011 at 6:41 am

    Oh, Mark. There’s a whole structure of corporate management to critique, and you waste your time with this nasty little child?

  • 85. spark  |  June 7th, 2011 at 9:20 am

    The Exiled seems to specialize in clearly enunciating thing I’ve felt but never managed to put my finger on.

    This is the best takedown of these two poseurs I’ve ever read.

  • 86. spark  |  June 7th, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Commenter cl nails it in comment 65:

    “…Their whole personas seemed based on annoying some super PC private college humanities grad student, the kind of people I guess they’ve chosen to constantly hang around, whereas I’ve chosen just to ignore such people when I come across them in reality….”

  • 87. Richard  |  August 5th, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I find it more than a little strange that Jim Goad is so preoccupied with Mark Ames’ alleged trysts. Goad, afterall, is best known for his highly deviant articles in young persons’ magazine, VICE – which he wrote upon release from prison for crushing a woman’s eyesocket.

    In one article, where he actually attempts to argue that slavery is a myth perpetrated by liberals, he addresses his young audience as such:

    “If you’re a typical VICE reader, you’re about halfway through elementary school—or maybe you’re a member of the magazine’s ever-expanding preschool readership. Either way, you’re very young, and your mind and sexuality are easily molded…”

    - http://www.viceland.com/int/v12n5/htdocs/hey.php -

    A month earlier he had written another article for the same young audience about how he enjoyed masturbating while on speed:

    “Flopping and flailing, tugging and yanking, rolling my micro-burrito between my thumb and forefinger, I desperately Google “Hairy Asian Pussy”… “Big Black Tits”… “Shaved Mature Naked”… but am unable to focus on any single image long enough to construct a suitable fantasy. I click rapidly from one photo to the next, accidentally smearing vitamin E oil on the keyboard and mouse, all through the night until morning’s cruel rays mock my soft, greasy loins.”

    - http://www.viceland.com/int/v12n4/htdocs/meth.php -

    What kind of a person, while in his mid-40s, writes smut like this for a target audience of 15-year-olds and younger? It would seem that his interest in teens is perhaps at least as inappropriate as that which he accuses Ames of.

  • 88. Jim Goad  |  August 7th, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    My problem with Ames is that I’m a stalker fan who’s obsessed with getting Ames’ attention. The best I can hope for is having Ames’s underlings in the comments-monitoring section improve my retarded comments.

  • 89. Richard  |  August 7th, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    If a publisher was interested in providing pornography for people over the age of 18, their magazine would be sold from a top shelf behind a counter. You’ve worked extensively in the Adult Industry, so you should know this.

    Instead, VICE was handed out for free like candy at record shops and clothing stores where young teens congregate. When you first discovered VICE (God knows why someone in his 40′s might be hanging around at Urban Outfitters), you quickly relayed to them your desire to be a contributor.

    As I mentioned before, you addressed your new young audience as such:

    “If you’re a typical VICE reader, you’re about halfway through elementary.
    school—or maybe you’re a member of the magazine’s ever-expanding preschool.
    readership. Either way, you’re very young, and your mind and sexuality are.
    easily molded…”

    If you seriously contend that you haven’t been interested in teens since you were a teen yourself… I’ll have to take you at your word.

    As far as I know, Mark Ames hasn’t been charged with any of these alleged crimes that you accuse him of. In fact, you yourself have an interesting history with the topic of rape. An entire issue of your magazine was devoted to it – complete with a “hilarious” rape themed board game – which your fans eagerly collect.

    Recently, when an 11-year-old girl was gang-raped in Texas, you wrote a sensational article laden with perverted language. Most disturbingly, you felt it fitting to describe the crime with these words:

    “…cognitively retarded buzzards eagerly feasted on that preteen Latina’s teeny-tiny turkey twat.”

  • 90. jim goad  |  August 7th, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    I’m so obsessed with Mark Ames that I’m going to run around the world trying to get him to notice me

  • 91. Richard  |  August 7th, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    A man may dress-up his past in order to portray himself as the pig that his readers want him to be. He may even create other characters that engage in similar activity. Frankly, he may do a lot of things. I assume you realize this was a Moscow based tabloid he was writing for.

    You may be distressed about your own incarceration, and this is totally understandable, man. If you’re a violent and aggressive person with a tendency to misinterpret the actions of others due to the fact that you’re probably located a fair ways out on the autism spectrum, being in prison in Portland must have felt like being in a prison within a prison within a prison.

    But this isn’t a legitimate reason to start some mad quest to put another man behind bars.

    Your “lawyer friends” might tell you that in order for there to be a crime there has to be a victim. That would be: a female alleged rape victim in Russia who was allegedly 15 in the 90s. So I would see why they would choose the words “may be liable” as they sip their appletinis.

  • 92. jim goad  |  August 8th, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Hey “Mr. Strawman” play that song for me again/yadee-yadee-yadda/la-da-da/dee-dee-dee

    There will be a big article about Mark Ames coming soon on a very big website. My big brother Breitbart is gonna beat you up real bad you mean meanie!!!

