Today’s Defendant: The Canonization of Kathryn the Martyr

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Today we have the joyous task of elevating the late Kathryn Johnston, of Altanta, Georgia, to sainthood. Saint Kathryn found glory in November 2006, at the age of 92. She was sitting quietly in her hovel when a squad of drug cops found marijuana in a small grove of trees near her building. Eager for a victim, they planted it on the first man who walked by and offered him a deal: play Judas and give them the name of a cocaine dealer and he would go free. The man pointed at the first apartment he saw, and by God’s Grace picked that of the martyr Kathryn.

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Today’s Defendant: White Trash

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Today we must prune a vile weed spreading over what was once a beautiful continent: white trash. It is with heavy heart we pronounce sentence, for we are survivors of Berkeley, California, and Berkeley made us hate anything “progressive” for ever and ever, Amen. And what makes it harder still is that we ourselves are white. Indeed, we blame you most bitterly for forcing us onto the same side as the inexpressibly vile Leftists we used to mock.

But we must face facts.

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