It’s great to be right.

It’s Sunday, a good day to gloat about how I was right and everyone else who gets paid serious money was a fucking idiot. The Financial Crisis that everyone claims they couldn’t possibly see coming? I saw it coming, two years before the collapse–all the way from Moscow. And so I just want to tell all of you lying brainwashed dickheads out there: I toldja so! Yup, that’s right: in 2006, two years before the financial collapse, I wrote a big piece in The eXile headlined “Why You’re Fucked: FINANCIAL CRISIS II: ANOTHER SEQUEL” predicting that the out-of-control credit bubble would explode and tank the financial system. I’m excerpting it below so that you can all worship me,. I believe the word is “prescience”? (more…)

It was 11:00 am on Saturday morning when I woke up and jumped out of bed in panic. I realized that the night before, I had parked my car in a 2-hour parking zone around the corner from my house. I ran outside barefoot, in a rumpled T-shirt and boxer shorts. But I was too late. A neat white envelope stuck out from underneath a wiper blade. I missed the fucker by only a few minutes and was busy cursing my bad luck under my morning breath and looking around for the meter maid when I heard a voice at my shoulder. “I’m too much of a pussy, but if I had the guts, I’d block out all the personal information on the tickets I get, wrap them around a rock and break a window in some city government building. That way, these assholes know exactly what my money is going to be used for. Repairing that busted window,” a neighbor of mine said with hate in his eyes, and then bent down to scoop up his pit bull’s steaming pile of shit. (more…)