Vanity Fair profiles The eXile: "Gutsy...visceral...serious journalism...abusive, defamatory...poignant...paranoid...and right!"
MSNBC: Mark Ames and Yasha Levine
Broke the Koch Brothers' Takeover of America
www.exiledonline.com
Koch Whores / Libertards / September 5, 2011

Joel B. Pollak, Teafailure: Be careful, he might use a proxy on you!

Urgent update, folks! Andrew Breitbart’s Koch-monkey, Joel B. Pollak, just outdid himself as the top ace gumshoe reporter of the retarded-right. Yes folks, Joel. B. Pollak, peddler of the “Johnny Chen Conspiracy Theory” that changed the face of journalism as we know it, now has another shocking scoop about eXiled editor Mark Ames–and to get the scoop, he even used what hi-tech futuristic types call a “proxy.” Yep, betcha you never heard of a “proxy” before, but that’s because you’re not an ace reporter like Joel B. Pollak. But don’t take it from me, take it from the shocking “UPDATE” posted by Joel B. Pollak himself:

UPDATE: Ames responded on August 30 in a rambling ad hominem attack that made no effort to dispute the claims made in the article above. Indeed, its basic factual errors–e.g. my graduation date, easily checked–reinforce Ames’s sloppy reputation.**[see below–Exiled Editor]

In addition, Many of the comments on Ames’s article appear to have been written by Ames himself. We were able to establish, through the use of a proxy, that he edits comments to distort their meaning.

Original comment:

After Ames’s edit:

One commenter–perhaps Ames himself–points out that FCC regulations on profanity apply to broadcast media, not cable. Since neither Ames nor his sockpuppets raise any other factual contentions, it is reasonable to conclude he admits all other facts and conclusions above.

It’s all over, folks. You can’t pull the wool over Joel B. Pollak’s eyes, nosirree! So long as Joel B. Pollak has access to this super-duper hi-tech “proxy” technology, I’m doomed. Resistance is futile, earthlings!

And all along I was wondering what Joel B. Pollak learned at Harvard Law School. Now we know, folks: Joel B. Pollak spent those three years at Harvard figuring out how to use a “proxy.” And with such devastating results!

By Joel B. Pollak’s own “UPDATE” we learn how he deployed this futuristic hi-tech weapon that they call a “proxy” to crack the second-greatest mystery of our time (after the great Johnny Chen Conspiracy, which Joel B. Pollak already solved): Does the Almighty eXiled Moderator improve retarded comments? I mean sure, we make it plain and clear to every mongoloid inbred or Koch-sucking troll who comes onto our site that all comments can and will be subject to IQ-improvement by The Almighty Exiled Moderator… but folks, that didn’t stop ace cub reporter Joel B. Pollak from putting on his cub-reporter’s hat and going undercover, deploying his hi-tech super-futuristic “Proxy” to break open the truth about The eXiled Moderator.

Here, for posterity, is a screen-shot of Joel B. Pollak’s second-greatest scoop in his entire failed life:

In case I haven’t made this clear enough, I just want to say: “Thank you, Joel B. Pollak. Thank you for being so unintentionally hilarious. Thank you for playing the role of knucklehead-villain so perfectly. Thank you for being you: For doing that voodoo that you screw-up so well.”

While it’s true that you may wind up getting fired by Master Koch for screwing up this half-baked PR campaign to salvage Master Koch’s reputation, just know that we little folk appreciate your art. True, you might get laughed out of that rank Island O’ Misfits you inhabit over at BigGovernment. But to me, you’ll always just be Joel B. Pollak, “Mr. Proxy,” the Performance Artist extraordinaire who kept America tickled pink through hard economic times.

Joel B. Pollak, keep the comedy rolling, baby!

** = Reader informs us that Joel B. Pollak graduated from Harvard undergrad in 1999, and graduated from Harvard Law School some other year. We would take the time to correct this… but sadly, we can’t be bothered.

Would you like to know more? Read more about Joel B. Pollak, Breitbart’s Koch-monkey: ANDREW BREITBART ATTACKS EXILED EDITOR MARK AMES!…HIRES FAILED TEABAG REPUBLICAN TO INVESTIGATE THE GREAT “WHO IS JOHNNY CHEN?” CONSPIRACY.  For more background, read “Jim Goad and Gavin McInnes Beg Mark Ames: ‘Answer Me, Please?’” Also read “KKKat Fight! White Power Fashionista John Galliano VS. White Power Fashionista Gavin McInnes.”

 

Read more: , , , , , , , , , Mark Ames, Koch Whores, Libertards

Got something to say to us? Then send us a letter.

Want us to stick around? Donate to The eXiled.

Twitter twerps can follow us at twitter.com/exiledonline

79 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. William Davis  |  September 6th, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Joel B. Pollack is really handsome. I love his masculine chin and sexy……eyes…… And he’s not a complete failure or a loser at all……. He completely exposed Mark Ames and his henchman Johnny Chen for the Marxist mainstream media Nazis that they are….