  • 93. jim goad  |  August 11th, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Hey, not like I’m stalking Ames or anything but yeah, basically I hang out in his comments section. Pretty nice digs here. Anyhoo, thought I’d let you know that I have you NAILED Mark Ames, yeah man. Yeah, you didn’t write satire. I know some lawyers and they told me so, so if you don’t believe me it’s not me it’s the lawyers you should talk to. Yeah, that’ll shut you up man! Oh shit, you probably aren’t sleeping at all you’re so scared and so nailed. If I were you–well, if I were you I’d be so goddamn talented and adored that I’d eventually attract resentful stalkers who crush their girlfriends’ skulls and bite their thumbs and go to jail for kidnapping, but that’s the price you pay for talent man, one can only dream!–anyhoo, if I were you, I’d be soooooo scared about the upcoming 10-part, 20-volume series of exposes in Brietbart that I would be shitting in my pants. (Man, I’m so devious and so deliciously evil I can’t help but snicker and rub my hands together. Hey, you gotta admit, from my Redneck Manifesto heyday to this, I’ve come a long way, baby!)

    Here’s the coup d’grace:

    The word “satire” doesn’t appear once in the Moscow Times review. But Matthews does call it “a great autobiographical book about Russia.”

    Yeah, pleasant dreams! mwahahahah

  • 94. jim goad  |  August 11th, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Hey, it’s obvious that I have to invent another persona to argue with myself, and both personas are convinced that you are so gone dude you are going to be demolished by my big brother over at Brietbart just wait!

    it’s obvious you’re sweating real hard about the series—that’s right—series of articles due to be published that will demolish you from every conceivable angle. I’d be sweating too. Glad I’m you. Instead I’m me. Boy am I glad I’m me.

  • 95. jim goad  |  August 20th, 2011 at 6:08 am

    THIS IS AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE FROM BASICJIMGOADSMOM 8.11.1

    YOUR COMMENT HAS BEEN FLAGGED BY OUR RETARDED-COMMENT-FILTER BASICJIMGOADSMOM 8.11.1

    IF YOU BELIEVE YOUR RETARDED COMMENT HAS BEEN FLAGGED IN ERROR, PLEASE CONTACT BASICJIMGOADSMOM 8.11.1 BY CLICKING HERE.

  • 96. Nazidethpig  |  August 21st, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    WTF?

    It’s shit like that that makes me a longtime contributor.

  • 97. Lumpenproletariat  |  September 7th, 2011 at 6:11 am

    After reading this article, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that these bourgeois scum gotta go. If Americans had any sense left, we’d do shit to these fuckers that would make Pol Pot’s corpse crack a smile.

    I wonder how many hipster hearts one would have to rip out before Tezcatlipoca gives Dio back.

  • 98. Richard  |  September 21st, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    God, I’m trying to pretend like this didn’t bother me. Really, I’m trying my best to pretend. Dr. Dolan is great–which is exactly why I found this article and posted this comment. It really will hurt Mark a lot if I pretend like I’m totally not into this article, and totally into Dolan. Totally it’s gonna totally hurt Mark! Didja hear that, Ms. Goad?

  • 99. Richard  |  September 22nd, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    I’m an anonymous cowardly weak man, who is ignored on the street and I will probably die unknown without ever having left a mark on this world, but at least I can sleep alone at night.

    Delete or censor this comment.

  • 100. Marcus McSpartacus  |  December 2nd, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Heyyyyy – I need to thank you for improving my comment! I do apologize: presumably when Limonov was profiled in the New York Times Sunday magazine, and was the co-leader of the anti-Putin opposition for which he was jailed, and you guys at The eXiled published him and eventually had your newspaper shut down partly because of that–presumably, that kind of fucks up my Big Opportunity To Equate You To Nazis like Goad and Gavin McInnes. Damn. Oh well. Look, then again, since I’m such a fucking retard, I’m pretty sure that I’ve hit on the same gold here that I did with the Johnny Chen scoop of the century, so I’m still going to try playing this card. You guys have probably never, ever had to deal with this before! Your days are numbered!

    Signed,
    Gavin McInnes, Koch Whore extraordinaire (and white supremacist too!), Jim Goad, woman-beater

  • 101. Joe Necchi  |  March 6th, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Beware of the right-wing troll “Scott Locklin” above, he’s a dumbass neo-Nazi “Satanist,” at least the kind of Satanism practiced by dumbass neo-Nazis.

    Satan wouldn’t want anything to do with Scotty-dog.

  • 102. AnObserver  |  February 18th, 2013 at 9:52 am

    I’ve read quite a bit of Gavin McInnes’s and Goad’s stuff. For a while, I though they were being tongue in cheek, if in an acidic way. I read their stuff essentially as humor (or attempted)humor articles. Then I realized they were being dead serious. LOL. They think they are serious thinkers and journalists or something. As much as I often disagree with the NYT or other mainstream media, their journalists are fairly professional when it comes to restraining hyperbole and refraining from overstatement. Gavin and Goad can’t do anything but juvenile hyperbole and gross overstatement. They don’t get nuance at all.

  • 103. RovingBlade  |  March 28th, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    Epic

  • 104. White Power  |  June 26th, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    I have a small penis and my name may as well be David Duke.
    What? Yeah, that’s right, a very, very small penis. Wanna make something of it?


Leave a Comment

(Open to all. Comments can and will be censored at whim and without warning.)

Required

Required, hidden

Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed