Like all healthy folks, I hate cops. The only thing worse than cops are Russian cops. And the only thing worse than Russian cops are the OMON–the Interior Ministry’s paramilitary goons famous for brutalizing anyone who dares to oppose the Kremlin. At the same time, I’m for just about everything Greenpeace is for. All of Norway isn’t worth one whale. So why do I find myself tipping my hat and shouting out a big “thank you” to the OMON for stomping and arresting a Greenpeace activist? Could it be because of his annoying-as-fuck mascot costume, which screams “Stomp Me!” Look at the pictures below and try to tell me that not only were the OMON totally justified, but they showed incredible restraint. Too much restraint, given the costume’s crime–where, I ask, were the OMON’s famous dubinki (clubs)? (more…)

If you’ve lived in Russia, you know that just before anyone big gets charged with corruption or other high crimes, they always have a way of suffering conveniently-timed heart attacks and winding up in the hospital before the heat arrives and drags him away for some good ol’ fashioned “justice,” Putin-style. We do it here in America as well–it’s an old Mafia lawyer’s trick that Scorsese brought to the screen in that grand finale in Casino. That’s when Remo Gaggi and the other Vegas crime bosses take a break from their trial, pull off their oxygen masks, and hold a vote on whether or not to ice everyone who knows too much.

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Has anyone noticed the ugly reality captured in the so-called “Miracle on the Hudson”? One of the first photos shows that first class passengers were offered first-class rafts to ensure that they’d survive in comfort, while the economy class passengers were forced out onto the metal wings to fend for themselves. Kinda sorta looks a lot like a metaphor for the financial crisis. “Miracle” our ass–this is just flat reality in 21st century America. (more…)

The real mystery of our age is this: why do all the media warmongers still have jobs, after the way they goaded us into the epic disaster we’ve found ourselves in? Back in 2001, when a panicked America foolishly handed the steering wheel to pundits like Max Boot, America was at the height of its economic and geopolitical power. What happened next was a lot like that rent-a-car prank in the first Jackass film: decades of America’s accumulated wealth and geopolitical power trashed overnight in a reckless neocon joyride. The warmongers pulled out of the lot in a mint-condition, gas-guzzling boat, cheerfully assuring America that everything would turn out fine. Cut to the slapstick punch line: Boot pushing the remains of the totaled car back onto the lot. Only instead of apologizing like the Jackass pranksters, Boot cheerfully tells America, “You see, I told you it would turn out great! Now give me your next-best car; I’d like to take it out for a spin…” (more…)

From the moment Georgia launched its invasion against the breakaway region of South Ossetia this past August, sparking a wider war with neighboring Russia, the New York Times‘s news coverage depicted Georgia as an innocent victim of Russia’s neo-imperialist evil. In doing so, the Times engaged in the sort of media malpractice that it promised its readers wouldn’t happen again after its disastrous coverage of the lead-up to the Iraq War. (more…)

For just 300 rubles or about 10 bucks, Russians now can decorate their aquariums with replicas of the sunken Kursk submarine, in which 118 Russian sailors suffocated to death eight years ago. Note the certificate authenticating the important fact that the aquarium decoration is “Made In Russia.” (more…)

(This article was published in the final issue of Radar magazine, which was bought out and shuttered just as the issue went to print in late September.)

Tskhinvali, South Ossetia — On the sunny afternoon of August 14, a Russian army colonel named Igor Konashenko is standing triumphantly at a street corner at the northern edge of Tskhinvali, the capital of South Ossetia, his forearm bandaged from a minor battle injury. The spot marks the furthest point of the Georgian army’s advance before it was summarily crushed by the Russians a few days earlier. “Twelve Georgian battalions invaded Tskhinvali, backed by columns of tanks, armored personal carriers, jets, and helicopters,” he says, happily waving at the wreckage, craters, and bombed-out buildings around us. “You see how well they fought, with all their great American training — they abandoned their tanks in the heat of the battle and fled.”

Konashenko pulls a green compass out of his shirt pocket and opens it. It’s a U.S. military model. “This is a little trophy — a gift from one of my soldiers,” he says. (more…)