    P.s.
    Please don’t edit me via “proxy”. Our Big Government friends will expose you

  • 2. vortexgods  |  September 6th, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    You know, if they are checking comments, I hope they saw that one I wrote about how they need to be vivisected.

  • 3. darthfader  |  September 6th, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    So it wasn’t just a comment – it was a comment trying to defend his story from the mean ol’ eXile?

    Breitbart must fucking hate you, Joel.

  • 4. Derp  |  September 6th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Derp derp! Why you gotta pick on Joel B. Pollak? He has feelings and you just keep on hurting them…. you keep hurting him and hurting him…. Leave Joel Pollak alone…. he was one of the only Koch-suckers to lose in 2010…. have you no shame? LEAVE HIM ALONE! JUST…. LEAVE HIM ALONE!

    DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!

  • 5. Spick and Spam  |  September 6th, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    Polack is lying. His daddy’s site says that he graduated in 1999. So, he is lying when he says that Ames is lying.

    http://biggovernment.com/author/jpollak/

  • 6. Rockstar  |  September 7th, 2011 at 1:11 am

    Given how thorough the original breitbart/pollak takedown was, I feel that this posting is only beating a dead horse.

    However I found this comment from robotslave interesting: “So, if I’m reading this right, Pollak tried to post multiple comments here supporting himself, using proxies to anonymize them, then gets so mad when they’re edited that he inadvertently confesses to making fake fan-comments in the first place?” …because it implies that Pollak does know what a proxy is, which, despite the headline, is not something that I had anticipated.

  • 7. Edmund Dorkey  |  September 7th, 2011 at 5:44 am

    Pollack’s wifey is ooh la la, brown sugar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByAIUOmQzeM

    Horse Face, not so much.

    – Edmund Dorkey, Turks & Caicos Islands

  • 8. AMY ALKON  |  September 7th, 2011 at 8:36 am

    MY NAME IS AMY ALKON AND I’M VERY UPSET, MR. AMES, THAT YOU WOULD CALL ME ABUSIVE NAMES LIKE “RAPE TARD.” DID YOU KNOW THAT MY TSA ABUSER PUT HER FINGERS IN MY CROTCH AND THEN INTO MY VAGINA, BETWEEN MY LABIA? BETWEEN MY LABIA! MY LABIA! MY VAGINAL LIPS. SHE PUT HER FINGERS THERE… OHHHHHHHH

  • 9. AMY ALKON  |  September 7th, 2011 at 8:43 am

    MR. AMES I AM NOT SOME KIND OF LIBERTARIAN AGENT. YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE I APPEARED SEVERAL MONTHS AGO WITH THE LIBERTARIAN CATO INSTITUTE AND SOME OBSCURE LIBERTARD CAMPUS GROUP DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE POLITICAL MOTIVATIONS. NO, I AM NOT LIKE MEG MCCLAIN, NOT ONE BIT. I WAS HEINOUSLY VIOLATED BY A GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE AND NO ONE CARES. I WOULD AT LEAST HOPE THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU, SOMEONE FROM A HORRIBLE COUNTRY LIKE RUSSIA, WHERE HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS ARE EXTREMELY COMMON, COULD AT LEAST SYMPATHIZE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAD FINGERS STUFFED INTO HER CROTCH AREA. INTO HER VAGINA! BETWEEN HER LABIA!! LABIA!! OHHHHHH

  • 10. AMY ALKON  |  September 7th, 2011 at 8:46 am

    (NOTICE MR. AMES HOW I’M HERE ON A SWEDISH PROXY. THEY TEACH US HOW TO USE THE SWEDISH PROXIES AT THE LIBERTARIAN CATO INSTITUTE, JUST ASK MR. ELECTRONIQUE JULIAN SANCHEZ.. BOY I HATE THAT GLIB PIECE OF SHIT BAHHHHHHH)

  • 11. One-eyed Jesus muffin  |  September 7th, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Can you get AIDS from staring at Julia Pollak’s picture?

  • 12. Edmund Dorkey  |  September 7th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @61/One-eyed Jesus muffin

    The short answer is no, you will not get AIDS; however, if you stare at Julia Pollak, if you stare at her for too long, you will end up looking like poor Joel, which means that you will never get laid again for the remainder of your earthly existence.

    -Edmund Dorkey
    Turks & Caicos Islands

  • 13. Jose  |  September 7th, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    @57 A Jew and a black? Part of the Tea Party? Stupidity has no bounds.

  • 14. Damn Red  |  September 7th, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    @48
    Wait there is an actually left leaning party in the US.

  • 15. Comrade V3  |  September 7th, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    64. Damn Red
    “Wait there is an actually left leaning party in the US.”

