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The War Nerd
Animated Map of Middle-East Gore

I love this map of middle-east history converted into blots spilling out along a timeline. It’s like a bunch of different flavors of Hawaiian Punch getting spilled on a rug of the Middle East by drunk ten-year-olds who spiked the…

Posted on: July 21st, 2008 | Leave Comment

The War Nerd Radio Interview

Just in case you missed this kickass interview with Gary Brecher on Wisconsin Public Radio

Posted on: July 15th, 2008 | Leave Comment

This is Your War on Drugs

War & Drugs: flying while you’re dying Hey, I’m back! For a few weeks there, the War Nerd was unhorsed, pulled over to the side watching life’s rich convoy zoom by. Thanks to the damn ungrateful Russian government, the old…

Posted on: July 14th, 2008 | Comments Off on This is Your War on Drugs

FRESNO, CA – It’s summer, you’ve got a little more time off, so you can read up on war instead of trying to live in whatever boring suburb you live in. Lawns, neighbors, dogs, kids—it all sucks and the best…

Posted on: May 20th, 2008 | Leave Comment

Iraq Police Academy 6: Doin’ The Mosul Shuffle! FRESNO, CA — OK, we’ve just gone through a really exciting time in world military moves, so let’s test your strategic IQ. What’s the relation between these three recent developments: 1. On…

Posted on: May 15th, 2008 | Leave Comment

War Nerd: Tibet: Five to One Against

Photographic evidence of Tibet’s military, circa 1950 FRESNO, CA — Writing a column on the military history of Tibet seemed like a good idea in the good old days, a week ago, before I started actually trying to research it….

Posted on: April 17th, 2008 | Comments (5)

It was a week for do-it-yourselfers in the war world. A little lesson for us all, that you don’t need a lot of hardware to make war. All you need is the old standbys: hunting rifles, blasting caps, and trucks…

Posted on: October 17th, 2002 | Comments (2)

Let’s see how well you know your military history. Give the date and place of this comminique: “Our Victorious Forces Liberate Zalambessa!! Our victorious and heroic air and ground forces have liberated the town of Zalambessa after completely annihilating the…

Posted on: October 2nd, 2002 | Comments (5)

They asked me to think about how war would change over the next 150 years for the eXile’s anniversary issue. Weird to think about it: wars going on when you’re dead. My doctor told me it’s maybe 15 more years…

Posted on: September 19th, 2002 | Comments (2)

Last column I asked readers to suggest wars that’d be more fun for the US to get involved in than Colombia. I got some great answers — and thanks everybody who wrote in — but when I looked into the…

Posted on: September 6th, 2002 | Comments (6)

Every day America gets deeper into the shit in Colombia. We’re dumping planeloads of cash on the Colombian army — $1.5 billion is what Rumsfeld’ll admit, so you gotta assume it’s more like ten billion with the rest squeezed through…

Posted on: August 22nd, 2002 | Comments (5)

This year’s Oscar for best military comedy has to go to the island-claiming “war” between those great military powers, Spain and Morocco. It was a sidesplitter from beginning to end. Just imagine the battle of Iwo Jima turned into a…

Posted on: July 26th, 2002 | Comments (11)

Waiting for Dubya and his Texas cronies to decide whether to hit Iraq is like waiting for Christ. It’s so goddamn slow, and you start kinda doubting it’s gonna happen at all. American tv reminds me of Sunday school teachers…

Posted on: July 25th, 2002 | Comments (4)

What’s a Chechen? It sounds like the start of a joke, but there’s no punchline. I’m supposed to write about the war in Chechnya this issue, but…the war itself is kind of interesting, but something’s missing. Maybe you don’t realize…

Posted on: June 28th, 2002 | Comments (7)

  I told you so. Told you nothing would happen with India and Pakistan. Told you the whole idea of “Hindu militants” was laughable. But Christian militants — that’s a whole ‘nuther thing. Christians are stone killers. You put a…

Posted on: June 26th, 2002 | Comments (6)

Will India and Pakistan ever finish the cat-fight and get on with a real war? “We live in hope,” like my grandma used to say — but don’t hold your breath. Listening to the Indian and Paki generals shaking their…

Posted on: May 29th, 2002 | Comments (6)

My first fan letter from the eXile was an email from some guy in Michigan who wanted the latest news on Tom Clancy. Yeah sure, that’s why I’m here — to help you kiss that rich fat coward’s ass. For…

Posted on: May 16th, 2002 | Comments (14)

Ever seen a Monster Truck show? They’re big in Fresno. The thrill is watching civilian cars get crushed by giant 4×4’s. But it’s nothing compared to the monster truck show the Israelis have put on in the last few weeks….

Posted on: May 1st, 2002 | Comments (3)

Ames asked me to write a column on how all the wars are going, kind of a war reviewer. And I said yes on one condition, that you people don’t send me emails telling me liking war is a sign…

Posted on: April 21st, 2002 | Leave Comment