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August 2008

Convention Clown

Democratic Convention Clown

If you watched the Democratic Convention coverage, like I did, you know there’s no point complaining about it. That’d be like going to the circus and saying, “This is a horrible place, absolutely infested with clowns.”

And then going back to the circus the next three days in a row. No sympathy for you, you twisted clown-lover!

So, skipping lightly over how grotesque these proceedings always were and still are, let’s get to the final score: How’d it go? Did the Democrats win?

August 29th, 2008 | Comments (1)

Russia's Luxury Car Trend: the Beluga Bus

They drove like people to whom the motorcar was new. They drove as they walked; and a stream of Tehran traffic, jumpy with individual stops and swerves, with no clear lanes, was like a jostling pavement crowd. —V.S. Naipaul Naipaul…

August 28th, 2008 | Comments Off on Russia’s Luxury Car Trend: the Beluga Bus

Convention Coverage: Rachel Maddow Goes Post-Idiotic

I just flew back to the U.S., just in time to watch the Democratic Convention’s opening night. I’m amazed by how Soviet my country has become, or always was. We love these hokey big ceremonies just as much as any…

August 25th, 2008 | Leave Comment

The Three Dumbest Neocon Predictions Since the Disaster in Iraq

Hezbollah explains ‘Arab Spring’ to residents of West Beirut Now that the Beijing games have wound up, we can get on to a sporting event with real significance: a Neocon Olympics to decide the most grossly wrong, stupid prediction by…

August 25th, 2008 | Comments (1)

Attempts to prove Barack Hussein Obama isn’t really an American citizen have gone about as well as the search for the footage featuring Michelle Obama excoriating “whitey.” Freethinking 100% Americanos like swift-boater Jerome R. Corsi and No Quarter’s Larry C….

August 22nd, 2008 | Comments (2)

Who Wants Ice Man?

Man discovered by apes When I think of the 1990s, it’s the Ice Man I remember. He was found in 1991, in an Austrian glacier melting from global warming. At first the authorities took him for a murder victim (it…

August 21st, 2008 | Comments (1)

Russia's Social Networking Babes

Russia got into the social networking game a little late. The industry still isn’t very hi-tech and doesn’t have all those dorky Facebook plugins that people in the West are used to. But Russia’s got a natural resource that Facebook’s…

August 19th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Tyolka Tuesdays: Russia’s Wall Carpet Girls

We’ve been getting a lot of complaints lately. It seems many of our readers have been jonesing for their daily dyev fix ever since The eXile was taken offline by the Kremlin. Well, our policy at EXILED ONLINE is that…

August 17th, 2008 | Comments (2)

If you haven’t seen Tropic Thunder yet, go now. There are scenes in it so hilarious the whole audience goes into laugh-convulsions for minutes at a time, and you’re only going to participate in that “maybe-humanity-isn’t-so-bad-it-does-comedy” phenomenon about a dozen…

August 15th, 2008 | Leave Comment

South Ossetia: The War We Don't Know

Five days after Georgia invaded and seized the breakaway separatist region of South Ossetia, sparking a larger-scale Russian invasion to drive Georgian forces back and punish their leaders, Russia surprised its Western detractors by calling a halt to the country’s…

August 15th, 2008 | Comments (2)

Photo Essay: Russian Army in South Ossetia ... Updated!

No dramatic photo compositions here, just grim pictures of burnt-out tanks, spent RPGs, charred human remains and columns of Russian armored machinery on patrol in South Ossetia and Georgia. Now updated with graphic photos straight from the battle scene.

August 15th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Medvedev: "I Just Wanna Be Like Putin"

Today, August 14, Dmitri Medvedev celebrates 100th day as President of the Russian Federation. What conclusions can be made about the new president? Well, not many. Other than the fact that Medvedev is trying really, really hard to be the…

August 14th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Separated At Mom Always Liked You Best But I Can Fix That

Before your time boho comic Dick Smothers… …and dead before his time anthrax poet Bruce Ivins

August 14th, 2008 | Leave Comment

The CNN Effect: Georgia Schools Russia in Information Warfare

I woke up to discover a weird link to a Digg post sent over by a friend of mine. It was a poll conducted on CNN’s website asking readers: Do you think Russians actions in Georgia are justified? 1) Yes…

August 13th, 2008 | Comments (4)

War Nerd: South Ossetia, The War of My Dreams

There are three basic facts to keep in mind about the smokin’ little war in Ossetia: 1. The Georgians started it. 2. They lost. 3. What a beautiful little war! For me, the most important is #3, the sheer beauty…

August 11th, 2008 | Comments (8)

The outbreak of war in Georgia on Friday offers a disturbing and somewhat surreal taste of what to expect from John McCain should he become our nation’s Commander in Chief. As the centuries-old ethnic animosities between Georgia and Ossetia boiled…

August 9th, 2008 | Comments (1)


I wish I knew how to quit you I admit I enjoyed Pineapple Express more than I expected. Turns out it’s much more wholesome than Knocked Up and Superbad and other Judd Apatow Factory products, because Apatow & Co. have…

August 8th, 2008 | Leave Comment

The Bruce Ivins Memorial Poetry Nook

It is clear by now that Bruce Ivins did indeed send those anthrax spores. The most damning evidence, in the view of the bovine chorus, is the fact that he wrote poetry. A sample of the poetical works of the…

August 7th, 2008 | Leave Comment

War Nerd Classic: The Mauritania Coup Factory

In honor of today’s coup in Mauritania, EXILED ONLINE is reprinting a War Nerd classic about a previous Mauritanian coup in 2005, one of scores of coups that this War Nerd-friendly nation has been churning out since independence.

August 6th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Shootout In Tula: Corporate Raid, Russian Style

On August 30, on the same day that President Medvedev announced his support of small business, an insane story appeared on Russia’s evening TV news about a corporate takeover raid in the city of Tula, just south of Moscow. Russian…

August 6th, 2008 | Comments Off on Shootout In Tula: Corporate Raid, Russian Style