    I dunno @48 has in mind, but I am all in favor of the Nightmare Communism Party.

  • 16. Tyler  |  September 7th, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    The exile does sensor their retarded viewers comments who can’t spell “censor.”

    By the way 1+1 = 1

  • 17. Damn Red  |  September 7th, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    @65 Did someone save some left over spooge of Filppo Marinetti insert it into a female gibbon and left the resulting offspring to be raise by the married clones Hitler and Stalin and then gave it a blog?

  • 18. Comrade V3  |  September 7th, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    I hope so.

  • 19. John B. Polesmoker  |  September 7th, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Guys, where does Pollack live? Post that bitch’s address so we can go proxy on his ass. I’m talking about some real medieval Gary Brecher style proxy shit.

  • 20. swr  |  September 8th, 2011 at 5:00 am

    A Jew and a black? Part of the Tea Party? Stupidity has no bounds.

    I am, unfortunately, a Protestant white male.

    But if I were Jewish or black, I’d be on that Koch money like Barack Obama on a chance to surrender.

    Hell, if I were a black male, I’d have a “No Mosque at Ground Zero Protect Liberty Kick Out all the Mexicans” website up right now to support my run for president as a “libetarian.”

    If I were a black woman? My value as a token wingnut would be so high I’d demand a house in Greenwich and a private Jet.

    But alas, although I’m a liberal, my ugly small dicked, male patterned baldness, pasty faced white ass looks like half the people with teabags hanging from their hats and waiving mispelled signs.

  • 21. Jetto Jagga  |  September 8th, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    A failed Teabagger playing at cargo cult journalism. You can dress it up to look like the real thing, but Pollak’s whole update still boils down to the embarrassing “proxy” “scoop.”

  • 22. maus  |  September 8th, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    “A failed Teabagger playing at cargo cult journalism.”

    There isn’t much of any other kind, these days.

  • 23. Damn Red  |  September 8th, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    damnit, I have some basic grammar mistakes in my post couldn’t you edit it.
    I would consider it a service.

  • 24. Ashcroft  |  September 9th, 2011 at 5:16 am

    This is almost a perfect Tea Party set piece. Their eager young astroturfer Joel B. Pollak gets busted sockpuppeting exiled, but his sockpuppet post was moderated and this shows the boundless evil of Mark Ames, not the spinelessness of Joel Pollack?
    And how funny that he fails to note that while anyone is free to comment on exiled, visitors can’t post on big government in a like manner. Which, of course gives Pollack no real grounds to criticise mod policy here, but then, he knows that. He knows it well. His idiot readership probably wouldn’t stop and think on it. I call it 2 nil to Ames.

  • 25. maus  |  September 9th, 2011 at 7:43 am

    “his sockpuppet post was moderated and this shows the boundless evil of Mark Ames, not the spinelessness of Joel Pollack?”

    Yeah, in their heads-

    “CENSORSHIP??!? WHAT IS THIS, COMMUNIST CHINA?!!! THESE LIB’RULS DON’T RESPECT THE CONSTITUSHUN!!!!”

    and Breitbart farts on cue, they all have a group chuckle.

  • 26. Jetto Jagga  |  September 9th, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Haha, comment from LA Fishbowl: “[Ames is] just following Alinsky’s Golden Rule of Ridicule, and for the easily fooled team players on his “side,” that suffices. Because the “cause” is perceived as righteous, it doesn’t matter if you’re a shitty reporter or a liar. But being an evasive punk won’t stop this effeminate butterfly from slowly getting pinned to a board.”

    Talk about attacking on your own weakness.

    And now Ames is an “effeminate butterfly.” I thought he was a degenerate rapist, but I guess queer baiting’s easier than keeping up the aggrieved moralist facade.

  • 27. Mike C.  |  September 9th, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Sorta makes you question the legitimacy of hardline grassroots libertarian (e.g. rich asshole) support. On the one hand you have the tricorn meat-shields that the on-message speakers try to drown out — because they’re shouting that Obama is a socialist and hybrid lizard-man.

    On the other, you have rudimentarily functional people, who aren’t on the dole, and they’re mostly moderates that don’t like taxes, because they think Hampster & Sons Sheet Metal, Inc., is going to hit a higher bracket any minute now.

    All the real juicy suck jobs are performed by obsequious Renfields on the rich asshole payroll.

  • 28. Cedrick  |  September 13th, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    I knew Goad said he was coming from every conceivable angle, but who could have forseen this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAlEVg0BlW8

  • 29. DeeboCools  |  September 16th, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    It’s so funny that Gavin McInnes is coming out with a book soon pretending that he “fought” skinheads when he was younger, when the New York Times already labeled Gavin a “white supremacist.” Read all about it here:

    http://bit.ly/gEbcKi


Leave a Comment

(Open to all. Comments can and will be censored at whim and without warning.)

Required

Required, hidden

Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed